I'm coming off the Acropolis
to start some pandemonium
don't bring limp raps
to a pimp slap symposium
the mad gadfly
philosophy was my invention
rolling with the flyest nihilist
and me, their French henchman
we've got the wisdom
that even I couldn't question
dropping Western medicine
on these East infections!
It's evident,
you've never been
our type of mental brethren
we're better thinkers,
better speakers,
better lovers,
better men!
This type of arrogance
is sure to be expected
from men who speak of wisdom
with no clue of what respect is
you Westerners are sloppy
needing discipline in life
you lack control of yourselves
and of the mic
while we use precise strikes
to disrupt your concentration
hand you an ass whipping
our descendants
will honour for generations
we filled a nation
with patience
and the prescence
for living
and you'll never hold a candle
to the wisdom
we've
written!
Oh, I'll give you something
you can bow and kowtow to
when I squat down and squeeze out
a Tao of Pooh and Lao Tzu
you need to take control
of the life you're given
call me Übermensch
'cause I'm so driven!
And I'm a free thinker,
so, confronting conformists like you,
it's my job
got a sharp whip, like a spit
that'll skewer you
like a Confu-shish kebab
oh, you flubbed the mission
I'm beating your submissive ass
into submission
dishing out more disses
than letters and pamphlets and plays
I’ve been publishing!
Now that we've covered the two
Yin and Yang twins,
I can move on to Jackie Chan
Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu
with my method, man
the seminal general
isn't so tough on the mic
all your men must be like
"Yo, what happened?"
you're pitiful lyrically
lucky for history
you didn't author the Art of Rapping!
Bitch, I wrote the Art of War,
so you better get your guns out
these white boys getting burned
'cause, guess what?
Now the Sun's out
Asians spitting sick,
but no, this isn't SARS,
Laozi, kick the beat,
now, Confucius, drop some bars!
Let me be Candide with you Voltaire,
French dip with the egg noodle hair,
your ego's just distracting
free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping
and you killed God so I gotta ask,
did he die of shame
when he made your moustache?
You tried to plant a new German psyche
but you just grew hate,
me no Third Reichy!
And it all starts with you,
you're the father, Socrates,
honestly, I think you owe
both of your students here an apology.
I wouldn't exactly call myself
a student of this plebe,
don't make Nietzsche come over
and put a knee up in your chi!
'Cause I'm
N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E
and I'll end any motherfucker
like my name in a spelling bee!
Plebe, bitch?
I'm toxic like a hemlock sip!
Hang a sandal on the door,
'Cause you can suck Soc's dick!
Sacré bleu, Socrates!
You're making things a little tense,
come, let's blind these Chinese heinies
with some shiny bright enlightenment!
I'll not be taught camaraderie
from a frog who rigged the lottery!
You make a mockery of ethics
so keep your fat nose in your coffee!
Let me be frank,
don't start beef with the Frank,
who hangs with B. Franks,
giving ladies beef franks!
I have turned them on themselves,
their chaos is our opportunity!
We must remember,
a bowl is most useful when it is empty.
Argh, Laozi, I don't mean no disrespect,
but you need to fill your bowl
with some shit that makes some sense!
Oh, you don't wanna stand
in the path of Lao Tzu today,
I'll make you move, bitch,
get out the way!
Yo, where in the tradition
of rap battles is it written
that two dudes on the same team
should squabble
like some clucking chickens?
Man, Confucius,
you always try to put
something in its place
why don't you tell your eyebrows
they need to fit better on your face!
Okay, I see,
you wanna make it like that?
I'll smack that warmongering head
out of your to-go box hat
so here's the real golden rule,
I'm way above you weak rookies
Confucius say:
"You can all hold these fortune cookies!"
What is winning?
Who is next?
You decide!