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Hey God it's me Ellen
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can I ask you a question?
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how do I tell my friend Oprah
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she's gonna get more whipped
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than Stedman
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I'll make her head spin
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when it comes to rhymes
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I got a penchant
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so if battling me is your intention
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I better mention
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you're bout to get licked by a lesbian
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oh I'll knock you off of your throne
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take a shot at everything you OWN
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I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say
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I think you better just leave her alone
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you can tell Rachael Ray
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that my favorite recipe
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is chopping Oprah Winfrey up
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into a million little pieces
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I'm the Queen of TV
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and I'm here to destroy ya
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so check under your seat
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because I got something for ya
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you can't even hope
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to be as half as dope as Oprah
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I'll attract my hands
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around your throat
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and Deepak choke ya
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girl your show's a petting zoo
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you do a week on kittens
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and you dance like a chicken
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who snuck into Drunk Kitchen
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you played a fish with brain damage
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I'm a nominated actress
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name's synonymous with power
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spell it forwards or backwards
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Yes you've got that power
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and yes I've got those kittens
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I also feature puppies
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talented children
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and mittens
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I like cute things that make people smile
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make everybody feel good for a while
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do a little dance and the crowd goes wild
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kick you right back to the miracle mile
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I thought I told ya
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your daytime reign is over
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I'm jumping over Oprah
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like I'm Tom Cruise on a sofa
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from ABC to LGBT
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to NBC and now it's all me
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I'm the best emcee
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and the biggest star
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and I'll bite you in the ass
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like the tax on a free car
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Your mouth is writing checks
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your mullet can't cash lady
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I'll lodge my fabulous shoe
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up your suit pants baby
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you follow my lead
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cause I paved the road for ya
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you drive behind me
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in a secondhand Porsche
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check the fortune 500
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I'm a media wonder
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the Dalai Lama and Obama
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memorize my cell number
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try to beef with me
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I'll make the whole market crash honey
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once you go Oprah
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you can't go back
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Who won?
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Who's next?
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You decide