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Bonjour la classe!

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Alright..

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Now I will ask you some questions individually

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and all you have to do is answer me

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and I will mark you for the exam.

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So, let me begin with Lauren.

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Ça va, Lauren ?

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Are you talking to me?

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Oui Lauren, il faut que vous parlez en français.[br]-Is it...

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Lauren, it's a French oral exam,[br]you have to try to speak in French

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-Whatever.[br]-Lauren, s'il vous plait. Quel âge avez vous ?

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-[slowly] I don't know, ask me in English.

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-Lauren, it's a French oral test.[br]-But I ain't a French oral.

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-What?[br]-I'm an English oral.

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If you wanna ask me a question, ask me in English.

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Lauren! French is an important language.

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-Not for me it ain't.[br]-It can teach you a lot about your own language.

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-No it can't.[br]-Lauren, you have to try to make an effort.[br]-Not I don't.

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It's a beautiful language.[br]

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Miss, have you got hairy armpits?

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-I beg your pardon?[br]-Are you scared of razors, Miss?[br]-No, I'm not.

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-Are they expensive in French-land?[br]-No, they're not.[br]-So why don't you buy one then?

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-How dare you?![br]-Miss, were you in 'Allo, Allo'?

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-No.[br]-Miss, say 'Good moaning'.

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-No.[br]-Go on, just say 'Good moaning'.[br]-Come on, say 'Good moaning'.

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-Go on, say 'Good moaning'.[br]-No, not going to say that.[br]-Please Miss, say 'Good moaning'.

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-'Good moaning'[br]-You were in 'Allo Allo' Miss!

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Right Lauren, that's enough. I'm not[br]going to stand here and listen

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to this kind of xenophobic abuse[br]from a stupid girl

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who is too ignorant to even learn the language[br]let alone understand the people.

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I will fail you for this test

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which means you'll get an F for the entire module.

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-Suis-je bovvered?

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-What?[br]-Suis-je bovvered, though?

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-Lauren..[br]-Regardez mon visage, regardez mon visage.[br]-Comment?

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Regardez mon visage,[br]est-ce que mon visage est bovvered?

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-Non, mais...[br]-Non, parce-que je ne suis pas bovvered.

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Lauren, your behaviour is absolutely appalling. Do you behave like this at home?

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Est-ce que vous disrespectez ma famille?

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-Quoi??[br]-Est-ce vous appellez ma mere une Pikey?

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-Est-ce que vous appellez mon père un Gyppo?

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Regardez, visage, regardez, est-ce que mon visage est bovvered,[br]je ne suis pas bovvered, regardez visage, pas bovvered, pas bovvered...

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-Lauren, no..[br]-Thierry Henry? Pas bovvered, pas bovvered, regardez mon visage...

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Frère Jaques, Frère Jaques, pas bovvered, un kilo de pommes, un kilo de pommes,

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Où est le syndicat d'initiative, je pas bovvered, pas bovvered, Allo Allo, René! René! Regardez visage, I AIN'T BOVVERED!

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I am proud to call myself French.

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Our nation has produced some of the finest[br]examples of culture and enlightenment in European history.

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Our philosophers, our film-makers, our artists, have made a profound contribution to modern civilisation.

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And you, young lady, if you 'bovvered' to pay[br]the slightest attention in my lesson, might benefit also.

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Have you been eating garlic?