0:00:00.548,0:00:03.298
(dramatic music)

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(audience applauds)

0:00:18.680,0:00:19.850
- Hi, I'm Lynne Franklin.

0:00:19.850,0:00:21.810
I have one question for you.

0:00:21.810,0:00:24.347
How would you like to be a mind reader?

0:00:24.347,0:00:25.500
- [Woman] Yes.

0:00:25.500,0:00:27.092
- 'Cause part of me is thinking,

0:00:27.092,0:00:31.490
"I bet your mind's thinking,[br]'That's not gonna happen.'"

0:00:31.490,0:00:33.550
Here's the truth.

0:00:33.550,0:00:37.701
People's brains process[br]information, they think,

0:00:37.701,0:00:40.000
in three different ways.

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And their body language[br]will tell you all day long

0:00:42.520,0:00:44.160
what their primary style is.

0:00:44.160,0:00:46.490
You just need to know what to look for

0:00:46.490,0:00:48.800
and what to do when you see it.

0:00:48.800,0:00:51.440
And it's not one of those[br]where she's leaning back,

0:00:51.440,0:00:52.720
her arms are crossed, she's frowning,

0:00:52.720,0:00:54.950
so she must be unhappy.

0:00:54.950,0:00:59.230
It's actually understanding[br]how their brains work

0:00:59.230,0:01:01.851
and then presenting your[br]information in a way

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that people can see it,[br]hear it, and feel it

0:01:06.610,0:01:08.880
and increase the chances[br]that they'll say yes

0:01:08.880,0:01:10.410
to whatever you're proposing

0:01:10.410,0:01:12.020
and also decrease the chances

0:01:12.020,0:01:14.220
that you'll do something stupid,

0:01:14.220,0:01:15.910
like this.

0:01:15.910,0:01:18.870
Back in my 20s before I[br]knew any of this stuff,

0:01:18.870,0:01:21.470
I had a client who was[br]a corporate controller,

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and he would sit across[br]from me in meetings

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and he was always looking down

0:01:24.680,0:01:26.660
with the occasional glance up.

0:01:26.660,0:01:29.467
And I thought, "Okay,[br]well he's a numbers guy.

0:01:29.467,0:01:32.280
"He just feels comfortable[br]looking at the numbers."

0:01:32.280,0:01:34.547
And then as time went on I[br]thought, "Well, you know,

0:01:34.547,0:01:36.147
"he's just socially inept,

0:01:36.147,0:01:38.179
"and he doesn't know how[br]to give me eye contact."

0:01:38.179,0:01:40.750
And finally, because I[br]was young and stupid,

0:01:40.750,0:01:42.137
I thought, "Every time he's looking up,

0:01:42.137,0:01:45.060
"he's looking at my[br]chest and I'm offended."

0:01:45.060,0:01:46.957
And there was one point I[br]actually in a meeting went,

0:01:46.957,0:01:49.468
"Excuse me, I'm up here."

0:01:49.468,0:01:52.487
Ooh, yeah, talk about judgmental.

0:01:52.487,0:01:54.590
Here's the scoop.

0:01:54.590,0:01:56.340
This guy's brain worked in a way

0:01:56.340,0:01:58.860
that he was never gonna[br]give me eye contact.

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And no matter how many times

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I modeled the behavior[br]I wanted him to use,

0:02:02.940,0:02:06.636
all that did was make both[br]of us feel uncomfortable.

0:02:06.636,0:02:09.120
So how can you tell?

0:02:09.120,0:02:12.660
How can you read people's body[br]language to read your minds?

0:02:12.660,0:02:14.480
We're gonna show you right now.

0:02:14.480,0:02:15.840
And that means I'm gonna bring out

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our first body language model, James.

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(audience applauds)

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Thank you James.

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James represents 75% of the world.

0:02:28.250,0:02:29.412
You didn't know this about James,

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but James is a looker.

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(audience laughs)

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What that means is that James'[br]brain thinks in pictures

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and images, in pictures and images.

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And here's how we can tell[br]that James is a looker

0:02:45.790,0:02:47.010
from his body language.

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First thing, he stands up tall.

0:02:49.230,0:02:51.160
He has good posture.

0:02:51.160,0:02:52.770
Second, he is dressed well,

0:02:52.770,0:02:55.859
because appearance is[br]important to lookers.

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The next thing you'll notice

0:02:57.410,0:02:59.510
about James is that he[br]holds a little stress

0:02:59.510,0:03:00.343
in his shoulders.

0:03:00.343,0:03:01.176
Lift up your shoulders a little bit.

0:03:01.176,0:03:02.903
Yeah, holds the stress there.

0:03:03.870,0:03:07.930
Next thing, you'll notice he[br]has wrinkles in his forehead,

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because James looks up

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when he remembers something he has seen,

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and he looks up more[br]often than most of us do.

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Next thing you'll notice

0:03:15.900,0:03:18.853
about James is that he has[br]thin lips, suck 'em in.

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You know, this is a chicken and egg thing.

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We're not quite sure why[br]lookers have thin lips,

0:03:24.750,0:03:26.050
but most of them do.

0:03:26.050,0:03:28.240
And the other thing about[br]lookers is they give you

0:03:28.240,0:03:29.430
lots of eye contact.

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Look at 'em, look at 'em, look at 'em.

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All of 'em, look at all of 'em.

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Thanks James.[br]- Thank you.

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(audience applauds)

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- Okay, now that you know[br]that James is a looker,

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here are the two things you[br]do to build rapport with him.

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The first is that you give[br]him lots of eye contact,

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because he literally believes[br]if you do not look at him,

0:03:52.090,0:03:53.950
you are not paying attention to him

0:03:53.950,0:03:56.100
and you are ignoring him.

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The second thing you do with[br]lookers is you give them words

0:04:00.400,0:04:02.530
that have a visual component to it.

0:04:02.530,0:04:04.190
I see what you mean.

0:04:04.190,0:04:05.800
Or look at this.

0:04:05.800,0:04:08.870
Or let's picture working[br]together this way.

0:04:08.870,0:04:10.640
So you use the type of language

0:04:10.640,0:04:13.590
that is going on in James' brain.

0:04:13.590,0:04:18.000
Those are lookers, 75%[br]of people in the world.

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Our next body language model is Marg,

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and Marg represents 20% of[br]the people in the world.

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(audience applauds)

0:04:30.800,0:04:32.963
Marg is a listener.

0:04:33.810,0:04:37.350
What this means is that[br]Marg's brain thinks

0:04:37.350,0:04:40.730
in words and sounds, in words and sounds.

0:04:40.730,0:04:42.043
And this is the body language

0:04:42.043,0:04:44.910
that you will see in a listener.

0:04:44.910,0:04:48.200
First, Marg not as well-dressed as James,

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'cause appearance is[br]not as important to her.

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(audience laughs)

0:04:51.540,0:04:52.373
Sorry Marg.

0:04:54.570,0:04:57.410
Next, Marg has a tendency to look down

0:04:57.410,0:04:59.670
and to the left, because[br]that's where you look

0:04:59.670,0:05:02.917
when you're remembering[br]something you have heard.

0:05:02.917,0:05:04.080
Next thing you'll notice

0:05:04.080,0:05:05.490
about Marg is that a lot of times

0:05:05.490,0:05:07.433
she'll put her head in her hand.

0:05:09.112,0:05:11.040
It's called telephone posture.

0:05:11.040,0:05:11.920
Other things you'll notice

0:05:11.920,0:05:16.480
about Marg is that she has a[br]tendency to mumble to herself.

0:05:16.480,0:05:17.675
Go ahead and mumble.

0:05:17.675,0:05:19.257
(Marg mumbles)

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(audience laughs)

0:05:20.870,0:05:23.740
And it's not that she's crazy.

0:05:23.740,0:05:25.890
It's that she thinks in words and sounds,

0:05:25.890,0:05:28.960
so she's literally talking to herself.

0:05:28.960,0:05:30.230
Another thing you'll notice about Marg,

0:05:30.230,0:05:31.650
yep, she's the pen clicker

0:05:31.650,0:05:34.123
and the banger on the pen on the table.

0:05:35.820,0:05:39.120
These are listeners, 20%[br]of the people in the world.

0:05:39.120,0:05:40.725
Thanks Marg.[br]- Thank you.

0:05:40.725,0:05:44.000
(audience applauds)

0:05:44.000,0:05:45.740
- If you wanna appeal to listeners,

0:05:45.740,0:05:46.700
you do two things.

0:05:46.700,0:05:49.700
The first thing, you do not[br]give them lots of eye contact,

0:05:49.700,0:05:51.360
it freaks them out.

0:05:51.360,0:05:52.750
That's exactly what was going on

0:05:52.750,0:05:54.733
with that corporate controller.

0:05:54.733,0:05:57.110
So what you do is that[br]when they're speaking,

0:05:57.110,0:05:58.530
you look at them and then you look away.

0:05:58.530,0:06:00.470
And when you're speaking, you look at them

0:06:00.470,0:06:02.260
and then look away.

0:06:02.260,0:06:06.800
The second thing you do with[br]listeners is that you use words

0:06:06.800,0:06:07.960
that are auditory.

0:06:07.960,0:06:09.400
That sounds good to me.

0:06:09.400,0:06:11.620
Or let's talk this over.

0:06:11.620,0:06:13.960
That's the type of[br]language their brain uses,

0:06:13.960,0:06:15.756
so you're using that to appeal with them.

0:06:15.756,0:06:18.800
Listeners, 20% of the people in the world.

0:06:18.800,0:06:22.033
And our final body[br]language model is Marina.

0:06:23.220,0:06:26.340
And Marina represents 5%[br]of the people in the world.

0:06:26.340,0:06:27.378
Give her a round of applause.

0:06:27.378,0:06:30.378
(audience applauds)

0:06:31.990,0:06:34.298
Marina is a toucher.

0:06:34.298,0:06:35.543
Not what you think.

0:06:36.780,0:06:41.610
What that means is that[br]Marina's brain thinks

0:06:41.610,0:06:45.520
in feelings and tactilely,[br]in feelings and tactilely.

0:06:45.520,0:06:48.190
And here's the kind of[br]body language you will see

0:06:48.190,0:06:49.450
in a toucher.

0:06:49.450,0:06:51.690
First thing and the biggest[br]tell in touchers is whether

0:06:51.690,0:06:53.560
or not they've ever met[br]you before in their lives,

0:06:53.560,0:06:55.691
they are ready to hug you.

0:06:55.691,0:06:57.347
(Lynne laughs)

0:06:57.347,0:06:59.720
Second thing you'll notice

0:06:59.720,0:07:02.160
about touchers is that they are dressed

0:07:02.160,0:07:04.223
for comfort rather than style.

0:07:05.560,0:07:08.820
Next thing is that they have full lips,

0:07:08.820,0:07:10.316
give 'em big lips.

0:07:10.316,0:07:11.730
(audience laughs)

0:07:11.730,0:07:15.560
Same thing, I know, more[br]touchers have full lips.

0:07:15.560,0:07:16.393
Next thing you'll notice

0:07:16.393,0:07:19.223
about touchers is that they[br]have a tendency to lean in,

0:07:20.572,0:07:23.020
because they are trying[br]to decrease the amount

0:07:23.020,0:07:24.840
of physical space between you and them

0:07:24.840,0:07:26.740
and build rapport that way.

0:07:26.740,0:07:28.230
Touchers also have a tendency to reach out

0:07:28.230,0:07:32.490
and touch your arm when they're[br]in conversation with you.

0:07:32.490,0:07:35.610
And touchers also have[br]a tendency to look down,

0:07:35.610,0:07:36.820
because that's where you look

0:07:36.820,0:07:39.900
when you're remembering[br]something you have felt.

0:07:39.900,0:07:40.851
Thanks Marina.

0:07:40.851,0:07:41.684
- Thank you.

0:07:41.684,0:07:44.684
(audience applauds)

0:07:45.640,0:07:47.460
- All right, you wanna[br]build rapport with touchers,

0:07:47.460,0:07:48.830
5% of the people in the world,

0:07:48.830,0:07:50.290
here are the two things you do.

0:07:50.290,0:07:53.517
If you feel comfortable,[br]let them touch you.

0:07:53.517,0:07:55.200
(audience laughs)

0:07:55.200,0:07:56.913
Appropriately, please.

0:07:58.152,0:08:00.230
But if you don't feel comfortable,

0:08:00.230,0:08:02.210
because a lot of us if you've[br]never met somebody before

0:08:02.210,0:08:03.466
and they're ready to give you a bear hug,

0:08:03.466,0:08:05.533
the last thing you wanna do is is go,

0:08:06.563,0:08:10.891
'cause we've all done that,[br]and it does not build rapport.

0:08:10.891,0:08:12.990
So if a toucher is coming at you,

0:08:12.990,0:08:14.010
and you don't feel comfortable,

0:08:14.010,0:08:14.950
stick your hand out.

0:08:14.950,0:08:17.380
Give these people a point[br]of contact with you.

0:08:17.380,0:08:19.450
That's what they're looking for.

0:08:19.450,0:08:22.960
The second thing you do with[br]touchers is you use language

0:08:22.960,0:08:27.070
that either has a feeling[br]to it or is tactile.

0:08:27.070,0:08:29.830
So I wanna hear how[br]you're feeling about this.

0:08:29.830,0:08:31.130
Let's get in touch.

0:08:31.130,0:08:33.419
Reach out and tell me what you think.

0:08:33.419,0:08:36.460
That's the kind of language[br]that appeals to touchers,

0:08:36.460,0:08:38.143
people who process information

0:08:38.143,0:08:41.289
in feelings and tactilely.

0:08:41.289,0:08:42.500
So I'm gonna read your mind again,

0:08:42.500,0:08:43.332
and you're probably thinking,

0:08:43.332,0:08:45.240
"So which one of these three am I?"

0:08:45.240,0:08:47.110
Let's figure that out right now.

0:08:47.110,0:08:49.343
What I want you to do is close your eyes,

0:08:50.310,0:08:53.380
and remember an important memory.

0:08:53.380,0:08:55.380
Now this could be something[br]from your childhood,

0:08:55.380,0:08:56.820
maybe your 10th birthday party.

0:08:56.820,0:08:58.900
It could be something that[br]happened to you last week.

0:08:58.900,0:09:00.093
So an important memory.

0:09:01.242,0:09:03.210
Now I want you to pay attention

0:09:03.210,0:09:05.350
to how you're remembering it.

0:09:05.350,0:09:08.100
Are you remembering it like a movie

0:09:08.100,0:09:10.153
or a series of pictures and images?

0:09:11.040,0:09:14.020
Are you remembering by[br]hearing what people said

0:09:14.020,0:09:15.943
or describing what happened?

0:09:16.800,0:09:18.621
Or are you remembering it how you felt

0:09:18.621,0:09:20.993
or how things felt to you?

0:09:22.720,0:09:23.770
Okay, open up your eyes.

0:09:23.770,0:09:25.920
How many of you remembered[br]it like a movie?

0:09:26.820,0:09:27.980
Right, most of you.

0:09:27.980,0:09:29.860
How many of you were[br]describing it to yourself,

0:09:29.860,0:09:31.563
remembering what people said?

0:09:32.680,0:09:33.520
Right, listeners.

0:09:33.520,0:09:36.210
And finally, how many of[br]you remember how you felt

0:09:36.210,0:09:37.510
or how things felt to you?

0:09:38.690,0:09:40.520
Right, now you know who you are.

0:09:40.520,0:09:41.570
That's the good news.

0:09:41.570,0:09:43.010
Here's the bad news.

0:09:43.010,0:09:44.490
You're gonna treat everybody else

0:09:44.490,0:09:47.430
as though they think the same way.

0:09:47.430,0:09:50.270
And you've already seen[br]how awful that can be

0:09:50.270,0:09:52.020
when you're working with[br]a corporate controller

0:09:52.020,0:09:54.113
who has a different way of thinking.

0:09:55.030,0:09:58.070
Here's my invitation to you.

0:09:58.070,0:10:00.030
I want you to start paying attention

0:10:00.030,0:10:01.876
to other people's body language

0:10:01.876,0:10:05.143
to figure out how they think.

0:10:06.360,0:10:08.850
Because here's the magic part of it.

0:10:08.850,0:10:10.855
Once you start presenting your ideas

0:10:10.855,0:10:13.500
in a way that they get them,

0:10:13.500,0:10:15.503
they will say yes to you more often.

0:10:16.569,0:10:18.600
But here's the scoop too.

0:10:18.600,0:10:22.520
I'm not asking you to[br]become somebody else,

0:10:22.520,0:10:25.340
because you can't change[br]how your brain works.

0:10:25.340,0:10:27.941
It's true, you think in all three ways,

0:10:27.941,0:10:30.220
but just the way you have a dominant hand,

0:10:30.220,0:10:32.240
you have a dominant style.

0:10:32.240,0:10:33.710
You can't change that.

0:10:33.710,0:10:37.940
But what you can do is[br]accommodate your language,

0:10:37.940,0:10:41.090
both body and verbal, with[br]the people you're with

0:10:41.090,0:10:43.490
in order to build[br]rapport, which allows you

0:10:43.490,0:10:45.290
to reach the full spectrum of people

0:10:45.290,0:10:47.180
that you're hanging out with.

0:10:47.180,0:10:49.200
And here's the other magic thing.

0:10:49.200,0:10:51.280
You don't even have to[br]be in somebody's presence

0:10:51.280,0:10:53.120
to figure out how their brains work.

0:10:53.120,0:10:54.830
Interested?

0:10:54.830,0:10:58.430
Right, all you need to do is listen to

0:10:58.430,0:11:00.710
or look at the words they're using.

0:11:00.710,0:11:02.360
So if you're in a phone conversation,

0:11:02.360,0:11:03.480
listen for the words.

0:11:03.480,0:11:05.870
If you're reading an[br]email, look at the words.

0:11:05.870,0:11:08.690
People who are lookers will[br]use more visual language.

0:11:08.690,0:11:11.240
People who are listeners[br]will use more auditory words,

0:11:11.240,0:11:13.230
and people who are touchers[br]will use more feeling

0:11:13.230,0:11:14.210
and kinesthetic words.

0:11:14.210,0:11:15.850
You don't have to be in that same space

0:11:15.850,0:11:17.060
to know who they are.

0:11:17.060,0:11:18.390
So here's my challenge to you.

0:11:18.390,0:11:20.810
Go back and read some of the emails

0:11:20.810,0:11:23.930
that you have sent, and you will notice

0:11:23.930,0:11:25.630
now that you know who you are,

0:11:25.630,0:11:27.430
the kind of language that you're using,

0:11:27.430,0:11:28.330
and it'll back that up.

0:11:28.330,0:11:29.630
It happens with everybody.

0:11:30.490,0:11:32.430
So 10 minutes ago,

0:11:32.430,0:11:34.460
you didn't think you could[br]read people's body language

0:11:34.460,0:11:35.293
to read their minds.

0:11:35.293,0:11:37.416
And now you know what to do.

0:11:37.416,0:11:40.470
So practice this stuff[br]on the people at home

0:11:40.470,0:11:43.320
or the people at work,[br]and when you do this,

0:11:43.320,0:11:45.730
when you use these tools to build rapport

0:11:45.730,0:11:47.370
with all kinds of different people,

0:11:47.370,0:11:50.714
you'll become the most[br]persuasive person in the room.

0:11:50.714,0:11:51.663
Thank you.

0:11:51.663,0:11:54.663
(audience applauds)