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Bonjour la classe!
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Alright..
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Now I will ask you some questions individually
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and all you have to do is answer me
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and I will mark you for the exam.
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So, let me begin with Lauren.
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Ça va, Lauren ?
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Are you talking to me?
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Oui Lauren, il faut que vous parlez en français.
-Is it...
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Lauren, it's a French oral exam,
you have to try to speak in French
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-Whatever.
-Lauren, s'il vous plait. Quel âge avez vous ?
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-[slowly] I don't know, ask me in English.
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-Lauren, it's a French oral test.
-But I ain't a French oral.
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-What?
-I'm an English oral.
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If you wanna ask me a question, ask me in English.
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Lauren! French is an important language.
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-Not for me it ain't.
-It can teach you a lot about your own language.
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-No it can't.
-Lauren, you have to try to make an effort.
-Not I don't.
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It's a beautiful language.
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Miss, have you got hairy armpits?
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-I beg your pardon?
-Are you scared of razors, Miss?
-No, I'm not.
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-Are they expensive in French-land?
-No, they're not.
-So why don't you buy one then?
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-How dare you?!
-Miss, were you in 'Allo, Allo'?
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-No.
-Miss, say 'Good moaning'.
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-No.
-Go on, just say 'Good moaning'.
-Come on, say 'Good moaning'.
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-Go on, say 'Good moaning'.
-No, not going to say that.
-Please Miss, say 'Good moaning'.
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-'Good moaning'
-You were in 'Allo Allo' Miss!
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Right Lauren, that's enough. I'm not
going to stand here and listen
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to this kind of xenophobic abuse
from a stupid girl
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who is too ignorant to even learn the language
let alone understand the people.
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I will fail you for this test
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which means you'll get an F for the entire module.
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-Suis-je bovvered?
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-What?
-Suis-je bovvered, though?
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-Lauren..
-Regardez mon visage, regardez mon visage.
-Comment?
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Regardez mon visage,
est-ce que mon visage est bovvered?
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-Non, mais...
-Non, parce-que je ne suis pas bovvered.
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Lauren, your behaviour is absolutely appalling. Do you behave like this at home?
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Est-ce que vous disrespectez ma famille?
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-Quoi??
-Est-ce vous appellez ma mere une Pikey?
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-Est-ce que vous appellez mon père un Gyppo?
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Regardez, visage, regardez, est-ce que mon visage est bovvered,
je ne suis pas bovvered, regardez visage, pas bovvered, pas bovvered...
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-Lauren, no..
-Thierry Henry? Pas bovvered, pas bovvered, regardez mon visage...
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Frère Jaques, Frère Jaques, pas bovvered, un kilo de pommes, un kilo de pommes,
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Où est le syndicat d'initiative, je pas bovvered, pas bovvered, Allo Allo, René! René! Regardez visage, I AIN'T BOVVERED!
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I am proud to call myself French.
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Our nation has produced some of the finest
examples of culture and enlightenment in European history.
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Our philosophers, our film-makers, our artists, have made a profound contribution to modern civilisation.
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And you, young lady, if you 'bovvered' to pay
the slightest attention in my lesson, might benefit also.
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Have you been eating garlic?
