♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
- ♪ Fa la la la la la la ♪-- - (Ian) SHUT UP!!
Oh, hey!
You caught roasting chestnuts over this open fire.
If there's one thing Anthony and I love, it's Christmas.
We love Christmas so much, we got tattoos to prove it.
So to celebrate the holiday season, we'd like to share
a few of our own Christmas stories with you.
Let's take a look, shall we?
This story begins with Santa at the computer.
You've got mail.
What're you doing, sweetie?
Nothing, honey buns! I'm just bidding on this snuggie on eBay,
but this ass face keeps outbidding me...
What the heck?!
This fricking douche bag just won the auction again!
Calm down, sugar cake! It's OK.
I'm just sick of this 56K internet and the North Pole!
And it doesn't help that we haven't got the newest operating system.
♪ (Price is Right losing horn) ♪
Did you forget to buy Christmas presents and now it's Christmas day?
We're here to help!
We're Christmas Presents Direct.
What a big present!
Simply give us the address of your Christmas party,
and we'll send one of our associates right over.
They'll pick up whatever they can on the way to your house,
and wrap it up for you!
We guarantee that your family and friends
are going to love the variety of gifts
that Christmas Presents Direct has to offer.
How did you know?!
Wonder what this could be?
(cat yowls)
(doorbell rings)
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪
(alarm clock beeps)
It's Christmas!
Bye, mom! I'm going sledding!
Whoo hoo! Yeah!
Wheeeee!
(groaning)
Hey, parents! Are you tired of your kids
sneaking into your room to see what present you got them?
From the makers of Christmas Presents Direct,
we bring you Christmas Gift Guard.
When you order, a former US Special Forces Commando
will be sent to your house immediately
to guard your presents before you wrap them up for Christmas.
No longer will your kids be able to come into your room
and sneak that little peak on the new present you got them!
Christmas Gift Guard is not responsible for any deaths,
gunshot wounds, knife wounds, [inaudible] traps,
land mines, or piano wire stranglings.
Well, that's all the time we have for today.
Tune in next week for the second episode...
Are you tired of your kid not believing in Santa?
We're Santa Illusions Express.
Watch it at Smosh.com!
[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube.]