WEBVTT

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Commander

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What is it?

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This just in from the weather office

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My God it's not...

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Yes sir

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sunshine

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clear skies

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it's the first hot day of the year

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This is it gentlemen

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this is what we trained for

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Move it! move it, move it!

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Should we double the patrol numbers?

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Quadruple them

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Quadruple them?

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half of those patrollers are going to call in sick

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along with every other worker in this country

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There's going to be a run on the banks

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The cash machines?

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River banks, canal banks

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anywhere there's an open body of water

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where people can sit with a can in their hand

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The city is going to get overwhelmed with people

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out drinking on the streets

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Public urination is going to be at an all-time high

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Issue a yellow warning

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Yes sir

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And tell all units to tread carefully

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I want a man on every rooftop

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Yes

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Bar

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Should we concentrate all our efforts there?

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No the garden centers

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They're going to be swamped

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angry mobs waiting in line

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holding shovels and pitchforks

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The lawnmower repair centers

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they'll be overwhelmed with people desperate

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they've been waiting in the long grass

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for a dry day

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We should let the hospitals know

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the emergency departments are going to be overrun

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Middle-aged men

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meeting up to play football

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for the first time in nearly a year

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We should also prep the burn wards

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Sunburn?

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No

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Irish people trying to use a barbecue

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The sick calls have already started coming in sir

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Call on the reserves

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The Army

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No

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the dairy reserves

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Yes sir

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Mr Whippy is going to need all the help he can get

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I want checkpoints posted at all the local parks

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What are we looking for sir?

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Pricks with guitars

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What about the roads?

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Be extra vigilant for joy riders

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Car theft?

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No

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People aimlessly driving their convertibles around

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with the top down to justify the purchase

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Get me the Department of Justice

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I need to speak with the minister

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She's out sick sir

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Damn it

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Sir there's rumors of Irish people looking

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sexy on a beach

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We need to stop the spread of disinformation

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What else can we do Commander?

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All we can do now

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is pray for rain

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Uh...

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Do you think we we could maybe

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tip off early today??

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Well I don't see why not

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Doomdah

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There's been reports of people not subscribing

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to the channel I mean...

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These have been backed up

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by independent witnesses

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and statistics

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We are coming to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

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with our new show this August

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if you're up there please check it out

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Doomdah