-
What dog did he steal that sweater from?
-
Probably his wife.
-
Good God, who shot the couch?
-
Give her a break, Hilary.
She just won the Kentucky Derby.
-
Who's that lady with Nell Carter?
-
That's not Nell Carter. That's my father!
-
God, you're so shallow. l hate you.
-
You're stupid and ugly
and l wish you would die.
-
-Sorry.
-Okay.
-
Look at her!
-
Brake! Hit the brake, Will!
-
-What in the hell are you doing?
-l'm sorry. lt ain't my fault.
-
l panicked.
That squirrel came out of nowhere.
-
Philip, l'll call the manager
and have him remove the cart.
-
Oh, let's just draw more attention
to ourselves.
-
-Get in the cart, Vivian.
-No.
-
l'm sorry, Mr. Banks,
but no golf carts in the dining room.
-
You've certainly made a name
at this country club.
-
l wouldn't be surprised if they revoked
our shuffleboard privileges.
-
That's fine with me.
This place is wack. l'm out of here.
-
Hold up.
-
Special bulletin. Hormones to Will.
-
Hold up yourself, Will.
That's Mimi Mumford.
-
You can't get to first base with her
unless you impress her father.
-
He's an eminent surgeon,
a championship polo player...
-
and around these parts,
he's known as Dr. No.
-
-Why do they call him that?
-Because he never says ''yes.''
-
No young man is good enough
for his daughter.
-
He ain't gonna have a chance to tell me no
'cause l ain't gonna ask.
-
Mimi, if you're not busy on Friday night...
-
would you like to accompany me
to the Apple Blossom ball?
-
No.
-
What's your name, boy?
-
What school do you go to?
What college are you applying to?
-
What's your career plans?
-
l'm just a sophomore, sir.
l don't really know yet.
-
Out of here, son. You disgust me.
-
So, what kind of guy
does Dr. No say yes to?
-
Fellas with good grades,
good manners, good looks.
-
ln a word, me.
-
So why haven't you made your move
on Miss Mimi?
-
Not my type. Doesn't tickle my fancy.
-
Well, she can tickle mine.
-
lf only wishing made it so.
-
Let's face it, Will.
You lack the social graces...
-
to impress someone like Dr. No.
-
Boy, you must be on dog food.
-
l am the most handsome,
the most intelligent...
-
and unequivocally the most
flamboyant bachelor since Billy Dee.
-
This isn't West Philly, Will. lt's Bel-Air.
-
And the women here are different.
-
l guarantee you Dr. No will say no.
-
-Yeah? l bet he won't.
-l bet he will.
-
-l bet he won't.
-l'll bet he will.
-
Who says the art of conversation is dead?
-
All right, Will.
You think you can be a gentleman?
-
How do you propose on going about it?
-
Carlton, it's very easy to be a geek.
-
All l have to do
is follow you around for a day.
-
lt isn't as easy as it looks.
-
And with your father's permission...
-
l'd love to escort you to
the Apple Blossom ball.
-
l had no idea you two
were getting along so well.
-
What's going on here, Carlton?
-
Will's got a thing for Mimi Mumford...
-
so l'm teaching him how to be
a perfect gentleman.
-
l want a piece of this.
-
Observe, Will,
this is how a perfect gentleman...
-
talks to a young lady.
-
''Say there, Mimi...
-
''might l say that you rate a perfect 10
on my niftiness meter?''
-
l don't think so.
-
Uncle Phil, how did you used
to crack on the girlies?
-
What l'm about to tell you
is going to change your life forever.
-
-Are you listening?
-Yeah.
-
First, l take her hand...
-
then l stroke it gently but imperceptibly...
-
look deep into her eyes,
blow gently in her ear...
-
let my mouth curl up into a smile...
-
make a low, rumbling, hypnotic sound.
-
Philip, that's what you did
on our first date.
-
-That's right.
-You're lucky you got a second one.
-
Allow me, sir.
-
Certainly, Geoffrey,
if you think you can do any better.
-
MademoiseIIe.
-
My life was but a mere whisper
until you entered into it.
-
Whether it was chance or blind fate...
-
or kismet, if you will,
that brought us together...
-
l would be remiss to let this moment pass
without telling you...
-
how deeply you have affected
the very core of my being.
-
Baby!
-
-The fish knife.
-Yeah, right.
-
No, it is right. He got it right.
-
-He got it right!
-He did?
-
Get your own geisha.
-
Excuse me, Master Carlton.
-
-You were saying?
-Will, he picked out the fish knife.
-
Will, l want you
to pay very close attention.
-
Which one is the shrimp fork?
-
By george, l think he's got it.
-
l think he's got it.
-
Where did he get that jacket?
-
Probably off the rack.
-
-Did you hear about his Jaguar?
-The one he bought secondhand?
-
Okay, just remember
you're from Connecticut...
-
you're transferred to Bel-Air Academy,
and you row on the crew team.
-
Now, where did you transfer from?
-
Bend over.
-
lt's Andover. We're going back home.
-
l was joking, man. Relax. Hook it up.
-
l beg your pardon, Dr. Mumford.
l have a friend who's new in town.
-
He's the new star on the crew team.
Would you like to meet him?
-
No.
-
l respect your wishes, sir...
-
but l'd just like to say kudos
on that polo match. Super form.
-
You saw it, huh?
Excuse me. l didn't get your name.
-
Smithers, sir. Kip Smithers.
-
Have a seat, Smithers.
-
-May l join you, sir?
-No.
-
What school do you go to?
What college have you applied to?
-
What's your career plans?
-
Bel-Air Academy, Princeton,
and thoracic surgery, sir.
-
Thoracic surgery. That's my field.
-
What aspect of it interests you the most?
-
The cutting part.
-
That's the part l like, too.
-
Listen, l'm glad you're a fan of polo.
-
l have a very fine string of Arabians.
-
Really? With turbans and everything?
-
Very funny, Smithers.
You had me there for a moment.
-
l thought you were a blithering idiot.
-
There's my daughter.
Would you like to meet her?
-
Gosh, sir.
There's a big question mark on that one.
-
l seem to be painfully shy
with the fairer sex.
-
Nonsense.
-
-Hi, Daddy.
-Poodles.
-
There is someone l'd like you to meet.
-
Mimi, Kip Smithers.
Varsity crew from Bel-Air.
-
A gentleman and a scholar
and soon to be a fine surgeon.
-
You flatter me, sir.
-
l'll just leave the two of you alone.
-
-Mimi--
-Look, before you get yourself...
-
all worked up into a lather,
l just would like to say this.
-
l am sick of you
white-washed, preppy stuffed shirts.
-
What?
-
l don't need some stooge
who's going to play up to my father.
-
l want a real man.
Someone dangerous. Someone exciting.
-
Someone from the streets.
-
-What's so funny?
-Yo, baby.
-
Your prince is in effect, baby.
-
l'm not down with this preppy nonsense.
-
Carlton told me to do this.
l'm definitely straight out the 'hood.
-
That was the worst homeboy act
l've ever heard.
-
lt's not an act. lt's the real deal.
Yo, C! Come here!
-
Mimi. Kip.
-
Carlton, would you please tell her
who l really am?
-
-Who you really are?
-Yes.
-
He's Kip Smithers, from Connecticut.
-
He transferred from Andover to Bel-Air,
so he could row with the crew.
-
No. Tell her where l'm really from.
-
England?
-
For future reference, Will,
our club frowns on strangulation.
-
This is all your fault.
You got me into this mess.
-
-Me.
-Yeah!
-
This preppy nonsense.
l knew women didn't like that mess.
-
lf l would've had my way,
l would've had my way.
-
Congratulate me.
-
lt took all day but l finally found
the perfect pair of alligator pumps...
-
to wear to
the Save the Everglades rally tonight.
-
-Will has a crush on Mimi Mumford.
-That fat girl?
-
Mimi is not fat.
-
Not today. Liposuction.
-
She's been vacuumed more times
than a hooked rug.
-
She looks good now, right?
l don't see your point.
-
Just wave a chili-cheese dog
in front of her nose...
-
and see how much of your arm
you come back with.
-
Will.
-
So, how did it go with Mimi Mumford?
-
He struck out.
-
Okay, Will, you've taken advice
from Carlton, from Philip, and Geoffrey...
-
but you have not gone
to the most logical source:
-
the woman of the house.
-
Before l was married,
l had my share of admirers.
-
A sorrier bunch of deadbeats
you'll never meet.
-
The ones that l was most attracted to...
-
were the ones who were secure enough
to just be themselves.
-
And that's my advice to you.
Just be yourself.
-
Thanks, Aunt Viv.
-
So, Will, are you going
to take Mom's advice?
-
Man, you got to be crazy.
-
Mimi wants a street-wise,
Harley, bad-to-the-bones type guy, man.
-
lf l could show her that l'm dangerous,
l'll have her like that.
-
l'll bet you wouldn't.
-
-l bet l would.
-l'll bet you wouldn't.
-
-l bet you wouldn't.
-l bet you would.
-
See, l fooled you.
-
Remember, l'm wanted in five states...
-
l'm hiding out from the police
for robbing a gun store...
-
-and what did l do before then?
-You went to Penn State.
-
l went to the state pen.
-
Sorry. l thought Penn State
was bad enough.
-
Mimi, top of the evening.
-
Carlton, for the 900th time,
no, l will not go out with you.
-
-l thought you said she wasn't your type.
-She isn't. She's too negative.
-
l'm not here for that.
-
Although if you just gave it
some objective thought--
-
Anyway, l'm here for him.
-
Does he need to go to the bathroom?
-
No, he's just being his bad self.
-
What you saw before was just a charade.
-
Kip is his street name.
-
K-l-P. lt stands for conceived in prison.
-
He's my cousin...
-
and he's from the Bedford-Stuyvesant
region of Brooklyn...
-
wherein he is a felon.
-
Okay. Then what's he doing here
in Bel-Air?
-
He's living with us to escape,
and l quote, ''the man.''
-
Voila.
-
l thought you said he rode crew.
-
No, baby. You misunderstood.
-
He said l wrote for the 2 Live Crew.
-
But, see, they kicked me out
because my lyrics was too abrasive.
-
He's as nasty as he wants to be.
l kid you not.
-
Baby. You look so good...
-
l wish l could plant you
and grow a whole field of y'all.
-
Yo, baby, Fresh Prince in full effect.
lt's time to get busy.
-
You can't hay, can you, baby?
-
You work on that, all right, baby?
-
Salutations, Doctor.
-
This is quite an intense shindig, huh?
-
Listen, l just want to find out
how things are going with Mimi.
-
l'm having a little trouble
breaking the proverbial ice, sir.
-
l hope l don't embarrass myself,
being in your illustrious presence and all.
-
Don't worry. l'll just make myself scarce...
-
but, l do have one piece of advice.
-
-Be yourself.
-That's a natch, sir.
-
This music is def, exceptionally def.
-
Carlton, beat it!
-
l'm dope. Yo.
-
What were you talking to my father about?
-
l told him if he don't stay out my face,
we would take it to the street.
-
Baby, you close your eyes
when you dance with me.
-
Salutations yet again, Doctor.
-
Just a thought.
Mimi loves horses and you love polo...
-
l thought that might break the ice.
-
Thanks for the prescription, Doc.
Enough said.
-
What were you talking to my father about
this time?
-
l wasn't listening to him, baby.
l was stealing his wallet.
-
Kip, l'm so sorry
l didn't believe you before.
-
l should have seen right through
that thin charade.
-
Let's go someplace and get busy.
-
Yes, ma'am.
-
-But first, l want you to rap for me.
-What?
-
You know, let me hear some
of them abrasive lyrics.
-
Okay, baby.
This one l got banned in Buffalo for.
-
And that is just the type of music
we will not let our children listen to.
-
Smithers, what is the meaning
of that ridiculous hat?
-
Who put this on my head?
-
Daddy, isn't he funny?
-
No. He disgusts me. Get out of my sight.
-
Wait a minute.
You can't talk to him like that, Daddy.
-
He's practically a convicted killer,
and l love him.
-
A convicted killer? Who are you?
-
All right, look.
-
l'm not a young republican
from Connecticut...
-
and l'm not a hood from Bed-Stuy.
-
l'm Will Smith from West Philly...
-
and l've been busting my butt all night
trying to impress you...
-
and trying to scare you.
-
And l'm exhausted.
-
l'm going home, and l'm going to sleep...
-
'cause, baby, ain't no girl that fly for me
to go through all this trouble for.
-
Yo, baby.
-
What's up?
-
Miss Hilary.
-
Did you have a good time
at the Save the Everglades fund raiser?
-
Geoffrey, these events are not about
having a good time.
-
They're consciousness-raising
experiences.
-
When you hear about all of the species
that are on the brink of extinction...
-
it's grim, grave, and very sobering.
-
-Tom Cruise was near tears.
-Wasn't he gorgeous?
-
So there l was, G,
then this real fly honey walked by, right?
-
So l decided l'll just be myself.
-
l said, ''Yo, baby.'' And she loved me!
-
-Then what happened?
-Well, then her husband came in.
