WEBVTT

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Bonjour la classe!

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Alright..

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Now I will ask you some questions individually

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and all you have to do is answer me

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and I will mark you for the exam.

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So, let me begin with Lauren.

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Ça va, Lauren ?

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Are you talking to me?

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Oui Lauren, il faut que vous parlez en français.
-Is it...

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Lauren, it's a French oral exam,
you have to try to speak in French

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-Whatever.
-Lauren, s'il vous plait. Quel âge avez vous ?

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-[slowly] I don't know, ask me in English.

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-Lauren, it's a French oral test.
-But I ain't a French oral.

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-What?
-I'm an English oral.

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If you wanna ask me a question, ask me in English.

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Lauren! French is an important language.

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-Not for me it ain't.
-It can teach you a lot about your own language.

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-No it can't.
-Lauren, you have to try to make an effort.
-Not I don't.

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It's a beautiful language.


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Miss, have you got hairy armpits?

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-I beg your pardon?
-Are you scared of razors, Miss?
-No, I'm not.

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-Are they expensive in French-land?
-No, they're not.
-So why don't you buy one then?

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-How dare you?!
-Miss, were you in 'Allo, Allo'?

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-No.
-Miss, say 'Good moaning'.

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-No.
-Go on, just say 'Good moaning'.
-Come on, say 'Good moaning'.

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-Go on, say 'Good moaning'.
-No, not going to say that.
-Please Miss, say 'Good moaning'.

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-'Good moaning'
-You were in 'Allo Allo' Miss!

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Right Lauren, that's enough. I'm not
going to stand here and listen

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to this kind of xenophobic abuse
from a stupid girl

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who is too ignorant to even learn the language
let alone understand the people.

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I will fail you for this test

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which means you'll get an F for the entire module.

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-Suis-je bovvered?

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-What?
-Suis-je bovvered, though?

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-Lauren..
-Regardez mon visage, regardez mon visage.
-Comment?

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Regardez mon visage,
est-ce que mon visage est bovvered?

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-Non, mais...
-Non, parce-que je ne suis pas bovvered.

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Lauren, your behaviour is absolutely appalling. Do you behave like this at home?

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Est-ce que vous disrespectez ma famille?

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-Quoi??
-Est-ce vous appellez ma mere une Pikey?

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-Est-ce que vous appellez mon père un Gyppo?

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Regardez, visage, regardez, est-ce que mon visage est bovvered,
je ne suis pas bovvered, regardez visage, pas bovvered, pas bovvered...

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-Lauren, no..
-Thierry Henry? Pas bovvered, pas bovvered, regardez mon visage...

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Frère Jaques, Frère Jaques, pas bovvered, un kilo de pommes, un kilo de pommes,

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Où est le syndicat d'initiative, je pas bovvered, pas bovvered, Allo Allo, René! René! Regardez visage, I AIN'T BOVVERED!

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I am proud to call myself French.

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Our nation has produced some of the finest
examples of culture and enlightenment in European history.

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Our philosophers, our film-makers, our artists, have made a profound contribution to modern civilisation.

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And you, young lady, if you 'bovvered' to pay
the slightest attention in my lesson, might benefit also.

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Have you been eating garlic?