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♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
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- ♪ Fa la la la la la la ♪--[br]- (Ian) SHUT UP!!
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Oh, hey!
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You caught roasting chestnuts [br]over this open fire.
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If there's one thing Anthony [br]and I love, it's Christmas.
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We love Christmas so much, [br]we got tattoos to prove it.
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So to celebrate the holiday [br]season, we'd like to share
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a few of our own [br]Christmas stories with you.
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Let's take a look, shall we?
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This story begins with [br]Santa at the computer.
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You've got mail.
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What're you doing, sweetie?
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Nothing, honey buns! I'm just [br]bidding on this snuggie on eBay,
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but this ass face keeps outbidding me...
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What the heck?!
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This fricking douche bag [br]just won the auction again!
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Calm down, sugar cake! It's OK.
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I'm just sick of this 56K [br]internet and the North Pole!
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And it doesn't help that we haven't got [br]the newest operating system.
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♪ (Price is Right losing horn) ♪
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Did you forget to buy Christmas[br]presents and now it's Christmas day?
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We're here to help!
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We're Christmas Presents Direct.
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What a big present!
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Simply give us the address[br]of your Christmas party,
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and we'll send one [br]of our associates right over.
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They'll pick up whatever they[br]can on the way to your house,
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and wrap it up for you!
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We guarantee that your family and friends
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are going to love the variety of gifts
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that Christmas Presents Direct has to offer.
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How did you know?!
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Wonder what this could be?
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(cat yowls)
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(doorbell rings)
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♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪
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(alarm clock beeps)
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It's Christmas!
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Bye, mom! I'm going sledding!
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Whoo hoo! Yeah!
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Wheeeee!
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(groaning)
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Hey, parents! Are you tired of your kids
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sneaking into your room[br]to see what present you got them?
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From the makers[br]of Christmas Presents Direct,
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we bring you Christmas Gift Guard.
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When you order, a former[br]US Special Forces Commando
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will be sent to your house immediately
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to guard your presents before[br] you wrap them up for Christmas.
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No longer will your kids[br]be able to come into your room
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and sneak that little peak[br]on the new present you got them!
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Christmas Gift Guard[br]is not responsible for any deaths,
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gunshot wounds, knife wounds, [inaudible] traps,
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land mines, or piano wire stranglings.
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Well, that's all the time we have for today.
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Tune in next week for the second episode...
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Are you tired of your kid[br]not believing in Santa?
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We're Santa Illusions Express.
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Watch it at Smosh.com!
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[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube.]