Reading minds through body language | Lynne Franklin | TEDxNaperville

(dramatic music)

(audience applauds)

- Hi, I'm Lynne Franklin.

I have one question for you.

How would you like to be a mind reader?

- [Woman] Yes.

- 'Cause part of me is thinking,

"I bet your mind's thinking,
'That's not gonna happen.'"

Here's the truth.

People's brains process
information, they think,

in three different ways.

And their body language
will tell you all day long

what their primary style is.

You just need to know what to look for

and what to do when you see it.

And it's not one of those
where she's leaning back,

her arms are crossed, she's frowning,

so she must be unhappy.

It's actually understanding
how their brains work

and then presenting your
information in a way

that people can see it,
hear it, and feel it

and increase the chances
that they'll say yes

to whatever you're proposing

and also decrease the chances

that you'll do something stupid,

like this.

Back in my 20s before I
knew any of this stuff,

I had a client who was
a corporate controller,

and he would sit across
from me in meetings

and he was always looking down

with the occasional glance up.

And I thought, "Okay,
well he's a numbers guy.

"He just feels comfortable
looking at the numbers."

And then as time went on I
thought, "Well, you know,

"he's just socially inept,

"and he doesn't know how
to give me eye contact."

And finally, because I
was young and stupid,

I thought, "Every time he's looking up,

"he's looking at my
chest and I'm offended."

And there was one point I
actually in a meeting went,

"Excuse me, I'm up here."

Ooh, yeah, talk about judgmental.

Here's the scoop.

This guy's brain worked in a way

that he was never gonna
give me eye contact.

And no matter how many times

I modeled the behavior
I wanted him to use,

all that did was make both
of us feel uncomfortable.

So how can you tell?

How can you read people's body
language to read your minds?

We're gonna show you right now.

And that means I'm gonna bring out

our first body language model, James.

(audience applauds)

Thank you James.

James represents 75% of the world.

You didn't know this about James,

but James is a looker.

(audience laughs)

What that means is that James'
brain thinks in pictures

and images, in pictures and images.

And here's how we can tell
that James is a looker

from his body language.

First thing, he stands up tall.

He has good posture.

Second, he is dressed well,

because appearance is
important to lookers.

The next thing you'll notice

about James is that he
holds a little stress

in his shoulders.

Lift up your shoulders a little bit.

Yeah, holds the stress there.

Next thing, you'll notice he
has wrinkles in his forehead,

because James looks up

when he remembers something he has seen,

and he looks up more
often than most of us do.

Next thing you'll notice

about James is that he has
thin lips, suck 'em in.

You know, this is a chicken and egg thing.

We're not quite sure why
lookers have thin lips,

but most of them do.

And the other thing about
lookers is they give you

lots of eye contact.

Look at 'em, look at 'em, look at 'em.

All of 'em, look at all of 'em.

Thanks James.
- Thank you.

(audience applauds)

- Okay, now that you know
that James is a looker,

here are the two things you
do to build rapport with him.

The first is that you give
him lots of eye contact,

because he literally believes
if you do not look at him,

you are not paying attention to him

and you are ignoring him.

The second thing you do with
lookers is you give them words

that have a visual component to it.

I see what you mean.

Or look at this.

Or let's picture working
together this way.

So you use the type of language

that is going on in James' brain.

Those are lookers, 75%
of people in the world.

Our next body language model is Marg,

and Marg represents 20% of
the people in the world.

(audience applauds)

Marg is a listener.

What this means is that
Marg's brain thinks

in words and sounds, in words and sounds.

And this is the body language

that you will see in a listener.

First, Marg not as well-dressed as James,

'cause appearance is
not as important to her.

(audience laughs)

Sorry Marg.

Next, Marg has a tendency to look down

and to the left, because
that's where you look

when you're remembering
something you have heard.

Next thing you'll notice

about Marg is that a lot of times

she'll put her head in her hand.

It's called telephone posture.

Other things you'll notice

about Marg is that she has a
tendency to mumble to herself.

Go ahead and mumble.

(Marg mumbles)

(audience laughs)

And it's not that she's crazy.

It's that she thinks in words and sounds,

so she's literally talking to herself.

Another thing you'll notice about Marg,

yep, she's the pen clicker

and the banger on the pen on the table.

These are listeners, 20%
of the people in the world.

Thanks Marg.
- Thank you.

(audience applauds)

- If you wanna appeal to listeners,

you do two things.

The first thing, you do not
give them lots of eye contact,

it freaks them out.

That's exactly what was going on

with that corporate controller.

So what you do is that
when they're speaking,

you look at them and then you look away.

And when you're speaking, you look at them

and then look away.

The second thing you do with
listeners is that you use words

that are auditory.

That sounds good to me.

Or let's talk this over.

That's the type of
language their brain uses,

so you're using that to appeal with them.

Listeners, 20% of the people in the world.

And our final body
language model is Marina.

And Marina represents 5%
of the people in the world.

Give her a round of applause.

(audience applauds)

Marina is a toucher.

Not what you think.

What that means is that
Marina's brain thinks

in feelings and tactilely,
in feelings and tactilely.

And here's the kind of
body language you will see

in a toucher.

First thing and the biggest
tell in touchers is whether

or not they've ever met
you before in their lives,

they are ready to hug you.

(Lynne laughs)

Second thing you'll notice

about touchers is that they are dressed

for comfort rather than style.

Next thing is that they have full lips,

give 'em big lips.

(audience laughs)

Same thing, I know, more
touchers have full lips.

Next thing you'll notice

about touchers is that they
have a tendency to lean in,

because they are trying
to decrease the amount

of physical space between you and them

and build rapport that way.

Touchers also have a tendency to reach out

and touch your arm when they're
in conversation with you.

And touchers also have
a tendency to look down,

because that's where you look

when you're remembering
something you have felt.

Thanks Marina.

- Thank you.

(audience applauds)

- All right, you wanna
build rapport with touchers,

5% of the people in the world,

here are the two things you do.

If you feel comfortable,
let them touch you.

(audience laughs)

Appropriately, please.

But if you don't feel comfortable,

because a lot of us if you've
never met somebody before

and they're ready to give you a bear hug,

the last thing you wanna do is is go,

'cause we've all done that,
and it does not build rapport.

So if a toucher is coming at you,

and you don't feel comfortable,

stick your hand out.

Give these people a point
of contact with you.

That's what they're looking for.

The second thing you do with
touchers is you use language

that either has a feeling
to it or is tactile.

So I wanna hear how
you're feeling about this.

Let's get in touch.

Reach out and tell me what you think.

That's the kind of language
that appeals to touchers,

people who process information

in feelings and tactilely.

So I'm gonna read your mind again,

and you're probably thinking,

"So which one of these three am I?"

Let's figure that out right now.

What I want you to do is close your eyes,

and remember an important memory.

Now this could be something
from your childhood,

maybe your 10th birthday party.

It could be something that
happened to you last week.

So an important memory.

Now I want you to pay attention

to how you're remembering it.

Are you remembering it like a movie

or a series of pictures and images?

Are you remembering by
hearing what people said

or describing what happened?

Or are you remembering it how you felt

or how things felt to you?

Okay, open up your eyes.

How many of you remembered
it like a movie?

Right, most of you.

How many of you were
describing it to yourself,

remembering what people said?

Right, listeners.

And finally, how many of
you remember how you felt

or how things felt to you?

Right, now you know who you are.

That's the good news.

Here's the bad news.

You're gonna treat everybody else

as though they think the same way.

And you've already seen
how awful that can be

when you're working with
a corporate controller

who has a different way of thinking.

Here's my invitation to you.

I want you to start paying attention

to other people's body language

to figure out how they think.

Because here's the magic part of it.

Once you start presenting your ideas

in a way that they get them,

they will say yes to you more often.

But here's the scoop too.

I'm not asking you to
become somebody else,

because you can't change
how your brain works.

It's true, you think in all three ways,

but just the way you have a dominant hand,

you have a dominant style.

You can't change that.

But what you can do is
accommodate your language,

both body and verbal, with
the people you're with

in order to build
rapport, which allows you

to reach the full spectrum of people

that you're hanging out with.

And here's the other magic thing.

You don't even have to
be in somebody's presence

to figure out how their brains work.

Interested?

Right, all you need to do is listen to

or look at the words they're using.

So if you're in a phone conversation,

listen for the words.

If you're reading an
email, look at the words.

People who are lookers will
use more visual language.

People who are listeners
will use more auditory words,

and people who are touchers
will use more feeling

and kinesthetic words.

You don't have to be in that same space

to know who they are.

So here's my challenge to you.

Go back and read some of the emails

that you have sent, and you will notice

now that you know who you are,

the kind of language that you're using,

and it'll back that up.

It happens with everybody.

So 10 minutes ago,

you didn't think you could
read people's body language

to read their minds.

And now you know what to do.

So practice this stuff
on the people at home

or the people at work,
and when you do this,

when you use these tools to build rapport

with all kinds of different people,

you'll become the most
persuasive person in the room.

Thank you.

(audience applauds)