0:00:12.754,0:00:14.586
Hey God it's me Ellen

0:00:14.586,0:00:15.988
can I ask you a question?

0:00:15.988,0:00:17.543
how do I tell my friend Oprah

0:00:17.543,0:00:18.740
she's gonna get more whipped

0:00:18.740,0:00:19.486
than Stedman

0:00:19.486,0:00:20.325
I'll make her head spin

0:00:20.325,0:00:21.165
when it comes to rhymes

0:00:21.165,0:00:21.951
I got a penchant

0:00:21.951,0:00:23.363
so if battling me is your intention

0:00:23.363,0:00:24.367
I better mention

0:00:24.367,0:00:26.341
you're bout to get licked by a lesbian

0:00:26.341,0:00:27.898
oh I'll knock you off of your throne

0:00:27.898,0:00:29.523
take a shot at everything you OWN

0:00:29.523,0:00:31.129
I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say

0:00:31.129,0:00:32.622
I think you better just leave her alone

0:00:32.622,0:00:34.085
you can tell Rachael Ray

0:00:34.085,0:00:35.538
that my favorite recipe

0:00:35.538,0:00:37.226
is chopping Oprah Winfrey up

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into a million little pieces

0:00:39.446,0:00:40.592
I'm the Queen of TV

0:00:40.592,0:00:42.218
and I'm here to destroy ya

0:00:42.218,0:00:43.721
so check under your seat

0:00:43.721,0:00:45.923
because I got something for ya

0:00:45.923,0:00:47.129
you can't even hope

0:00:47.129,0:00:48.848
to be as half as dope as Oprah

0:00:48.848,0:00:49.983
I'll attract my hands

0:00:49.983,0:00:50.853
around your throat

0:00:50.853,0:00:52.479
and Deepak choke ya

0:00:52.479,0:00:54.178
girl your show's a petting zoo

0:00:54.178,0:00:55.549
you do a week on kittens

0:00:55.549,0:00:56.745
and you dance like a chicken

0:00:56.745,0:00:58.711
who snuck into Drunk Kitchen

0:00:58.711,0:01:00.337
you played a fish with brain damage

0:01:00.337,0:01:02.023
I'm a nominated actress

0:01:02.023,0:01:03.673
name's synonymous with power

0:01:03.673,0:01:04.868
spell it forwards or backwards

0:01:04.868,0:01:07.007
Yes you've got that power

0:01:07.007,0:01:08.561
and yes I've got those kittens

0:01:08.561,0:01:10.280
I also feature puppies

0:01:10.280,0:01:11.283
talented children

0:01:11.283,0:01:12.931
and mittens

0:01:12.931,0:01:13.892
I like cute things that make people smile

0:01:13.892,0:01:15.518
make everybody feel good for a while

0:01:15.518,0:01:17.228
do a little dance and the crowd goes wild

0:01:17.228,0:01:18.945
kick you right back to the miracle mile

0:01:18.945,0:01:20.237
I thought I told ya

0:01:20.237,0:01:21.894
your daytime reign is over

0:01:21.894,0:01:23.416
I'm jumping over Oprah

0:01:23.416,0:01:25.094
like I'm Tom Cruise on a sofa

0:01:25.094,0:01:27.079
from ABC to LGBT

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to NBC and now it's all me

0:01:28.717,0:01:29.749
I'm the best emcee

0:01:29.749,0:01:30.373
and the biggest star

0:01:30.373,0:01:31.060
and I'll bite you in the ass

0:01:31.060,0:01:32.214
like the tax on a free car

0:01:32.214,0:01:33.647
Your mouth is writing checks

0:01:33.647,0:01:35.335
your mullet can't cash lady

0:01:35.335,0:01:36.717
I'll lodge my fabulous shoe

0:01:36.717,0:01:38.519
up your suit pants baby

0:01:38.519,0:01:40.175
you follow my lead

0:01:40.175,0:01:42.057
cause I paved the road for ya

0:01:42.057,0:01:43.868
you drive behind me

0:01:43.868,0:01:44.676
in a secondhand Porsche

0:01:44.676,0:01:46.302
check the fortune 500

0:01:46.302,0:01:47.684
I'm a media wonder

0:01:47.684,0:01:49.699
the Dalai Lama and Obama

0:01:49.699,0:01:51.642
memorize my cell number

0:01:51.642,0:01:52.870
try to beef with me

0:01:52.870,0:01:54.937
I'll make the whole market crash honey

0:01:54.937,0:01:56.595
once you go Oprah

0:01:56.595,0:01:58.056
you can't go back

0:01:58.056,0:02:00.279
Who won?

0:02:00.279,0:02:02.026
Who's next?

0:02:02.026,0:02:04.001
You decide