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[TRANSLATED] Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers. Epic Rap Battles of History. [CC]

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    I'm coming off the Acropolis
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    to start some pandemonium
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    don't bring limp raps
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    to a pimp slap symposium
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    the mad gadfly
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    philosophy was my invention
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    rolling with the flyest nihilist
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    and me, their French henchman
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    we've got the wisdom
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    that even I couldn't question
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    dropping Western medicine
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    on these East infections!
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    It's evident,
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    you've never been
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    our type of mental brethren
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    we're better thinkers,
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    better speakers,
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    better lovers,
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    better men!
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    This type of arrogance
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    is sure to be expected
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    from men who speak of wisdom
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    with no clue of what respect is
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    you Westerners are sloppy
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    needing discipline in life
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    you lack control of yourselves
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    and of the mic
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    while we use precise strikes
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    to disrupt your concentration
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    hand you an ass whipping
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    our descendants
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    will honour for generations
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    we filled a nation
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    with patience
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    and the prescence
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    for living
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    and you'll never hold a candle
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    to the wisdom
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    we've
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    written!
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    Oh, I'll give you something
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    you can bow and kowtow to
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    when I squat down and squeeze out
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    a Tao of Pooh and Lao Tzu
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    you need to take control
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    of the life you're given
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    call me Übermensch
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    'cause I'm so driven!
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    And I'm a free thinker,
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    so, confronting conformists like you,
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    it's my job
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    got a sharp whip, like a spit
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    that'll skewer you
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    like a Confu-shish kebab
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    oh, you flubbed the mission
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    I'm beating your submissive ass
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    into submission
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    dishing out more disses
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    than letters and pamphlets and plays
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    I’ve been publishing!
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    Now that we've covered the two
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    Yin and Yang twins,
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    I can move on to Jackie Chan
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    Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu
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    with my method, man
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    the seminal general
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    isn't so tough on the mic
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    all your men must be like
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    "Yo, what happened?"
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    you're pitiful lyrically
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    lucky for history
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    you didn't author the Art of Rapping!
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    Bitch, I wrote the Art of War,
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    so you better get your guns out
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    these white boys getting burned
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    'cause, guess what?
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    Now the Sun's out
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    Asians spitting sick,
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    but no, this isn't SARS,
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    Laozi, kick the beat,
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    now, Confucius, drop some bars!
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    Let me be Candide with you Voltaire,
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    French dip with the egg noodle hair,
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    your ego's just distracting
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    free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping
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    and you killed God so I gotta ask,
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    did he die of shame
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    when he made your moustache?
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    You tried to plant a new German psyche
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    but you just grew hate,
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    me no Third Reichy!
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    And it all starts with you,
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    you're the father, Socrates,
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    honestly, I think you owe
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    both of your students here an apology.
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    I wouldn't exactly call myself
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    a student of this plebe,
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    don't make Nietzsche come over
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    and put a knee up in your chi!
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    'Cause I'm
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    N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E
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    and I'll end any motherfucker
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    like my name in a spelling bee!
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    Plebe, bitch?
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    I'm toxic like a hemlock sip!
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    Hang a sandal on the door,
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    'Cause you can suck Soc's dick!
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    Sacré bleu, Socrates!
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    You're making things a little tense,
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    come, let's blind these Chinese heinies
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    with some shiny bright enlightenment!
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    I'll not be taught camaraderie
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    from a frog who rigged the lottery!
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    You make a mockery of ethics
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    so keep your fat nose in your coffee!
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    Let me be frank,
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    don't start beef with the Frank,
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    who hangs with B. Franks,
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    giving ladies beef franks!
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    I have turned them on themselves,
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    their chaos is our opportunity!
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    We must remember,
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    a bowl is most useful when it is empty.
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    Argh, Laozi, I don't mean no disrespect,
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    but you need to fill your bowl
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    with some shit that makes some sense!
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    Oh, you don't wanna stand
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    in the path of Lao Tzu today,
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    I'll make you move, bitch,
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    get out the way!
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    Yo, where in the tradition
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    of rap battles is it written
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    that two dudes on the same team
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    should squabble
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    like some clucking chickens?
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    Man, Confucius,
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    you always try to put
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    something in its place
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    why don't you tell your eyebrows
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    they need to fit better on your face!
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    Okay, I see,
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    you wanna make it like that?
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    I'll smack that warmongering head
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    out of your to-go box hat
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    so here's the real golden rule,
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    I'm way above you weak rookies
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    Confucius say:
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    "You can all hold these fortune cookies!"
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    What is winning?
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    Who is next?
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    You decide!
Title:
[TRANSLATED] Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers. Epic Rap Battles of History. [CC]
Description:

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Video Language:
English
Team:
Epic Rap Battles of History
Duration:
04:20

English, British subtitles

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