2017 11 26 Sr Tuệ Nghiêm: Investigation

Dear respected Thay, dear brothers and
sisters, dear friends, today is the 26th

of November 2017 we are in the
Stillwater meditation hall of the Upper

Hamlet, Plum village and we'll
continue with the theme the seven factors

of awakening, of enlightenment. I'm always
really fascinated by this theme

enlightenment because I I feel that
there's more than what I can hear and

what I can perceive and what I know and
I remember going through times in my

life when I had this burning desire to
know to understand because I feel

there's a curtain that prevent me from
seeing what's actually there

and this feeling this desire was so
strong with my mom passed away I really

wanted to know where is she now, which
direction is she going into. And I felt

if I could just you know draw away the
curtain I can't really see and yet it felt

really impossible for me to draw that
curtain so that I can actually see so then

I can really understand

and in my life as a practitioner I felt
a lot of time that I am wearing tinted

glasses to look at reality. I
have an idea of reality, I have an idea, a

perception of myself and of other people
and I can't really you know like really

put down that glasses so that I can see
reality as it is and I can see other

people as who they are and not just
ideas and perceptions and prejudices

that I have so a burning desire in me to
really experience enlightenment. To really

have a taste of it because I know once
I'm able to experience enlightenment

then I can see what my flesh eye cannot
see, I can understand what my mind cannot

perceive. And so I always talk about
enlightenment.

I always touch on it every time I give a
talk. And one time one of the

younger brothers came up to me after my
talk about enlightenment and he said:

"Sister you were very brave to talk about
enlightenment!" and I knew that wasn't a

compliment.

And I asked "what do you mean?" and he said:
"the brothers, well some of the

brothers, are very allergic to the word
enlightenment". And I thought what's with

you brothers I mean maybe that's why you
have a lot of difficulties maybe because

you don't set high enough goal for your
for your practice and that's when I

realize that maybe people do have
negative idea negative connotation to

the world enlightenment and so the theme
of the talks this winter is about

enlightenment how can we experience
enlightenment here and now what

practices can we do to become
enlightened

and so instead of using the word
enlightenment I learned to use the word

awakening I think it makes more sense to
me because it's like we've been sleeping

all along for a million years with our
eyes closed even when we are awake we

live in a dream even when we are awake
and then artists under our eyes opened

and seen so it's a beautiful image for
me the word of wakening really provokes

them image of waking up to what's there.
And so so let me write down the Seven

Factors of Awakening. Last week sr Jina
had already talked about mindfulness

So the Seven Factors of Awaking, it
starts with mindfulness.

The second one is investigation
of phenomenas, or dharmas.

The third one is diligent or energy.

The fourth is joy, the fifth is tranquility, sixth is
concentration and the seventh equanimity

so today I will talk about investigation
so as you have already learned that there

are the 3 important practices, three
essential practices, we call them the

three trainings or the three learnings.
It's mindfulness concentration and

insight. These are three precious gems in
our heart. And mindfulness simply means

to know what's happening here now.

Mindfulness is a light inside ourselves

that once it's lit up we can see we can see
not just with our eyes but we can see

with our mind what's happening in our
body what's happening did our mind and

also what's happening around us. And like sister Jina said if only you take up this

practice the mindfulness practice as
she has shared last week it's already

enough for you to become enlightened.
Because once you are embodied

with mindfulness you you radiate with
light and that you see you can see so

much more and when you are mindful it
means that you're there you're present

for whatever it is that you're looking at

and when you stay with it long enough
you see see very deeply and that's

mindfulness concentration and insight
and that feeling it's coming from a very

deep place inside it's like a gut
feeling experience and once you have

that insight you know this is it it's
like aha

is that a high experience and it helps
you to understand and it liberates you

from whatever it is that you still get
stuck in or tell you have not understood

so that's mindfulness concentration and
insight in brief but when you look at

the seven factors of awakening we don't
really see insight

there's concentration there's
mindfulness but there's no insight

and insight is very important the
element that liberates it's not there

I can see in your faces that you have
the answer already

that's because investigation of dharma's
which means to look deeply, to search to be

curious, helps us to understand.
So investigation leads to insight.

So in investigation, if we practice it then
there's understanding, there's insight.

So insight is actually there. But of course
if we practice mindfulness you can also

find insight to mindfulness. If you
practice concentration you can also find

insight in concentration. Because this
three things. mindfulness concentration and

insight, they go together. Each is giving
birth to the other they are connected.

And so how do we practice investigation?
How do we practice looking deeply?

This is a question that came up all the
time in my practice for myself, but also

questions that came up for my younger
brothers and sisters about how to

practice looking deeply. How to
practice the factor of awakening

investigation?

Is it speculation? Is it analyzing?

Is it thinking over and over and over
about something?

well I'll share this morning how I
practice investigation because since

understanding is so important for me
that it's something that I've dwelled on

a lot like I said the biggest suffering
for me is not understand not knowing

like seeing things
through this window and not being able

to get out of this window to see the
whole picture because when I look at

this window this reality it's

just a tiny teeny picture of the whole
picture a tiny bit like one little

jigsaw, jigsaw piece of a jigsaw puzzle
and only if I get out of this room

outside of this window that I can see
the whole picture. So let us look into

the sutras to see what the Buddha say
about Investigation how to practice

investigation to see whether it's really
speculation and analysis analyzing us as

we learned that you know in school just
speculate things using our intellect to

analyse things using our intellect

so let's begin with the sutra on
mindful breathing we all know the

practices of the sutra on mindful
breathing and it always begins whatever

it is that we're looking at whether
we're looking at our body or a feeling

or a mind or our perception which is
really the objects of mind we always

begin with breathing so breathing in I'm
aware of my breathing my body breathing

out I'm aware of my body we start with
breathing in I'm aware of my breathing

pretty now I'm aware of my breathing and
so whether we look into the body or

whether we are looking into our feeling
or whether we look into impermanence or

the idea of non-self we always have to
dwell on the breath which means we're to

be present which means
no thinking you have to stay present for

the breathing with our body with our
breath when we look deeply into

something and it makes so much sense
because when we look deeply why are not

using a breath while we're not mindful
or present what happened is that we can

easily get caught up in our thoughts
stories we have you know head ideas you

have about you know whatever it is that
we're looking at and before we know it

we're miles away from where we are from
the present moment and so we can go in

there with the intention good intention
of wanting to look deeply into something

and the next thing we knew, it's like we're
wasting our time thinking about one

thing to the next. Does that happen in
you? It happens to all of us because

we're not really present and so the
breath helps us to stay afloat

so that we're not submerged in the sea
of thinking so that's the first thing

that we learn for the future
he said the breath is so instrumental

and happiness to be able to look deeply
into something

so let's breathe with the sound of the
Bell and just stay pressing with a

breath we notice it coming in coming out
we notice the beginning of the breath

and the end of the breath

so the breathing helps us to be really
quiet in our mind so that was consumed

and then there's another sutra that I
really like, and I always, it's like my my

daily practice, is the sutra, the
discourse on the four foundations of

mindfulness which helps me to see one
how to practice looking deeply

and again this discourse, this sutra,
shows us how to practice

mindfulness in our body in our feeling
in our mind and in the object of mind

and what would I really like about this
sutra is that so we don't have to do

much we don't have to do anything that
we simply acknowledge what's there

we acknowledge its presence the presence
of a feeling or of a mind state such as

anger or love and we acknowledge that
it's there and if it's not there which

is acknowledged oh it's not there
anymore my mind there is no hate in my

mind there's no love in my mind that's
all there there is to it

it's a practice of recognition which is
there and in what some in other world

which is we should be present and be
aware of so what habits happening in the

body in the mind in the feeling and in
whatever it is that looked me looking at

there's no there's no judgement to it
there's no, you know, association

associating this this mental state with
stories that we have or with experiences

we had in the past simply just real
recognition of what's there so what this

day is about looking deeply for me is
that apart from being really present and

mindful of my breath I also need to keep
myself really quiet

no thinking in Zen no mind they call it
no mind it's in mine

which means you're thinking stuff in
mind and how is that possible

you may think how is it possible that
there's no thinking I mean we think all

the time sometimes we're so drained
without thinking and we can't stop it

this ceaseless thinking that's when the
practice of mindfulness becomes really

helpful to quiet down our mind you know
being aware of the breath being aware of

the body being aware of our steps and

that's why when we practice mindfulness
we are already practicing looking deeply

and I'm reading a book by master Linji
our patriarch and you know he used this

really radical methods to help us cut
off our thinking and to come in touch

with our own Buddha nature and I really
enjoyed it because for me looking deeply

it's about cutting off our thinking some
speculation is not about internal

intellectual speculation or analyzing
it's not about sitting there and think

and think and think even if you're just
thinking about yourself or impermanence

because the more you think the more you
become confused the more we think we are

only coming in touch with our ideas and
perceptions and preconceived ideas and

notions and we can't really experience
reality as it is we can't really see

beyond this curtain

and so this comes to mind the practice
of stopping arriving and looking deeply

stopping and looking deeply these are
two aspects of meditation we stop

running in our head come back to the
present moment

and then receive we look deeply and the
metaphor that I really like is the

metaphor of a pond it's the image of a
pond a pond on on a windy day or a rainy

day when you look into a pond you see
lots of web ripples and waves you see

fragments of what's there you actually
don't see anything but on my still and

clear day like today he looked into a
pond and the water is so still and so

calm it reflects the blue sky it
reflects the white cloud affects the

tree in the water it's as if they're
like mirror image of one another

imagine the pond and also what's out
there and and it's a metaphor for the

mind because our mind is it's like that
whenever we have a lot of thinking and

thoughts and ideas in our head
the sec out it's full of ripples and

waves I can't see much within the dark
actually when we are just filled with so

much thoughts, ceaseless thoughts.

But when we are able to come back to
our breath come back to our body come

back to our steps the pond of our mind
becomes so still and so clear that we

see so deeply into it
we see causes and conditions why we are

the way we are why we feel the way we do
why we think the way we think and that

scene is not coming from a pure it's
coming because our mind is clear

and master Linji said you are already a
Buddha you don't need to look for the

Buddha outside of yourself and sometimes
the shouts at you if you come to him

with a lot of ideas and thinking to help
you cut up while you're thinking in you

know come in touch with your own Buddha
nature with the baby Buddha inside

yourself so I'd like to talk about mice
actually this place that we can look for

the Buddha inside ourselves since we're
talking about you know quiet in our mind

in order to see where's that scene
coming from Weston do you know where

exactly that insight is coming from

so we know about the store consciousness
right maybe some of you may not heard a

bit before so I'm just gonna say briefly
about it this is your mind and in the

depths of our being there our
consciousness our mind there's different

layers and our tradition we say about
eight layers in our mind so the deepest

of these eight layers is called the
store consciousness

in the store consciousness it stores all
kinds of seeds and heats a real

potentials potentials that were capable
of the whole spectrum of seeds the whole

spectrum of potentials from the most
positive to the most negative in other

word we have the seed of a Buddha inside
ourselves the seed of insight in us also

but we also have the seed of ignorance

which is the seed of not seeing not
knowing not understanding

and then we always have a see just
tomorrow

inside ourselves Mara is there in in us
too in other word everything that we're

looking for everything we have ever
experienced can be found right inside

ourselves in the depths of our being in
the store consciousness it preserves all

kinds of seeds it maintains all the
seeds in here and then there are the six

some there the six organs sense organs
there's we have the six sense organs the

eyes the ears the nose the tongue the
body and the mind

These are the six organs, and when these
six organs come in touch with its object

which is sight sound taste touch

smell or objects of mind these two
things come together it gives rise to an

awareness to a consciousness so there's
the eye consciousness the

ear-consciousness the nose consciousness
tongue consciousness and body

consciousness and then the mind
consciousness

and so whatever it is that we come in in
touch with through our senses actually

it's a trigger that taps into the seeds
in the depths of us store consciousness

it's a stimulus the trigger sit inside
and the seed manifest as a mental

formation as a state of mind that we can
actually experience in our body in our

mind we can actually sense it view it
touch it and so

whatever seeds that have been watered in
us becomes a significant it becomes

significant in other word it it affects
the quality of our being and that but we

think that the object is coming from
outside of ourselves and it goes in and

taps into our seeds and then you know
like this mental formation manifest it's

not like that I mean that's an image to
help us to understand how store

consciousness really works but the store
consciousness it's the subject of

knowing but it's it's at the same time
the object of knowing these two things

go together they manifest together but
what we feel or what we experience in

what we see are manifesting together so
the subject and the object of cognition

manifests at the same time it is not
something we're taking they are already

there in a form of seeds and so when
they manifest the manifests as the

subject and as the object

and

and this helps me it helps me to see
that I don't really need to go out there

and look at things that it investigate
on things out there all I need to do is

go back to here in order to investigate
what's inside of me because what is

manifesting in me because what's
manifesting in me as actually what's

manifesting out there is actually a
projection of what's manifesting in me

exactly and so for me the object of my
investigation is here it's here and

that's why when you come to plum village
like all our practices it's encouraging

you to come back to yourself
the bells happiness to come back and mr.

Ling Zhi keeps saying come back and
recognize that the Buddha is inside you

don't need to look for the Buddha
outside of you and so it becomes really

clear for me that the object of my
investigation is myself and it makes so

much sense because when I understand
myself then I can understand other

people

when I understand my impermanence the
impermanence of my body and mind then I

can understand the impermanence of
everything there is and what I really

like about this is that I don't really
have to you know look for I don't have

to go out there and to practice that I
have everything I need to practice

mindfulness to practice looking deeply

so go back because you have everything
you need to help you to understand

reality

and

and suffering the experience in our life
suffering difficulties the challenges we

go through they actually really really
useful there was to stop and look and in

my life has in my practice I noticed
that I went through times when I am

quite slacking I may be you know
appearing you know in the sunglass

activity but I'm actually really
slacking in a silent because things are

so easy to know I feel peaceful if
you're calm and I take it for granted it

is only the challenges the suffering
that I experience that really pushes me

to like look look a bit deeper and so
actually it's it's good news to have

suffering and when you look at it in
that way suffering is narrative and it's

actually really good they're
opportunities we always see suffering

when we experience suffering that we see
yourself as being a victim and that

really weakens us but when we see that
suffering and difficulties are

opportunities to have a scope a bit
deeper in ourselves to understand then

they're like really really valuable
opportunities that's why suffering is

it's a no achieve right it's noble
because it helps us to come in touch

with reality with who we really are

and we're more than just these
difficulties with the Buddha we're not

just Mara
we're the Buddha too and so these

opportunities the suffering helps us to
come in touch with the Buddha inside

ourselves and bring in her a life

and I'll share with you about how I
prepared the Dharma talk because I

always a problem preparing for Dhamma
talk I really don't know how to prepare

a Dharma talk I noticed my sister's
coming up with like a lot of paper and

stuff like that and I'm like wow that's
great

I wish I could do that and I try to
think nothing comes to mind that's my

problem and so what I did this time was
that I know this is a really important

topic but you know because you know it's
it's enlightenment

and so I asked my older sister
can you please pretty please give me

some questions what is it that you want
me to talk about what do you want in you

what do you want to know about the
investigation

give me some questions and then I also
told my mentee to give me some questions

and I told them a week before and so
they gave me all these questions and

when I dealt with this question with
them I didn't trust this question in my

store consciousness I said okay take
over I'm not gonna think because I

cannot think and so that's I did and
then I kept really quiet to know in my

daily activity I do my best to be
mindful and to be really conscious of

what's unfolding inside and then but you
know like this idea comes up even when I

least expected like what I should say
and how I said what not how I should say

it because I never know how I should say
it whatever comes comes it's coming in

touch with everyone that trigger
whatever it is that it come out and

and I and this is what I do in my daily
life is that I have to trust my store

consciousness and when we are keeping
our self really quiet really mindful to

reflect on what's there this is exactly
what we're doing we're and Trust in the

store consciousness with these issues
for it to work for us and it's actually

less costly because that's the nature of
store consciousness is that it works

night and day even when we are asleep
maybe when I am asleep you know like

these questions it's working in the
depths of my store consciousness to

prepare the Dharma talk for me

it's very costly when we have to think

because our brain with only 2% of the
whole total total body mass and it

consumes 25% of the energy of our whole
body but if we are like having this

episode of like ceaseless thinking that
will stop even when we are completely

exhausted even when we have like a
terrible headache and we couldn't stop

thinking anybody if experienced that
before a few of you well that happened

to me so I know I've been there and so
it drains you and yet you're still in

the dark because the more you think the
more in the dark you are but if you

entrust these issues to your store
consciousness like I have interested

these questions in their store
consciousness store consciousness what

would we do its work and they will
provide us with the answer

and that answer is inside so inside this
now coming from our head inside is

coming for the depths of our being so
trusting in my store consciousness helps

me not to be so tired and also dreamed

so the practice is not about getting
more the practice is about cleaner in

clearing away because we already have
woven whatever it is that we're looking

for we already have inside inside
ourselves

it's about clearing away these ideas and
thoughts and perceptions and thinking

that means that this but the space is in
room this inside - and for

so one in the inevitable question that
came from my sisters is how do they give

an example or how do I practice looking
deeply to walk through my suffering

you know I've been up here many times
before in the last day was in more than

two years you know that before that time
is always appear and we have the

pleasure to sit in down there and listen
you know being up here it's kind of I

feel like it's I feel transparent up
here because it's beyond me what

actually comes out and sometimes my
sister said it's a good talk or sometime

it's not a very good talk and I said I'm
sorry

whatever comes out you just have to
accept because I can't do anything about

it it's my store consciousness I blame
it on my store consciousness and but

this time I have to admit I'm a bit
nervous to come up here

how to breathe with that feeling and I
heard this voice underneath that feeling

of nervousness the voice that I'm not
good enough it's a voice familiar I'm

not good enough and this voice it's
really a very oh oh friend of mine

a voice that was there when I was a
child and especially when I was a

teenager and I had to work a lot with
that voice that I'm not good enough I'm

not good enough
every day - no I'm not intelligent

enough I'm not beautiful enough I'm not
enough of this and I'm not enough of

that
and I had to work a lot with with that

when I begun when I began my my my life
my practice and what I realized was then

that voice was actually connected to I
don't know if it's connected but it has

to do with my dad I never talked about
my dad in the community I talked a lot

about my mom but never about my dad

that's because I don't know what it's
like to have a dad that's because my dad

passed away we know it's one and a half
years old and I grew up filthy feeling

there's something wrong with me that I'm
not complete but I'm not good enough

not good enough and that as a teenager
as a child I felt like there's a hole

inside here even though my mom was a
very loving caring she was never

remarried so that she cannot she can
really put all her energy and her love

for for us and now it's the internal
process that was happening inside

excessive there's a missing piece of the
jigsaw puzzle inside me and it created a

lot of suffering for me and in my my
practice whenever I experienced

suffering it's always coming back to
that suffering as a child as a teenager

and that voice have always been there
and I have to walk along with it

and so and so when I knew this is where
it was coming from I had promised to

accept myself as sure I was and I
practiced to see my father in myself to

see my dad in myself and I started to
notice things in my siblings that are

also email he may not be very strong in
my mom I know that's my dad so with the

practice I was able to fill up that hole
in the practice of understanding myself

the practice of accepting and loving
myself as Who I am but then once in a

blue it comes up again you know his
voice it comes up again but the practice

of looking deeply had helped me now to
recognize it immediately once it comes

up so that it doesn't have the charge
and the power to overwhelm me as it had

you know as a teenager

and so whatever it is that we have to
work with whatever voice it is that's

keep telling us about ourselves it's
actually a wrong perception of myself if

we look deeper into ourselves we see
that we're more than just this voice and

that actually helped to fill up that
hole in our soul it makes us feel

complete so whatever it is that you're
experiencing to be the object of your

investigation and that's why we need to
start

and so investigation really as a factor
self listening to ourselves listening to

this voice inside and I realized that we
don't do this very often when we are

when we have like a quiet time quite
place with ourselves we see that there's

so much thoughts thinking and ideas but
if we can just listen to those thoughts

and ideas you know like it's very soft
voice inside it's like there's just like

a chattering box in the back of our head
you can actually understand ourselves a

lot and a lot and a lot and it could be
really healing to be able to understand

to be able to listen to love ways it
helps us to understand ourselves and why

we are the way we are why is the further
way we do what we when we get triggered

the way we do so awakening or
enlightenment it's not something

something beyond us and they're not just
ideas either you know whatever ideas

that that brother had about
enlightenment it's not about that either

it's about our daily experience of
living mindfully and of being still

enough inside ourselves that we could
see deeply into ourselves

and we're coming a bit closer
to the reality of who really are that we

can come a bit closer to the reality of
who that person really is and what it is

that were looking at so enlightenment is
possible and it's simple to do it simple

to experiencing and it starts at is
breath mindful breath mindful steps

there's this you know some people say
that Thai only teaches breathing in and

breathing out
but if you can really practice breathing

in breathing out deeply you can
experience enlightenment awakening right

here right now so thank you for, thank
you for embarking on this journey with

all us here in Plum Village, a journey to
wake up, to become enlightened and that

with every step you make and every breath
we take we experience enlightenment

thank you for listening