WEBVTT

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I'm coming off the Acropolis

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to start some pandemonium

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don't bring limp raps

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to a pimp slap symposium

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the mad gadfly

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philosophy was my invention

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rolling with the flyest nihilist

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and me, their French henchman

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we've got the wisdom

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that even I couldn't question

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dropping Western medicine

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on these East infections!

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It's evident,

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you've never been

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our type of mental brethren

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we're better thinkers,

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better speakers,

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better lovers,

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better men!

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This type of arrogance

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is sure to be expected

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from men who speak of wisdom

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with no clue of what respect is

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you Westerners are sloppy

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needing discipline in life

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you lack control of yourselves

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and of the mic

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while we use precise strikes

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to disrupt your concentration

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hand you an ass whipping

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our descendants

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will honour for generations

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we filled a nation

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with patience

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and the prescence

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for living

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and you'll never hold a candle

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to the wisdom

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we've

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written!

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Oh, I'll give you something

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you can bow and kowtow to

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when I squat down and squeeze out

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a Tao of Pooh and Lao Tzu

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you need to take control

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of the life you're given

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call me Übermensch

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'cause I'm so driven!

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And I'm a free thinker,

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so, confronting conformists like you,

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it's my job

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got a sharp whip, like a spit

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that'll skewer you

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like a Confu-shish kebab

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oh, you flubbed the mission

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I'm beating your submissive ass

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into submission

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dishing out more disses

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than letters and pamphlets and plays

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I’ve been publishing!

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Now that we've covered the two

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Yin and Yang twins,

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I can move on to Jackie Chan

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Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu

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with my method, man

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the seminal general

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isn't so tough on the mic

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all your men must be like

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"Yo, what happened?"

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you're pitiful lyrically

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lucky for history

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you didn't author the Art of Rapping!

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Bitch, I wrote the Art of War,

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so you better get your guns out

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these white boys getting burned

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'cause, guess what?

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Now the Sun's out

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Asians spitting sick,

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but no, this isn't SARS,

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Laozi, kick the beat,

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now, Confucius, drop some bars!

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Let me be Candide with you Voltaire,

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French dip with the egg noodle hair,

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your ego's just distracting

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free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping

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and you killed God so I gotta ask,

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did he die of shame

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when he made your moustache?

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You tried to plant a new German psyche

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but you just grew hate,

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me no Third Reichy!

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And it all starts with you,

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you're the father, Socrates,

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honestly, I think you owe

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both of your students here an apology.

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I wouldn't exactly call myself

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a student of this plebe,

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don't make Nietzsche come over

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and put a knee up in your chi!

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'Cause I'm

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N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E

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and I'll end any motherfucker

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like my name in a spelling bee!

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Plebe, bitch?

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I'm toxic like a hemlock sip!

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Hang a sandal on the door,

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'Cause you can suck Soc's dick!

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Sacré bleu, Socrates!

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You're making things a little tense,

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come, let's blind these Chinese heinies

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with some shiny bright enlightenment!

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I'll not be taught camaraderie

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from a frog who rigged the lottery!

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You make a mockery of ethics

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so keep your fat nose in your coffee!

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Let me be frank,

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don't start beef with the Frank,

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who hangs with B. Franks,

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giving ladies beef franks!

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I have turned them on themselves,

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their chaos is our opportunity!

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We must remember,

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a bowl is most useful when it is empty.

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Argh, Laozi, I don't mean no disrespect,

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but you need to fill your bowl

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with some shit that makes some sense!

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Oh, you don't wanna stand

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in the path of Lao Tzu today,

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I'll make you move, bitch,

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get out the way!

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Yo, where in the tradition

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of rap battles is it written

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that two dudes on the same team

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should squabble

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like some clucking chickens?

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Man, Confucius,

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you always try to put

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something in its place

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why don't you tell your eyebrows

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they need to fit better on your face!

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Okay, I see,

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you wanna make it like that?

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I'll smack that warmongering head

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out of your to-go box hat

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so here's the real golden rule,

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I'm way above you weak rookies

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Confucius say:

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"You can all hold these fortune cookies!"

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What is winning?

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Who is next?

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You decide!