-
Today I stand before you
as a man who lives life to the full
-
in the here and now.
-
But for a long time,
-
I lived for death.
-
I was a young man who believed
-
that jihad is to be understood
in the language of force and violence.
-
I tried to right wrongs
through power and aggression.
-
I had deep concerns
for the suffering of others
-
and a strong desire
to help and bring relief to them.
-
I thought violent jihad was noble,
-
chivalrous
-
and the best way to help.
-
At a time when so many of our people --
-
young people especially --
-
are at risk of radicalization
-
through groups like al-Qaeda,
-
Islamic State and others,
-
when these groups are claiming
-
that their horrific brutality
and violence are true jihad,
-
I want to say that their idea
of jihad is wrong --
-
completely wrong --
-
as was mine, then.
-
Jihad means to strive to one's utmost.
-
It includes exertion and spirituality,
-
self-purification
-
and devotion.
-
It refers to positive transformation
-
through learning, wisdom
and remembrance of God.
-
The word jihad stands
for all those meanings as a whole.
-
Jihad may at times
take the form of fighting,
-
but only sometimes,
-
under strict conditions,
-
within rules and limits.
-
In Islam,
-
the benefit of an act must outweigh
the harm or hardship it entails.
-
More importantly,
-
the verses in the Koran
that are connected to jihad or fighting
-
do not cancel out the verses
that talk about forgiveness,
-
benevolence
-
or patience.
-
But now I believe that there are
no circumstances on earth
-
where violent jihad is permissible,
-
because it will lead to greater harm.
-
But now the idea of jihad
has been hijacked.
-
It has been perverted
to mean violent struggle
-
wherever Muslims
are undergoing difficulties,
-
and turned into terrorism
-
by fascistic Islamists like al-Qaeda,
-
Islamic State and others.
-
But I have come to understand
-
that true jihad
means striving to the utmost
-
to strengthen and live
those qualities which God loves:
-
honesty, trustworthiness,
-
compassion, benevolence,
-
reliability, respect,
-
truthfulness --
-
human values that so many of us share.
-
I was born in Bangladesh,
-
but grew up mostly in England.
-
And I went to school here.
-
My father was an academic,
-
and we were in the UK through his work.
-
In 1971 we were in Bangladesh
when everything changed.
-
The War of Independence
impacted upon us terribly,
-
pitting family against family,
-
neighbor against neighbor.
-
And at the age of 12 I experienced war,
-
destitution in my family,
-
the deaths of 22
of my relatives in horrible ways,
-
as well as the murder of my elder brother.
-
I witnessed killing ...
-
animals feeding on corpses in the streets,
-
starvation all around me,
-
wanton, horrific violence --
-
senseless violence.
-
I was a young man,
-
teenager, fascinated by ideas.
-
I wanted to learn,
-
but I could not go to school
for four years.
-
After the War of Independence,
-
my father was put in prison
for two and a half years,
-
and I used to visit him
every week in prison,
-
and homeschooled myself.
-
My father was released in 1973
-
and he fled to England as a refugee,
-
and we soon followed him.
-
I was 17.
-
So these experiences gave me
-
a sharp awareness of the atrocities
and injustices in the world.
-
And I had a strong desire --
-
a very keen, deep desire --
-
to right wrongs
-
and help the victims of oppression.
-
While studying at college in the UK,
-
I met others who showed me
how I could channel that desire
-
and help through my religion.
-
And I was radicalized --
-
enough to consider violence correct,
-
even a virtue under certain circumstances.
-
So I became involved
in the jihad in Afghanistan.
-
I wanted to protect the Muslim Afghan
population against the Soviet army.
-
And I thought that was jihad:
-
my sacred duty,
-
which would be rewarded by God.
-
I became a preacher.
-
I was one of the pioneers
of violent jihad in the UK.
-
I recruited,
-
I raised funds, I trained.
-
I confused true jihad
-
with this perversion
as presented by the fascist Islamists --
-
these people who use the idea of jihad
-
to justify their lust for power,
authority and control on earth:
-
a perversion perpetuated today
by fascist Islamist groups
-
like al-Qaeda, Islamic State and others.
-
For a period of around 15 years,
-
I fought for short periods of time
-
in Kashmir and Burma,
-
besides Afghanistan.
-
Our aim was to remove the invaders,
-
to bring relief to the oppressed victims
-
and of course to establish
an Islamic state,
-
a caliphate for God's rule.
-
And I did this openly.
-
I didn't break any laws.
-
I was proud and grateful to be British --
-
I still am.
-
And I bore no hostility
against this, my country,
-
nor enmity towards
the non-Muslim citizens,
-
and I still don't.
-
During one battle in Afghanistan,
-
some British men and I
formed a special bond
-
with a 15-year-old Afghani boy,
-
Abdullah,
-
an innocent, loving and lovable kid
-
who was always eager to please.
-
He was poor.
-
And boys like him
did menial tasks in the camp.
-
And he seemed happy enough,
-
but I couldn't help wonder --
-
his parents must have missed him dearly.
-
And they must have dreamt
about a better future for him.
-
A victim of circumstance
caught up in a war,
-
cruelly thrust upon him
-
by the cruel circumstances of the time.
-
One day I picked up this unexploded
mortar shell in a trench,
-
and I had it deposited
in a makeshift mud hut lab.
-
And I went out on a short,
pointless skirmish --
-
always pointless,
-
And I came back a few hours later
to discover he was dead.
-
He had tried to recover
explosives from that shell.
-
It exploded, and he died a violent death,
-
blown to bits by the very same device
that had proved harmless to me.
-
So I started to question.
-
How did his death serve any purpose?
-
Why did he die and I lived?
-
I carried on.
-
I fought in Kashmir.
-
I also recruited for the Philippines,
-
Bosnia and Chechnya.
-
And the questions grew.
-
Later in Burma,
-
I came across Rohingya fighters,
-
who were barely teenagers,
-
born and brought up in the jungle,
-
carrying machine guns
and grenade launchers.
-
I met two 13-year-olds
with soft manners and gentle voices.
-
Looking at me,
-
they begged me
to take them away to England.
-
They simply wanted to go to school --
-
that was their dream.
-
My family --
-
my children of the same age --
-
were living at home in the UK,
-
going to school,
-
living a safe life.
-
And I couldn't help wonder
-
how much these young boys
must have spoken to one another
-
about their dreams for such a life.
-
Victims of circumstances:
-
these two young boys,
-
sleeping rough on the ground,
looking up at the stars,
-
cynically exploited by their leaders
-
for their personal lust
for glory and power.
-
I soon witnessed boys like them
killing one another
-
in conflicts between rival groups.
-
And it was the same everywhere ...
-
Afghanistan, Kashmir, Burma,
-
Philippines, Chechnya;
-
petty warlords got the young
and vulnerable to kill one another
-
in the name of jihad.
-
Muslims against Muslims.
-
Not protecting anyone
against invaders or occupiers;
-
not bringing relief to the oppressed.
-
Children being used,
-
cynically exploited;
-
people dying in conflicts
-
which I was supporting
in the name of jihad.
-
And it still carries on today.
-
Realizing that the violent jihad
-
I had engaged in abroad
-
was so different --
-
such a chasm between
what I had experienced
-
and what I thought was sacred duty --
-
I had to reflect
on my activities here in the UK.
-
I had to consider my preaching,
-
recruiting, fund-raising,
-
training,
-
but most importantly, radicalizing --
-
sending young people to fight and die
-
as I was doing --
-
all totally wrong.
-
So I got involved
in violent jihad in the mid '80s,
-
starting with Afghanistan.
-
And by the time I finished
it was in the year 2000.
-
I was completely immersed in it.
-
All around me people supported,
-
applauded,
-
even celebrated what
we were doing in their name.
-
But by the time I learned to get out,
-
completely disillusioned in the year 2000,
-
15 years had passed.
-
So what goes wrong?
-
We were so busy talking about virtue,
-
and we were blinded by a cause.
-
And we did not give ourselves a chance
to develop a virtuous character.
-
We told ourselves
we were fighting for the oppressed,
-
but these were unwinnable wars.
-
We became the very instrument
through which more deaths occurred,
-
complicit in causing further misery
-
for the selfish benefit of the cruel few.
-
So over time,
-
a very long time,
-
I opened my eyes.
-
I began to dare
-
to face the truth,
-
to think,
-
to face the hard questions.
-
I got in touch with my soul.
-
What have I learned?
-
That people who engage
in violent jihadism,
-
that people who are drawn
to these types of extremisms,
-
are not that different to everyone else.
-
But I believe such people can change.
-
They can regain their hearts
and restore them
-
by filling them
with human values that heal.
-
When we ignore the realities,
-
we discover that we accept what
we are told without critical reflection.
-
And we ignore the gifts and advantages
that many of us would cherish
-
even for a single moment in their lives.
-
I engaged in actions
I thought were correct.
-
But now I began to question
how I knew what I knew.
-
I endlessly told others
to accept the truth,
-
but I failed to give doubt
its rightful place.
-
This conviction that people can change
is rooted in my experience,
-
my own journey.
-
Through wide reading,
-
reflecting,
-
contemplation, self-knowledge,
-
I discovered,
-
I realized that Islamists' world
of us and them is false and unjust.
-
Through considering the uncertainties
in all that we had asserted,
-
to the inviolable truths,
-
incontestable truths,
-
I developed a more nuanced understanding.
-
I realized that in a world crowded
with variation and contradiction,
-
foolish preachers,
-
only foolish preachers
like I used to be,
-
see no paradox in the myths and fictions
they use to assert authenticity.
-
So I understood the vital
importance of self-knowledge,
-
political awareness
-
and the necessity
for a deep and wide understanding
-
of our commitments and our actions,
-
how they affect others.
-
So my plea today to everyone,
-
especially those who sincerely
believe in Islamist jihadism ...
-
refuse dogmatic authority;
-
let go of anger, hatred and violence;
-
learn to right wrongs
-
without even attempting to justify
cruel, unjust and futile behavior.
-
Instead create a few
beautiful and useful things
-
that outlive us.
-
Approach the world, life,
-
with love.
-
Learn to develop
-
or cultivate your hearts
-
to see goodness, beauty and truth
in others and in the world.
-
That way we do matter
more to ourselves ...
-
to each other,
-
to our communities
-
and, for me, to God.
-
This is jihad --
-
my true jihad.
-
Thank you.
-
(Applause)