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Inside the mind of a former radical jihadist

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    Today I stand before you
    as a man who lives life to the full
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    in the here and now.
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    But for a long time,
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    I lived for death.
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    I was a young man who believed
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    that Jihad is to be understood
    in the language for force and violence.
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    I tried to right wrongs
    through power and aggression.
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    I had deep concerns
    for the suffering of others
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    and a strong desire to help
    and bring relief to them.
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    I thought violent Jihad was noble,
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    chivalrous
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    and the best way to help.
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    At a time when so many of our people --
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    young people especially --
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    are at risk of radicalization
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    through groups like Al-Qaeda,
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    Islamic State
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    and others,
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    when these groups are claiming
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    that their horrific brutality
    and violence are true Jihad,
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    I want to say that their idea
    of Jihad is wrong --
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    completely wrong --
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    as was mine, then.
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    Jihad means to strive to one's utmost.
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    It includes exertion and spirituality,
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    self-purification
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    and devotion.
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    It refers to positive transformation
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    through learning, wisdom
    and remembrance of God.
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    The word Jihad stands for all
    those meanings as a whole.
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    Jihad may at times take
    the form of fighting,
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    but only sometimes,
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    under strict conditions,
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    within rules and limits.
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    In Islam,
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    the benefit of an act must outweigh
    the harm or hardship it entails.
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    More importantly,
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    the verses in the Koran that are
    connected to Jihad [of] fighting,
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    do not cancel out the verses
    that talk about forgiveness,
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    benevolence,
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    or patience.
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    But now I believe that there are no
    circumstances on Earth
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    where a violent Jihad is permissible,
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    because it will lead to greater harm.
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    But now the idea of Jihad
    has been hijacked.
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    It has been perverted
    to mean violent struggle
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    wherever Muslims
    are undergoing difficulties,
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    and turned into terrorism
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    by fascistic Islamists like Al Qaeda,
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    Islamic State
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    and others.
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    But I have come to understand
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    that true Jihad means
    striving to the utmost
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    to strengthen and live
    those qualities which God loves:
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    honesty,
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    trustworthiness,
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    compassion, benevolence,
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    reliability, respect,
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    truthfulness --
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    human values that so many of us share.
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    I was born in Bangladesh,
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    but grew up mostly in England.
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    And I went to school here.
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    My father was an academic,
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    and we were in the UK through his work.
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    In 1971 we were in Bangladesh
    when everything changed.
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    The War of Independence
    impacted upon us terribly,
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    pitting family against family;
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    neighbor against neighbor.
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    And at the age of 12 I experience war,
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    destitution in my family,
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    the deaths of 22 of my
    relatives in horrible ways,
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    as well as the murder of my elder brother.
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    I witnessed killing;
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    animals feeding on corpses in the street;
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    starvation all around me;
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    wanton, horrific violence --
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    senseless violence.
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    I was a young man --
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    teenager --
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    fascinated by ideas.
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    I wanted to learn,
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    but I could not go to school
    for four years.
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    After the War of Independence,
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    my father was put in prison
    for two-and-a-half years,
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    and I used to visit him
    every week in prison,
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    and homeschooled myself.
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    My father was released in 1973
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    and he fled to England as a refugee,
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    and we soon followed him.
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    I was 17.
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    So these experiences gave me
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    a sharp awareness of the atrocities
    and injustices in the world.
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    And I had a strong desire --
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    a very keen, deep desire --
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    to right wrongs
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    and help the victims of oppression.
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    While studying at college in the UK,
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    I met others who showed me
    how I could channel that desire
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    and help through my religion.
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    And I was radicalized --
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    enough to consider violence correct,
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    even a virtue under certain circumstances.
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    So I became involved
    in the Jihad in Afghanistan.
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    I wanted to protect the Muslim [av gone]
    population against the Soviet army.
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    And I thought that was Jihad:
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    my sacred duty,
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    which would be rewarded by God.
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    I became a preacher.
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    I was one of the pioneers
    of violent Jihad in the UK.
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    I recruited,
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    I raised funds,
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    I trained.
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    I confused true Jihad with this perversion
    as presented by the fascist Islamists --
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    these people who use the idea of Jihad
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    to justify their lust for power,
    authority and control on us.
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    A perversion perpetuated today
    by fascist Islamic groups
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    like Al-Qaeda, Islamic State and others.
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    For a period of around 15 years,
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    I fought for short periods of time
    in Kasmir and Burma,
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    besides Afghanistan.
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    Our aim was to remove the invaders;
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    to bring relief to the oppressed victims,
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    and of course to establish
    an Islamic State,
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    a [califate] for God's rule.
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    And I did this openly.
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    I didn't break any laws.
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    I was proud and grateful to be British --
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    I still am.
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    And I bore no hostility
    against this, my country,
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    nor enmity towards
    the non-Muslim citizens,
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    and I still don't.
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    During one batter in Afghanistan,
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    some British men and I
    formed a special bond
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    with a 15-year-old Afghani boy,
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    Abdullah.
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    An innocent, loving and lovable kid
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    who was always eager to please.
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    He was poor.
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    And boys like him did
    menial tasks in the camp.
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    And he seemed happy enough,
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    but I couldn't help wonder,
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    his parents must have missed him dearly.
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    And they must have dreamt
    about a better future for him.
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    A victim of circumstance
    caught up in a war,
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    cruelly thrust upon him
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    by the cruel circumstances of the time.
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    One day I picked up this unexploded
    mortar shell in a trench,
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    and I had it deposited
    in a makeshift mud hut lab.
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    And I went out on a short,
    pointless skirmish --
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    always pointless --
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    and I came back a few hours later
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    to discover he was dead.
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    He had tried to recover
    explosives from that shell.
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    It exploded and he died a violent death,
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    blown to bit by the very same device
    that had proved harmless to me.
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    So I started to question.
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    How did his death serve any purpose?
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    Why did he die and I lived?
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    I carried on.
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    I fought in Kashmir.
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    I also recruited from the Philipines,
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    Bosnia and Chechnya.
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    And the questions grew.
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    Later in Burma,
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    I came across [Rohinga] fighters,
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    who are barely teenagers,
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    born and brought up in the jungle,
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    carrying machine guns
    and grenade launches.
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    I met two 13-year-olds with soft
    manners and gentle voices,
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    looking at me they begged me
    to take them away to England.
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    They simply wanted to go to school.
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    That was their dream.
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    My family --
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    my children were the same age --
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    were living at home in the UK,
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    going to school,
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    living a safe life.
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    And I couldn't help wonder
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    how much these young boys must
    have spoken to one another
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    about their dreams for such a life.
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    Victims of circumstances.
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    These two young boys,
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    sleeping rough on the ground,
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    looking up at the stars,
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    cynically exploited by their leaders
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    for their personal lust
    for glory and power.
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    I soon witnessed boys like them
    killing one another
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    in conflicts between rival groups.
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    And it was the same everywhere:
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    Afghanistan, Kashmir, Burma,
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    Philipines, Chechnya;
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    petty warlords got the young
    and vulnerable to kill one another
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    in the name of Jihad.
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    Muslims against Muslims.
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    Not protecting anyone against
    invaders or occupiers,
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    not bringing relief to the oppressed.
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    Children being used,
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    cynically exploited,
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    people dying in conflicts which
    I was supporting in the name of Jihad.
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    And it still carries on today.
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    Realizing that the violent Jihad
    I had engaged in abroad
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    was so different,
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    such a chasm between
    what I had experienced
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    and what I thought was sacred duty,
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    I had to reflect on my
    activities here in the UK.
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    I had to consider my preaching,
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    recruiting,
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    fundraising,
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    training,
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    but most importantly, radicalizing --
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    sending young people to fight and die
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    as I was doing all totally wrong.
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    So I got involved in violent
    Jihad in the mid-'80s,
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    starting with Afghanistan.
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    And by the time I finished
    it was the year 2000.
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    I was completely immersed in it.
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    All around me people supported,
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    applauded,
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    even celebrated what
    we were doing in their name.
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    But by the time I learned to get out,
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    completely disillusioned in the year 2000,
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    15 years had passed.
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    So what goes wrong?
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    We were so busy talking about virtue,
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    and we were blinded by a cause.
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    And we did not give ourselves a chance
    to develop a virtuous character.
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    We told ourselves we were
    fighting for the oppressed,
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    but these were un-winable wars.
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    We became the very instrument
    through which more deaths occurred,
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    complicit in causing further misery
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    for the selfish benefit of the cruel few.
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    So over time --
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    a very long time --
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    I opened my eyes.
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    I began to dare to face the truth,
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    to think,
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    to face the hard questions.
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    I got in touch with my soul.
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    What have I learned?
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    That people who engage
    in violent Jihadism,
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    that people who are drawn
    to these types of extremisms,
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    are not that different to everyone else.
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    But I believe such people can change.
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    They can regain their hearts
    and restore them
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    by filling them with human
    values that heal.
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    When we ignore the realities,
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    we discover that accept what we
    are told without critical reflection.
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    I will ignore the gifts and advantages
    that many of us would cherish
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    even for a single moment in their lives.
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    I engaged in actions
    I thought were correct.
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    But now I began to question
    how I knew what I knew.
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    I endlessly told others
    to accept the truth,
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    but I failed to give
    doubt its rightful place.
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    This conviction that people can change
    is rooted in my experience,
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    my own journey.
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    Through wide reading,
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    reflecting,
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    contemplation,
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    self-knowledge,
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    I discovered --
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    I realized that Islamists' world
    of us and them is false and unjust.
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    Through considering the uncertainties
    in all that we had asserted,
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    to the inviolable truths --
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    incontestable truths --
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    I developed a more nuanced understanding.
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    I realized that in a world crowded
    with variation and contradiction,
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    foolish preachers --
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    only foolish preachers
    like I used to be --
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    see no paradox in the myths and fictions
    they use to assert authenticity.
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    So I understood the vital
    importance of self-knowledge,
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    politcal awareness
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    and the necessity for a deep and wide
    understanding of our committments
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    and our actions,
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    how the effect others.
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    So my plea today to everyone,
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    especially those who sincerely
    believe in Islamist Jihadism,
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    refuse dogmatic authority;
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    let go of anger, hatred and violence;
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    learn to right wrongs
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    without even attempting to justify cruel,
    unjust and futile behavior.
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    Instead create a few
    beautiful and useful things
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    that outlive us.
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    Approach the world --
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    life --
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    with love.
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    [In all,] learn to develop,
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    or cultivate your hearts,
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    to see goodness, beauty and truth
    in others and in the world.
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    That way, we do matter more to ourselves;
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    to each other;
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    to our communities,
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    and for me,
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    to God.
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    This is Jihad --
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    my true Jihad.
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    Thank you.
Title:
Inside the mind of a former radical jihadist
Speaker:
Manwar Ali
Description:

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Video Language:
English
Team:
closed TED
Project:
TEDTalks
Duration:
17:22

English subtitles

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