Living Interracial: Hardy and Karen Clark

Hi, I'm Hardy Clark
and this is my wife, Karen,

and we've been married
for thirteen years.

Race was not really an issue
when we met.

I know I had never dated
anybody outside

of my race before.

I don't think he had,
but, like I said, we just

had a commonality
between each other, so.

I think we kinda hid it
for a while.

You know, I didn't tell my friends
too much,

and I don't think he told his.

Yeah, I mean there was
a small group of common people

that we kinda worked with,
but I think for a while

it was kinda just us.

and that was, it was kinda...

my attitude was, "it's nobodies'
business."

(Karen) my family did not
take too kindly to me and Hardy

getting married.

In fact, my mom was livid
about the situation.

She actually stopped
speaking to me for a while.

So, she didn't come to my wedding.

She just didn't talk to me
for like, about the first year.

And then. finally-
(Hardy) -was it that long?

Yeah. A year. I remember
going home for Thanksgiving

and I was getting off
the plane,

and she showed up
at the airport with

my sister-in-law, but she
refused to speak to me

she refused to even
look at me.

Every time she addressed me,
she addressed through

my sister-in-law, but she did
not speak to me directly.

[laughs]

So, it was a pretty bad
Christmas at that point.

You know, she might have
said a few words,

but they were always
spoke to my sister-in-law,

and not directly to me.

But, after a while,
she kind of, um,

you know, she came around.

I mean, she loves him now,
but thirteen years later.

[giggles]

It just took a minute.

[both chuckle]

(Hardy) Karen's mother's actually
from New Orleans,

and we went up to Chicago
for the holidays several years ago,

and when we got to the house,
it was later at night

and we'd been driving...

It was cold outside.

So we opened up the backdoor,
and this strange odor kinda

wafted out the backdoor
when we opened it.

It was Karen's mom and she
had a big ol' pot of Chitterlings

on the stove.

[Karen laughs]

(Hardy continues) It was
Christmas, and there's

Karen's niece, her fiance at the time.

He's actually white as well.

So we both got there,
to eat the chitterlings.

And so we uh- we gave them a try.

And that's uh- [both laugh]

I don't need to try them again.

I got my fill.

(Karen) I think dating outside
of our race is very hard

because of the initial differences
that may take place.

There may be things that
I wanna do that he may

not necessarily wanna do,
because of that.

Or, places that he may wanna go
that I don't- all of a sudden feel

safe, you know, going to.

or, you know, I have to think
twice about going to.

So, it does make a difference
and into the beginning

when you're dating,
you do kinda worry what

other people will think.

And so, you may be less
inclined, to maybe go out

to different places,
because people stare at you.

You know, wherever you go,
and so that makes you

uncomfortable, you know,
just for the fact that your

uncomfortable, just going out
together.

And then to have people
stare at you at that time too,

can make it a little bit more so.

I mean, I know we probably
had more pizza nights

and movie nights at home
than we did actually going out

somewhere.

(Hardy) The hardest thing for me
anyway, not that it's come to

fruition, but, I think when the
kids arrive on scene,

just kind of... the fear that
possibly...

our relationship, bringing them
into this world may

make life hard for them.

In some way, somewhere along
the way, because

they're not white,
and they're not black.

and I hope, that the generation that
they're coming up with now,

is in a better place
than where our peers were

when we grew up.

And my parents, when they
grew up, and so on.

I hope they're in a better place so
they don't have to go through

any of that.

But, i dont know, that's something
that's kinda on my mind

from time to time.

(Karen) Sydney will say different things
to me.

She says sometimes, how,
they want to put her in a category

or whatever, and that's what she'll say.

You know, "well, I don't belong in any
one of those, because I'm both.

And I'm glad that I'm both" you know, kind
of a thing, and we try to teach

her from both perspectives.
She likes the fact Hardy's 100%

Irish, and so she likes the culture
of it and everything.

And then, she likes the
African American part of it too.

So, she embraces it.

And then, Jayce, I don't think
he really gets it too much.

He's always, like "Well,
daddy's just a lighter shade

of brown than the rest of us."

That's just kinda how he looks at it.

(Karen speaking) Just the fact
that one person is with somebody

from another race, regardless of
what it is, I think,

ends up kinda being
a big deal.

I know, a lot of times
you just hear different things.

Especially when there is a
black guy whose dating

a white woman, or
you know, who are married.

And you know there's a lot
of stigma I think, that's kinda

attached to that.

People are people.

It just doesn't matter what
your race is.

What's important is the love
that you share for that other person.

So, if they could see that,
it's just like "well, you know,

that interracial couple loves
the same way that you love yours."

(Hardy) It's not that big a deal.

I mean there's more and more
people that are more comfortable

with people of other races.

And so, there's not 100% chance,
but there's a decent chance

that if you're black and you have
a black child,

they may date somebody who's white
somewhere along the way.

Or, if you're white and have a
white child, they may

date somebody who's black
along the way.

And, it's okay.

It's uh- thirteen years,
and it's a beautiful thing.

Relax.

[Karen laughs]

That's the message.