Mata Khivi Ji | Mothers of the Panth | By Bibi Gurprit Kaur

Sangat ji, when I think about a woman
who has become a change,

or has brought change to womanhood
in the Sikh Panth

I think about Mata Khivi Ji.

Mata Khivi Ji is the Mehl of
Guru Angad Dev Ji Maharaj

Mehl here means wife.

In her life Sangat ji Mata Khivi Ji has shown
so much of strength.

When I say strength I don't just mean
physical strength, but mental strength.

Her ability to go against the stigma
set by society.

And what was that which we face even now?

That is 'what will people say?'

It's true Sangat ji, it was then back in her time
and it is also happening now in our time as well.

We are so concerned about what people would say.

We are so concerned about making people happy,

about doing what people, all society, thinks is acceptable.

But Mata Khivi Ji was not like that.

For her, it was not important to make people happy.

It was not important to make or do what people
want her to do - or what was accepted

in the eyes of society.

But it was important for her to do what was good,
what made Guru Sahib happy.

What was accepted in the eyes of the Guru.

When Guru Angad Ji Maharaj, then their name was
Bhai Lehna Ji

told their wife that they wanted to go to
Kartarpur Sahib to stay with Guru Nanak Dev Ji,

to serve them, to learn from them on how one
can do Bhagti while being a Grihst,

A Grihst means a householder.

Mata Khivi Ji never said no.

Normally, now at this point of time if a husband or a
wife, or any family member decides to

perhaps leave the household and go to search
for his life purpose,

many parents or many family members would say no,
why are you leaving? Who is going to earn money?

How are you going to survive?

But, at that time Sangat ji, Mata Khivi Ji said
do as you wish, do what makes you happy.

If this makes you happy to go and serve the Guru
and to learn the ways of doing Bhagti

whilst being a Grihst, do so.

But, oh dear husband, this is my Benti
that when you come back

I would like you to teach me the ways as well.

Teach me on how I too can do Bhagti
as a wife

and how both of us, as husband
and wife could do Bhagti together in this house.

See how positive the reponse of
Mata Khivi Ji was.

Another quality of hers was acceptance.

She accepted Hukam, which we call Bhana Manna/Hukam Manna

Gurbani Says,

To be able to obtain or get - Khasam here means Maharaj, Guru Sahib, Parmatma -

When you Mann, when you accept the Hukam, then you are accepted as well.

You are accepted in the palace of Parmatma,
you are accepted in the house of the Guru.

Just like I mentioned earlier, Khasmai Bhaavai -
what is accepted in the eyes of Parmatma,

So Kare - do so. Do that which is accepted in the
house of the Guru.

Then one, a soul bride, who does that, then all her
wishes are fulfilled.

And that is what Mata Khivi Ji practised in her life.

Now Sangat Ji, Guru Angad Dev Ji, Bha Lehna Ji has left to Kartarpur,

who is going to take care of the house?

Who is going to feed the 4 children?

Who is going to make sure that
there is food on the table?

All that responsibility went on the
shoulders of Mata Khivi Ji.

Not even once Mata Khivi Ji said
oh no or what has happened? Why has this happened?

Not even once.

Her whole life she learned to accept the
Bhana, that whatever is happening is

happening in the Hukam of Parmatma.

But Sangat Ji, remember I mentioned about society?

The place that she was staying in and the village,

there was some woman who, I would say,
tried to give fake sympathy,

who would come and say 'what's happened here?',

your husband has left you, all the responsibilities
are on your shoulders.

Even now people do so as well - fake sympathy.

And Mata Khivi Ji would not pay any heed to
what this woman would say,

because she knows that they are trying
to break her spirit.

She would just smile and

She would do that.

Which Sangat Ji, is something that we should practise
as well.

We can't stop people from talking, but one thing
we can do is whatever is being put in one ear

just take it out from the other.

So that we do not dwell upon it,

because then we start thinking about it,
we start stressing about it.

Mata Khivi Ji's condition was

That even if Parmatma gives me Sukh,
I will still remember Parmatma.

Even in Dukh and times like this where I have
to take care of my whole family,

I am alone with my children and all this society,

these people are tying to provoke me,

but even in Dukh I will still do Your Simran,
I will still remember You.

Guru Angad Dev Ji Maharaj, they say about woman
in their Bani, they say

Whenever there is Sukh there is happiness, joy, there is peace, enjoy your husband,

but even in Dukh always remember your husband Lord,
always remember Parmatma.

O' wise woman, this is the way you can be
one with Vaheguru,

The way you can unite with Parmatma.

So Mata Khivi Ji kept on taking care of the family

and time to time Bhai Lehna Ji would come back

and they would share what Guru Nanak Dev Ji had taught them

and they would share those teachings with Mata Khivi Ji

and Mata Khivi Ji would practise Simran, Seva,
Hukam Mann'na and all of the things

Bhai Lehna Ji would come and tell her about
Guru Nanak Dev Ji.

Both of them had so much love for Guru Nanak Dev Ji.

The time came Sangat Ji when Bhai Lehna Ji has been
give the Guru Gaddi.

They have become Guru Angad Dev Ji

and Guru Nanak Dev Ji tells them to move to
Khadoor Sahib

to shift there and to start a Dharamsala there.

And now Guru Angad Dev Ji comes to Khadoor Sahib

Now imagine Sangat Ji, where it used to only be you,
your husband and your 4 children,

now your house has been transformed into
a Dharamsala where Sangat come daily

to have Darshan of Guru Angad Dev Ji

and you can't leave this Sangat on their own.

You can't make this Sangat go back empty-handed,
empty stomach. You have to feed them.

Mata Khivi Ji took the responsibility of cooking Langar
for these Sangat.

And Sangat Ji, what was the quantity at that time?

10, 20, 30 and on some days even up to 100s.

Maybe a group of Sadhus would come.

And she was always on her toes. She accepted the Hukam that now my husband has become the Guru,

the second Guru of the Sikhs.

Her daily routine changed. Now she serves her husband, she takes care of the children,

but she also takes care of the Sangat.

She feeds the Sangat, she starts cooking langar for
the Sangat.

At that time Sangat Ji again the society, at that point the time of Guru Angad Dev Ji

the time of Guru Nanak Dev Ji, the woman they used to cover their faces.

They used to cover their faces with their Dupatta, whenever they go out,

or even in their house.

But Mata Khivi Ji, now that her house has become a Dharamsala, she has to use both her hands to work

and she has to be on her toes at all times,
whenever Sangat comes, she has to serve them.

So there is no time to cover her face.

It was all about practicality. She took off the scarf and now she is doing seva alongside men.

And cooking Langar.

She takes these men as her brothers, as her sons
and she's working together hand in hand to cook Langar

in bulk amount for Sangat.

The women in the village, at first they started talking about it, 'What has Khivi Ji done here?'

Now she's removed her veil as well,
now she's working with men,

but Mata Khivi Ji again she did not pay any heed to what these people were saying,

because for her what was more important was doing
Seva of the Sangat,

just as Guru Nanak Dev Ji has told.

And making sure that these Sangat were comfortable
and that Guru Angad Dev Ji could focus on the Sangat,

whilst she could focus on the food, on the Langar part.

She served her husband in the morning,
because Guru Angad Dev Ji would not eat

form the Langar served for the Sangat.

Their food was very simple and Mata Khivi Ji
would serve her husband in the morning

and then go to to cook Langar for the whole day.

And in the afternoon when Guru Angad Dev Ji
would be teaching Gurmukhi to the children

Mata Khivi Ji would also do the same with
Baba Buddha Ji,

they would also teach Gurmukhi to the children.

This was the life of Mata Khivi Ji.

Slowly, slowly, because she kept on doing - this is where Sangat Ji actions speak louder than words

these women, these other people, the other ladies in the Village they started seeing that there is so much

Seva going on, there's so many Sangat coming to have Darshan of Guru Angad Dev Ji.

Mata Khivi Ji, with so much dedication, is doing Seva
for the Sangat.

Why don't we too join her?

This was the first legacy of Mata Khivi Ji.

The preacher of woman liberation.

To remove the khund. Where other women started
coming, being inspired by Mata Khivi Ji,

also started doing Seva in the Langar.

Now they could serve more people.

The second legacy of Mata Khivi Ji, which is now
in Guru Granth Sahib Ji,

her mention in Guru Granth Sahib Ji,
by Sataa and Bhai Balwand.

What did they say?

Bhai Balwand Ji says, that Mata Khivi Ji is a pious woman, she is a wise woman, she is a good lady.

And her nature, she is so cool she is so calm.
Just like a tree that gives shade to people.

Mata Khivi Ji is like that, her nature is cool and so calm.

She has no anger, she is no ego towards anybody.

Her nature, what she would do daily, is to
serve Langar, to help people in need.

And her legacy was the Kheer - the rice pudding - that Mata Khivi Ji would make daily

and it tasted like Amrit.

So Guru Angad Dev Ji, would be giving the Bhojan of Naam to the Sangat

and on the other hand Mata Khivi Ji would be giving the Bhojan of Kheer, of Amrit, to the Sangat.

And Sangat would come from far to meet Guru Angad Dev Ji, but also to eat in the langar by Mata Khivi Ji.

Even after 30 years of the passing of Guru Angad Dev Ji, Mata Khivi Ji still continued to serve Langar.

She still continued to do Seva and acceptance in Hukam was shown when Guru Amar Das Ji was

given the Guru Gaddi.

She never cared for once that the Guru Gaddi should be given to my children.

That Bhai Datu Ji or Bhai Dasu Ji deserve to be the Guru.

She accepted that Guru Amar Das Ji is the next Guru.

She Matha Tek to Guru Amar Das Ji,

she told her children you too must accept
Guru Amar Das Ji as the Guru.

When Bhai Datu Ji went against Guru Amar Das Ji
and kicked them and they fell from the Takht,

When Mata Khivi Ji learnt about this Sangat Ji, she was
so upset with her son

that she brought her son to Guru Amar Das Ji
to ask for forgiveness.

And she herself fell in the feet of the Guru and said
forgive me, as a mother I could not educate my son.

I could not give them these virtues, these qualities,
that they could see the Guruship in You.

That they could see the Pamatma in You.

Please forgive me.

That was how Mata Khivi Ji was, acceptance and Hukam.

Sangat Ji, what I am going to tell you now is so important,

especially to my sisters out there who have
become wives,

or are going to become a wife one day.

Mata Khivi Ji as a mother she gave valuable teachings
to Bibi Amro Ji, her daughter.

When Bibi Amro Ji was going to get married in
the house of Guru Amar Das Ji,

because Bibi Amro is married to the nephew of
Guru Amar Das Ji.

When Mata Khivi Ji was going to send her daughter off,
she gave 3 advice to Bibi Amro Ji.

I call out to all my sisters out there,
that these advice, you can call it marriage advice,

it is so important.

But maybe perhaps now we have lost these values,
we have lost the meaning of even these advice

that I am going to share with you.

The first advice that Mata Khivi Ji gave to her daughter
was, take the support of Gurbani.

Make sure you read Gurbani daily,
before starting any work.

In the morning, when you wake up read Gurbani.

When you are doing your work, when you are cooking,
when you are cleaning the house

when you are serving you in-laws, read Gurbani.

The second advice that Mata Khivi Ji gave, was that
treat your in-laws as your own family.

If, you want love you have to be able to give love.

But to be able to give love Sangat Ji, we have to
be full of love.

And Gurbani speaks a lot about love.

I have spoken about this in this series, in the sakhi of
Bebe Nanaki Ji in the last video, about love.

Bibi Amro Ji accepted, she said it is true, if I want love
from my in-laws I have to treat them as my own family.

I have to treat my mother-in-law as my own mother,
my father-in-law as my own father.

And the third advice that Mata Khivi Ji gave and
Guru Angad Dev Ji gave as well to Bibi Amro Ji,

that not to return back home unless
you are called for.

This is very difficult advice for us to follow,
but back then that was what the parents of Bibi Amro Ji

asked of her, not to return until you are called for.

Because now you are duty is for your in-laws.
Serve them as you would have served your own family.

And Sangat Ji, look at the effect of these advice given by Mata Khivi Ji.

Which is why it is so important for a woman,
it is in our hands that we could build a family

based of the virtues, the values of Sikhi,
or we can even break a family as well.

It is in the hands of a woman, it is in the hands of a mother or of a wife,

to be able to give their family Gursikhi Jeevan.

And how did that happen? Bibi Amro Ji, daily she would
recite Gurbani,

when she wakes up, when she will be cooking and
it was that one day where Guru Amar Das Ji,

before they became a Guru,
when they were called a Nigura

that was the day when they came home
and they heard their daughter-in-law reciting Gurbani.

And that one day Guru Amar Das Ji asked,

O' daughter, whose Bani is this you are reading?

And Bibi Amro Ji then says this is the Bani of
Guru Nanak Dev Ji

and now my father, Guru Angad Dev Ji is sitting
on the Gaddi.

And imagine Sangat Ji, it was from that day,
because of the advice given by Mata Khivi Ji

to Bibi Amro Ji, and her practising it daily.

One day it came where Guru Amar Das Ji found the Guru, through Bibi Amro Ji.

How amazing is that Sangat Ji?

And then, what happens next?

Guru Amar Das Ji themself,
seeing the life of Mata Khivi Ji

how she became a change and brought change
to the women in her village,

in her community.

Guru Amar Das Ji then goes on to work on
upliftment of woman.

How? By removing the Parda completely,
by removing the practice of Sati completely.

By making women Prachriks.

Giving them Manjia

and one of those woman Prachariks was
Bibi Bhani Ji, their own daughter.

How amazing is that?

Guru Amar Das Ji, they uplifted women so much in
Sikh society.

And I would say that this credit goes to Mata Khivi Ji
as well.

For giving those advice to Bibi Amro Ji and
we can see how this becomes a chain reaction.

So this is for us to contemplate as well.

That why was families back then so strong?

It was because of the woman, their Sikhi was strong.

Their mental and physical strength was strong.

But now I ask this question,

Are we becoming weaker?

Which is why it is in the hands of the woman Sangat Ji
to build a family based on Sikhi.

Give those values, those teachings, those advice
to our sons and daughters,

on how they can become Gursikhs themselves.

Just like how Mata Khivi Ji did to Bibi Amro Ji.

And if we want to bring change to society,
we first have to become that change.

Just like how Mata Khivi Ji became that change.

And then just as the Pangti I mentioned earlier.

And until now Mata Khivi Ji is remembered
every time we read Guru Granth Sahib Ji,

every time we read the Bani of Bhai Sataa and Bhai Balwand Ji, we are reminded of Mata Khivi Ji.

We are reminded about her nature.

Just like a tree, if you look at the qualities of a tree Sangat Ji,

think about it.

A tree is upright, the roots are so strong.

No wind can just bring a tree down,
the roots are so strong.

The leaves, they give out oxygen,
they give shade to people.

Even when a person comes and cut
down that tree,

the tree does not complain, does not cry,
does not curse the person.

Still after being chopped down,
the tree still serves its purpose.

Gives us paper, gives us fruit, gives us flower.

This is the nature of a tree,
this is also the nature of Mata Khivi Ji.

Which is why she has been referred to as such
in Gurbani.

So Sangat Ji, I hope that we have been inspired
by the life of Mata Khivi Ji.

That to bring a change into our society,
that we first become the change,

then action will speak louder than words.

And then as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, pass
on these virtues to our own sisters

our own daughters, so that they too one day
when they become a wife,

when they go to another family,
they can then continue giving those advice,

to the future generation as well.

The next woman, the next Mata Ji, the next personality
that we are going to explore is Bibi Bhani Ji

and how Bibi Bhani Ji has done such a big
Parupkaar to Khalsa Panth.

And I will share this in the next video.

So I hope you enjoyed this video on Mata Khivi Ji.

Please forgive me for any mistakes I have made.