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What I learned from 100 days of rejection

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    When I was six years old,
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    I received my gifts.
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    My first grade teacher
    had this brilliant idea.
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    She wanted us to experience
    receiving gifts,
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    but also learning the virtue
    of complimenting each other.
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    So she had all of us come
    to the front of the classroom,
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    and she bought all of us gifts,
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    and stacked them in the corner.
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    And she said,
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    "Why don't we just stand here
    and compliment each other?
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    If you hear your name called,
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    go and pick up your gift and sit down."
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    What a wonderful idea, right?
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    What could go wrong?
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    (Laughter)
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    Well, there were 40 of us to start with,
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    and every time when I heard
    someone's name called,
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    I would give out the heartiest cheer.
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    And then there were 20 people left,
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    and 10 people left,
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    and five left ...
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    and three left.
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    I was one of them.
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    And the compliments stopped.
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    Well, at that moment, I was crying.
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    And the teacher was freaking out.
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    She was like, "Hey, would anyone say
    anything nice about these people?"
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    (Laughter)
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    "No one?
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    OK, why don't you go
    get your gift and sit down.
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    So behave next year --
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    someone might say
    something nice about you."
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    (Laughter)
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    Well, as I'm describing this you,
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    you probably know
    I remember this really well.
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    (Laughter)
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    But I don't know who felt worse that day.
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    Was it me, or the teacher?
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    She must have realized that she turned
    a team-leading event
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    into a public [jest]
    for three six-year-olds.
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    And without the humor.
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    You know, when you see people
    get [roasted] on TV,
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    it was funny.
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    There was nothing funny about that day.
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    So that was one version of me,
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    and I would die to avoid
    being in that situation again --
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    to get rejected in public again.
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    That's one version.
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    Then fast-forward eight years --
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    Bill Gates came to my hometown --
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    Beijing, China --
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    to speak,
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    and I saw his message.
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    I fell in love with that guy.
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    I thought, wow, I know
    what I want to do now.
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    That night I wrote a letter to my family
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    telling them by age 25,
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    I will build the biggest
    company in the world,
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    and that company will buy Microsoft.
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    (Laugther)
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    I totally embraced this idea
    of conquering the world --
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    domination, right?
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    And I didn't make this up,
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    I did write that letter.
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    And hear it is --
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    (Laughter)
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    You don't have to read this through --
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    (Laughter)
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    This is also bad handwriting.
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    But I did highlight some key words.
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    You get the idea.
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    So, that was another version of me.
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    One who will conquer the world.
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    Well, then two years later,
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    I was presented with the opportunity
    to come to the United States.
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    I jumped on it,
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    because that was where
    Bill Gates lived, right?
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    (Laughter)
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    I thought that was the start
    of my entrepreneur journey.
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    Then, fast-forward another 14 years.
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    I was 30.
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    Nope, I didn't build that company.
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    I didn't even start.
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    I was actually a marketing manager
    for a Fortune 500 company.
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    And I felt I was stuck;
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    I was stagnant.
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    Why is that?
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    Where is that 14-year-old
    who wrote that letter?
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    It's not because he didn't try.
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    It's because every time I had a new idea,
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    every time I wanted to try something new,
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    even at work --
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    I wanted to make a proposal,
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    I wanted to speak up
    in front of people in a group --
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    I felt there was this constant battle
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    between the 14-year-old
    and the six-year-old.
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    One wanted to conquer the world,
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    make a difference.
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    Another was afraid of rejection.
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    And every time,
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    that six-year-old won.
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    And this fear even persisted
    after I started my own company.
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    I mean, I started my own
    company when I was 30 --
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    if you want to be Bill Gates,
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    you've got to start
    sooner or later, right?
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    (Laughter)
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    When I was an entrepreneur,
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    I was presented with
    an investment opportunity,
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    and then I was turned down.
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    And that rejection hurt me.
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    It hurt me so bad that I wanted
    to quit right there.
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    But then I thought, "Hey, would Bill Gates
    quit after a simple investment rejection?
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    Would any successful
    entrepreneur quit like that?"
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    No way.
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    And this is where it clicked for me.
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    OK, I can build a better company.
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    I can build a better
    team or better product,
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    but one thing for sure:
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    I could be a better leader.
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    I could be a better person.
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    I cannot let that six-year-old
    keep dictating my life anymore.
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    I have to put him back to his place.
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    So this is where I went online
    and looked for help.
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    Google was my friend.
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    (Laughter)
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    I searched, "How do I overcome
    the fear of rejection?"
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    I came up with a bunch
    of psychology articles
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    about where the fear
    and pain are coming from.
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    Then I came up with a bunch of "Ra-ra"
    inspirational articles
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    about "Don't take it personally,
    just overcome it."
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    Who doesn't know that?
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    (Laughter)
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    But why was I still so scared?
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    Then I found this website by luck.
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    It's called rejectiontherapy.com.
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    (Laughter)
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    Rejection Therapy was this game
    invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
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    His name is Jason Comely.
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    And basically the idea is for 30 days
    you go out and look for rejection.
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    And every day get rejected at something,
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    and by the end,
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    you desensitize yourself from the pain.
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    And I loved that idea.
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    I said, "You know what?
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    I'm going to do this.
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    And I'll feel myself
    getting rejected 100 days.
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    And I came up with my own rejection ideas,
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    and I will make a video blog out of it."
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    And so here's what I did.
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    This is what the blog looked like.
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    "Day 1 --"
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    (Laughter)
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    "Borrow $100 from a Stanger."
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    So this is where I went
    to where I was working.
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    I came downstairs and I saw this big guy
    sitting behind a desk,
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    he looked like a security guard.
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    So I just approach him.
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    And I was just walking in --
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    that was the longest walk of my life --
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    just hair on the back
    of my neck standing up,
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    I was sweating and my heart was pounding,
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    and I got there and said,
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    "Hey, sir, can I borrow $100 from you?"
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    (Laughter)
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    And he looked up,
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    he's like, "No."
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    (Laughter)
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    "Why?"
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    And I just said, "No?
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    I'm sorry."
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    Then I turned around and I just ran.
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    (Laughter)
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    I felt so embarrassed.
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    But because I filmed myself --
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    so that night I was watching
    myself getting rejected,
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    I just saw how scared I was.
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    I looked like this kid
    in "The Sixth Sense."
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    I saw dead people.
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    (Laughter)
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    But then I saw this guy.
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    You know, he wasn't that menacing.
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    He was a chubby, loveable guy,
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    and he even asked me, "Why?"
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    In fact he invited me to explain myself.
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    I could've said many things.
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    I could've explained,
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    I could've negotiated.
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    I didn't do any of that.
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    All I did was run.
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    I felt, "Wow, this is like
    the microcosm of my life."
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    Every time I feel the slightest rejection,
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    I would run as fast as I could.
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    And you know what?
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    The next day,
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    no matter what happens,
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    I'm not going to run.
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    I'll stay engaged.
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    Day 2:
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    Request a "Burger Refill."
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    (Laughter)
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    It's when I went to burger joint,
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    I finished lunch,
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    and I went to the cashier and said,
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    "Hey, can I get a burger refill?"
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    (Laughter)
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    And he was all confused,
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    he was like, "What's a burger refill?"
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    (Laughter)
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    I said, "Well, it's just like a drink
    refill but with a burger."
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    (Laughter)
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    And he said, "Sorry, we don't do
    burger refill, man."
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    (Laughter)
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    So this is where rejection happened
    and I could have run,
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    but I stayed.
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    I said, "Well, I love your burgers,
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    I love your joint,
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    and if you guys do a burger refill,
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    I will love you guys more."
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    (Laughter)
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    And he said, "Well, ok, I'll tell
    my manager about it,
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    and maybe we'll do it,
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    but sorry we can' do this today."
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    Then I left.
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    And by the way,
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    I don't think they've
    ever done burger refill.
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    (Laughter)
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    I think they're still there.
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    But, the life and death feeling
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    I was feeling the first time
    was no longer there,
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    just because I stayed engaged --
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    because I didn't run.
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    I said, "Wow, great,
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    I'm already learning things.
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    Great."
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    And then Day three:
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    Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
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    This is where my life
    was turned upside down.
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    I went to a Krispy Kreme.
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    It's a doughnut shop in mainly the
    Southeastern part of the United States.
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    And I went in,
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    I said, "Can you make me doughnuts
    that look like olympic symbols?
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    Basically you thread
    five doughnuts together ... "
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    (Laughter)
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    I mean there's no way
    they could say yes, right?
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    (Laughter)
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    The doughnut maker took me so seriously.
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    (Laughter)
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    So she put out paper,
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    started jotting down
    the colors and the rings,
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    and is like, "How can I make this?"
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    And then 15 minutes later,
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    she came out with a box
    that looked like Olympic rings.
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    (Laughter)
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    And I was so touched.
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    I just couldn't believe it.
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    And that video got over five
    million views on Youtube.
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    The world couldn't believe that either.
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    (Laughter)
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    And because of that,
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    I was in newspapers,
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    in talkshows,
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    in everything.
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    And I became famous.
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    A lot of people started
    writing emails to me,
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    and sending, "What you're
    doing is awesome."
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    But you know, fame and notoriety
    did not do anything to me.
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    What I really wanted to do was learn,
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    and to change myself,
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    so I turned the rest
    of my 100 days of rejection
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    into this playground --
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    into this research project.
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    I wanted to see what I could learn.
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    And then I learned a lot of things.
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    I discovered so many secrets.
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    For example,
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    I found if I just don't run,
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    if I got rejected,
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    I could actually turn a no into a yes,
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    and the magic word is, "why."
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    So one day I went to a stranger's house,
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    I had this flower in my hand,
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    and I said --
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    knock on the door and said, "Hey, can I
    plant this flower in your backyard?"
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    (Laugther)
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    And he said, "No."
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    But before he could leave I said,
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    "Hey can I know why?"
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    And he said, "Well I have this dog
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    that would dig up anything
    I put in the backyard.
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    I don't want to waste your flower.
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    If you want to do this,
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    go across the street and talk to Connie.
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    She loves flowers."
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    (Laughter)
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    So that's what I did.
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    I went across and knocked
    on Connie's door.
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    And she was so happy to see me.
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    (Laughter)
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    And then half and hour later,
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    there was this flower
    in Connie's backyard.
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    I'm sure it looks better now.
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    (Laughter)
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    But had I left after
    the initial rejection,
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    I would've thought,
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    well it's because the guy didn't trust me,
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    it's because I was crazy,
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    because I didn't dress up well --
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    I didn't look good.
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    It was none of those.
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    It was because what I offered
    did not fit what he wanted.
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    And he trusted me enough
    to offer me a referral --
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    using a sales term --
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    (Laughter)
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    I converted a referal.
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    Then one day --
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    and I also learned that I can
    actually say certain things
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    and maximize my chance to get a yes.
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    So for example,
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    one day I went to a Starbucks,
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    and asked the manager,
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    "Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"
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    He was like, "What's a Starbucks greeter?"
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    (Laughter)
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    I said, "Do you know
    those Wal-Mart greeters?
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    You know those people who will say
    hi to you before you walk in the store,
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    and make sure you
    don't steal stuff, basically?"
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    (Laughter)
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    "I want to give a Wal-Mart experience
    to Starbucks customers."
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    (Laughter)
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    Well, I'm not sure
    that's a good thing, actually --
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    actually, I'm pretty sure
    it's a bad thing.
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    (Laughter)
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    And he was like, "Oh" --
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    yeah, this is how he looked,
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    his name is Eric --
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    and he was like, "I'm not sure."
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    This is how he was hearing me.
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    "Not sure."
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    Then I ask him, "Is that weird?"
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    He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird, man."
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    (Laughter)
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    But as soon as he said that his
    whole demeanor changed.
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    It's as if he's putting
    all the doubt on the floor.
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    And he said, "Yeah, you can do this,
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    just don't get too weird."
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    (Laughter)
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    So for the next hour
    I was the Starbucks greeter.
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    I said hi to every customer
    that walked in,
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    and gave them holiday cheers.
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    By the way,
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    I don't know what
    your career trajectory is,
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    don't be a greeter.
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    (Laughter)
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    It was really boring.
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    But then I found I could do this
    because I mentioned,
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    "Is that weird?"
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    I mentioned the doubt that he was having.
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    And because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
    that means I wasn't weird.
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    That means I was actually
    thinking just like him,
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    seeing this as a weird thing.
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    And again, again, I learned
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    that if I mention some
    doubt people might have
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    before I ask the question,
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    I gain their trust.
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    People are more likely to say yes to me.
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    And then I learned I could
    fulfill my life dream ...
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    by asking.
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    I came from four generations of teachers,
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    and my grandma has always told me,
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    "Hey Jia, you can do anything you want,
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    but it'd be great if you
    become a teacher."
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    (Laughter)
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    But I want to be an entrepreneur,
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    so I didn't.
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    But it has always been my dream
    to actually teach something.
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    So I said, "What if I just ask,
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    and teach a college class?"
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    So I lived in Austin at the time,
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    so I went to University of Texas, Austin,
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    and knocked on professor's doors
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    and said, "Can I teach your class?"
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    Well, I didn't get anywhere
    the first couple times.
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    But because I didn't run --
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    I kept doing it --
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    and on the third try,
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    the professor was very impressed.
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    He was like, "No one
    has done this before."
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    And I came in prepared
    with powerpoints and my lesson.
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    He said, "Wow, I can use this.
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    Why do you come back in two months,
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    I'll fit you into my curriculum."
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    And two months later
    I was teaching a class.
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    This is me --
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    you probably can't see,
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    this is a bad picture.
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    You know sometimes you get
    rejected by lighting, you know?
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    (Laughter)
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    But wow --
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    when I finished teaching that class,
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    I walked out crying
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    because --
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    I thought --
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    I could just fulfill my life dream
    just by simply asking.
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    I thought --
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    I used to think I have to accomplish
    all these things --
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    how to be a great entrepreneur,
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    or get a PhD to teach --
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    but no, I can just ask,
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    and I could teach.
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    And that picture --
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    which you can't see --
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    I quoted Martin Luther King, Jr.
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    Why?
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    Because in my research I found
    that people who really change the world,
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    who change the way we live
    and the way we think,
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    are the people who were met
    with initial and often violent rejections.
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    People like Martin Luther King, Jr.,
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    like Mahatma Ghandi,
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    Nelson Mandela,
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    or even Jesus Christ.
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    These people did not
    let rejection define them.
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    They let their own reaction
    after rejection define themselves.
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    And they embraced rejection.
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    And we don't have to be those people
    to learn about rejection,
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    but in my case,
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    rejection was my curse --
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    was my boogey man.
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    It has bothered me my whole life
    because I was running away from it.
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    Then I started embracing it.
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    It turned out into the biggest
    gift in my life.
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    I started teaching people how
    to turn rejections into opportunities.
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    I use my blog,
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    I use talk,
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    I use the book I just published,
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    and even technology to help people
    overcome their fear of rejection.
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    When you get rejected in life,
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    when you are facing the next obstacle,
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    or next failure,
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    consider the possiblities.
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    Don't run.
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    If you just embrace them,
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    they might become your gifts as well.
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    Thank you.
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    (Applause)
Title:
What I learned from 100 days of rejection
Speaker:
Jia Jiang
Description:

more » « less
Video Language:
English
Team:
closed TED
Project:
TEDTalks
Duration:
15:31
  • she came out with a box
    that looked like Olympic rings.
    =>
    she came out with a box [of doughnuts]
    that looked like Olympic rings.

    See https://youtu.be/7Ax2CsVbrX0?t=206

English subtitles

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