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♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

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- ♪ Fa la la la la la la ♪--
- (Ian) SHUT UP!!

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Oh, hey!

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You caught roasting chestnuts 
over this open fire.

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If there's one thing Anthony 
and I love, it's Christmas.

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We love Christmas so much, 
we got tattoos to prove it.

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So to celebrate the holiday 
season, we'd like to share

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a few of our own 
Christmas stories with you.

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Let's take a look, shall we?

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This story begins with 
Santa at the computer.

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<i>You've got mail.</i>

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What're you doing, sweetie?

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Nothing, honey buns! I'm just 
bidding on this snuggie on eBay,

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but this ass face keeps outbidding me...

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What the heck?!

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This fricking douche bag 
just won the auction again!

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Calm down, sugar cake! It's OK.

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I'm just sick of this 56K 
internet and the North Pole!

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And it doesn't help that we haven't got 
the newest operating system.

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♪ (Price is Right losing horn) ♪

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<i>Did you forget to buy Christmas</i>
<i>presents and now it's Christmas day?</i>

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<i>We're here to help!</i>

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<i>We're Christmas Presents Direct.</i>

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What a big present!

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<i>Simply give us the address</i>
<i>of your Christmas party,</i>

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<i>and we'll send one 
of our associates right over.</i>

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<i>They'll pick up whatever they</i>
<i>can on the way to your house,</i>

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<i>and wrap it up for you!</i>

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<i>We guarantee that your family and friends</i>

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<i>are going to love the variety of gifts</i>

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<i>that Christmas Presents Direct has to offer.</i>

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How did you know?!

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Wonder what this could be?

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(cat yowls)

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(doorbell rings)

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♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪

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(alarm clock beeps)

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It's Christmas!

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Bye, mom! I'm going sledding!

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Whoo hoo! Yeah!

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Wheeeee!

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(groaning)

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<i>Hey, parents! Are you tired of your kids</i>

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<i>sneaking into your room</i>
<i>to see what present you got them?</i>

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<i>From the makers</i>
<i>of Christmas Presents Direct,</i>

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<i>we bring you Christmas Gift Guard.</i>

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<i>When you order, a former</i>
<i>US Special Forces Commando</i>

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<i>will be sent to your house immediately</i>

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<i>to guard your presents before</i>
<i> you wrap them up for Christmas.</i>

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<i>No longer will your kids</i>
<i>be able to come into your room</i>

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<i>and sneak that little peak</i>
<i>on the new present you got them!</i>

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<i>Christmas Gift Guard</i>
<i>is not responsible for any deaths,</i>

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<i>gunshot wounds, knife wounds, [inaudible] traps,</i>

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<i>land mines, or piano wire stranglings.</i>

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Well, that's all the time we have for today.

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Tune in next week for the second episode...

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<i>Are you tired of your kid</i>
<i>not believing in Santa?</i>

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<i>We're Santa Illusions Express.</i>

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<i>Watch it at Smosh.com!</i>

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[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube.]