Irish People On The First Day of Summer...

Commander

What is it?

This just in from the weather office

My God it's not...

Yes sir

sunshine

clear skies

it's the first hot day of the year

This is it gentlemen

this is what we trained for

Move it! move it, move it!

Should we double the patrol numbers?

Quadruple them

Quadruple them?

half of those patrollers are going to call in sick

along with every other worker in this country

There's going to be a run on the banks

The cash machines?

River banks, canal banks

anywhere there's an open body of water

where people can sit with a can in their hand

The city is going to get overwhelmed with people

out drinking on the streets

Public urination is going to be at an all-time high

Issue a yellow warning

Yes sir

And tell all units to tread carefully

I want a man on every rooftop

Yes

Bar

Should we concentrate all our efforts there?

No the garden centers

They're going to be swamped

angry mobs waiting in line

holding shovels and pitchforks

The lawnmower repair centers

they'll be overwhelmed with people desperate

they've been waiting in the long grass

for a dry day

We should let the hospitals know

the emergency departments are going to be overrun

Middle-aged men

meeting up to play football

for the first time in nearly a year

We should also prep the burn wards

Sunburn?

No

Irish people trying to use a barbecue

The sick calls have already started coming in sir

Call on the reserves

The Army

No

the dairy reserves

Yes sir

Mr Whippy is going to need all the help he can get

I want checkpoints posted at all the local parks

What are we looking for sir?

Pricks with guitars

What about the roads?

Be extra vigilant for joy riders

Car theft?

No

People aimlessly driving their convertibles around

with the top down to justify the purchase

Get me the Department of Justice

I need to speak with the minister

She's out sick sir

Damn it

Sir there's rumors of Irish people looking

sexy on a beach

We need to stop the spread of disinformation

What else can we do Commander?

All we can do now

is pray for rain

Uh...

Do you think we we could maybe

tip off early today??

Well I don't see why not

Doomdah

There's been reports of people not subscribing

to the channel I mean...

These have been backed up

by independent witnesses

and statistics

We are coming to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

with our new show this August

if you're up there please check it out

Doomdah