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Commander
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What is it?
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This just in from the weather office
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My God it's not...
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Yes sir
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sunshine
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clear skies
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it's the first hot day of the year
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This is it gentlemen
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this is what we trained for
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Move it! move it, move it!
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Should we double the patrol numbers?
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Quadruple them
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Quadruple them?
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half of those patrollers are going to call in sick
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along with every other worker in this country
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There's going to be a run on the banks
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The cash machines?
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River banks, canal banks
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anywhere there's an open body of water
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where people can sit with a can in their hand
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The city is going to get overwhelmed with people
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out drinking on the streets
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Public urination is going to be at an all-time high
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Issue a yellow warning
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Yes sir
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And tell all units to tread carefully
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I want a man on every rooftop
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Yes
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Bar
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Should we concentrate all our efforts there?
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No the garden centers
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They're going to be swamped
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angry mobs waiting in line
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holding shovels and pitchforks
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The lawnmower repair centers
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they'll be overwhelmed with people desperate
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they've been waiting in the long grass
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for a dry day
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We should let the hospitals know
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the emergency departments are going to be overrun
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Middle-aged men
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meeting up to play football
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for the first time in nearly a year
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We should also prep the burn wards
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Sunburn?
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No
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Irish people trying to use a barbecue
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The sick calls have already started coming in sir
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Call on the reserves
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The Army
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No
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the dairy reserves
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Yes sir
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Mr Whippy is going to need all the help he can get
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I want checkpoints posted at all the local parks
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What are we looking for sir?
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Pricks with guitars
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What about the roads?
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Be extra vigilant for joy riders
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Car theft?
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No
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People aimlessly driving their convertibles around
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with the top down to justify the purchase
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Get me the Department of Justice
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I need to speak with the minister
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She's out sick sir
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Damn it
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Sir there's rumors of Irish people looking
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sexy on a beach
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We need to stop the spread of disinformation
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What else can we do Commander?
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All we can do now
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is pray for rain
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Uh...
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Do you think we we could maybe
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tip off early today??
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Well I don't see why not
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Doomdah
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There's been reports of people not subscribing
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to the channel I mean...
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These have been backed up
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by independent witnesses
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and statistics
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We are coming to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
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with our new show this August
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if you're up there please check it out
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Doomdah