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2018 07 26 DT by sr Dieu Nghiem

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    [gong]
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    [gong]
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    [gong]
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    So, good afternoon,
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    dear respected Thay, dear beloved
    brothers and sisters and friends
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    Today is Thursday, the 26th of July 2018
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    We are in the Still Water Hall,
    meditation hall of Upper Hamlet
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    and this is the last Dharma Talk of the
    third week of our annual Summer Retreat.
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    and it's very hot.
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    Thank you for coming to sit here,
    I try to keep it short and sweet,
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    so we can all go out
    and enjoy some fresh air after this.
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    Today I'll be speaking
    about the four Brahmavirahas,
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    the four immeasurable minds
    that really are a guide
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    to how we can respond
    to life situations with love
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    and I think it's a hot day,
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    so maybe we have to respond
    with love by keeping it short.
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    Today we celebrate the Full Moon festival
    together, here in Upper Hamlet
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    and that's why we have
    the Dharma talk in the afternoon,
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    so the friends from the New Hamlet don't
    need to ride the bus back and forth twice.
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    An expression of love and understanding.
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    A good start.
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    We started this week with a smile,
    do you remember?
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    Sister Hoi Nghiem shared how
    every morning when she recites the ghata,
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    waking up this morning I smile,
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    24 brand new hours are before me,
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    I vow to live them fully each moment
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    and look at all beings
    with the eyes of compassion.
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    And when she notices
    that she forgot to smile,
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    she will lie down again
    and start all over again.
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    So my question is, how many times
    did you lie down again this week?
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    Did you remember?
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    But that story definitely brought
    a smile to our face, didn't it?
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    Anyway,
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    in case you missed the chance
    to smile, we're waking up.
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    I thought, maybe we start by giving you
    a chance to smile
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    and to enjoy your smile.
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    A smile makes us feel better
    straight away.
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    whether we're the ones who receive it,
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    or the ones who offer it.
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    or the ones who just smile
    because, why not?
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    Why would we not smile?
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    It makes us feel better straight away.
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    and as we heard,
    it's the best way to start the day
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    A smile can even turn "Monday morning",
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    if that still exists, nowadays
    that we work from home
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    Monday morning, not a too pleasant morning
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    and I hope that it can also turn
    a hot Thursday afternoon
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    into a pleasant afternoon.
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    Let's start with a short meditation
    to bring our mind home to our body.
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    Make yourself comfortable.
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    and let's bring some loving
    kindness to ourselves
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    by, during the meditation,
    going through our body
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    and whenever we encounter
    a feeling of tension,
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    on the outbreath, to relax the tension,
    to soften it
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    and to smile to it, to say,
    "I know you're there,
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    I love you too, you are also me.
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    So let's start by enjoying
    a sound of the bell.
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    [gong]
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    Let us become aware of the air
    as it flows into and out of our body,
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    and smile to our inbreath and outbreath
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    knowing that we are alive in this moment.
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    Let us become aware of our body
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    and scan our body from the top of our head
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    all the way down to the tip of our toes.
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    And we sweep along any tension
    we may find on our way
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    Maybe there's tension in our head,
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    maybe behind our forehead,
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    or around our eyes, behind our eyes,
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    around our ears
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    our jaws,
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    maybe our neck,
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    and on every outbreath, we smile,
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    which helps to soften
    the tension we encounter.
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    Become aware of our shoulders,
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    and then sweep down into the arms,
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    our hands and our fingers.
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    On every outbreath, softening the tension
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    by offering it a smile.
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    We sweep down our trunk
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    our back and our front.
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    And then the lower part of our body,
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    the buttocks and the abdomen.
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    Softening any tension we may find
    in the buttocks or in the abdomen
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    by offering it a smile.
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    Then we sweep down into the legs,
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    all the way down into the feet,
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    to the tip of the toes.
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    And here too, softening any tension
    we may encounter,
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    and offering it a smile.
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    Now become aware that we have arrived
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    on our chair or on our cushion
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    or on the ground,
    if you're sitting on the ground.
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    Our body is here
    and our mind is in the now,
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    in the present moment.
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    Body and mind, relaxed.
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    And we like to allow
    a smile to be born on our lips.
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    [gong]
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    We usually smile when we want
    to acknowledge the presence of someone,
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    of someone we meet,
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    it is very common to smile then.
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    When we walk around
    the grounds of Plum Village
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    we're bound to meet people,
    because there are many of us, here,
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    So we have a lot of opportunities
    to smile throughout the day.
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    A smile or a nod of the head,
    something like this.
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    In some cultures they do that,
    not a smile.
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    At home, when we walk in the streets
    and we meet a neighbor,
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    we also smile, even if they're
    on the other side of the street
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    Maybe we wave as well,
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    but often, we just smile.
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    To let them know, "I see you,"
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    "I've seen you,
    I acknowledge your presence,"
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    and this is very important.
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    Everybody needs love, needs to be loved,
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    and everybody has a need to love as well.
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    But very often, the way we love
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    ends up imprisoning the other person,
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    and also ourselves.
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    So how can we love and be free
    at the same time?
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    What may happen when we meet somebody
    and we offer them a smile,
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    tears come to their eyes.
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    Because they have a feeling
    that they haven't been seen
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    or acknowledged in their being,
    for a long time.
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    We may live with other people
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    but we're so busy,
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    we watch many things,
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    we look at many things, but
    we don't look at the people we live with.
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    We already heard it this week,
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    but it also strikes me every time
    I travel, for instance,
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    and I'm in the departure lounge,
    there are many people,
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    and they're all sitting
    with their gadgets,
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    Last time, when I came into the lounge,
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    I tried to guess who was with who.
    That was quite difficult!
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    Because they're sitting with their
    back to each other, doing this,
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    and I thought,
    I don't think they came together.
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    But when it is time to board,
    they speak to each other
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    and they go off together to board.
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    I said, "apparently
    they did come together."
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    But it's difficult to tell.
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    Usually I can tell
    if children and parents are together,
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    because they sit together
    and they may say something,
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    but they're also quite...
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    immersed in whatever
    they're doing with their gadgets
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    This is such a pity,
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    because the most precious thing we can
    offer each other is our true presence.
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    And when we sit in a departure lounge,
    a waiting room,
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    we have nowhere to go and nothing to do
    until we board the plane.
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    It's a very good opportunity
    to be there for each other.
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    and to just offer each other's presence.
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    Thay gave us a mantra that says
    "I am here for you."
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    This is not a mantra in Sanskrit
    or some other language,
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    this is a mantra in colloquial language,
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    "I am here for you."
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    In French, "Je suis là pour toi,"
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    and you can translate it
    into your own language.
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    and to go to our loved ones,
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    first, bring our mind home to our body,
    as we did just now.
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    to be truly present, and then say:
    "Darling, I'm here for you."
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    and then I leave it up to you
    to discover what happens after that,
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    and then you can let us know next year.
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    I'm truly here for you.
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    To hear, to listen, to understand.
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    True Love comes from understanding,
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    and in order to understand,
    we need to listen carefully.
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    We need to listen to what's being said
    inbetween the lines
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    At the beginning of the week,
    we chanted Namo Avalokiteshvaraya,
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    we invoked the name
    of the Bodhisattva Avalokitha,
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    who has the capacity to listen,
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    and, also, to hear what's being said
    and what is left unsaid.
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    To really listen,
    because our loved one, or our friend,
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    our parent or our child,
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    may be saying something in words,
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    may be saying one thing in words,
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    but their eyes may be saying
    something else.
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    So, being present and looking into
    their eyes, maybe their body language,
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    we will be able to hear
    what's being left unsaid,
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    but what actually wants to be heard.
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    What wants to be heard.
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    So let us enjoy a sound of the bell,
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    and offer ourselves our true presence
    one more time.
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    Bringing our mind home to our body.
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    "Hello body, I'm here for you",
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    making ourselves present for ourselves.
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    [gong]
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    When I wake up in the morning,
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    like my sister,
    I don't always remember to smile.
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    But I remember smiling in the morning,
    better,
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    if I remember to smile
    before I go to sleep.
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    So, if you didn't remember to smile
    in the morning,
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    try smiling at night,
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    and you may also remember better.
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    But then, when I get to the bathroom,
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    I see a mirror.
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    When I first came to Plum Village,
    we didn't have so many mirrors,
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    but now we have more mirrors,
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    so I have a chance to see myself.
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    Some of you who have been
    coming for a long time, remember this.
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    We don't have any hair, I don't need
    to put on make up and things like that
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    so I look in the mirror and I think,
    why should I look in the mirror?
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    Oh, I could smile at myself, why not?
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    "Hello!
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    Good morning, how are you?"
    Why not?
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    So that's what I do.
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    I forget to smile when I wake up,
    I remember when I look into the mirror.
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    Try it. It's bit kind of awkward
    in the beginning, smiling at yourself
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    but it's worth the while.
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    If we practise,
    if we're talking about true love
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    maybe we can start by loving ourselves.
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    So the least we can do,
    is offering ourselves a smile.
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    And saying, ok, I know you're there,
    and I'm so happy.
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    How are you today?
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    When we smile,
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    in the gatha, we smile to a new day.
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    In the gatha, that's the little poem
    that the sister recited,
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    waking up this morning, I smile,
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    it's a little poem that we recite
    when we wake up in the morning.
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    When we wake up in the morning,
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    because we want to water
    the seed of compassion in us.
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    To look at all beings with compassion,
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    and I thought, well, since I'm
    the first being to meet this morning,
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    why not smile to myself?
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    So we wake up
    and we can smile to the new day.
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    This is a new day.
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    We could reflect,
    how did I live my day yesterday?
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    This is a new day.
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    I can live it
    with a little bit more compassion
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    for myself and for others.
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    We smile to the people around us,
    our loved ones, and smile to nature.
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    Sometimes it seems much easier
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    to smile to a singing bird
    or to a tree or to a flower
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    than to the person who's right next to us.
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    However, the person who's right next to us
    is also a flower.
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    And our smile will make her,
    him, them, bloom.
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    So we can practice smiling to nature
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    in order to develop
    the capacity of smiling.
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    We can also smile to our joy,
    as well as our suffering.
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    And then we can just smile
    for the joy of smiling.
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    Many years ago,
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    this was before I ordained,
    but I already knew of the practice,
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    I was walking down the street,
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    and all of a sudden somebody stopped
    and turned around,
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    and I thought,
    Oh, maybe I know this person,
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    so I turned around and said:
    "Do I know you?"
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    He said: "No - such a beautiful smile,"
    and I said: "Oh? Ok."
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    And I thought,
    I didn't even know I was smiling,
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    but I was smiling
    for no reason whatsoever,
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    just smile because I was feeling well,
    I guess.
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    You know?
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    I was smiling.
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    So we don't need a specific
    or a particular reason to smile,
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    we can smile just like that.
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    Thay said: "Sometimes our smile
    is born from love,
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    and sometimes love
    is born from our smile."
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    I like that.
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    So true love has four aspects,
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    and these four aspects
    are within ourselves.
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    They are within ourselves
    in the form of a seed.
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    We already heard about seeds this week,
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    in our store consciousness,
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    that need to be watered in order to bloom,
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    into a flower.
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    That is to say, a seed is a potential.
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    We have the capacity to love,
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    to have loving kindness in our heart.
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    We have the capacity to be compassionate.
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    We have the capacity to feel joy,
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    we have the capacity to feel equanimity
    and to be inclusive.
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    It's in seed form, the potential,
    and when it's watered,
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    when the seed gets water,
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    then it manifests as a mental formation,
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    or in other words, as a state of mind.
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    So these four aspects of love,
    we call them:
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    the Four Immeasurable States of Mind,
    the immeasurable minds.
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    And they're immeasurable
    because we can extend these aspects
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    to all beings and to everything that is,
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    including Mother Earth.
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    They have no limit,
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    the unlimited minds.
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    They're within us, so it's not
    something we have to get somewhere,
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    they are in us in potential.
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    So it's a matter of watering them.
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    We can water the seeds by practising
    Deep Looking and Deep Listening
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    The first aspect is Maïtri,
    also called Loving Kindness
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    or, here in Plum Village,
    we sometimes call it Love.
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    Just Love.
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    It is the intention
    and the capacity to love.
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    We may have an intention, but that doesn't
    mean we have the capacity.
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    The capacity, we develop.
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    And the capacity to love
    stems from understanding.
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    The capacity to offer joy and happiness,
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    in order to offer happiness to others,
    we have to understand them.
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    We have to know their aspirations,
    their dreams,
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    their hopes.
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    What is it they hope for in their lives?
    What is it?
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    Sometimes our parents have had dreams
    for their own future, as a young person,
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    but maybe conditions were not sufficient
    for them to realize it.
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    Then they hope, they wish so much
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    that their children will be able
    to realize their dreams,
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    but we may have our own dream
    which may not be the same,
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    and although our parents
    want the best for us,
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    actually, we suffer a little bit.
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    We suffer a little bit.
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    Here in Plum Village, Thay teaches us
    that we as elders need to look deeply
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    to understand the aspirations and the joys
    and the suffering of our younger siblings.
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    So we have to listen to them.
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    And sometimes I encourage
    my younger sisters in the Dharma
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    to do things that I think will help them
    to make progress on the Path.
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    And that can cause them suffering.
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    So as a practise as an elder,
    I'm practising looking and listening
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    in order to understand
    what their dreams are
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    and to see what would be
    the next step on their path,
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    and how can I offer support.
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    So this is my practise
    of making progress on the path,
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    is, to listen to my younger ones.
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    Here in Plum Village,
    we celebrate Christmas,
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    and it's an opportunity to offer a gift
    to one of our sisters
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    A few years ago I went shopping
    with another sister
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    who had just arrived,
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    and then she looked
    at what I put in the basket
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    and she said "Sister Dieu Nghiem,
  • 30:19 - 30:22
    that is not your taste at all,
    why do you buy those things?"
  • 30:23 - 30:25
    and I said: "Because this is
    what my sister likes."
  • 30:29 - 30:30
    And I realized,
  • 30:32 - 30:38
    maybe in the past I have offered things
    to friends, to my siblings, that I like,
  • 30:38 - 30:42
    this would be a wonderful present,
    because it's so beautiful, you know?
  • 30:43 - 30:48
    And I give it to them,
    and now in hindsight, I think, hm....
  • 30:50 - 30:54
    maybe that was a present that came
    from a lot of love
  • 30:54 - 30:56
    and a little lack of understanding.
  • 30:59 - 31:04
    But I remember
    they all accepted it very gracefully,
  • 31:07 - 31:11
    so, they may have realized
    it was a good intention.
  • 31:15 - 31:17
    Maïtri is also friendship.
  • 31:17 - 31:22
    There's the word Mitra
    that's connected to Maïtri,
  • 31:22 - 31:24
    and it means Spiritual Friend.
  • 31:26 - 31:32
    A friend is somebody, a heart friend,
    somebody that understands us,
  • 31:32 - 31:35
    who understands our dreams
    and our aspirations,
  • 31:35 - 31:36
    our joys and our sufferings,
  • 31:37 - 31:39
    with whom we can share from our heart
  • 31:42 - 31:46
    with whom we can share our joys
    and also our suffering
  • 31:47 - 31:51
    and who will listen
    without judging or reacting
  • 31:52 - 31:54
    and who will not give advice.
  • 31:56 - 31:58
    "You know what you should do"
  • 32:04 - 32:07
    But also, it's on the path in our life,
  • 32:08 - 32:12
    it's also that they can point out to us
  • 32:15 - 32:17
    something that we don't see.
  • 32:18 - 32:22
    and they can point that out to us
    in a way that we can hear it.
  • 32:24 - 32:29
    So, to be a true friend,
    to be a friend on the spiritual path,
  • 32:32 - 32:36
    it needs Deep Looking and Deep Listening,
    and some understanding,
  • 32:37 - 32:42
    in order to point something out in a way
    that it can be received.
  • 32:45 - 32:47
    I also noticed on my path,
  • 32:49 - 32:53
    I have given some input and...
  • 32:56 - 32:59
    it wasn't in a way it could be received.
  • 32:59 - 33:02
    although I gave it
    with the best of intentions
  • 33:03 - 33:08
    so I'm becoming more and more mindful
  • 33:09 - 33:13
    of how I give some encouragements.
  • 33:15 - 33:19
    However well meant, it needs to be
    in the right way at the right time
  • 33:23 - 33:26
    But we may have a spiritual friend
    who we know very well.
  • 33:28 - 33:30
    She can say a little bit more,
  • 33:30 - 33:33
    because we have this friendship
    that holds all this
  • 33:34 - 33:38
    and she can say,
    like one of my sisters said,
  • 33:38 - 33:42
    "well, you could look at the habit energy.
  • 33:43 - 33:47
    One of your habit energies is,
    sometimes you're quite impulsive.
  • 33:49 - 33:51
    You react spontaneously to something,
  • 33:52 - 33:54
    but it may not always be
    the right thing to do.
  • 33:56 - 33:58
    And I said, "Thank you,
    I will look into that."
  • 33:59 - 34:01
    I know it came from her care.
  • 34:03 - 34:07
    So, having a good friend with whom
    we can share, so that we can grow.
  • 34:09 - 34:12
    Our heart can become larger,
    we can embrace more,
  • 34:14 - 34:15
    we can find more happiness
  • 34:17 - 34:18
    for ourselves and for others
  • 34:21 - 34:25
    So, to give some feedback,
  • 34:26 - 34:28
    we have to be aware of
  • 34:29 - 34:31
    from where we are giving that feedback.
  • 34:35 - 34:39
    Sometimes someone in our community
    may be passing through a difficult time,
  • 34:40 - 34:43
    therefore also cause some difficulties,
    some suffering to others
  • 34:46 - 34:53
    and I'm becoming more and more aware
    of what this touches in me.
  • 34:55 - 34:57
    Sometimes it touches a kind of annoyance,
  • 34:58 - 35:01
    you know, can she not take better care
    of her suffering,
  • 35:02 - 35:05
    instead of causing others also to suffer?
  • 35:07 - 35:12
    And then, not so long ago, I thought,
    wait a minute.
  • 35:14 - 35:18
    If I were suffering, and somebody wanted
    to point something out to me,
  • 35:18 - 35:21
    how would I like to be approached?
  • 35:24 - 35:26
    Then I thought, with kindness.
  • 35:28 - 35:29
    With some love.
  • 35:30 - 35:34
    So I took some time to be with my sister,
  • 35:35 - 35:38
    to be able to touch her suffering.
  • 35:39 - 35:40
    What is her suffering?
  • 35:41 - 35:43
    The little I know about the roots,
    can I just touch it?
  • 35:46 - 35:48
    and then I could interact with her,
  • 35:48 - 35:51
    and a big smile came up on her lips,
  • 35:52 - 35:57
    and I thought, yes, that was
    because I came with love in my heart,
  • 35:59 - 36:01
    with compassion, and not with annoyance.
  • 36:03 - 36:05
    and I thought just kindness,
  • 36:06 - 36:08
    just plain kindness,
  • 36:11 - 36:13
    how much does it take,
  • 36:13 - 36:18
    and I asked myself, why does it take me
    so long sometimes?
  • 36:20 - 36:25
    I realized, it takes long
    because I'm not very kind to myself.
  • 36:26 - 36:29
    How can I be kind to others
    if I'm not kind to myself?
  • 36:29 - 36:31
    Can I have a little bit more kindness
  • 36:31 - 36:34
    and a little bit more compassion
    to watch myself?
  • 36:38 - 36:43
    So lately I've been practising to look
    at myself with the eyes of compassion.
  • 36:46 - 36:51
    and to see,
    why do I think the way I think,
  • 36:52 - 36:55
    why do I speak the way I speak?
  • 36:55 - 36:58
    Why do I act the way I act,
  • 36:59 - 37:02
    in my interactions with others.
  • 37:03 - 37:05
    What is happening for me?
  • 37:10 - 37:14
    And when I look and I see my shortcomings,
  • 37:17 - 37:20
    maybe a little impatience,
  • 37:23 - 37:26
    a lack of understanding of myself also,
  • 37:29 - 37:32
    I think, can I just accept myself as I am?
  • 37:33 - 37:38
    I am as I am, because of
    many causes and conditions
  • 37:42 - 37:45
    All the seeds that were watered in me
    during my lifetime,
  • 37:46 - 37:49
    that I have allowed to be watered
    in me, during my lifetime,
  • 37:51 - 37:54
    maybe seeds I have inherited
    from my ancestors
  • 37:55 - 37:58
    I want something to be solved quickly,
    I'm very efficient.
  • 37:59 - 38:03
    but that's not always the best way
    to approach an issue
  • 38:07 - 38:08
    Sometimes you need time.
  • 38:10 - 38:11
    One time I went to Thay and I said:
  • 38:11 - 38:15
    "Thay, I'd like to address this issue
    with one of the sisters."
  • 38:16 - 38:17
    And Thay said: "Too soon.
  • 38:19 - 38:20
    Too soon, you have to wait."
  • 38:21 - 38:25
    Thay told me: "Sometimes Thay also
    has to wait for six months."
  • 38:26 - 38:30
    and I thought, ok, let me walk
    in the footsteps of my teacher,
  • 38:31 - 38:32
    and practise waiting.
  • 38:32 - 38:34
    Six months at least,
  • 38:36 - 38:37
    you'll see when the time is right.
  • 38:38 - 38:40
    I realized time needs to be right in me.
  • 38:42 - 38:46
    When I can approach with loving kindness
    as a spiritual friend
  • 38:47 - 38:51
    when I can approach with compassion,
    then the time may be right.
  • 38:52 - 38:55
    It's not only the time
    for the other person,
  • 38:55 - 38:57
    but for me, I have to be ready.
  • 39:00 - 39:01
    So, to offer time.
  • 39:05 - 39:08
    The second aspect of True Love
    is Karuna, compassion.
  • 39:09 - 39:13
    It means the intention and the capacity
    to relieve the suffering.
  • 39:15 - 39:17
    First of all, our own suffering.
  • 39:17 - 39:22
    A lot of our suffering is caused by
    wrong perceptions, as we already heard.
  • 39:24 - 39:27
    So it's always good to go
    and check our perceptions
  • 39:29 - 39:33
    "the other day, you said this;
    can you tell me why you said that?"
  • 39:36 - 39:40
    In the beginning I said,
    "You said that!"
  • 39:42 - 39:43
    quite unkindly.
  • 39:43 - 39:45
    "Why did you say this?"
  • 39:46 - 39:50
    I realize it doesn't inspire
    the other person to reply
  • 39:52 - 39:55
    because there is already
    a criticism in there,
  • 39:56 - 39:58
    the tone of my voice, the words I use.
  • 40:00 - 40:04
    So, to ask, to check my perceptions,
  • 40:05 - 40:10
    I also need to come from a place
    of really wanting to understand
  • 40:11 - 40:15
    and to give the other person
    the benefit of the doubt.
  • 40:19 - 40:23
    I also am unskillful at times,
    not necessarily on purpose,
  • 40:26 - 40:30
    and I also appreciate when somebody
    gives me the benefit of the doubt.
  • 40:33 - 40:37
    So, trust the other person,
    we'll then be able
  • 40:38 - 40:43
    to understand that sharing with us,
  • 40:43 - 40:45
    why we said something,
  • 40:45 - 40:47
    will help relieve the suffering in us.
  • 40:56 - 41:00
    Sometimes we find it difficult
    to be with the suffering of someone else,
  • 41:01 - 41:05
    and we like it to go away,
  • 41:06 - 41:11
    because their suffering makes us suffer.
  • 41:11 - 41:13
    We suffer because they suffer.
  • 41:14 - 41:17
    We have the intention
    to help relieve their suffering,
  • 41:18 - 41:23
    but actually, underneath, there's the wish
    that if they don't suffer anymore,
  • 41:24 - 41:25
    then I feel better.
  • 41:26 - 41:27
    So we're doing it with a self-interest.
  • 41:29 - 41:33
    My experience is, when I do this,
    it doesn't work.
  • 41:35 - 41:36
    It just doesn't work.
  • 41:38 - 41:40
    I think, when we suffer,
    we're very sensitive
  • 41:40 - 41:43
    to with what kind of energy
    someone approaches us.
  • 41:45 - 41:46
    If they want us not to suffer,
  • 41:46 - 41:50
    because our suffering
    is causing them difficulties,
  • 41:50 - 41:51
    is causing them suffering,
  • 41:52 - 41:55
    so, "stop suffering please,
    so I can be happy",
  • 41:56 - 41:58
    it doesn't work like that.
  • 42:00 - 42:03
    If we listen in order to help
    relieve the suffering,
  • 42:03 - 42:07
    it's with the sole purpose
    that we would like the other person
  • 42:09 - 42:11
    to be relieved of their suffering,
  • 42:11 - 42:12
    not because of us.
  • 42:13 - 42:18
    If we find it difficult to be
    with their suffering, we have to look,
  • 42:18 - 42:22
    why is it difficult to be
    with the suffering of the other?
  • 42:23 - 42:24
    to understand,
  • 42:26 - 42:28
    and to look after ourselves in a way
  • 42:29 - 42:34
    that we can take care of our suffering,
  • 42:35 - 42:38
    and then, maybe we're able
    to be with their suffering.
  • 42:41 - 42:44
    At times, when we are
    with somebody who suffers,
  • 42:45 - 42:47
    we just need to be with them.
  • 42:47 - 42:49
    Just sitting next to them, breathing,
  • 42:50 - 42:52
    not being overwhelmed by their suffering,
  • 42:53 - 42:55
    not being carried away by their suffering.
  • 42:56 - 42:59
    Maybe just an arm around their shoulders.
  • 43:01 - 43:04
    Just to know that we are there for them.
  • 43:04 - 43:05
    and that's all.
  • 43:11 - 43:12
    Many years ago,
  • 43:18 - 43:22
    I lived in a small center
    with some other monastics,
  • 43:23 - 43:29
    and we had a neighbor,
    and the wife was ill, she was dying.
  • 43:30 - 43:32
    Whenever he wanted to go shopping,
  • 43:33 - 43:37
    he came to our door to ask
    one of us to be with his wife.
  • 43:38 - 43:44
    So we would sit at her side
    and breathe, and just be there.
  • 43:45 - 43:46
    Maybe hold her hand.
  • 43:47 - 43:49
    Not really saying much.
  • 43:53 - 43:55
    One day, he came again,
    and he said:
  • 43:55 - 43:58
    "Sorry, I always come to ask one of you,
  • 43:58 - 44:05
    because Lucie is so calm and peaceful
    when one of you is there."
  • 44:06 - 44:10
    So I spoke to the other sister and said:
    "What do you do?"
  • 44:10 - 44:13
    She said: "Nothing. I just sit there."
  • 44:13 - 44:15
    I said: "So do I."
  • 44:15 - 44:18
    And I asked her: "Are you afraid?"
    and she said: "No."
  • 44:18 - 44:20
    I said: "Neither am I."
  • 44:21 - 44:24
    So we could be with her fear.
    We could just be there.
  • 44:26 - 44:27
    We didn't need to say much.
  • 44:28 - 44:32
    And she was peaceful, and at ease.
  • 44:36 - 44:38
    So, we don't always need words.
  • 44:39 - 44:44
    Our true presence is already here,
    and soothing.
  • 44:46 - 44:49
    Maybe we can enjoy a sound of the bell,
  • 44:51 - 44:55
    and bring our mind home to our body,
  • 44:56 - 44:58
    so we can make ourselves truly present
  • 44:59 - 45:01
    especially present for ourselves,
  • 45:05 - 45:09
    and maybe we don't need
    to say anything to ourselves,
  • 45:10 - 45:12
    but just be there.
  • 45:12 - 45:15
    Be with whatever is present in us.
  • 45:25 - 45:33
    [gong]
  • 46:04 - 46:05
    Boddhisatva
  • 46:07 - 46:10
    As I was sitting here, I was saying,
    "just be with the heat,"
  • 46:10 - 46:12
    and then, "but look
    at the people in front of me,
  • 46:12 - 46:14
    it's much hotter there."
  • 46:15 - 46:18
    You're surrounded by 37°, many
  • 46:18 - 46:20
    and I have a fan.
  • 46:38 - 46:41
    One time, one of my sisters
    came to share her suffering with me,
  • 46:41 - 46:42
    and I jumped into action,
  • 46:43 - 46:46
    I came up with a number of solutions.
  • 46:47 - 46:51
    She said: "But Sœur Dieu,
    I just want you to listen to me."
  • 46:52 - 46:54
    I thought: "Oh yes, of course."
  • 46:55 - 46:59
    That's all.
    That's more precious than anything else,
  • 46:59 - 47:03
    my solutions are my solutions, not hers.
  • 47:05 - 47:07
    So, let's imagine,
  • 47:09 - 47:13
    that we're faced
    with a difficult situation.
  • 47:18 - 47:21
    How would we like to be approached?
  • 47:22 - 47:27
    What kind of action or non-action
    would help us to embrace our suffering?
  • 47:29 - 47:32
    It could be a bigger or smaller suffering.
  • 47:33 - 47:36
    Maybe it's something
    that you can offer yourself.
  • 47:37 - 47:40
    So, maybe we'll just close our eyes
    and have another sound of the bell,
  • 47:40 - 47:42
    and let's just go to ourselves,
  • 47:44 - 47:49
    how would I like to be approached?
  • 48:10 - 48:15
    [gong]
  • 48:52 - 48:56
    As I said before, what came up for me
    this time again, is the question,
  • 48:56 - 48:58
    do I understand you enough?
  • 48:59 - 49:01
    Do I understand myself enough?
  • 49:05 - 49:07
    What can I offer myself?
  • 49:08 - 49:13
    The third aspect of True Love is Muditha,
    it means joy.
  • 49:14 - 49:16
    Muditha, it means joy.
  • 49:26 - 49:29
    Joy and happiness, born from letting go.
  • 49:33 - 49:35
    Many small things can bring joy.
  • 49:37 - 49:39
    Coming back to the present moment,
  • 49:39 - 49:42
    we can nourish our joy
    with the beauty around us,
  • 49:42 - 49:46
    we can nourish our joy with the presence
    of our loved ones around us.
  • 49:51 - 49:54
    We feel the gratitude and the joy
    of their presence in our lives.
  • 49:57 - 50:03
    And the joy that is an immeasurable mind,
  • 50:04 - 50:08
    is the joy that is filled
    with peace and contentment.
  • 50:08 - 50:10
    So it's not the joy that has excitement
  • 50:11 - 50:13
    it is this peace and contentment.
  • 50:16 - 50:19
    And we feel this joy for ourselves
    and for others.
  • 50:22 - 50:24
    It's also the joy,
  • 50:32 - 50:34
    when someone we love is happy,
  • 50:34 - 50:37
    when someone we love
    maybe went through a difficult time
  • 50:37 - 50:39
    and then is happy.
  • 50:39 - 50:40
    We feel this joy for them.
  • 50:41 - 50:42
    "I'm so happy for you."
  • 50:43 - 50:45
    That kind of joy.
  • 50:46 - 50:51
    We rejoice in the well-being of others,
    that kind of joy.
  • 50:52 - 50:55
    In our daily life we'll see
    there are more opportunities than we think
  • 50:57 - 51:01
    to have joy and to rejoice
    in the happiness of others.
  • 51:13 - 51:19
    The last aspect of True Love is Upeksha.
  • 51:20 - 51:21
    Upeksha.
  • 51:25 - 51:27
    It means inclusiveness.
  • 51:30 - 51:35
    It means "we love everyone equally."
  • 51:41 - 51:46
    The ones we find easy to love and
    the ones we find more difficult to love.
  • 51:50 - 51:54
    As I said, we have the potential
    to do this already, right?
  • 51:55 - 51:57
    It needs to be watered,
  • 51:57 - 52:01
    that seed needs to be watered
    in order to manifest as a state of mind.
  • 52:02 - 52:04
    If, at the moment, we say:
  • 52:04 - 52:08
    "To love everybody, to be inclusive,
    I'm not there yet",
  • 52:09 - 52:13
    That's alright,
    because we're still practising,
  • 52:14 - 52:15
    we're going in the direction.
  • 52:18 - 52:25
    To love everyone equally
    also stems from compassion.
  • 52:29 - 52:30
    How can we be compassionate
  • 52:30 - 52:37
    to somebody who behaves in a way
    that causes suffering to other people?
  • 52:44 - 52:49
    If we try to put ourselves
    in the skin of that person,
  • 52:50 - 52:52
    and try to imagine,
  • 52:56 - 53:01
    what was the kind of family
    this person may have been born into?
  • 53:02 - 53:04
    What was the childhood like?
  • 53:04 - 53:06
    What was their environment
    when they grew up?
  • 53:08 - 53:10
    What were the people they interacted with?
  • 53:13 - 53:15
    What kind of education did he have?
  • 53:17 - 53:19
    The environment forms us,
  • 53:20 - 53:22
    so what is the environment
    they grew up with?
  • 53:22 - 53:26
    Was it an environment that was
    full of understanding and love,
  • 53:26 - 53:29
    or was it an environment where
    there was hatred and violence?
  • 53:30 - 53:31
    If there was hatred and violence,
  • 53:32 - 53:36
    the seed of hatred and violence
    was watered in them
  • 53:40 - 53:42
    The seeds of discrimination
    was watered in them.
  • 53:44 - 53:47
    So, no wonder they are the way they are.
  • 53:50 - 53:52
    If we can really put ourselves
    in the skin of the other,
  • 53:54 - 53:57
    understand how they came
    to be as they are,
  • 53:58 - 54:03
    then we can include them in our love.
  • 54:06 - 54:08
    Because we have compassion.
  • 54:10 - 54:14
    Compassion does not mean
    that we condone the act,
  • 54:15 - 54:17
    what they did is not right,
  • 54:19 - 54:22
    but we can understand
    what brought them to that point
  • 54:24 - 54:31
    what kind of mental food did they get,
  • 54:32 - 54:34
    to what were they exposed?
  • 54:36 - 54:40
    Thay says: "If we were born
    where they were born,
  • 54:41 - 54:42
    in the family, in their environment,
  • 54:45 - 54:47
    we would do exactly the same."
  • 54:48 - 54:50
    [alarm clock sounds]
  • 54:51 - 54:52
    This is my alarm.
  • 54:55 - 54:57
    We would do exactly the same.
  • 54:58 - 55:00
    In the beginning I thought,
    no, I won't.
  • 55:02 - 55:04
    And then I thought, ah!
  • 55:08 - 55:12
    But that means, I'm not putting myself
    in the skin of the other person.
  • 55:17 - 55:19
    I haven't looked deeply enough.
  • 55:21 - 55:25
    And, there is compassion and there is pity
  • 55:26 - 55:29
    Pity doesn't go anywhere,
  • 55:30 - 55:36
    but compassion motivates us
    to do something, to act.
  • 55:39 - 55:44
    Maybe that person who does something
    to cause suffering to others
  • 55:44 - 55:47
    needs our help,
    because there's a lack of understanding.
  • 55:47 - 55:50
    You do suffering to the others,
    you're doing it to yourself.
  • 55:52 - 55:56
    If you think, causing suffering to
    somebody else is bringing you happiness,
  • 55:56 - 55:57
    it's not.
  • 55:59 - 56:02
    Maybe they don't know,
    and we need to help them.
  • 56:02 - 56:05
    And that's our engagement,
    and Thay is very engaged.
  • 56:07 - 56:10
    Thay has spoken to politicians,
    to business people.
  • 56:13 - 56:16
    In many countries Thay has adressed issues
  • 56:17 - 56:20
    that were happening in the country,
  • 56:21 - 56:27
    in order to help the politicians
    understand, and the people to understand
  • 56:29 - 56:30
    what we can do,
  • 56:32 - 56:37
    and also what maybe
    would be better not to do.
  • 56:44 - 56:53
    So, with compassion and understanding
    how things come to be,
  • 56:54 - 56:57
    our love can become inclusive.
  • 56:58 - 57:01
    Of course, as I said before,
  • 57:03 - 57:09
    the foundation for that is,
    can we include ourselves in this love?
  • 57:12 - 57:18
    With all our strengths and weaknesses,
    can we do that?
  • 57:22 - 57:26
    So, practising and developing
    these four immeasurable minds
  • 57:26 - 57:29
    is the best way to take care of ourselves
    our loved ones,
  • 57:30 - 57:31
    and all other beings.
  • 57:32 - 57:34
    So they're not a kind of tools
    that we have, like,
  • 57:34 - 57:36
    "oh I think we need loving kindness here,"
  • 57:36 - 57:38
    "oh, I think I need compassion,"
  • 57:38 - 57:40
    "oh, I think I need joy,
    or inclusiveness."
  • 57:41 - 57:42
    No.
  • 57:43 - 57:50
    It is, developing these aspects of love
    in ourselves
  • 57:51 - 57:58
    so that we can respond to life
    from these aspects.
  • 58:04 - 58:08
    To bring these four aspects
    of love to mind, every day,
  • 58:11 - 58:13
    to water the seeds, to remember
  • 58:16 - 58:19
    that we can respond with loving kindness
  • 58:21 - 58:25
    we can respond with joy
    to the joy of others
  • 58:26 - 58:29
    we can respond with compassion
    to the suffering,
  • 58:30 - 58:37
    we can respond with inclusiveness
    to all beings, including Mother Earth.
  • 58:48 - 58:50
    They become a state of mind.
  • 58:50 - 58:53
    And when we bring them to mind often,
    the Buddha said:
  • 58:53 - 59:00
    "Whatever we think about, or ponder upon,
    becomes the inclination of our mind.
  • 59:01 - 59:04
    Becomes the way we respond to life."
  • 59:05 - 59:08
    So we may like to look, how do we
    respond to life right now?
  • 59:09 - 59:14
    Is it with fear? Is it with worries?
  • 59:15 - 59:20
    Is it with anger?
    Is it with love?
  • 59:20 - 59:22
    How do we respond to life?
  • 59:24 - 59:28
    Just to know and say:
    "Ok, this is where I stand now.
  • 59:29 - 59:32
    Practising the Four Immeasurable Minds,
  • 59:32 - 59:37
    I go in the direction of responding
    to life with True Love.
  • 59:39 - 59:45
    It's not only to life,
    but also to individuals,
  • 59:46 - 59:48
    the person who's right next to me,
    next to us,
  • 59:49 - 59:52
    the person we hope
    to spend our whole life with,
  • 59:52 - 59:55
    can we have this mind of love
    towards them?
  • 59:56 - 60:06
    This True Love, that is not centered
    on just ourselves.
  • 60:11 - 60:18
    Instead of our love being like a cage,
    robbing our loved one of their freedom,
  • 60:19 - 60:23
    our love is wide
    and embraces all aspects of them.
  • 60:27 - 60:31
    Maybe we can think of our loved one as...
  • 60:31 - 60:34
    a nice breeze that you hopefully
    will experience soon
  • 60:37 - 60:43
    If we want to catch the breeze
    and consider it our own,
  • 60:44 - 60:46
    it's like putting the little breeze
    in a little cage,
  • 60:46 - 60:49
    and what happens
    when you put it in a little cage...
  • 60:51 - 60:51
    it dies.
  • 60:52 - 60:56
    In fact, I reflected on this,
    if we love like that,
  • 60:57 - 61:02
    then the things we love in the other
    person, will no longer be there.
  • 61:05 - 61:07
    as you will stop loving her
    very, very soon.
  • 61:08 - 61:10
    We will stop loving them very, very soon.
  • 61:12 - 61:17
    So, let's infuse our minds
    with these four aspects of love,
  • 61:18 - 61:22
    so that we can love, and be loved
  • 61:22 - 61:25
    and offer True Love
    to ourselves and others.
  • 61:26 - 61:27
    And now I'm going to offer you
  • 61:30 - 61:32
    a nice breeze outside.
  • 61:32 - 61:36
    Thank you for being there,
    free as the breeze.
  • 61:38 - 61:40
    Happy continuation on your path,
  • 61:42 - 61:45
    may every step bring you
    peace and happiness,
  • 61:47 - 61:51
    and remember, smile,
    breathe when you look deeply,
  • 61:52 - 61:53
    and enjoy every step you take.
  • 61:54 - 61:56
    Thank you very much.
  • 62:07 - 62:15
    [gong]
  • 62:37 - 62:47
    [gong]
  • 63:05 - 63:16
    [gong]
Title:
2018 07 26 DT by sr Dieu Nghiem
Description:

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Video Language:
English
Duration:
01:03:47

English subtitles

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