X-mas: PORN on Santa's Computer

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

- ♪ Fa la la la la la la ♪--
- (Ian) SHUT UP!!

Oh, hey!

You caught roasting chestnuts
over this open fire.

If there's one thing Anthony
and I love, it's Christmas.

We love Christmas so much,
we got tattoos to prove it.

So to celebrate the holiday
season, we'd like to share

a few of our own
Christmas stories with you.

Let's take a look, shall we?

This story begins with
Santa at the computer.

You've got mail.

What're you doing, sweetie?

Nothing, honey buns! I'm just
bidding on this snuggie on eBay,

but this ass face keeps outbidding me...

What the heck?!

This fricking douche bag
just won the auction again!

Calm down, sugar cake! It's OK.

I'm just sick of this 56K
internet and the North Pole!

And it doesn't help that we haven't got
the newest operating system.

♪ (Price is Right losing horn) ♪

Did you forget to buy Christmas
presents and now it's Christmas day?

We're here to help!

We're Christmas Presents Direct.

What a big present!

Simply give us the address
of your Christmas party,

and we'll send one
of our associates right over.

They'll pick up whatever they
can on the way to your house,

and wrap it up for you!

We guarantee that your family and friends

are going to love the variety of gifts

that Christmas Presents Direct has to offer.

How did you know?!

Wonder what this could be?

(cat yowls)

(doorbell rings)

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪

(alarm clock beeps)

It's Christmas!

Bye, mom! I'm going sledding!

Whoo hoo! Yeah!

Wheeeee!

(groaning)

Hey, parents! Are you tired of your kids

sneaking into your room
to see what present you got them?

From the makers
of Christmas Presents Direct,

we bring you Christmas Gift Guard.

When you order, a former
US Special Forces Commando

will be sent to your house immediately

to guard your presents before
you wrap them up for Christmas.

No longer will your kids
be able to come into your room

and sneak that little peak
on the new present you got them!

Christmas Gift Guard
is not responsible for any deaths,

gunshot wounds, knife wounds, [inaudible] traps,

land mines, or piano wire stranglings.

Well, that's all the time we have for today.

Tune in next week for the second episode...

Are you tired of your kid
not believing in Santa?

We're Santa Illusions Express.

Watch it at Smosh.com!

[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube.]