Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not.
-
0:01 - 0:03My name is Hannah.
-
0:03 - 0:05And that is a palindrome.
-
0:05 - 0:11That is a word you can spell
the same forwards and backwards, -
0:12 - 0:13if you can spell.
-
0:13 - 0:15But the thing is --
-
0:15 - 0:16(Laughter)
-
0:17 - 0:19my entire family have palindromic names.
-
0:19 - 0:21It's a bit of a tradition.
-
0:21 - 0:24We've got Mum, Dad --
-
0:24 - 0:26(Laughter)
-
0:26 - 0:29Nan, Pop.
-
0:29 - 0:31(Laughter)
-
0:31 - 0:34And my brother, Kayak.
-
0:34 - 0:35(Laughter)
-
0:35 - 0:37There you go.
-
0:37 - 0:39That's just a bit a joke, there.
-
0:39 - 0:40(Laughter)
-
0:40 - 0:43I like to kick things off with a joke
because I'm a comedian. -
0:43 - 0:46Now there's two things
you know about me already: -
0:46 - 0:48my name's Hannah and I'm a comedian.
-
0:48 - 0:49I'm wasting no time.
-
0:49 - 0:51Here's a third thing
you can know about me: -
0:51 - 0:55I don't think I'm qualified
to speak my own mind. -
0:55 - 0:58Bold way to begin a talk, yes,
-
0:58 - 1:00but it's true.
-
1:00 - 1:02I've always had a great deal of difficulty
-
1:02 - 1:04turning my thinking into the talking.
-
1:06 - 1:08So it seems a bit
of a contradiction, then, -
1:08 - 1:10that someone like me,
who is so bad at the chat, -
1:10 - 1:13could be something like
a stand-up comedian. -
1:13 - 1:15But there you go. There you go.
-
1:15 - 1:17It's what it is.
-
1:17 - 1:21I first tried my hand at stand-up
comedi -- comedie ... See? -
1:21 - 1:22See? See?
-
1:22 - 1:25(Laughter)
-
1:25 - 1:28I first tried my hand at stand-up comedy
-
1:28 - 1:29in my late 20s,
-
1:29 - 1:35and despite being a pathologically shy
virtual mute with low self-esteem -
1:35 - 1:37who'd never held a microphone before,
-
1:37 - 1:42I knew as soon as I walked
and stood in front of the audience, -
1:42 - 1:44I knew, before I'd even
landed my first joke, -
1:45 - 1:48I knew that I really liked stand-up,
-
1:48 - 1:50and stand-up really liked me.
-
1:50 - 1:54But for the life of me,
I couldn't work out why. -
1:54 - 1:59Why is it I could be so good
at doing something I was so bad at? -
1:59 - 2:00(Laughter)
-
2:00 - 2:03I just couldn't work it out,
I could not understand it. -
2:03 - 2:05That is, until I could.
-
2:05 - 2:08Now, before I explain to you why it is
-
2:08 - 2:11that I can be good
at something I'm so bad at, -
2:11 - 2:14let me throw another spanner
of contradiction into the work -
2:14 - 2:18by telling you that not long after
I worked out why that was, -
2:18 - 2:21I decided to quit comedy.
-
2:21 - 2:24And before I explain
that little oppositional cat -
2:24 - 2:26I just threw amongst the thinking pigeons,
-
2:26 - 2:29let me also tell you this:
-
2:29 - 2:32quitting launched my comedy career.
-
2:32 - 2:34(Laughter)
-
2:34 - 2:38Like, really launched it, to the point
where after quitting comedy, -
2:38 - 2:41I became the most talked-about
comedian on the planet, -
2:41 - 2:45because apparently, I'm even worse
at making retirement plans -
2:45 - 2:47than I am at speaking my own mind.
-
2:49 - 2:52Now, all I've done up until this point
-
2:52 - 2:56apart from giving over a spattering
of biographical detail -
2:56 - 2:58is to tell you indirectly
that I have three ideas -
2:59 - 3:00that I want to share with you today.
-
3:00 - 3:04And I've done that by way of sharing
three contradictions: -
3:04 - 3:07one, I am bad at talking,
I am good at talking; -
3:07 - 3:10I quit, I did not quit.
-
3:10 - 3:12Three ideas, three contradictions.
-
3:12 - 3:14Now, if you're wondering
why there's only two things -
3:14 - 3:16on my so-called list of three --
-
3:16 - 3:17(Laughter)
-
3:17 - 3:19I remind you it is literally
a list of contradictions. -
3:19 - 3:20Keep up.
-
3:20 - 3:23(Laughter)
-
3:23 - 3:27Now, the folks at TED advised me
that with a talk of this length, -
3:27 - 3:30it's best to stick
with just sharing one idea. -
3:31 - 3:32I said no.
-
3:32 - 3:36(Laughter)
-
3:36 - 3:37What would they know?
-
3:38 - 3:43To explain why I have chosen to ignore
what is clearly very good advice, -
3:43 - 3:45I want to take you back
to the beginning of this talk, -
3:45 - 3:47specifically, my palindrome joke.
-
3:47 - 3:51Now that joke uses my favorite trick
of the comedian trade, -
3:51 - 3:52the rule of three,
-
3:52 - 3:54whereby you make a statement
-
3:54 - 3:55and then back that statement up
-
3:55 - 3:57with a list.
-
3:57 - 3:59My entire family have palindromic names:
-
3:59 - 4:02Mum, Dad, Nan, Pop.
-
4:02 - 4:06The first two ideas on that list
create a pattern, -
4:06 - 4:08and that pattern creates expectation.
-
4:08 - 4:11And then the third thing -- bam! --
Kayak. What? -
4:11 - 4:13That's the rule of three.
-
4:13 - 4:15One, two, surprise! Ha ha.
-
4:15 - 4:18(Laughter)
-
4:21 - 4:26Now, the rule of three is not only
fundamental to the way I do my craft, -
4:26 - 4:28it is also fundamental
to the way I communicate. -
4:28 - 4:31So I won't be changing
anything for nobody, -
4:31 - 4:32not even TED,
-
4:32 - 4:35which, I will point out,
stands for three ideas: -
4:36 - 4:37technology, entertainment
-
4:37 - 4:39and dickheads.
-
4:39 - 4:42(Laughter)
-
4:42 - 4:44Works every time, doesn't it?
-
4:46 - 4:48But you need more than just jokes
-
4:48 - 4:50to be able to cut it
as a professional comedian. -
4:50 - 4:54You need to be able to walk
that fine line between being charming -
4:54 - 4:56and disarming.
-
4:56 - 5:01And I discovered the most effective way
to generate the amount of charm I needed -
5:01 - 5:06to offset my disarming personality
-
5:06 - 5:08was through not jokes but stories.
-
5:08 - 5:10So my stand-up routines
are filled with stories: -
5:10 - 5:12stories about growing up,
my coming out story, -
5:12 - 5:16stories about the abuse I've copped
for being not only a woman -
5:16 - 5:19but a big woman
and a masculine-of-center woman. -
5:19 - 5:23If you watch my work online,
check the comments out below -
5:23 - 5:25for examples of abuse.
-
5:25 - 5:27(Laughter)
-
5:27 - 5:30It's that time in the talk
where I shift into second gear, -
5:30 - 5:35and I'm going to tell you a story
about everything I've just said. -
5:35 - 5:37In the last few days of her life,
-
5:37 - 5:40my grandma was surrounded by people,
-
5:40 - 5:42a lot of people,
-
5:42 - 5:44because my grandma
was the loving matriarch -
5:44 - 5:47of a large and loving family.
-
5:47 - 5:49Now, if you haven't made
the connection already, -
5:50 - 5:51I am a member of that family.
-
5:52 - 5:55I was lucky enough to be able
to say goodbye to my grandma -
5:55 - 5:57on the day she died.
-
5:57 - 6:00But as she was already
cocooned within herself by then, -
6:00 - 6:03it was something of a one-sided goodbye.
-
6:04 - 6:07So I thought about a lot of things,
-
6:07 - 6:10things I hadn't thought about
in a long time, -
6:10 - 6:12like the letters I used
to write to my grandma -
6:12 - 6:14when I first started university,
-
6:14 - 6:17letters I filled with funny
stories and anecdotes -
6:17 - 6:19that I embellished for her amusement.
-
6:19 - 6:22And I remembered how I couldn't articulate
-
6:22 - 6:27the anxiety and fear that filled me
as I tried to carve my tiny little life -
6:27 - 6:31into a world that felt far too big for me.
-
6:31 - 6:34But I remembered finding
comfort in those letters, -
6:34 - 6:37because I wrote them
with my grandma in mind. -
6:38 - 6:41But as the world got
more and more overwhelming -
6:41 - 6:45and my ability to negotiate it
got worse, not better, -
6:45 - 6:47I stopped writing those letters.
-
6:48 - 6:53I just didn't think I had the life
that Grandma would want to read about. -
6:54 - 6:57Grandma did not know I was gay,
-
6:57 - 6:58and about six months before she died,
-
6:59 - 7:01out of nowhere, she asked me
if I had a boyfriend. -
7:02 - 7:06Now, I remember making
a conscious decision in that moment -
7:06 - 7:08not to come out to my grandmother.
-
7:09 - 7:12And I did that because I knew her life
was drawing to an end, -
7:12 - 7:14and my time with her was finite,
-
7:14 - 7:17and I did not want to talk about
the ways we were different. -
7:17 - 7:20I wanted to talk about
the ways were we connected. -
7:21 - 7:22So I changed the subject.
-
7:23 - 7:26And at the time, it felt
like the right decision. -
7:26 - 7:29But as I sat witness
to my grandmother's life -
7:29 - 7:32as it tapered to its inevitable end,
-
7:32 - 7:34I couldn't help but feel
I'd made a mistake -
7:34 - 7:37not to share such a significant
part of my life. -
7:39 - 7:43But I also knew that
I'd missed my opportunity, -
7:43 - 7:45and as Grandma always used to say,
-
7:45 - 7:48"Ah, well, it's all part of the soup.
-
7:48 - 7:50Too late to take the onions out now."
-
7:50 - 7:52(Laughter)
-
7:52 - 7:54And I thought about that,
-
7:54 - 7:58and I thought about how
I had to deal with too many onions -
7:58 - 8:00as a kid,
-
8:00 - 8:04growing up gay in a state
where homosexuality was illegal. -
8:04 - 8:07And with that thought,
I could see how tightly wrapped -
8:07 - 8:11in the tendrils of my own
internalized shame I was. -
8:11 - 8:14And with that, I thought
about all my traumas: -
8:14 - 8:17the violence, the abuse, my rape.
-
8:20 - 8:22And with all that cluster of thinking,
-
8:22 - 8:25a thought, a question,
kept popping into my mind -
8:26 - 8:28to which I had no answer:
-
8:28 - 8:30What is the purpose of my human?
-
8:32 - 8:35Out of anyone in my family,
I felt the most akin to my grandmother. -
8:36 - 8:39I mean, we share the most
traits in common. -
8:39 - 8:41Not so much these days.
-
8:41 - 8:43Death really changes people.
-
8:43 - 8:44But that --
-
8:44 - 8:45(Laughter)
-
8:45 - 8:47is my grandmother's sense of humor.
-
8:47 - 8:50But the person I felt
most akin to in the world -
8:50 - 8:52was a mother, a grandmother,
a great-grandmother, -
8:52 - 8:54a great-great-grandmother.
-
8:54 - 8:58Me? I represented the very end
of my branch of the family tree. -
8:58 - 9:02And I wasn't entirely sure
I was still connected to the trunk. -
9:02 - 9:04What was the purpose of my human?
-
9:06 - 9:11The year after my grandmother's death
was the most intensely creative -
9:11 - 9:12of my life.
-
9:12 - 9:15And I suppose that's because,
at an end, my thoughts gather -
9:15 - 9:17more than they scatter.
-
9:17 - 9:20My thought process is not linear.
-
9:20 - 9:22I'm a visual thinker. I see my thoughts.
-
9:22 - 9:24I don't have a photographic memory,
-
9:24 - 9:30and nor is my head a static gallery
of sensibly collected think pieces. -
9:30 - 9:35It's more that I've got this ever-evolving
language of hieroglyphics -
9:35 - 9:36that I've developed
-
9:36 - 9:40and can understand fluently
and think deeply with. -
9:40 - 9:42but I struggle to translate.
-
9:42 - 9:45I can't paint, draw, sculpt,
or even haberdash, -
9:46 - 9:48and as for the written word,
-
9:48 - 9:54I'm OK at it but it's a tortuous
process of translation, -
9:54 - 9:56and I don't feel it does the job.
-
9:56 - 10:01And as far as speaking my own mind,
like I said, I'm not great at it. -
10:01 - 10:04Speech has always felt
like an inadequate freeze-frame -
10:04 - 10:06for the life inside of me.
-
10:07 - 10:08All this to say,
-
10:08 - 10:13I've always understood far more
than I've ever been able to communicate. -
10:14 - 10:16Now, about a year before Grandma died,
-
10:16 - 10:19I was formally diagnosed with autism.
-
10:19 - 10:21Now for me, that was mostly good news.
-
10:22 - 10:27I always thought that I couldn't
sort my life out like a normal person -
10:27 - 10:30because I was depressed and anxious.
-
10:30 - 10:31But it turns out
-
10:31 - 10:33I was depressed and anxious
-
10:33 - 10:36because I couldn't sort my life out
like a normal person, -
10:36 - 10:38because I was not a normal person,
-
10:38 - 10:40and I didn't know it.
-
10:40 - 10:42Now, this is not to say
I still don't struggle. -
10:42 - 10:44Every day is a bit of a struggle,
-
10:44 - 10:45to be honest.
-
10:45 - 10:48But at least now I know
what my struggle is, -
10:48 - 10:52and getting to the starting line
of normal is not it. -
10:52 - 10:55My struggle is not to escape the storm.
-
10:55 - 11:00My struggle is to find the eye
of the storm as best I can. -
11:00 - 11:04Now, apart from the usual way
us spectrum types find our calm -- -
11:04 - 11:08repetitive behaviors, routine
and obsessive thinking -- -
11:08 - 11:14I have another surprising doorway
into the eye of the storm: -
11:15 - 11:16stand-up comedy.
-
11:16 - 11:20And if you need any more proof
I'm neurodivergent, yes, -
11:20 - 11:25I am calm doing a thing
that scares the hell out of most people. -
11:25 - 11:27I'm almost dead inside up here.
-
11:27 - 11:31(Laughter)
-
11:31 - 11:35Diagnosis gave me a framework
on which to hang bits of me -
11:35 - 11:36I could never understand.
-
11:37 - 11:39My misfit suddenly had a fit,
-
11:39 - 11:41and for a while, I got giddy
with a newfound confidence -
11:41 - 11:43I had in my thinking.
-
11:43 - 11:47But after Grandma died,
that confidence took a dive, -
11:48 - 11:51because thinking is how I grieve.
-
11:51 - 11:53And in that grief of thought,
-
11:53 - 11:56I could suddenly see with so much clarity
-
11:56 - 12:01just how profoundly isolated I was
and always had been. -
12:02 - 12:06What was the purpose of my human?
-
12:07 - 12:13I began to think a lot about how autism
and PTSD have so much in common. -
12:13 - 12:14And I started to worry,
-
12:14 - 12:16because I had both.
-
12:16 - 12:19Could I ever untangle them?
-
12:20 - 12:23I'd always been told
that the way out of trauma -
12:23 - 12:26was through a cohesive narrative.
-
12:26 - 12:28I had a cohesive narrative,
-
12:28 - 12:31but I was still at the mercy
of my traumas. -
12:31 - 12:35They're all part of my soup,
but the onions still stung. -
12:35 - 12:38And at that point, I realized
-
12:38 - 12:40that I'd been telling
my stories for laughs. -
12:40 - 12:43I'd been trimming away the darkness,
cutting away the pain -
12:43 - 12:47and holding on to my trauma
for the comfort of my audience. -
12:48 - 12:50I was connecting
other people through laughs, -
12:50 - 12:54yet I remained profoundly disconnected.
-
12:54 - 12:57What was the purpose of my human?
-
12:57 - 12:59I did not have an answer,
-
12:59 - 13:01but I had an idea.
-
13:01 - 13:03I had an idea to tell my truth,
-
13:04 - 13:06all of it,
-
13:06 - 13:11not to share laughs but to share
the literal, visceral pain of my trauma. -
13:11 - 13:14And I thought the best way to do that
would be through a comedy show. -
13:14 - 13:16And that is what I did.
-
13:16 - 13:20I wrote a comedy show
that did not respect the punchline, -
13:20 - 13:24that line where comedians are expected
and trusted to pull their punches -
13:24 - 13:25and turn them into tickles.
-
13:25 - 13:26I did not stop.
-
13:26 - 13:28I punched through that line
-
13:28 - 13:32into the metaphorical guts of my audience.
-
13:32 - 13:34I did not want to make them laugh.
-
13:35 - 13:37I wanted to take their breath away,
-
13:37 - 13:38to shock them,
-
13:38 - 13:42so they could listen to my story
and hold my pain -
13:42 - 13:47as individuals, not
as a mindless, laughing mob. -
13:47 - 13:50And that's what I did,
and I called that show "Nanette." -
13:50 - 13:52Now, many --
-
13:52 - 13:56(Applause)
-
13:58 - 14:00Now, many have argued
-
14:00 - 14:02that "Nanette" is not a comedy show.
-
14:02 - 14:07And while I can agree "Nanette"
is definitely not a comedy show, -
14:07 - 14:09those people are still wrong --
-
14:09 - 14:10(Laughter)
-
14:10 - 14:12because they have framed their argument
-
14:12 - 14:16as a way of saying I failed to do comedy.
-
14:17 - 14:20I did not fail to do comedy.
-
14:20 - 14:24I took everything I knew about comedy --
-
14:24 - 14:27all the tricks, the tools, the know-how --
-
14:27 - 14:30I took all that, and with it,
I broke comedy. -
14:30 - 14:33You cannot break comedy with comedy
-
14:33 - 14:35if you fail at comedy.
-
14:35 - 14:37Flaccid be thy hammer.
-
14:37 - 14:44(Laughter) (Applause)
-
14:44 - 14:45That was not my point.
-
14:45 - 14:49The point was not simply to break comedy.
-
14:50 - 14:54The point was to break comedy
so I could rebuild it and reshape it, -
14:54 - 14:58reform it into something
that could better hold everything -
14:58 - 15:00I needed to share,
-
15:00 - 15:03and that is what I meant
when I said I quit comedy. -
15:05 - 15:08Now, it's probably at this point
where you're going, "Yeah, cool, -
15:08 - 15:10but what are the three ideas, exactly?
-
15:10 - 15:12It's a bit vague."
-
15:12 - 15:14I'm glad I pretended you asked.
-
15:14 - 15:19(Laughter)
-
15:19 - 15:24Now, I'm sure there's quite a few of you
who have already identified three ideas. -
15:24 - 15:27A smart crowd, by all accounts,
-
15:27 - 15:29so I wouldn't be surprised at all.
-
15:29 - 15:33But you might be surprised to find out
that I don't have three ideas. -
15:33 - 15:37I told you I had three ideas,
and that was a lie. -
15:37 - 15:40That was pure misdirection --
I'm very funny. -
15:40 - 15:47What I've done instead is I've taken
whole handfuls of my ideas as seeds, -
15:47 - 15:49and I've scattered them
all throughout my talk. -
15:50 - 15:52And why did I do that?
-
15:52 - 15:53Well, apart from shits and giggles,
-
15:55 - 15:58it comes down to something
my grandma always used to say. -
15:59 - 16:04"It's not the garden,
it's the gardening that counts." -
16:04 - 16:08And "Nanette" taught me
the truth to that truism. -
16:08 - 16:11I fully expected by breaking
the contract of comedy -
16:11 - 16:16and telling my story
in all its truth and pain -
16:16 - 16:21that that would push me further
into the margins of both life and art. -
16:22 - 16:28I expected that, and I was willing to pay
that cost in order to tell my truth. -
16:28 - 16:31But that is not what happened.
-
16:31 - 16:34The world did not push me away.
It pulled me closer. -
16:35 - 16:39Through an act of disconnection,
I found connection. -
16:40 - 16:42And it took me a long time to understand
-
16:42 - 16:44that what is at the heart
of that contradiction -
16:44 - 16:47is also at the heart of the contradiction
-
16:47 - 16:52as to why I can be so good
at something I am so bad at. -
16:53 - 16:55You see, in the real world,
-
16:55 - 16:57I struggle to talk to people
-
16:57 - 17:03because my neurodiversity
makes it difficult for me to think, -
17:04 - 17:07listen, speak and process new information
-
17:07 - 17:08all at the same time.
-
17:09 - 17:11But onstage, I don't have to think.
-
17:11 - 17:13I prepare my thinks well in advance.
-
17:14 - 17:16I don't have to listen. That is your job.
-
17:16 - 17:18(Laughter)
-
17:18 - 17:20And I don't really have to talk,
-
17:20 - 17:23because, strictly speaking, I'm reciting.
-
17:24 - 17:26So all that is left
-
17:27 - 17:29is for me to do my best
-
17:30 - 17:34to make a genuine connection
with my audience. -
17:36 - 17:39And if the experience of "Nanette"
taught me anything, -
17:39 - 17:43it's that connection depends
not just on me. -
17:44 - 17:46You play a part.
-
17:47 - 17:50"Nanette" may have begun in me,
-
17:50 - 17:54but she now lives and grows
in a whole world of other minds, -
17:54 - 17:57minds I do not share.
-
17:57 - 17:59But I trust I am connected.
-
18:01 - 18:04And in that, she is so much
bigger than me, -
18:04 - 18:09just like the purpose of being human
is so much bigger than all of us. -
18:09 - 18:10Make of that what you will.
-
18:11 - 18:12Thank you, and hello.
-
18:13 - 18:19(Applause)
- Title:
- Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not.
- Speaker:
- Hannah Gadsby
- Description:
-
Hannah Gadsby's groundbreaking special "Nanette" broke comedy. In a talk about truth and purpose, she shares three ideas and three contradictions. Or not.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 18:33
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | ||
Brian Greene approved English subtitles for Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | ||
Camille Martínez accepted English subtitles for Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | ||
Joseph Geni edited English subtitles for Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. |