Our WORST Dating Experiences

- Coming up.

- You gave birth right there?

- Yeah, on the floor.

Yeah.

- Is there any like stains left behind?

I just had a sniff of your hair.

- Cool.

Red wine.

- It lets out a cry from the vagina.

- [Stereo talking] He
comes back from the shower

in only a towel.

And I absolutely ablaze.

- Do you want to see my blast toys?

- Happy December.

So for this month, I'm going to be doing

some fun festive live shows
on a new app called Stereo.

Each week with a different guest.

If you're over 18, I want
to check out the app.

I've put a link below so
you can follow me on it

and also check out some other shows.

Today's videos with Louise Pentland.

We had a very large low.

(upbeat music)

- Welcome to my first Stereo show.

I am joined by the
fabulous Louise Pentland.

Hello.

- Hi.

This is so exciting.

- You got your flower crown.

You're rocking it.

- That's how I get old school,

sprinkle of glitter, you know.

- I feel like mine looks a
bit cooler than I actually am.

Do you know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- He's got more and more tailored
quit than I actually have.

- I'll tell you what
it is with emoji people

and something, I'm very
grateful for myself is that

they don't portray age at all.

And I think that that
does you and I mostly me,

a good service.

- I mean, you're looking
glowing right now today, Louise.

- That's the Botox, Phil.

That is frozen till Christmas.

- The way you can interact with stereo is

you can send in a voice message and then

it will play out for us
and we can react to it.

So we've just got our first one.

Now let's play it.

- [Stereo] Have you started
decorating the house

for Christmas yet?

- Well, I think Louise
is the Christmas queen

because when did you start
decorating your house

for Christmas Louise?

- So the Christmas decorations went up on,

let me just look at my
calendar, one second,

so I can get the exact date for you.

- July,

- July.

It was the 2nd of November
that we had our Christmas

decorations done.

So yeah, we were set for Christmas.

What about you? I imagine
you're slightly less festive.

- At the moment, all I've got is a tree

that is covered in fairy lights.

- Can I just say for
all your dear listeners,

it is the most sad effort for
Christmas, I have ever seen.

It's a slightly dying
plant and you've not even

wrapped them round that you just try it,

- That is my best try
of wrapping them around.

- Oh God.

- I'm not a very crafty person.

So I think the last time
we made a video together,

we were talking about mucus
plugs and fundal rights.

And various other birth terms.

If you've got twins,

is when they both come
out at the same time.

- Jesus Christ.

That doesn't happen.

- That was a long time.

I like to think I've retained
some of that knowledge.

- Oh, okay, great.

That will be handy.

- Do you want to quiz me on one of them?

- Sure, okay.

What is a search a surge?

- A surge is when the
baby is getting so close

to being born, it lets
out a cry from the vagina.

- No.

- And that's the surge.

They are like, we've heard the surge.

We heard the cry.

- So, No.

For those watching the video
will know this spot where I'm

sitting right now is exactly
where I gave birth to that baby

girl that we did the video on.

- You gave birth right there.

- Yeah, on the floor.

- Was there any like stains left behind?

- No, it's a tiled floor and
also it was in a birthing pool.

It's in a birthing pool,

but we did put the after
birth in the bushes,

in the garden afterwards.

- Did it make the roses grow extra?

- Yeah, but not the placenta

cause we had that made into pills.

- Oh my God.

You ate your placenta, didn't you?

- Yeah, but I feel like this
is probably a separate video

altogether.

- Could I, I'm not.

I'm just saying hypothetically,

if I ate some placenta,
sorry, would that benefit me

in any way or is it all for
the benefit of the mother?

- The idea is, it is for
the benefit of the mother.

I don't know biologically
what the risks of that would

resoundingly sound risky because
it is like dried insides,

but it's worth looking into
if ever you find yourself in a

position to eat your own placenta.

- Okay. Well now I know,

I didn't think we were
talking about eating placentas

at the start of this show.

I get surprised..

- It's a surprise round
Jeffery corner fell.

- Did you see that Lady Gaga released

Lady Gaga flavored Oreos today?

Just random tangent.

- I did not want.

What part of her body are
they supposed to taste like?

- I don't know.

That's what I was wondering
because I was thinking about

eating placenta and I was all
about eating Oreos and I was

like lady Gaga did those Oreos,

what flavor do you think
your Oreo would be?

If you were a flavored biscuit?

- I feel like this not
a conversation could go.

(both laugh)

- You said don't have to keep this PG.

I'll just settle for delicious.

- A glittery biscuit.

- Yeah, we'll just keep it there.

What about you?

- I think I'd be very like
hyper sweet cause I'm quiet.

I like sweet foods.

So I think mine would be
like triple marshmallow,

popcorn, caramel salted,

but you literally want one.

- I like having lots of you.

- I thank you.

- You got so many messages
coming in on stereo

for the topic of today, which is

embarrassing dating incidents.

(upbeat music)

- [Stereo] I have this
really awkward story

of my first day and it was a blind date.

And I was 15 years old and
I was at the movie theater.

And I met this guy on
Instagram and never seen a

picture of him, never seen before.

So my older brother went
with me to the movie theater

on this date with me.

And I was horrified, and after that date,

I never spoke to that guy ever again.

- I just want to say to that
good thinking to take her older

brother with her, even though
it will be really cringe.

I think that she gets for, for
her, for, for you Glen Coco,

- That's got safety points as well,

but also kind of awkward
when in the future,

if you stayed with that
person, you'd be like,

remember our first date
was with my brother.

- And also what if it go
well and he'd gone to like,

go in for the kiss and
then your brother's there,

just like,

- Gonna look the other way.

- [Stereo voice] I was staying
over at my partner's house

for the first time and I just got dressed

and ready for today,

had a shower and him
trying to be smooth as

how does your hair always smell so nice.

And my hair's not with the
brain goes, I don't know.

It's just what your mom had.

And I realized very quickly,

I just your mom and my boyfriend.

- Well, you get points for
having nice smelling hair.

But I would, I think maybe two years ago,

I would always go for the, your mum joke

quite a lot as well.

So I see where you're coming from,

especially if there's a bit
of an awkward situation,

but I feel like the other side
of that is the person just

sniffed your hair.

So you don't want to be on a date,

and someone's like, I just
had a sniff of your hair.

Oh, I would really be flattered.

I'd quite like I think,

only because I'm sad and desperate.

So I would just go, Oh,
someone wants to sniff my hair.

- Say on a date, you just go
straight nose in the hair like

I have a big day for
inhalation of your scalp.

So if anyone has any others,
you can now send them in.

I'll tell you one of mine though.

Cause I am a gay, but
I had confused moments.

I was like, I've got
this repressed feeling.

Maybe I should be dating girls.

I don't know what I should be doing.

So today I thought I could
talk about the times where

I tried to date girls
because I thought you could

Louise offer a bit of insight.

Was I doing a good thing?

Was I doing a bad thing?

Cause I don't know.

- Well, I would love to offer you insight,

but I just want to pre-phase this with

I was not a good dater.

And I didn't have my
first date till I was 17.

And then, I was his second option.

Cause he asked my best friend
on a date and she said, no,

but Louise might go.

And I was like, Oh God.

- You were the second option.

How could you be the
second option, Louise?

- Thanks Phil, but I was.

- So I had a girl over to my house.

Why would my parents go home?

And we were like,

let's watch a horror movie.

And I thought she's going to
be scared of the horror movie.

And then if you get scared,

go through the whole little
cuddle under the duvet

and protect.

I think it was Jeepers Creepers.

You don't like horror, so
I'm guessing you don't know.

You've not seen Jeepers Creepers.

No.

Anyway, every time someone got murdered,

the girl I was with was the most laughing

you've ever heard, from sort
of watching people get killed.

- Wow.

Wow, luckiest date.

- To the point where someone
was being brutally murdered

on the film.

She asked me to rewind it
so we could watch it again.

- Maybe you needed
protecting under the duvet.

- After about the fourth
death in the film,

I was like, maybe I need some protection.

I want some snuggling under the covers

and maybe not from you.

- Yeah.

She sounds like she would
actually murder you under the

covers and not in like a sexy way.

- Not like, Oh I'll have
you, but like I'll end you.

- I'll end you.

That was the first one.

I did get away with
all of my limbs though.

So that was all right.

- And how did it end with her?

- It ended not with a date.

We decided we were going to
go our separate ways probably

because I was sat like
this in the bedroom,

but the entire time, cause I was scared.

She was going to start
chopping me up with an axe.

- Did you have to see her
at school like the next day?

- Yeah.

And she told everyone that I
didn't want to do anything.

I didn't even try and kiss her.

- And also didn't like girls.

So.

- It was, it was a mix.

It was a mixed bag situation.

What about you?

Do you have any other
awkward dating experiences?

- Honestly Phil, all of
my dating experiences

have been awkward until
Liam who I'm now engaged to.

So teens were horrific.

And then as you know, I became
single again when I was 29.

And I was single for a couple of years

and I thought, Oh, now I'll date.

But knowing what to do, but no you don't,

you don't know in your
twenties and thirties either.

I don't have really
any early dating sorts.

Cause I went to a girls school

and led a very sheltered life.

So I was at university and
I'd gone on a night out

with all my gal pals.

And there was this cool
older guy in the studio,

not in like a bar, like a student's bar,

looking back it was a bit
weird that he was there

because it was a student bar.

But, and he was 30 and
at the time I was 19.

So I felt like that was very debonair.

We swapped numbers and he text
me because all you could do

back in the day was texts or
phone and ask me if I wanted to

go to his apartment for a drink.

Now that was obviously
really stupid and dangerous,

but I was feeling racy.

So I was like, yes, I would love to.

I went to his apartment and I got there

and it's a studio apartment.

So if our listeners don't
know what studio apartment is,

basically, it's just one room
with everything in the room.

So he was like, do you want a tour?

And I was like, yes, please.

Even though it's was like, I
can, I can literally see it.

I'll have a tour.

So he walked me around this
like one room being like,

this is the kitchenette.

And the carpet, and the washing machine,

I was like, wow wow.

Okay.

So we do this whole tour.

And then he got to his bedroom area.

By the way, I've got a
glass of red wine in my hand

and I don't like red wine,

but I was like, Oh cool.

Red wine.

We go to his bedroom area and he goes,

and this is the badge.

Can I just say,

I've written this in
my, my book, Mum Life.

And there's more detail,

but we get to the bed and
he's like, this is the badge.

And I was like, yeah, okay.

I'm thinking, he's thinking like,

what are we going to do on the bed?

Or let's get on the bed or something.

That's where I am as
well with my thoughts.

There he goes on his bedside drawer.

And he says, this is my bedside drawer.

And he opens it and no word of a lie.

It is filled to the top with tampons.

- Oh, why was he showing
you that as a light in case?

In case of emergency.

- Yeah, but I'm not talking like,

one box that maybe an
ex-girlfriend had left there.

I'm talking like hundreds of tampons,

like how big the drawer is.

And a tampon is like
the size of half a pen

and fill a drawer.

- Yeah, all leaves, not in their boxes,

just like a sweetie jar.

And I was like,

Oh wow.

And he was like, do you want any?

I was like, and he offered me.

So do you want an....

Yes.

- Did you make a hefty escape after that?

- Yes, I said I wanted to go home,

but it was very awkward
because he had to walk me home

because I didn't have
the money for a taxi.

So he walked me home,
which was about 20 minutes.

And then we got to my place
and he said, can I come up?

And I was like, no, sorry.

I'm not allowed.

Like, I don't know who's not allowing it.

But I was like, no.

Because I didn't know how
to end the interaction.

I put my hand on his shoulder
and I said, bless you.

Like a nun.

I just walked into my hood.

It was just like,

- Do you like some people
are like train spotters.

Maybe he was a tampon collector?

- Maybe, but....

- [Stereo voice] In 11th grade,

my straight boy crush got me
to skip school with him in the

middle of the day to go back to his house,

which I was obviously all for.

We get to the house, nobody else's there.

we go to his room,

I'm ready for this move.

Like, I'm gonna go take a shower.

He comes back from the
shower in only a towel

and I'm absolutely ablaze.

And then he shows me his Yukio cards

and we head back to the school.

My mother is at the school
frantic because she's been trying

to contact me for the past 30 minutes

to pick me up for an
orthodontist appointment

that I'd forgotten about
for skipping school.

I am grounded for the next three weeks.

And it turns out in the end,
the boy wasn't even straight,

but I didn't find that
out until a year later

after he had had an entire baby.

- What!

That happens.

That was a roller coaster.

He had a baby.

Yukio cards, is in the towel.

We need some kind of,

It's like a Pokemon card.

He just wanted to show
his whole collection.

- Oh, did he?

I think he panicked.

- Well, I think so.

He's like, do you want
to see my blast toys.

- What's a blast toys?

- Do you know what a squirtle is?

- Oh yes.

The Pokemon.

- Yeah, is there any
Pokemon, you know, a picture?

- Yes.

If I said like Tom Anda,

you wouldn't know what that was.

- No, I do you know what that is.

That's a little tracking.

- Yeah.

- So you don't know what a squirtle is,

which is the best Pokemon.

- So the only reason I
know what Pokemons are,

and this is a dating story is
because do you remember when

that game came out on your
phone where you could collect

them, like around your house
and things like Pokemon go.

So I got that app and on that same day,

I had a date with Liam,
my first date with Liam.

And was so excited about this Pokemon go.

I don't know why,

because I've never played
Pokemon in my lounge.

I was like, this is so cool

that there's a Pokemon in my lounge.

Yeah.

And then I was on this date
with Liam and it got to near the

end and I said, anywhere, best be going,

unless you want to come outside
and play Pokemon with me.

And he was like, he was like,

Oh yes I do.

And I was like, great, have
you got it downloaded it?

And I was like, it's really cool.

It's an app.

And then I made it, he was like, okay.

And then we went outside
and I was like, look,

there's a Cholomander.

And he was like, what
do you want to do now?

I was like, play Pokemon.

Didn't you and Dan go
to Japan at that time?

I remember watching a video.

Where did Dan let go and try and collect?

- It was the Hong Kong, I got the flu.

So I was in bed and he was
trying to get the rarest Pokemon.

It just all around Hong Kong.

It was that actual fail in the end.

If you ever watched that video.

No, he didn't get it.

It was a complete waste today.

I had another awkward incident
where I don't know if it was

the same in your town,

but did you say making out for kissing?

No, we said getting off with.

- That's what, that's what we said.

We said getting off.

Anyway, okay.

So that's, that's where we're going.

Remember that.

I was doing a babysitting
job with another girl from my

street who I thought I fancied a bit.

Again, I was a gay, so I
don't know if I did fancy her.

There was weird feelings.

So I thought, you know what?

Maybe I could make my move
during this babysitting job.

There was a thing where all
of the adults on the street

would get two of the teens
to do babysitting together.

I guess this would be more responsible.

I don't know how to teens is
more responsible if you're

leaving them alone in
the house, to be honest.

- Why would you put a bully
and a girl team together

in a house?

- That's the classic, romantic
teen comedy situation.

- Maybe they were doing it
on purpose to set you up.

- Maybe my street was a cult
and they wanted us all to have

babies or something.

I don't know, it was weird.

Anyway, getting onto a tangent.

So I thought, you know what,
if I'm going to woo this lass,

I need to give her a gift.

So I brought a multi-pack
of timeout chocolate bars.

- I'd be thrilled.

- At this age, I would be thrilled.

But back in the day, everything was lame.

And I don't know what she was expecting.

So I got to the door and I was like,

I got you some time outs.

And she was like, what?

Anyway, I just, I placed
the timeouts into her hand.

Anyway, she wasn't even
like saying, thanks.

She was like, oh.

Anyway, I got a bit more...

I just caught the wind, the
wind is having a cringe.

I got a bit closer to something.

We were on the sofa.

We were watching a movie
and she said to me,

do you want to make out?

- Oh, okay.

Yeah, kiss.

- I don't know what that means Louise.

Me as a teen, I'd never
heard make-out before.

So I was like, what does that mean?

I want it to be, I don't know.

I wanted to be cool.

So I didn't want to be like, what's that?

So I was like.

- What did you do then?

- So I was like, yeah, I guess
maybe we could do it later.

And she was like, what?

And I was like, yeah,
we could make out later.

And I was hoping she'd
changed the subject.

And she just looked at me like,

what?

So then.

- I was so comfortable cause
I'm imagining this so vividly.

- I know, it was really, really bad.

And we'd heard about five
timeouts at this point.

And I've got flight dairy issues.

So I probably shouldn't
have indulged so much in the

timeouts, and because of
this make-out situation,

I was getting a nervous tummy.

- You know me, I understand.

- I heard that very well.

So then.

Unfortunately I spent the next
half an hour in the toilet.

- That's so, and she would
have known what you were doing.

- I could just hear her
sighing in the lounge

cause it was one of
those people, they've got

the toilet so close to the TV.

I was like, you can hear everything

that's happening in here.

It was terrible.

Then the parents came home,

and they didn't ask us to babysit again.

I don't know why.

Cause the babysitting
part of it was great.

- That's terrific.

So headlines are, don't give
people timeouts as a gift,

although I totally would now.

So I don't know why that was an issue.

Everyone knows what making out is now.

So that won't be a problem.

So I don't think we need
to give much dating advice

on that one, you know.

We've got another message on stereo.

Let's have a listen.

- [Stereo message] So this
happened before my first semester

of college.

I got on the Facebook page
trying to find some friends.

And I started talking to
this guy and we hit it off.

We were planning on
going on a bowling date

when we got to campus.

Before we even got on campus,

before we even met in person, he was like,

so when we go bowling.

Don't show me your feet when you're trying

on the bowling shoes.

And I was like, what?

Excuse me.

And he was like, yeah,

I kind of have a feet thing and
I don't want to make it look

weird on the first day.

And I was like, made it weird.

- It's awkward that they're like,

don't show me your feet straight away.

- I would say, yeah, never
yuck someone else's yam.

But maybe he didn't need to go straight in

with his yam, you know.

- No, there's a time and a
place for the foot fetish.

And just being like, don't
want to see your feet.

That's a bit weird.

So I think that's a good
time to end the dating chat.

For the last few minutes,
I thought we could do

something called fill in the blanks.

(upbeat music)

We're just going to fire at
random topics at each other.

And just talk about them.

First thing that comes to your head.

But I'm going to kick
things off with aliens.

(electronic alien sound)

- Lots to say about aliens.

I'm glad this has come up.

So one, I definitely think they exist

just mathematically by statistics.

Of course they do.

How could we exempt them?

And also I think that they have
been to earth, the pyramids.

How did the pyramids happen?

I've watched a lot of documentaries
and the parents and also

are they, you know, are they
under airports and things.

- 100%, there are aliens on the airport.

(Phil laughs gently)

Is there any point you
say airports specifically?

Is there a reason why you said airport?

- Yeah, because I think that

they have secret alien airports
underneath our airport.

- That would be the least place
that you're getting to look

for an alien airport
is under human airport.

- I just think it would
be handy because it's got

all the equipment, you know.

- That could just nip
into duty free as well.

And just be like....

- I'm sure I saw like some
sort of crazy YouTube video

about a specific American airport,

and I've forgotten what it is.

And also I'm scared.
Even if I do remember,

I'm scared to say it in case like

I alert them to my knowledge.

- They'll know that
listening, don't say it.

Have you seen that
monolith that is appearing?

There's one in Utah.

Like it was like a metal pole.

- Just like a mirror thing.

- Yeah, it disappeared
overnight, appeared in Romania.

- What?

- Yes.

I don't know if it's the same one.

But a monolith and then
that one has disappeared.

So I'm expecting to wake up
and it'll just be in my bed.

Why isn't this like
- Life in 2020 got weirder.

- Why isn't this headline news though?

Like what is this thing?

I don't know, I'm voting aliens.

What do you vote?

- I'm going to vote bank C.

Oh, okay.

I've got a good.

Oh, it's quite niche to us though.

But I think that the
audience will enjoy it.

You ready?

Video conventions.

(upbeat music)

Because we made it too often.

- We've been to a lot of video conventions

and spent a lot of time
together at video conventions.

But the thing the best times,

but the thing that Springs to
mind is one of the things that

I always feel guilty
about with you, Louise,

which is we were,

I think it was playlist live
and we were going to go on

some rides, we were at universal studios.

And there was one ride,

which was the mummy ride.

And do you like, is it scary Phil?

I was like, no, it's not that scary.

It's fine.

- But your audience can
I just let them know?

I am like so afraid anything
paranormal, like a phobia.

I said to you, is it scary?

And you're like, no, it's just fast.

I was like, I don't mind
speed, but is it like spooky?

And you were like, no, it's not spooky.

- I was like, it's not spooky, it's fine.

It's based on a movie, you'll be okay.

So we went on the ride and I was like.

I was like, it'll be all
right, Louis, it'll be fine.

30 seconds into the ride,
I realized it was not fine.

I've never seen someone so
terrified in my entire life.

And it wasn't like funny scared.

Louise was like wheezing with
her eyes closed and screaming.

It was like screaming and wheezing.

You were squeezing.

- Squeezing, yeah.

You forgive me for that.

- If that was only the story, yes.

But can I just remind you
what happened at the end?

So we've been really fortunate
to be given like access to

loads and loads of rice.

There were no queues cause it
was after the park could shut,

but like our convention
arranged for us to go.

And so at the end of the ride,

I was almost hyperventilating.

The ride operators took me
off and took me into like the

little side room to like
get me some first aid

to see if I was all right.

You would think that Phil
was like, don't worry,

I'll stay with you.

But then the rider creeks said,

Oh, do you guys want to go on again?

Whilst we're getting the first day?

And you went, you went on the ride again.

- They said it'll be really quick.

I figured you'd have
to like sit in the dark

for at least 15 minutes.

Did you come out like
the, on the ride again.

- Okay, in the end.

But yes, I do forgive him for that.

- Sometimes I wake up
at four in the morning.

I'm like, remember when
I did that to Louise,

I feel so bad.

- Was it that one with little lights,

like LED lights that we
had all over the place?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

I think it goes back to the
little light convention.

- No you did.

I've got a picture of me and
you and I wearing a white dress

and there were tiny little lines.

- I remember that.

- But the most about that is
you after it's being like,

can you put those somewhere else?

Don't put them on the table.

Someone else might touch them.

Don't know.

It feels like, ah, sorry.

- I don't know.

I might've had one down
my pants at some point.

It was a whole thing.

- I think we all had one down our pants.

- I still got one down my pants.

Well, that was a hoot.

Thanks for being my favorite guest.

- We can't end on down your pants.

- I'm down with.

That's how it goes on my channel, Louise.

It was lovely to have you on my show.

Thanks for coming.

Make sure to check out Louise's channel.

I'll put a link below
and have a lovely day.

Subscribe to me.

Check out Stereo.

There is a link below.

- Thank you so much for having me.

This has been so fun.

- Thanks.

- Bye.
- Bye.

(upbeat music)

- Okay, we should get a thumbnail.

- Yep.

- Which I'm also filming, so
this might be included in.

If you get like closer to the camera,

I want it like a higher quality Louise.

Maybe I could get you to
take a photo of yourself.

- Do you want it longie or totally.

Oh, hang on.

God.

- Look inside ways.

Do you ever, when you film a video,

just have about five minutes
of you doing thumbnail faces

with really weird breathy sounds.

- No, I actually the opposite
because when I'm doing it,

I'm like right now do some now.

And then I think, Oh,
I've done that for ages.

And I come to agitate and
I did it for four seconds.

Why didn't I do this for long enough?

- Yeah.

I've sometimes got a good
two minutes of me going.

- Taking a picture next to
someone and you can hear them.

- I share that with you.

I'm not a fan of mouth noises.

Whenever I see Louise,

she doesn't want my mouth close to her ear

or my hand close to her at all.

- You know 2020 has been horrific.

But if there's one thing I have enjoyed is

I haven't shaken and
or shook anyone's hand

will have to hug anyone.

Yeah.

- Your hand, I can't.

You know what I mean?

- Oh yeah, I'm excited to embrace you.

Squeeze me, stop recording for a second.

So I can say something scandalous.

(upbeat music)