Bonjour la classe!
Alright..
Now I will ask you some questions individually
and all you have to do is answer me
and I will mark you for the exam.
So, let me begin with Lauren.
Ça va, Lauren ?
Are you talking to me?
Oui Lauren, il faut que vous parlez en français. -Is it...
Lauren, it's a French oral exam, you have to try to speak in French
-Whatever. -Lauren, s'il vous plait. Quel âge avez vous ?
-[slowly] I don't know, ask me in English.
-Lauren, it's a French oral test. -But I ain't a French oral.
-What? -I'm an English oral.
If you wanna ask me a question, ask me in English.
Lauren! French is an important language.
-Not for me it ain't. -It can teach you a lot about your own language.
-No it can't. -Lauren, you have to try to make an effort. -Not I don't.
It's a beautiful language.
Miss, have you got hairy armpits?
-I beg your pardon? -Are you scared of razors, Miss? -No, I'm not.
-Are they expensive in French-land? -No, they're not. -So why don't you buy one then?
-How dare you?! -Miss, were you in 'Allo, Allo'?
-No. -Miss, say 'Good moaning'.
-No. -Go on, just say 'Good moaning'. -Come on, say 'Good moaning'.
-Go on, say 'Good moaning'. -No, not going to say that. -Please Miss, say 'Good moaning'.
-'Good moaning' -You were in 'Allo Allo' Miss!
Right Lauren, that's enough. I'm not going to stand here and listen
to this kind of xenophobic abuse from a stupid girl
who is too ignorant to even learn the language let alone understand the people.
I will fail you for this test
which means you'll get an F for the entire module.
-Suis-je bovvered?
-What? -Suis-je bovvered, though?
-Lauren.. -Regardez mon visage, regardez mon visage. -Comment?
Regardez mon visage, est-ce que mon visage est bovvered?
-Non, mais... -Non, parce-que je ne suis pas bovvered.
Lauren, your behaviour is absolutely appalling. Do you behave like this at home?
Est-ce que vous disrespectez ma famille?
-Quoi?? -Est-ce vous appellez ma mere une Pikey?
-Est-ce que vous appellez mon père un Gyppo?
Regardez, visage, regardez, est-ce que mon visage est bovvered, je ne suis pas bovvered, regardez visage, pas bovvered, pas bovvered...
-Lauren, no.. -Thierry Henry? Pas bovvered, pas bovvered, regardez mon visage...
Frère Jaques, Frère Jaques, pas bovvered, un kilo de pommes, un kilo de pommes,
Où est le syndicat d'initiative, je pas bovvered, pas bovvered, Allo Allo, René! René! Regardez visage, I AIN'T BOVVERED!
I am proud to call myself French.
Our nation has produced some of the finest examples of culture and enlightenment in European history.
Our philosophers, our film-makers, our artists, have made a profound contribution to modern civilisation.
And you, young lady, if you 'bovvered' to pay the slightest attention in my lesson, might benefit also.
Have you been eating garlic?