A Message About Loss and Grief From Dr. Alan Wolfelt

Hello, I'm Doctor Alan Wolfelt,

and I serve as the Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition

in Colorado.

I've had the privilege of walking with and learning from thousands of

people like yourself who've had the death of someone in their life.

I, too, have had many people in my own life that have died.

And one central truth that I've come to understand

is that when words are inadequate,

we need ceremony.

Ceremony is not about closure. It's really about a good beginning.

I often say that funerals or gatherings help us know

what to do when we do not know what to do.

Since the beginning of time and across cultures, when somebody in our life dies,

we as human beings come together to acknowledge a new reality that someone, in fact,

who we have given love to and

receive love from has died,

to recall their life, to begin to shift from presence to memory.

As someone, in fact, beautifully said, "death ends a life.

It does not end a relationship."

We come together to activate support of our extended family, our friends,

our body of community to let them know that,

in fact, we do have special needs. And one of those is to invite you into our world

and to provide support at a time when words are inadequate.

And certainly, expression is a part of why we have

funerals and have since the beginning of time because we take,

how that loss impacts our heart,

impacts our head.

We take that grief that's within us and we find ways to take it outward.

In fact, mourning means the shared social response to loss

or grief gone public.

By having a funeral in a public forum and

inviting people to come in to gather with you,

you allow people to give you love at a time when you certainly deserve it.