Commander
What is it?
This just in from the weather office
My God it's not...
Yes sir
sunshine
clear skies
it's the first hot day of the year
This is it gentlemen
this is what we trained for
Move it! move it, move it!
Should we double the patrol numbers?
Quadruple them
Quadruple them?
half of those patrollers are going to call in sick
along with every other worker in this country
There's going to be a run on the banks
The cash machines?
River banks, canal banks
anywhere there's an open body of water
where people can sit with a can in their hand
The city is going to get overwhelmed with people
out drinking on the streets
Public urination is going to be at an all-time high
Issue a yellow warning
Yes sir
And tell all units to tread carefully
I want a man on every rooftop
Yes
Bar
Should we concentrate all our efforts there?
No the garden centers
They're going to be swamped
angry mobs waiting in line
holding shovels and pitchforks
The lawnmower repair centers
they'll be overwhelmed with people desperate
they've been waiting in the long grass
for a dry day
We should let the hospitals know
the emergency departments are going to be overrun
Middle-aged men
meeting up to play football
for the first time in nearly a year
We should also prep the burn wards
Sunburn?
No
Irish people trying to use a barbecue
The sick calls have already started coming in sir
Call on the reserves
The Army
No
the dairy reserves
Yes sir
Mr Whippy is going to need all the help he can get
I want checkpoints posted at all the local parks
What are we looking for sir?
Pricks with guitars
What about the roads?
Be extra vigilant for joy riders
Car theft?
No
People aimlessly driving their convertibles around
with the top down to justify the purchase
Get me the Department of Justice
I need to speak with the minister
She's out sick sir
Damn it
Sir there's rumors of Irish people looking
sexy on a beach
We need to stop the spread of disinformation
What else can we do Commander?
All we can do now
is pray for rain
Uh...
Do you think we we could maybe
tip off early today??
Well I don't see why not
Doomdah
There's been reports of people not subscribing
to the channel I mean...
These have been backed up
by independent witnesses
and statistics
We are coming to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
with our new show this August
if you're up there please check it out
Doomdah