WEBVTT

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When I was six years old,

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I received my gifts.

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My first grade teacher
had this brilliant idea.

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She wanted us to experience
receiving gifts,

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but also learning the virtue
of complimenting each other.

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So she had all of us come
to the front of the classroom,

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and she bought all of us gifts,

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and stacked them in the corner.

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And she said,

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"Why don't we just stand here
and compliment each other?

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If you hear your name called,

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go and pick up your gift and sit down."

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What a wonderful idea, right?

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What could go wrong?

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(Laughter)

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Well, there were 40 of us to start with,

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and every time when I heard
someone's name called,

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I would give out the heartiest cheer.

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And then there were 20 people left,

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and 10 people left,

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and five left ...

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and three left.

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I was one of them.

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And the compliments stopped.

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Well, at that moment, I was crying.

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And the teacher was freaking out.

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She was like, "Hey, would anyone say
anything nice about these people?"

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(Laughter)

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"No one?

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OK, why don't you go
get your gift and sit down.

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So behave next year --

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someone might say
something nice about you."

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(Laughter)

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Well, as I'm describing this you,

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you probably know
I remember this really well.

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(Laughter)

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But I don't know who felt worse that day.

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Was it me, or the teacher?

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She must have realized that she turned
a team-leading event

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into a public [jest]
for three six-year-olds.

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And without the humor.

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You know, when you see people
get [roasted] on TV,

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it was funny.

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There was nothing funny about that day.

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So that was one version of me,

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and I would die to avoid
being in that situation again --

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to get rejected in public again.

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That's one version.

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Then fast-forward eight years --

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Bill Gates came to my hometown --

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Beijing, China --

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to speak,

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and I saw his message.

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I fell in love with that guy.

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I thought, wow, I know
what I want to do now.

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That night I wrote a letter to my family

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telling them by age 25,

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I will build the biggest
company in the world,

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and that company will buy Microsoft.

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(Laugther)

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I totally embraced this idea
of conquering the world --

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domination, right?

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And I didn't make this up,

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I did write that letter.

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And hear it is --

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(Laughter)

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You don't have to read this through --

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(Laughter)

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This is also bad handwriting.

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But I did highlight some key words.

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You get the idea.

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So, that was another version of me.

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One who will conquer the world.

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Well, then two years later,

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I was presented with the opportunity
to come to the United States.

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I jumped on it,

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because that was where
Bill Gates lived, right?

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(Laughter)

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I thought that was the start
of my entrepreneur journey.

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Then, fast-forward another 14 years.

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I was 30.

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Nope, I didn't build that company.

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I didn't even start.

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I was actually a marketing manager
for a Fortune 500 company.

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And I felt I was stuck;

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I was stagnant.

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Why is that?

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Where is that 14-year-old
who wrote that letter?

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It's not because he didn't try.

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It's because every time I had a new idea,

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every time I wanted to try something new,

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even at work --

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I wanted to make a proposal,

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I wanted to speak up
in front of people in a group --

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I felt there was this constant battle

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between the 14-year-old
and the six-year-old.

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One wanted to conquer the world,

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make a difference.

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Another was afraid of rejection.

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And every time,

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that six-year-old won.

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And this fear even persisted
after I started my own company.

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I mean, I started my own
company when I was 30 --

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if you want to be Bill Gates,

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you've got to start
sooner or later, right?

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(Laughter)

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When I was an entrepreneur,

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I was presented with
an investment opportunity,

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and then I was turned down.

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And that rejection hurt me.

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It hurt me so bad that I wanted
to quit right there.

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But then I thought, "Hey, would Bill Gates
quit after a simple investment rejection?

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Would any successful
entrepreneur quit like that?"

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No way.

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And this is where it clicked for me.

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OK, I can build a better company.

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I can build a better
team or better product,

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but one thing for sure:

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I could be a better leader.

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I could be a better person.

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I cannot let that six-year-old
keep dictating my life anymore.

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I have to put him back to his place.

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So this is where I went online
and looked for help.

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Google was my friend.

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(Laughter)

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I searched, "How do I overcome
the fear of rejection?"

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I came up with a bunch
of psychology articles

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about where the fear
and pain are coming from.

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Then I came up with a bunch of "Ra-ra"
inspirational articles

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about "Don't take it personally,
just overcome it."

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Who doesn't know that?

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(Laughter)

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But why was I still so scared?

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Then I found this website by luck.

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It's called rejectiontherapy.com.

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(Laughter)

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Rejection Therapy was this game
invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.

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His name is Jason Comely.

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And basically the idea is for 30 days
you go out and look for rejection.

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And every day get rejected at something,

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and by the end,

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you desensitize yourself from the pain.

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And I loved that idea.

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I said, "You know what?

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I'm going to do this.

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And I'll feel myself
getting rejected 100 days.

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And I came up with my own rejection ideas,

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and I will make a video blog out of it."

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And so here's what I did.

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This is what the blog looked like.

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"Day 1 --"

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(Laughter)

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"Borrow $100 from a Stanger."

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So this is where I went
to where I was working.

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I came downstairs and I saw this big guy
sitting behind a desk,

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he looked like a security guard.

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So I just approach him.

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And I was just walking in --

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that was the longest walk of my life --

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just hair on the back
of my neck standing up,

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I was sweating and my heart was pounding,

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and I got there and said,

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"Hey, sir, can I borrow $100 from you?"

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(Laughter)

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And he looked up,

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he's like, "No."

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(Laughter)

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"Why?"

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And I just said, "No?

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I'm sorry."

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Then I turned around and I just ran.

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(Laughter)

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I felt so embarrassed.

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But because I filmed myself --

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so that night I was watching
myself getting rejected,

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I just saw how scared I was.

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I looked like this kid
in "The Sixth Sense."

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I saw dead people.

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(Laughter)

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But then I saw this guy.

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You know, he wasn't that menacing.

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He was a chubby, loveable guy,

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and he even asked me, "Why?"

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In fact he invited me to explain myself.

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I could've said many things.

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I could've explained,

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I could've negotiated.

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I didn't do any of that.

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All I did was run.

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I felt, "Wow, this is like
the microcosm of my life."

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Every time I feel the slightest rejection,

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I would run as fast as I could.

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And you know what?

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The next day,

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no matter what happens,

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I'm not going to run.

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I'll stay engaged.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Day 2:

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Request a "Burger Refill."

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(Laughter)

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It's when I went to burger joint,

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I finished lunch,

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and I went to the cashier and said,

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"Hey, can I get a burger refill?"

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(Laughter)

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And he was all confused,

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he was like, "What's a burger refill?"

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(Laughter)

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I said, "Well, it's just like a drink
refill but with a burger."

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(Laughter)

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And he said, "Sorry, we don't do
burger refill, man."

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(Laughter)

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So this is where rejection happened
and I could have run,

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but I stayed.

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I said, "Well, I love your burgers,

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I love your joint,

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and if you guys do a burger refill,

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I will love you guys more."

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(Laughter)

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And he said, "Well, ok, I'll tell
my manager about it,

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and maybe we'll do it,

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but sorry we can' do this today."

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Then I left.

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And by the way,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't think they've
ever done burger refill.

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(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I think they're still there.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But, the life and death feeling

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I was feeling the first time
was no longer there,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
just because I stayed engaged --

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because I didn't run.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I said, "Wow, great,

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I'm already learning things.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Great."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then Day three:

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Getting Olympic Doughnuts.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This is where my life
was turned upside down.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I went to a Krispy Kreme.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's a doughnut shop in mainly the
Southeastern part of the United States.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I went in,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I said, "Can you make me doughnuts
that look like olympic symbols?

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Basically you thread
five doughnuts together ... "

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I mean there's no way
they could say yes, right?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The doughnut maker took me so seriously.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

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So she put out paper,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
started jotting down
the colors and the rings,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and is like, "How can I make this?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then 15 minutes later,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
she came out with a box
that looked like Olympic rings.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I was so touched.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I just couldn't believe it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And that video got over five
million views on Youtube.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The world couldn't believe that either.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And because of that,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I was in newspapers,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
in talkshows,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
in everything.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I became famous.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
A lot of people started
writing emails to me,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and sending, "What you're
doing is awesome."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But you know, fame and notoriety
did not do anything to me.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What I really wanted to do was learn,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and to change myself,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so I turned the rest
of my 100 days of rejection

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
into this playground --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
into this research project.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I wanted to see what I could learn.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then I learned a lot of things.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I discovered so many secrets.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
For example,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I found if I just don't run,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
if I got rejected,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I could actually turn a no into a yes,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and the magic word is, "why."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So one day I went to a stranger's house,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I had this flower in my hand,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I said --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
knock on the door and said, "Hey, can I
plant this flower in your backyard?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laugther)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And he said, "No."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But before he could leave I said,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Hey can I know why?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And he said, "Well I have this dog

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that would dig up anything
I put in the backyard.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't want to waste your flower.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If you want to do this,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
go across the street and talk to Connie.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
She loves flowers."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So that's what I did.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I went across and knocked
on Connie's door.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And she was so happy to see me.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then half and hour later,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
there was this flower
in Connie's backyard.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm sure it looks better now.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But had I left after
the initial rejection,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I would've thought,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
well it's because the guy didn't trust me,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it's because I was crazy,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
because I didn't dress up well --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I didn't look good.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It was none of those.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It was because what I offered
did not fit what he wanted.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And he trusted me enough
to offer me a referral --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
using a sales term --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I converted a referal.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Then one day --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I also learned that I can
actually say certain things

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and maximize my chance to get a yes.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So for example,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
one day I went to a Starbucks,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and asked the manager,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He was like, "What's a Starbucks greeter?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I said, "Do you know
those Wal-Mart greeters?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You know those people who will say
hi to you before you walk in the store,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and make sure you
don't steal stuff, basically?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I want to give a Wal-Mart experience
to Starbucks customers."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Well, I'm not sure
that's a good thing, actually --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
actually, I'm pretty sure
it's a bad thing.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And he was like, "Oh" --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
yeah, this is how he looked,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
his name is Eric --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and he was like, "I'm not sure."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This is how he was hearing me.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Not sure."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Then I ask him, "Is that weird?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird, man."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But as soon as he said that his
whole demeanor changed.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's as if he's putting
all the doubt on the floor.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And he said, "Yeah, you can do this,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
just don't get too weird."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So for the next hour
I was the Starbucks greeter.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I said hi to every customer
that walked in,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and gave them holiday cheers.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
By the way,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't know what
your career trajectory is,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
don't be a greeter.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It was really boring.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But then I found I could do this
because I mentioned,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Is that weird?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I mentioned the doubt that he was having.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
that means I wasn't weird.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That means I was actually
thinking just like him,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
seeing this as a weird thing.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And again, again, I learned

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that if I mention some
doubt people might have

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
before I ask the question,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I gain their trust.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
People are more likely to say yes to me.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then I learned I could
fulfill my life dream ...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
by asking.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I came from four generations of teachers,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and my grandma has always told me,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Hey Jia, you can do anything you want,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but it'd be great if you
become a teacher."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But I want to be an entrepreneur,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so I didn't.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But it has always been my dream
to actually teach something.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So I said, "What if I just ask,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and teach a college class?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So I lived in Austin at the time,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so I went to University of Texas, Austin,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and knocked on professor's doors

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and said, "Can I teach your class?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Well, I didn't get anywhere
the first couple times.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But because I didn't run --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I kept doing it --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and on the third try,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
the professor was very impressed.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He was like, "No one
has done this before."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I came in prepared
with powerpoints and my lesson.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He said, "Wow, I can use this.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Why do you come back in two months,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'll fit you into my curriculum."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And two months later
I was teaching a class.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This is me --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you probably can't see,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
this is a bad picture.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You know sometimes you get
rejected by lighting, you know?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But wow --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when I finished teaching that class,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I walked out crying

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
because --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I thought --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I could just fulfill my life dream
just by simply asking.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I thought --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I used to think I have to accomplish
all these things --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
how to be a great entrepreneur,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
or get a PhD to teach --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but no, I can just ask,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I could teach.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And that picture --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
which you can't see --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I quoted Martin Luther King, Jr.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Why?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Because in my research I found
that people who really change the world,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
who change the way we live
and the way we think,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
are the people who were met
with initial and often violent rejections.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
People like Martin Luther King, Jr.,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
like Mahatma Ghandi,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Nelson Mandela,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
or even Jesus Christ.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
These people did not
let rejection define them.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They let their own reaction
after rejection define themselves.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And they embraced rejection.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And we don't have to be those people
to learn about rejection,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but in my case,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
rejection was my curse --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
was my boogey man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It has bothered me my whole life
because I was running away from it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Then I started embracing it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It turned out into the biggest
gift in my life.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I started teaching people how
to turn rejections into opportunities.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I use my blog,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I use talk,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I use the book I just published,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and even technology to help people
overcome their fear of rejection.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
When you get rejected in life,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when you are facing the next obstacle,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
or next failure,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
consider the possiblities.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Don't run.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If you just embrace them,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
they might become your gifts as well.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Thank you.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Applause)