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[gong]
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[gong]
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[gong]
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So, good afternoon,
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dear respected Thay, dear beloved
brothers and sisters and friends
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Today is Thursday, the 26th of July 2018
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We are in the Still Water Hall,
meditation hall of Upper Hamlet
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and this is the last Dharma Talk of the
third week of our annual Summer Retreat.
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and it's very hot.
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Thank you for coming to sit here,
I try to keep it short and sweet,
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so we can all go out
and enjoy some fresh air after this.
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Today I'll be speaking
about the four Brahmavirahas,
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the four immeasurable minds
that really are a guide
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to how we can respond
to life situations with love
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and I think it's a hot day,
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so maybe we have to respond
with love by keeping it short.
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Today we celebrate the Full Moon festival
together, here in Upper Hamlet
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and that's why we have
the Dharma talk in the afternoon,
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so the friends from the New Hamlet don't
need to ride the bus back and forth twice.
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An expression of love and understanding.
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A good start.
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We started this week with a smile,
do you remember?
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Sister Hoi Nghiem shared how
every morning when she recites the ghata,
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waking up this morning I smile,
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24 brand new hours are before me,
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I vow to live them fully each moment
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and look at all beings
with the eyes of compassion.
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And when she notices
that she forgot to smile,
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she will lie down again
and start all over again.
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So my question is, how many times
did you lie down again this week?
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Did you remember?
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But that story definitely brought
a smile to our face, didn't it?
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Anyway,
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in case you missed the chance
to smile, we're waking up.
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I thought, maybe we start by giving you
a chance to smile
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and to enjoy your smile.
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A smile makes us feel better
straight away.
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whether we're the ones who receive it,
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or the ones who offer it.
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or the ones who just smile
because, why not?
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Why would we not smile?
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It makes us feel better straight away.
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and as we heard,
it's the best way to start the day
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A smile can even turn "Monday morning",
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if that still exists, nowadays
that we work from home
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Monday morning, not a too pleasant morning
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and I hope that it can also turn
a hot Thursday afternoon
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into a pleasant afternoon.
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Let's start with a short meditation
to bring our mind home to our body.
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Make yourself comfortable.
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and let's bring some loving
kindness to ourselves
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by, during the meditation,
going through our body
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and whenever we encounter
a feeling of tension,
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on the outbreath, to relax the tension,
to soften it
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and to smile to it, to say,
"I know you're there,
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I love you too, you are also me.
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So let's start by enjoying
a sound of the bell.
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[gong]
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Let us become aware of the air
as it flows into and out of our body,
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and smile to our inbreath and outbreath
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knowing that we are alive in this moment.
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Let us become aware of our body
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and scan our body from the top of our head
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all the way down to the tip of our toes.
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And we sweep along any tension
we may find on our way
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Maybe there's tension in our head,
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maybe behind our forehead,
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or around our eyes, behind our eyes,
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around our ears
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our jaws,
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maybe our neck,
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and on every outbreath, we smile,
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which helps to soften
the tension we encounter.
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Become aware of our shoulders,
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and then sweep down into the arms,
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our hands and our fingers.
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On every outbreath, softening the tension
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by offering it a smile.
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We sweep down our trunk
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our back and our front.
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And then the lower part of our body,
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the buttocks and the abdomen.
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Softening any tension we may find
in the buttocks or in the abdomen
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by offering it a smile.
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Then we sweep down into the legs,
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all the way down into the feet,
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to the tip of the toes.
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And here too, softening any tension
we may encounter,
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and offering it a smile.
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Now become aware that we have arrived
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on our chair or on our cushion
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or on the ground,
if you're sitting on the ground.
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Our body is here
and our mind is in the now,
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in the present moment.
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Body and mind, relaxed.
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And we like to allow
a smile to be born on our lips.
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[gong]
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We usually smile when we want
to acknowledge the presence of someone,
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of someone we meet,
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it is very common to smile then.
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When we walk around
the grounds of Plum Village
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we're bound to meet people,
because there are many of us, here,
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So we have a lot of opportunities
to smile throughout the day.
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A smile or a nod of the head,
something like this.
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In some cultures they do that,
not a smile.
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At home, when we walk in the streets
and we meet a neighbor,
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we also smile, even if they're
on the other side of the street
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Maybe we wave as well,
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but often, we just smile.
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To let them know, "I see you,"
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"I've seen you,
I acknowledge your presence,"
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and this is very important.
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Everybody needs love, needs to be loved,
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and everybody has a need to love as well.
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But very often, the way we love
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ends up imprisoning the other person,
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and also ourselves.
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So how can we love and be free
at the same time?
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What may happen when we meet somebody
and we offer them a smile,
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tears come to their eyes.
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Because they have a feeling
that they haven't been seen
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or acknowledged in their being,
for a long time.
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We may live with other people
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but we're so busy,
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we watch many things,
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we look at many things, but
we don't look at the people we live with.
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We already heard it this week,
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but it also strikes me every time
I travel, for instance,
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and I'm in the departure lounge,
there are many people,
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and they're all sitting
with their gadgets,
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Last time, when I came into the lounge,
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I tried to guess who was with who.
That was quite difficult!
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Because they're sitting with their
back to each other, doing this,
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and I thought,
I don't think they came together.
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But when it is time to board,
they speak to each other
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and they go off together to board.
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I said, "apparently
they did come together."
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But it's difficult to tell.
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Usually I can tell
if children and parents are together,
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because they sit together
and they may say something,
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but they're also quite...
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immersed in whatever
they're doing with their gadgets
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This is such a pity,
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because the most precious thing we can
offer each other is our true presence.
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And when we sit in a departure lounge,
a waiting room,
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we have nowhere to go and nothing to do
until we board the plane.
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It's a very good opportunity
to be there for each other.
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and to just offer each other's presence.
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Thay gave us a mantra that says
"I am here for you."
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This is not a mantra in Sanskrit
or some other language,
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this is a mantra in colloquial language,
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"I am here for you."
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In French, "Je suis là pour toi,"
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and you can translate it
into your own language.
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and to go to our loved ones,
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first, bring our mind home to our body,
as we did just now.
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to be truly present, and then say:
"Darling, I'm here for you."
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and then I leave it up to you
to discover what happens after that,
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and then you can let us know next year.
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I'm truly here for you.
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To hear, to listen, to understand.
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True Love comes from understanding,
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and in order to understand,
we need to listen carefully.
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We need to listen to what's being said
inbetween the lines
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At the beginning of the week,
we chanted Namo Avalokiteshvaraya,
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we invoked the name
of the Bodhisattva Avalokitha,
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who has the capacity to listen,
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and, also, to hear what's being said
and what is left unsaid.
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To really listen,
because our loved one, or our friend,
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our parent or our child,
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may be saying something in words,
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may be saying one thing in words,
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but their eyes may be saying
something else.
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So, being present and looking into
their eyes, maybe their body language,
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we will be able to hear
what's being left unsaid,
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but what actually wants to be heard.
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What wants to be heard.
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So let us enjoy a sound of the bell,
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and offer ourselves our true presence
one more time.
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Bringing our mind home to our body.
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"Hello body, I'm here for you",
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making ourselves present for ourselves.
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[gong]
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When I wake up in the morning,
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like my sister,
I don't always remember to smile.
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But I remember smiling in the morning,
better,
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if I remember to smile
before I go to sleep.
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So, if you didn't remember to smile
in the morning,
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try smiling at night,
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and you may also remember better.
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But then, when I get to the bathroom,
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I see a mirror.
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When I first came to Plum Village,
we didn't have so many mirrors,
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but now we have more mirrors,
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so I have a chance to see myself.
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Some of you who have been
coming for a long time, remember this.
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We don't have any hair, I don't need
to put on make up and things like that
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so I look in the mirror and I think,
why should I look in the mirror?
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Oh, I could smile at myself, why not?
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"Hello!
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Good morning, how are you?"
Why not?
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So that's what I do.
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I forget to smile when I wake up,
I remember when I look into the mirror.
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Try it. It's bit kind of awkward
in the beginning, smiling at yourself
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but it's worth the while.
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If we practise,
if we're talking about true love
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maybe we can start by loving ourselves.
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So the least we can do,
is offering ourselves a smile.
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And saying, ok, I know you're there,
and I'm so happy.
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How are you today?
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When we smile,
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in the gatha, we smile to a new day.
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In the gatha, that's the little poem
that the sister recited,
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waking up this morning, I smile,
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it's a little poem that we recite
when we wake up in the morning.
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When we wake up in the morning,
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because we want to water
the seed of compassion in us.
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To look at all beings with compassion,
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and I thought, well, since I'm
the first being to meet this morning,
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why not smile to myself?
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So we wake up
and we can smile to the new day.
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This is a new day.
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We could reflect,
how did I live my day yesterday?
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This is a new day.
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I can live it
with a little bit more compassion
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for myself and for others.
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We smile to the people around us,
our loved ones, and smile to nature.
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Sometimes it seems much easier
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to smile to a singing bird
or to a tree or to a flower
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than to the person who's right next to us.
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However, the person who's right next to us
is also a flower.
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And our smile will make her,
him, them, bloom.
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So we can practice smiling to nature
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in order to develop
the capacity of smiling.
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We can also smile to our joy,
as well as our suffering.
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And then we can just smile
for the joy of smiling.
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Many years ago,
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this was before I ordained,
but I already knew of the practice,
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I was walking down the street,
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and all of a sudden somebody stopped
and turned around,
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and I thought,
Oh, maybe I know this person,
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so I turned around and said:
"Do I know you?"
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He said: "No - such a beautiful smile,"
and I said: "Oh? Ok."
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And I thought,
I didn't even know I was smiling,
245
00:24:19,498 --> 00:24:23,596
but I was smiling
for no reason whatsoever,
246
00:24:24,532 --> 00:24:30,758
just smile because I was feeling well,
I guess.
247
00:24:31,114 --> 00:24:31,856
You know?
248
00:24:32,157 --> 00:24:33,253
I was smiling.
249
00:24:33,478 --> 00:24:37,069
So we don't need a specific
or a particular reason to smile,
250
00:24:38,578 --> 00:24:40,703
we can smile just like that.
251
00:24:46,292 --> 00:24:51,695
Thay said: "Sometimes our smile
is born from love,
252
00:24:52,181 --> 00:24:55,332
and sometimes love
is born from our smile."
253
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:58,430
I like that.
254
00:25:04,759 --> 00:25:06,894
So true love has four aspects,
255
00:25:07,134 --> 00:25:09,821
and these four aspects
are within ourselves.
256
00:25:10,110 --> 00:25:12,970
They are within ourselves
in the form of a seed.
257
00:25:13,882 --> 00:25:15,850
We already heard about seeds this week,
258
00:25:16,298 --> 00:25:17,699
in our store consciousness,
259
00:25:18,146 --> 00:25:20,387
that need to be watered in order to bloom,
260
00:25:20,827 --> 00:25:21,968
into a flower.
261
00:25:22,163 --> 00:25:24,733
That is to say, a seed is a potential.
262
00:25:25,335 --> 00:25:30,781
We have the capacity to love,
263
00:25:30,844 --> 00:25:33,424
to have loving kindness in our heart.
264
00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:36,331
We have the capacity to be compassionate.
265
00:25:36,915 --> 00:25:39,133
We have the capacity to feel joy,
266
00:25:39,869 --> 00:25:45,423
we have the capacity to feel equanimity
and to be inclusive.
267
00:25:46,612 --> 00:25:50,670
It's in seed form, the potential,
and when it's watered,
268
00:25:51,559 --> 00:25:53,467
when the seed gets water,
269
00:25:56,205 --> 00:25:59,746
then it manifests as a mental formation,
270
00:25:59,912 --> 00:26:02,949
or in other words, as a state of mind.
271
00:26:04,506 --> 00:26:08,476
So these four aspects of love,
we call them:
272
00:26:10,358 --> 00:26:15,448
the Four Immeasurable States of Mind,
the immeasurable minds.
273
00:26:16,807 --> 00:26:23,395
And they're immeasurable
because we can extend these aspects
274
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,395
to all beings and to everything that is,
275
00:26:27,911 --> 00:26:29,483
including Mother Earth.
276
00:26:29,984 --> 00:26:31,518
They have no limit,
277
00:26:32,222 --> 00:26:34,739
the unlimited minds.
278
00:26:37,067 --> 00:26:42,917
They're within us, so it's not
something we have to get somewhere,
279
00:26:43,466 --> 00:26:45,781
they are in us in potential.
280
00:26:46,468 --> 00:26:48,658
So it's a matter of watering them.
281
00:26:49,301 --> 00:26:54,554
We can water the seeds by practising
Deep Looking and Deep Listening
282
00:26:57,305 --> 00:27:03,839
The first aspect is Maïtri,
also called Loving Kindness
283
00:27:04,471 --> 00:27:07,155
or, here in Plum Village,
we sometimes call it Love.
284
00:27:07,514 --> 00:27:08,570
Just Love.
285
00:27:11,509 --> 00:27:16,405
It is the intention
and the capacity to love.
286
00:27:17,784 --> 00:27:21,490
We may have an intention, but that doesn't
mean we have the capacity.
287
00:27:22,083 --> 00:27:24,599
The capacity, we develop.
288
00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:31,715
And the capacity to love
stems from understanding.
289
00:27:37,409 --> 00:27:39,945
The capacity to offer joy and happiness,
290
00:27:46,767 --> 00:27:52,040
in order to offer happiness to others,
we have to understand them.
291
00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:55,252
We have to know their aspirations,
their dreams,
292
00:27:58,391 --> 00:27:59,402
their hopes.
293
00:28:01,203 --> 00:28:04,864
What is it they hope for in their lives?
What is it?
294
00:28:07,453 --> 00:28:12,015
Sometimes our parents have had dreams
for their own future, as a young person,
295
00:28:12,832 --> 00:28:16,449
but maybe conditions were not sufficient
for them to realize it.
296
00:28:17,395 --> 00:28:19,365
Then they hope, they wish so much
297
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:26,071
that their children will be able
to realize their dreams,
298
00:28:27,242 --> 00:28:31,308
but we may have our own dream
which may not be the same,
299
00:28:32,274 --> 00:28:35,044
and although our parents
want the best for us,
300
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:40,568
actually, we suffer a little bit.
301
00:28:42,196 --> 00:28:43,509
We suffer a little bit.
302
00:28:48,282 --> 00:28:52,903
Here in Plum Village, Thay teaches us
that we as elders need to look deeply
303
00:28:53,063 --> 00:28:58,240
to understand the aspirations and the joys
and the suffering of our younger siblings.
304
00:28:59,796 --> 00:29:01,884
So we have to listen to them.
305
00:29:03,823 --> 00:29:08,168
And sometimes I encourage
my younger sisters in the Dharma
306
00:29:08,941 --> 00:29:13,102
to do things that I think will help them
to make progress on the Path.
307
00:29:14,791 --> 00:29:16,445
And that can cause them suffering.
308
00:29:19,466 --> 00:29:25,138
So as a practise as an elder,
I'm practising looking and listening
309
00:29:25,783 --> 00:29:28,170
in order to understand
what their dreams are
310
00:29:29,262 --> 00:29:33,154
and to see what would be
the next step on their path,
311
00:29:33,432 --> 00:29:35,244
and how can I offer support.
312
00:29:46,463 --> 00:29:51,902
So this is my practise
of making progress on the path,
313
00:29:51,902 --> 00:29:54,472
is, to listen to my younger ones.
314
00:29:55,577 --> 00:29:57,853
Here in Plum Village,
we celebrate Christmas,
315
00:29:58,676 --> 00:30:03,563
and it's an opportunity to offer a gift
to one of our sisters
316
00:30:05,839 --> 00:30:09,585
A few years ago I went shopping
with another sister
317
00:30:10,493 --> 00:30:12,098
who had just arrived,
318
00:30:13,147 --> 00:30:15,610
and then she looked
at what I put in the basket
319
00:30:16,545 --> 00:30:18,869
and she said "Sister Dieu Nghiem,
320
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,796
that is not your taste at all,
why do you buy those things?"
321
00:30:22,723 --> 00:30:25,410
and I said: "Because this is
what my sister likes."
322
00:30:29,194 --> 00:30:30,419
And I realized,
323
00:30:32,266 --> 00:30:37,889
maybe in the past I have offered things
to friends, to my siblings, that I like,
324
00:30:38,429 --> 00:30:42,171
this would be a wonderful present,
because it's so beautiful, you know?
325
00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:47,915
And I give it to them,
and now in hindsight, I think, hm....
326
00:30:49,651 --> 00:30:53,573
maybe that was a present that came
from a lot of love
327
00:30:54,353 --> 00:30:56,484
and a little lack of understanding.
328
00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:03,743
But I remember
they all accepted it very gracefully,
329
00:31:06,867 --> 00:31:11,227
so, they may have realized
it was a good intention.
330
00:31:14,642 --> 00:31:16,784
Maïtri is also friendship.
331
00:31:17,458 --> 00:31:21,555
There's the word Mitra
that's connected to Maïtri,
332
00:31:22,076 --> 00:31:23,971
and it means Spiritual Friend.
333
00:31:26,161 --> 00:31:31,905
A friend is somebody, a heart friend,
somebody that understands us,
334
00:31:32,388 --> 00:31:34,657
who understands our dreams
and our aspirations,
335
00:31:34,919 --> 00:31:36,364
our joys and our sufferings,
336
00:31:37,307 --> 00:31:39,065
with whom we can share from our heart
337
00:31:41,637 --> 00:31:45,565
with whom we can share our joys
and also our suffering
338
00:31:47,477 --> 00:31:51,016
and who will listen
without judging or reacting
339
00:31:51,979 --> 00:31:53,720
and who will not give advice.
340
00:31:56,500 --> 00:31:57,949
"You know what you should do"
341
00:32:03,675 --> 00:32:07,105
But also, it's on the path in our life,
342
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:12,386
it's also that they can point out to us
343
00:32:15,393 --> 00:32:17,032
something that we don't see.
344
00:32:18,482 --> 00:32:22,212
and they can point that out to us
in a way that we can hear it.
345
00:32:23,715 --> 00:32:29,172
So, to be a true friend,
to be a friend on the spiritual path,
346
00:32:32,291 --> 00:32:36,408
it needs Deep Looking and Deep Listening,
and some understanding,
347
00:32:36,781 --> 00:32:42,483
in order to point something out in a way
that it can be received.
348
00:32:45,184 --> 00:32:47,485
I also noticed on my path,
349
00:32:48,512 --> 00:32:53,183
I have given some input and...
350
00:32:56,271 --> 00:32:58,812
it wasn't in a way it could be received.
351
00:32:59,413 --> 00:33:01,621
although I gave it
with the best of intentions
352
00:33:03,224 --> 00:33:08,397
so I'm becoming more and more mindful
353
00:33:09,255 --> 00:33:13,291
of how I give some encouragements.
354
00:33:14,983 --> 00:33:19,063
However well meant, it needs to be
in the right way at the right time
355
00:33:22,656 --> 00:33:26,452
But we may have a spiritual friend
who we know very well.
356
00:33:28,078 --> 00:33:29,578
She can say a little bit more,
357
00:33:29,968 --> 00:33:32,819
because we have this friendship
that holds all this
358
00:33:33,812 --> 00:33:37,962
and she can say,
like one of my sisters said,
359
00:33:38,035 --> 00:33:42,307
"well, you could look at the habit energy.
360
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:47,196
One of your habit energies is,
sometimes you're quite impulsive.
361
00:33:48,690 --> 00:33:50,535
You react spontaneously to something,
362
00:33:51,716 --> 00:33:54,145
but it may not always be
the right thing to do.
363
00:33:55,721 --> 00:33:58,003
And I said, "Thank you,
I will look into that."
364
00:33:59,273 --> 00:34:01,319
I know it came from her care.
365
00:34:02,888 --> 00:34:06,523
So, having a good friend with whom
we can share, so that we can grow.
366
00:34:09,172 --> 00:34:12,464
Our heart can become larger,
we can embrace more,
367
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,452
we can find more happiness
368
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,343
for ourselves and for others
369
00:34:21,090 --> 00:34:25,308
So, to give some feedback,
370
00:34:26,086 --> 00:34:28,425
we have to be aware of
371
00:34:28,712 --> 00:34:31,268
from where we are giving that feedback.
372
00:34:34,891 --> 00:34:38,747
Sometimes someone in our community
may be passing through a difficult time,
373
00:34:39,771 --> 00:34:43,062
therefore also cause some difficulties,
some suffering to others
374
00:34:46,408 --> 00:34:53,373
and I'm becoming more and more aware
of what this touches in me.
375
00:34:54,542 --> 00:34:56,967
Sometimes it touches a kind of annoyance,
376
00:34:57,780 --> 00:35:01,190
you know, can she not take better care
of her suffering,
377
00:35:02,089 --> 00:35:04,742
instead of causing others also to suffer?
378
00:35:06,757 --> 00:35:12,358
And then, not so long ago, I thought,
wait a minute.
379
00:35:13,716 --> 00:35:17,740
If I were suffering, and somebody wanted
to point something out to me,
380
00:35:18,382 --> 00:35:20,865
how would I like to be approached?
381
00:35:23,984 --> 00:35:26,271
Then I thought, with kindness.
382
00:35:27,694 --> 00:35:28,658
With some love.
383
00:35:30,096 --> 00:35:34,188
So I took some time to be with my sister,
384
00:35:35,316 --> 00:35:37,511
to be able to touch her suffering.
385
00:35:38,919 --> 00:35:40,179
What is her suffering?
386
00:35:40,564 --> 00:35:43,392
The little I know about the roots,
can I just touch it?
387
00:35:45,735 --> 00:35:47,520
and then I could interact with her,
388
00:35:47,980 --> 00:35:50,689
and a big smile came up on her lips,
389
00:35:51,724 --> 00:35:57,147
and I thought, yes, that was
because I came with love in my heart,
390
00:35:58,641 --> 00:36:01,072
with compassion, and not with annoyance.
391
00:36:02,763 --> 00:36:05,289
and I thought just kindness,
392
00:36:06,414 --> 00:36:08,148
just plain kindness,
393
00:36:11,107 --> 00:36:12,665
how much does it take,
394
00:36:13,066 --> 00:36:17,664
and I asked myself, why does it take me
so long sometimes?
395
00:36:19,690 --> 00:36:24,895
I realized, it takes long
because I'm not very kind to myself.
396
00:36:26,131 --> 00:36:28,861
How can I be kind to others
if I'm not kind to myself?
397
00:36:29,324 --> 00:36:31,143
Can I have a little bit more kindness
398
00:36:31,143 --> 00:36:33,564
and a little bit more compassion
to watch myself?
399
00:36:38,184 --> 00:36:43,047
So lately I've been practising to look
at myself with the eyes of compassion.
400
00:36:46,263 --> 00:36:51,025
and to see,
why do I think the way I think,
401
00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:54,599
why do I speak the way I speak?
402
00:36:55,345 --> 00:36:57,753
Why do I act the way I act,
403
00:36:59,056 --> 00:37:01,519
in my interactions with others.
404
00:37:03,469 --> 00:37:05,211
What is happening for me?
405
00:37:10,073 --> 00:37:14,309
And when I look and I see my shortcomings,
406
00:37:16,543 --> 00:37:19,909
maybe a little impatience,
407
00:37:22,777 --> 00:37:26,294
a lack of understanding of myself also,
408
00:37:28,606 --> 00:37:31,787
I think, can I just accept myself as I am?
409
00:37:32,802 --> 00:37:37,700
I am as I am, because of
many causes and conditions
410
00:37:41,714 --> 00:37:44,672
All the seeds that were watered in me
during my lifetime,
411
00:37:45,886 --> 00:37:49,422
that I have allowed to be watered
in me, during my lifetime,
412
00:37:50,983 --> 00:37:53,926
maybe seeds I have inherited
from my ancestors
413
00:37:55,411 --> 00:37:58,409
I want something to be solved quickly,
I'm very efficient.
414
00:37:59,451 --> 00:38:03,059
but that's not always the best way
to approach an issue
415
00:38:06,762 --> 00:38:08,340
Sometimes you need time.
416
00:38:09,609 --> 00:38:11,272
One time I went to Thay and I said:
417
00:38:11,272 --> 00:38:14,610
"Thay, I'd like to address this issue
with one of the sisters."
418
00:38:15,559 --> 00:38:17,305
And Thay said: "Too soon.
419
00:38:18,526 --> 00:38:20,396
Too soon, you have to wait."
420
00:38:21,477 --> 00:38:24,665
Thay told me: "Sometimes Thay also
has to wait for six months."
421
00:38:25,988 --> 00:38:30,000
and I thought, ok, let me walk
in the footsteps of my teacher,
422
00:38:30,592 --> 00:38:31,947
and practise waiting.
423
00:38:32,460 --> 00:38:34,148
Six months at least,
424
00:38:35,781 --> 00:38:37,488
you'll see when the time is right.
425
00:38:37,666 --> 00:38:40,195
I realized time needs to be right in me.
426
00:38:42,073 --> 00:38:46,470
When I can approach with loving kindness
as a spiritual friend
427
00:38:47,340 --> 00:38:51,029
when I can approach with compassion,
then the time may be right.
428
00:38:52,165 --> 00:38:54,664
It's not only the time
for the other person,
429
00:38:55,324 --> 00:38:57,151
but for me, I have to be ready.
430
00:38:59,986 --> 00:39:01,313
So, to offer time.
431
00:39:04,779 --> 00:39:08,390
The second aspect of True Love
is Karuna, compassion.
432
00:39:09,173 --> 00:39:13,355
It means the intention and the capacity
to relieve the suffering.
433
00:39:14,709 --> 00:39:16,573
First of all, our own suffering.
434
00:39:17,232 --> 00:39:22,469
A lot of our suffering is caused by
wrong perceptions, as we already heard.
435
00:39:24,287 --> 00:39:27,413
So it's always good to go
and check our perceptions
436
00:39:28,686 --> 00:39:32,965
"the other day, you said this;
can you tell me why you said that?"
437
00:39:36,063 --> 00:39:39,775
In the beginning I said,
"You said that!"
438
00:39:41,572 --> 00:39:42,837
quite unkindly.
439
00:39:43,486 --> 00:39:44,703
"Why did you say this?"
440
00:39:45,661 --> 00:39:50,218
I realize it doesn't inspire
the other person to reply
441
00:39:52,004 --> 00:39:55,125
because there is already
a criticism in there,
442
00:39:55,914 --> 00:39:58,433
the tone of my voice, the words I use.
443
00:39:59,864 --> 00:40:04,386
So, to ask, to check my perceptions,
444
00:40:04,848 --> 00:40:09,876
I also need to come from a place
of really wanting to understand
445
00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:14,725
and to give the other person
the benefit of the doubt.
446
00:40:18,712 --> 00:40:22,876
I also am unskillful at times,
not necessarily on purpose,
447
00:40:25,593 --> 00:40:29,519
and I also appreciate when somebody
gives me the benefit of the doubt.
448
00:40:33,319 --> 00:40:36,900
So, trust the other person,
we'll then be able
449
00:40:38,297 --> 00:40:42,700
to understand that sharing with us,
450
00:40:43,172 --> 00:40:44,722
why we said something,
451
00:40:44,736 --> 00:40:47,256
will help relieve the suffering in us.
452
00:40:56,102 --> 00:41:00,374
Sometimes we find it difficult
to be with the suffering of someone else,
453
00:41:00,736 --> 00:41:04,676
and we like it to go away,
454
00:41:06,497 --> 00:41:10,584
because their suffering makes us suffer.
455
00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:12,603
We suffer because they suffer.
456
00:41:13,594 --> 00:41:16,701
We have the intention
to help relieve their suffering,
457
00:41:17,637 --> 00:41:23,104
but actually, underneath, there's the wish
that if they don't suffer anymore,
458
00:41:23,775 --> 00:41:24,993
then I feel better.
459
00:41:25,596 --> 00:41:27,494
So we're doing it with a self-interest.
460
00:41:29,144 --> 00:41:33,327
My experience is, when I do this,
it doesn't work.
461
00:41:34,644 --> 00:41:35,742
It just doesn't work.
462
00:41:37,628 --> 00:41:40,199
I think, when we suffer,
we're very sensitive
463
00:41:40,199 --> 00:41:43,250
to with what kind of energy
someone approaches us.
464
00:41:44,559 --> 00:41:46,013
If they want us not to suffer,
465
00:41:46,493 --> 00:41:49,590
because our suffering
is causing them difficulties,
466
00:41:49,702 --> 00:41:51,053
is causing them suffering,
467
00:41:51,682 --> 00:41:55,416
so, "stop suffering please,
so I can be happy",
468
00:41:56,301 --> 00:41:57,659
it doesn't work like that.
469
00:42:00,445 --> 00:42:03,008
If we listen in order to help
relieve the suffering,
470
00:42:03,008 --> 00:42:07,265
it's with the sole purpose
that we would like the other person
471
00:42:08,902 --> 00:42:10,614
to be relieved of their suffering,
472
00:42:11,026 --> 00:42:12,137
not because of us.
473
00:42:13,439 --> 00:42:17,626
If we find it difficult to be
with their suffering, we have to look,
474
00:42:18,165 --> 00:42:21,800
why is it difficult to be
with the suffering of the other?
475
00:42:22,863 --> 00:42:23,814
to understand,
476
00:42:26,254 --> 00:42:28,494
and to look after ourselves in a way
477
00:42:29,344 --> 00:42:34,033
that we can take care of our suffering,
478
00:42:34,638 --> 00:42:37,849
and then, maybe we're able
to be with their suffering.
479
00:42:41,173 --> 00:42:44,371
At times, when we are
with somebody who suffers,
480
00:42:44,885 --> 00:42:46,724
we just need to be with them.
481
00:42:47,196 --> 00:42:49,285
Just sitting next to them, breathing,
482
00:42:50,113 --> 00:42:52,219
not being overwhelmed by their suffering,
483
00:42:52,847 --> 00:42:54,907
not being carried away by their suffering.
484
00:42:56,406 --> 00:42:59,045
Maybe just an arm around their shoulders.
485
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,662
Just to know that we are there for them.
486
00:43:03,857 --> 00:43:05,137
and that's all.
487
00:43:10,770 --> 00:43:12,098
Many years ago,
488
00:43:17,537 --> 00:43:21,541
I lived in a small center
with some other monastics,
489
00:43:22,897 --> 00:43:28,859
and we had a neighbor,
and the wife was ill, she was dying.
490
00:43:29,744 --> 00:43:32,422
Whenever he wanted to go shopping,
491
00:43:32,973 --> 00:43:36,820
he came to our door to ask
one of us to be with his wife.
492
00:43:38,394 --> 00:43:44,007
So we would sit at her side
and breathe, and just be there.
493
00:43:44,726 --> 00:43:45,875
Maybe hold her hand.
494
00:43:47,167 --> 00:43:48,706
Not really saying much.
495
00:43:53,014 --> 00:43:54,796
One day, he came again,
and he said:
496
00:43:54,953 --> 00:43:57,885
"Sorry, I always come to ask one of you,
497
00:43:58,275 --> 00:44:04,579
because Lucie is so calm and peaceful
when one of you is there."
498
00:44:06,442 --> 00:44:09,897
So I spoke to the other sister and said:
"What do you do?"
499
00:44:10,178 --> 00:44:12,586
She said: "Nothing. I just sit there."
500
00:44:13,283 --> 00:44:14,508
I said: "So do I."
501
00:44:14,658 --> 00:44:17,534
And I asked her: "Are you afraid?"
and she said: "No."
502
00:44:18,261 --> 00:44:19,724
I said: "Neither am I."
503
00:44:20,764 --> 00:44:24,379
So we could be with her fear.
We could just be there.
504
00:44:25,635 --> 00:44:27,040
We didn't need to say much.
505
00:44:28,436 --> 00:44:32,274
And she was peaceful, and at ease.
506
00:44:35,873 --> 00:44:37,828
So, we don't always need words.
507
00:44:39,375 --> 00:44:43,958
Our true presence is already here,
and soothing.
508
00:44:46,170 --> 00:44:48,729
Maybe we can enjoy a sound of the bell,
509
00:44:50,989 --> 00:44:55,021
and bring our mind home to our body,
510
00:44:56,293 --> 00:44:58,372
so we can make ourselves truly present
511
00:44:59,121 --> 00:45:01,488
especially present for ourselves,
512
00:45:04,688 --> 00:45:09,295
and maybe we don't need
to say anything to ourselves,
513
00:45:10,044 --> 00:45:11,516
but just be there.
514
00:45:11,881 --> 00:45:15,481
Be with whatever is present in us.
515
00:45:24,888 --> 00:45:33,208
[gong]
516
00:46:03,674 --> 00:46:05,092
Boddhisatva
517
00:46:06,665 --> 00:46:09,760
As I was sitting here, I was saying,
"just be with the heat,"
518
00:46:09,894 --> 00:46:12,402
and then, "but look
at the people in front of me,
519
00:46:12,412 --> 00:46:14,213
it's much hotter there."
520
00:46:14,562 --> 00:46:17,956
You're surrounded by 37°, many
521
00:46:18,242 --> 00:46:19,543
and I have a fan.
522
00:46:37,642 --> 00:46:40,681
One time, one of my sisters
came to share her suffering with me,
523
00:46:41,061 --> 00:46:42,334
and I jumped into action,
524
00:46:43,251 --> 00:46:45,850
I came up with a number of solutions.
525
00:46:46,644 --> 00:46:50,924
She said: "But Sœur Dieu,
I just want you to listen to me."
526
00:46:51,934 --> 00:46:53,547
I thought: "Oh yes, of course."
527
00:46:54,797 --> 00:46:58,868
That's all.
That's more precious than anything else,
528
00:46:59,429 --> 00:47:02,507
my solutions are my solutions, not hers.
529
00:47:04,968 --> 00:47:06,902
So, let's imagine,
530
00:47:08,896 --> 00:47:13,058
that we're faced
with a difficult situation.
531
00:47:18,374 --> 00:47:20,533
How would we like to be approached?
532
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:27,180
What kind of action or non-action
would help us to embrace our suffering?
533
00:47:29,065 --> 00:47:31,966
It could be a bigger or smaller suffering.
534
00:47:32,999 --> 00:47:36,014
Maybe it's something
that you can offer yourself.
535
00:47:36,988 --> 00:47:40,329
So, maybe we'll just close our eyes
and have another sound of the bell,
536
00:47:40,329 --> 00:47:41,819
and let's just go to ourselves,
537
00:47:43,715 --> 00:47:48,761
how would I like to be approached?
538
00:48:09,589 --> 00:48:14,821
[gong]
539
00:48:52,009 --> 00:48:56,350
As I said before, what came up for me
this time again, is the question,
540
00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:58,150
do I understand you enough?
541
00:48:58,899 --> 00:49:00,801
Do I understand myself enough?
542
00:49:04,959 --> 00:49:06,570
What can I offer myself?
543
00:49:08,375 --> 00:49:13,177
The third aspect of True Love is Muditha,
it means joy.
544
00:49:14,297 --> 00:49:16,275
Muditha, it means joy.
545
00:49:26,491 --> 00:49:28,849
Joy and happiness, born from letting go.
546
00:49:32,550 --> 00:49:35,345
Many small things can bring joy.
547
00:49:37,323 --> 00:49:39,421
Coming back to the present moment,
548
00:49:39,497 --> 00:49:41,857
we can nourish our joy
with the beauty around us,
549
00:49:42,330 --> 00:49:45,835
we can nourish our joy with the presence
of our loved ones around us.
550
00:49:50,684 --> 00:49:53,865
We feel the gratitude and the joy
of their presence in our lives.
551
00:49:57,345 --> 00:50:03,257
And the joy that is an immeasurable mind,
552
00:50:03,947 --> 00:50:07,532
is the joy that is filled
with peace and contentment.
553
00:50:08,051 --> 00:50:10,225
So it's not the joy that has excitement
554
00:50:10,806 --> 00:50:13,423
it is this peace and contentment.
555
00:50:15,945 --> 00:50:18,834
And we feel this joy for ourselves
and for others.
556
00:50:22,236 --> 00:50:23,592
It's also the joy,
557
00:50:31,868 --> 00:50:33,691
when someone we love is happy,
558
00:50:34,106 --> 00:50:36,798
when someone we love
maybe went through a difficult time
559
00:50:37,375 --> 00:50:38,568
and then is happy.
560
00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,249
We feel this joy for them.
561
00:50:41,031 --> 00:50:42,290
"I'm so happy for you."
562
00:50:43,479 --> 00:50:44,715
That kind of joy.
563
00:50:46,201 --> 00:50:50,686
We rejoice in the well-being of others,
that kind of joy.
564
00:50:51,603 --> 00:50:55,357
In our daily life we'll see
there are more opportunities than we think
565
00:50:57,485 --> 00:51:01,061
to have joy and to rejoice
in the happiness of others.
566
00:51:13,234 --> 00:51:18,917
The last aspect of True Love is Upeksha.
567
00:51:19,629 --> 00:51:21,031
Upeksha.
568
00:51:25,140 --> 00:51:26,782
It means inclusiveness.
569
00:51:30,188 --> 00:51:34,610
It means "we love everyone equally."
570
00:51:41,117 --> 00:51:46,141
The ones we find easy to love and
the ones we find more difficult to love.
571
00:51:50,078 --> 00:51:54,397
As I said, we have the potential
to do this already, right?
572
00:51:55,005 --> 00:51:57,156
It needs to be watered,
573
00:51:57,363 --> 00:52:01,391
that seed needs to be watered
in order to manifest as a state of mind.
574
00:52:02,278 --> 00:52:03,820
If, at the moment, we say:
575
00:52:03,996 --> 00:52:08,154
"To love everybody, to be inclusive,
I'm not there yet",
576
00:52:08,905 --> 00:52:12,769
That's alright,
because we're still practising,
577
00:52:13,578 --> 00:52:15,158
we're going in the direction.
578
00:52:18,095 --> 00:52:24,889
To love everyone equally
also stems from compassion.
579
00:52:28,523 --> 00:52:30,143
How can we be compassionate
580
00:52:30,143 --> 00:52:36,953
to somebody who behaves in a way
that causes suffering to other people?
581
00:52:44,365 --> 00:52:48,607
If we try to put ourselves
in the skin of that person,
582
00:52:50,431 --> 00:52:52,157
and try to imagine,
583
00:52:56,232 --> 00:53:01,185
what was the kind of family
this person may have been born into?
584
00:53:02,481 --> 00:53:04,273
What was the childhood like?
585
00:53:04,273 --> 00:53:06,460
What was their environment
when they grew up?
586
00:53:07,639 --> 00:53:10,301
What were the people they interacted with?
587
00:53:12,751 --> 00:53:15,026
What kind of education did he have?
588
00:53:17,189 --> 00:53:19,198
The environment forms us,
589
00:53:19,573 --> 00:53:21,760
so what is the environment
they grew up with?
590
00:53:22,425 --> 00:53:25,839
Was it an environment that was
full of understanding and love,
591
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:29,091
or was it an environment where
there was hatred and violence?
592
00:53:29,664 --> 00:53:31,329
If there was hatred and violence,
593
00:53:31,801 --> 00:53:35,935
the seed of hatred and violence
was watered in them
594
00:53:39,656 --> 00:53:42,479
The seeds of discrimination
was watered in them.
595
00:53:44,375 --> 00:53:47,323
So, no wonder they are the way they are.
596
00:53:49,510 --> 00:53:52,498
If we can really put ourselves
in the skin of the other,
597
00:53:54,195 --> 00:53:57,222
understand how they came
to be as they are,
598
00:53:58,087 --> 00:54:02,903
then we can include them in our love.
599
00:54:06,395 --> 00:54:08,425
Because we have compassion.
600
00:54:09,791 --> 00:54:13,937
Compassion does not mean
that we condone the act,
601
00:54:14,983 --> 00:54:17,453
what they did is not right,
602
00:54:19,016 --> 00:54:22,037
but we can understand
what brought them to that point
603
00:54:23,983 --> 00:54:30,751
what kind of mental food did they get,
604
00:54:32,140 --> 00:54:33,910
to what were they exposed?
605
00:54:35,571 --> 00:54:39,854
Thay says: "If we were born
where they were born,
606
00:54:40,513 --> 00:54:42,432
in the family, in their environment,
607
00:54:45,446 --> 00:54:47,428
we would do exactly the same."
608
00:54:48,479 --> 00:54:49,870
[alarm clock sounds]
609
00:54:50,803 --> 00:54:52,007
This is my alarm.
610
00:54:54,813 --> 00:54:57,211
We would do exactly the same.
611
00:54:57,837 --> 00:54:59,731
In the beginning I thought,
no, I won't.
612
00:55:02,074 --> 00:55:03,826
And then I thought, ah!
613
00:55:07,851 --> 00:55:12,399
But that means, I'm not putting myself
in the skin of the other person.
614
00:55:16,980 --> 00:55:19,221
I haven't looked deeply enough.
615
00:55:21,087 --> 00:55:25,095
And, there is compassion and there is pity
616
00:55:25,921 --> 00:55:28,874
Pity doesn't go anywhere,
617
00:55:29,804 --> 00:55:35,867
but compassion motivates us
to do something, to act.
618
00:55:39,219 --> 00:55:43,711
Maybe that person who does something
to cause suffering to others
619
00:55:43,842 --> 00:55:46,563
needs our help,
because there's a lack of understanding.
620
00:55:46,689 --> 00:55:49,584
You do suffering to the others,
you're doing it to yourself.
621
00:55:52,176 --> 00:55:55,856
If you think, causing suffering to
somebody else is bringing you happiness,
622
00:55:56,051 --> 00:55:56,962
it's not.
623
00:55:59,012 --> 00:56:01,579
Maybe they don't know,
and we need to help them.
624
00:56:02,391 --> 00:56:05,495
And that's our engagement,
and Thay is very engaged.
625
00:56:06,532 --> 00:56:09,513
Thay has spoken to politicians,
to business people.
626
00:56:13,221 --> 00:56:15,770
In many countries Thay has adressed issues
627
00:56:16,916 --> 00:56:19,984
that were happening in the country,
628
00:56:20,922 --> 00:56:26,881
in order to help the politicians
understand, and the people to understand
629
00:56:29,337 --> 00:56:30,487
what we can do,
630
00:56:31,740 --> 00:56:37,350
and also what maybe
would be better not to do.
631
00:56:44,416 --> 00:56:53,330
So, with compassion and understanding
how things come to be,
632
00:56:54,029 --> 00:56:56,638
our love can become inclusive.
633
00:56:58,422 --> 00:57:00,654
Of course, as I said before,
634
00:57:02,854 --> 00:57:09,201
the foundation for that is,
can we include ourselves in this love?
635
00:57:12,366 --> 00:57:18,079
With all our strengths and weaknesses,
can we do that?
636
00:57:22,443 --> 00:57:25,561
So, practising and developing
these four immeasurable minds
637
00:57:26,264 --> 00:57:29,435
is the best way to take care of ourselves
our loved ones,
638
00:57:29,918 --> 00:57:31,397
and all other beings.
639
00:57:31,679 --> 00:57:34,075
So they're not a kind of tools
that we have, like,
640
00:57:34,075 --> 00:57:36,095
"oh I think we need loving kindness here,"
641
00:57:36,119 --> 00:57:37,879
"oh, I think I need compassion,"
642
00:57:37,901 --> 00:57:40,316
"oh, I think I need joy,
or inclusiveness."
643
00:57:40,969 --> 00:57:41,700
No.
644
00:57:43,424 --> 00:57:50,068
It is, developing these aspects of love
in ourselves
645
00:57:50,834 --> 00:57:58,119
so that we can respond to life
from these aspects.
646
00:58:03,853 --> 00:58:08,357
To bring these four aspects
of love to mind, every day,
647
00:58:10,588 --> 00:58:13,352
to water the seeds, to remember
648
00:58:16,137 --> 00:58:19,307
that we can respond with loving kindness
649
00:58:20,981 --> 00:58:24,981
we can respond with joy
to the joy of others
650
00:58:26,059 --> 00:58:28,949
we can respond with compassion
to the suffering,
651
00:58:30,335 --> 00:58:37,055
we can respond with inclusiveness
to all beings, including Mother Earth.
652
00:58:47,634 --> 00:58:49,813
They become a state of mind.
653
00:58:50,064 --> 00:58:53,414
And when we bring them to mind often,
the Buddha said:
654
00:58:53,414 --> 00:59:00,144
"Whatever we think about, or ponder upon,
becomes the inclination of our mind.
655
00:59:00,836 --> 00:59:04,116
Becomes the way we respond to life."
656
00:59:05,017 --> 00:59:08,247
So we may like to look, how do we
respond to life right now?
657
00:59:08,669 --> 00:59:14,399
Is it with fear? Is it with worries?
658
00:59:15,006 --> 00:59:20,086
Is it with anger?
Is it with love?
659
00:59:20,410 --> 00:59:21,940
How do we respond to life?
660
00:59:23,514 --> 00:59:27,994
Just to know and say:
"Ok, this is where I stand now.
661
00:59:28,999 --> 00:59:31,579
Practising the Four Immeasurable Minds,
662
00:59:32,132 --> 00:59:36,592
I go in the direction of responding
to life with True Love.
663
00:59:38,789 --> 00:59:45,149
It's not only to life,
but also to individuals,
664
00:59:45,761 --> 00:59:48,221
the person who's right next to me,
next to us,
665
00:59:48,744 --> 00:59:51,614
the person we hope
to spend our whole life with,
666
00:59:52,432 --> 00:59:55,192
can we have this mind of love
towards them?
667
00:59:56,035 --> 01:00:06,495
This True Love, that is not centered
on just ourselves.
668
01:00:11,379 --> 01:00:18,099
Instead of our love being like a cage,
robbing our loved one of their freedom,
669
01:00:18,545 --> 01:00:23,285
our love is wide
and embraces all aspects of them.
670
01:00:27,418 --> 01:00:30,898
Maybe we can think of our loved one as...
671
01:00:31,397 --> 01:00:34,297
a nice breeze that you hopefully
will experience soon
672
01:00:37,421 --> 01:00:43,381
If we want to catch the breeze
and consider it our own,
673
01:00:43,958 --> 01:00:46,486
it's like putting the little breeze
in a little cage,
674
01:00:46,486 --> 01:00:48,978
and what happens
when you put it in a little cage...
675
01:00:50,579 --> 01:00:51,437
it dies.
676
01:00:52,344 --> 01:00:56,176
In fact, I reflected on this,
if we love like that,
677
01:00:57,205 --> 01:01:02,096
then the things we love in the other
person, will no longer be there.
678
01:01:05,177 --> 01:01:07,376
as you will stop loving her
very, very soon.
679
01:01:07,732 --> 01:01:10,200
We will stop loving them very, very soon.
680
01:01:12,212 --> 01:01:17,323
So, let's infuse our minds
with these four aspects of love,
681
01:01:18,081 --> 01:01:21,687
so that we can love, and be loved
682
01:01:22,378 --> 01:01:24,979
and offer True Love
to ourselves and others.
683
01:01:25,905 --> 01:01:27,393
And now I'm going to offer you
684
01:01:30,232 --> 01:01:31,718
a nice breeze outside.
685
01:01:31,961 --> 01:01:35,961
Thank you for being there,
free as the breeze.
686
01:01:38,055 --> 01:01:40,235
Happy continuation on your path,
687
01:01:41,714 --> 01:01:44,774
may every step bring you
peace and happiness,
688
01:01:46,726 --> 01:01:50,726
and remember, smile,
breathe when you look deeply,
689
01:01:51,561 --> 01:01:53,411
and enjoy every step you take.
690
01:01:54,289 --> 01:01:55,589
Thank you very much.
691
01:02:06,609 --> 01:02:15,229
[gong]
692
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:46,972
[gong]
693
01:03:05,208 --> 01:03:16,088
[gong]