WEBVTT

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(dramatic music)

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(audience applauds)

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- Hi, I'm Lynne Franklin.

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I have one question for you.

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How would you like to be a mind reader?

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- [Woman] Yes.

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- 'Cause part of me is thinking,

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"I bet your mind's thinking,
'That's not gonna happen.'"

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Here's the truth.

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People's brains process
information, they think,

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in three different ways.

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And their body language
will tell you all day long

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what their primary style is.

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You just need to know what to look for

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and what to do when you see it.

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And it's not one of those
where she's leaning back,

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her arms are crossed, she's frowning,

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so she must be unhappy.

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It's actually understanding
how their brains work

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and then presenting your
information in a way

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that people can see it,
hear it, and feel it

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and increase the chances
that they'll say yes

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to whatever you're proposing

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and also decrease the chances

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that you'll do something stupid,

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like this.

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Back in my 20s before I
knew any of this stuff,

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I had a client who was
a corporate controller,

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and he would sit across
from me in meetings

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and he was always looking down

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with the occasional glance up.

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And I thought, "Okay,
well he's a numbers guy.

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"He just feels comfortable
looking at the numbers."

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And then as time went on I
thought, "Well, you know,

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"he's just socially inept,

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"and he doesn't know how
to give me eye contact."

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And finally, because I
was young and stupid,

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I thought, "Every time he's looking up,

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"he's looking at my
chest and I'm offended."

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And there was one point I
actually in a meeting went,

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"Excuse me, I'm up here."

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Ooh, yeah, talk about judgmental.

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Here's the scoop.

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This guy's brain worked in a way

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that he was never gonna
give me eye contact.

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And no matter how many times

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I modeled the behavior
I wanted him to use,

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all that did was make both
of us feel uncomfortable.

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So how can you tell?

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How can you read people's body
language to read your minds?

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We're gonna show you right now.

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And that means I'm gonna bring out

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our first body language model, James.

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(audience applauds)

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Thank you James.

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James represents 75% of the world.

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You didn't know this about James,

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but James is a looker.

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(audience laughs)

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What that means is that James'
brain thinks in pictures

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and images, in pictures and images.

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And here's how we can tell
that James is a looker

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from his body language.

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First thing, he stands up tall.

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He has good posture.

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Second, he is dressed well,

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because appearance is
important to lookers.

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The next thing you'll notice

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about James is that he
holds a little stress

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in his shoulders.

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Lift up your shoulders a little bit.

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Yeah, holds the stress there.

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Next thing, you'll notice he
has wrinkles in his forehead,

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because James looks up

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when he remembers something he has seen,

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and he looks up more
often than most of us do.

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Next thing you'll notice

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about James is that he has
thin lips, suck 'em in.

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You know, this is a chicken and egg thing.

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We're not quite sure why
lookers have thin lips,

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but most of them do.

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And the other thing about
lookers is they give you

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lots of eye contact.

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Look at 'em, look at 'em, look at 'em.

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All of 'em, look at all of 'em.

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Thanks James.
- Thank you.

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(audience applauds)

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- Okay, now that you know
that James is a looker,

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here are the two things you
do to build rapport with him.

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The first is that you give
him lots of eye contact,

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because he literally believes
if you do not look at him,

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you are not paying attention to him

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and you are ignoring him.

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The second thing you do with
lookers is you give them words

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that have a visual component to it.

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I see what you mean.

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Or look at this.

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Or let's picture working
together this way.

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So you use the type of language

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that is going on in James' brain.

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Those are lookers, 75%
of people in the world.

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Our next body language model is Marg,

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and Marg represents 20% of
the people in the world.

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(audience applauds)

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Marg is a listener.

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What this means is that
Marg's brain thinks

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in words and sounds, in words and sounds.

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And this is the body language

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that you will see in a listener.

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First, Marg not as well-dressed as James,

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'cause appearance is
not as important to her.

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(audience laughs)

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Sorry Marg.

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Next, Marg has a tendency to look down

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and to the left, because
that's where you look

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when you're remembering
something you have heard.

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Next thing you'll notice

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about Marg is that a lot of times

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she'll put her head in her hand.

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It's called telephone posture.

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Other things you'll notice

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about Marg is that she has a
tendency to mumble to herself.

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Go ahead and mumble.

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(Marg mumbles)

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(audience laughs)

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And it's not that she's crazy.

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It's that she thinks in words and sounds,

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so she's literally talking to herself.

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Another thing you'll notice about Marg,

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yep, she's the pen clicker

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and the banger on the pen on the table.

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These are listeners, 20%
of the people in the world.

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Thanks Marg.
- Thank you.

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(audience applauds)

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- If you wanna appeal to listeners,

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you do two things.

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The first thing, you do not
give them lots of eye contact,

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it freaks them out.

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That's exactly what was going on

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with that corporate controller.

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So what you do is that
when they're speaking,

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you look at them and then you look away.

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And when you're speaking, you look at them

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and then look away.

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The second thing you do with
listeners is that you use words

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that are auditory.

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That sounds good to me.

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Or let's talk this over.

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That's the type of
language their brain uses,

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so you're using that to appeal with them.

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Listeners, 20% of the people in the world.

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And our final body
language model is Marina.

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And Marina represents 5%
of the people in the world.

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Give her a round of applause.

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(audience applauds)

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Marina is a toucher.

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Not what you think.

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What that means is that
Marina's brain thinks

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in feelings and tactilely,
in feelings and tactilely.

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And here's the kind of
body language you will see

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in a toucher.

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First thing and the biggest
tell in touchers is whether

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or not they've ever met
you before in their lives,

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they are ready to hug you.

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(Lynne laughs)

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Second thing you'll notice

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about touchers is that they are dressed

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for comfort rather than style.

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Next thing is that they have full lips,

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give 'em big lips.

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(audience laughs)

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Same thing, I know, more
touchers have full lips.

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Next thing you'll notice

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about touchers is that they
have a tendency to lean in,

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because they are trying
to decrease the amount

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of physical space between you and them

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and build rapport that way.

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Touchers also have a tendency to reach out

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and touch your arm when they're
in conversation with you.

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And touchers also have
a tendency to look down,

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because that's where you look

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when you're remembering
something you have felt.

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Thanks Marina.

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- Thank you.

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(audience applauds)

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- All right, you wanna
build rapport with touchers,

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5% of the people in the world,

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here are the two things you do.

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If you feel comfortable,
let them touch you.

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(audience laughs)

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Appropriately, please.

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But if you don't feel comfortable,

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because a lot of us if you've
never met somebody before

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and they're ready to give you a bear hug,

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the last thing you wanna do is is go,

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'cause we've all done that,
and it does not build rapport.

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So if a toucher is coming at you,

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and you don't feel comfortable,

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stick your hand out.

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Give these people a point
of contact with you.

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That's what they're looking for.

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The second thing you do with
touchers is you use language

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that either has a feeling
to it or is tactile.

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So I wanna hear how
you're feeling about this.

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Let's get in touch.

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Reach out and tell me what you think.

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That's the kind of language
that appeals to touchers,

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people who process information

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in feelings and tactilely.

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So I'm gonna read your mind again,

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and you're probably thinking,

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"So which one of these three am I?"

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Let's figure that out right now.

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What I want you to do is close your eyes,

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and remember an important memory.

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Now this could be something
from your childhood,

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maybe your 10th birthday party.

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It could be something that
happened to you last week.

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So an important memory.

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Now I want you to pay attention

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to how you're remembering it.

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Are you remembering it like a movie

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or a series of pictures and images?

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Are you remembering by
hearing what people said

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or describing what happened?

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Or are you remembering it how you felt

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or how things felt to you?

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Okay, open up your eyes.

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How many of you remembered
it like a movie?

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Right, most of you.

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How many of you were
describing it to yourself,

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remembering what people said?

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Right, listeners.

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And finally, how many of
you remember how you felt

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or how things felt to you?

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Right, now you know who you are.

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That's the good news.

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Here's the bad news.

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You're gonna treat everybody else

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as though they think the same way.

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And you've already seen
how awful that can be

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when you're working with
a corporate controller

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who has a different way of thinking.

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Here's my invitation to you.

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I want you to start paying attention

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to other people's body language

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to figure out how they think.

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Because here's the magic part of it.

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Once you start presenting your ideas

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in a way that they get them,

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they will say yes to you more often.

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But here's the scoop too.

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I'm not asking you to
become somebody else,

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because you can't change
how your brain works.

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It's true, you think in all three ways,

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but just the way you have a dominant hand,

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you have a dominant style.

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You can't change that.

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But what you can do is
accommodate your language,

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both body and verbal, with
the people you're with

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in order to build
rapport, which allows you

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to reach the full spectrum of people

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that you're hanging out with.

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And here's the other magic thing.

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You don't even have to
be in somebody's presence

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to figure out how their brains work.

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Interested?

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Right, all you need to do is listen to

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or look at the words they're using.

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So if you're in a phone conversation,

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listen for the words.

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If you're reading an
email, look at the words.

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People who are lookers will
use more visual language.

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People who are listeners
will use more auditory words,

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and people who are touchers
will use more feeling

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and kinesthetic words.

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You don't have to be in that same space

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to know who they are.

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So here's my challenge to you.

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Go back and read some of the emails

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that you have sent, and you will notice

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now that you know who you are,

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the kind of language that you're using,

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and it'll back that up.

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It happens with everybody.

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So 10 minutes ago,

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you didn't think you could
read people's body language

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to read their minds.

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And now you know what to do.

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So practice this stuff
on the people at home

00:11:40.470 --> 00:11:43.320
or the people at work,
and when you do this,

00:11:43.320 --> 00:11:45.730
when you use these tools to build rapport

00:11:45.730 --> 00:11:47.370
with all kinds of different people,

00:11:47.370 --> 00:11:50.714
you'll become the most
persuasive person in the room.

00:11:50.714 --> 00:11:51.663
Thank you.

00:11:51.663 --> 00:11:54.663
(audience applauds)