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FBI Simulator (Larry David as Kevin Roberts) - SNL

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    - All right, cadets.
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    You wanna be an FBI agent,
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    you've gotta pass
    firearm training.
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    The street simulator is designed
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    to evaluate your
    ability to assess
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    when and when not
    to use deadly force.
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    You will use this
    infrared light pistol
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    to shoot at our
    lifelike target dummies.
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    Some are harmless
    civilians while others--
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    - I'm gonna kill you.
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    [gunshot]
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    - Need to get dropped.
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    - Damn, they're so realistic.
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    - Yeah, only the
    best for you clowns.
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    Any questions?
    - [chuckles]
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    Yeah, who's got
    the highest score in this game?
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    - [mocks laughing]
    Hilarious, O'Heely.
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    You think o' that
    when you were sittin'
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    on the can this morning?
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    - No, just now.
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    - Well, why don't
    you go first since
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    you're so good at
    warming up the crowd?
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    Start her up!
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    [Bell rings]
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    - See you in hell.
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    [buzzer]
    [gunshot]
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    - Nice shot.
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    - My cat ran away.
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    Help me.
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    - Mm, good read.
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    - I'm Kevin Roberts,
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    and I'm the coolest bitch
    in town.
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    Where's the party?
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    [gunshot]
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    [buzzer]
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    - Hold it!
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    O'Heely!
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    You mind tellin' me
    why you just shot
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    an innocent civilian?
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    - I apologize.
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    Thug with a gun, clearly bad.
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    Nice old lady, obviously good.
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    Then you got Kevin Roberts.
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    I mean, I couldn't get a read on
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    a man in a neon suit
    holding a big old cell phone
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    claiming to be the
    coolest bitch in town.
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    He just didn't
    seem to fit a type.
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    - Yeah, okay, this
    simulator is designed
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    to see how you'll react
    in the real world.
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    And it's not all
    bank robbers and
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    girl scouts out there, okay?
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    There's people
    like Kevin Roberts,
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    head scratchers, wild cards.
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    And you don't use your
    weapon just because
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    somebody confuses you.
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    - Again, that was my bad.
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    In my defense,
    I'm pretty confident
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    that type of man
    does not exist in society.
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    I mean, looks like he came
    out of a 1980s computer game.
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    - Yeah, thanks, O'Heely.
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    We value your feedback.
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    Let's get back to it.
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    [bell ringing]
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    - I'm high on bath salt!
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    [gunshot]
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    - Oh no, I left my
    backpack on the school bus.
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    - Mm, there you go.
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    Good control, O'Heely.
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    - I'm Kevin Roberts, and I got
    a very important question.
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    Can a bitch get a doughnut?
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    Now let's dance!
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    ['80s rock music]
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    See you on the flip side.
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    - Yo, did that guy just say,
    "Can a bitch get a doughnut?"
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    - Who in the hell
    designed this thing?
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    - Hey, keep your
    head in the game.
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    - Have you seen my
    friend Kevin Roberts?
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    'Cause I got that
    bitch a doughnut.
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    - Why does Kevin Roberts
    have friends and a storyline?
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    - Focus, do not
    let it throw you.
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    - I don't mean any trouble.
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    - Oh, he's reaching
    into his jacket.
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    What's he doing?
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    What's he got in there?
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    - Breakin' news,
    Kevin Roberts just got
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    to second base with a lady.
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    [airhorn]
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    - No! Go away, Kevin Roberts.
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    - Die, pig.
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    [gunshot]
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    [buzzer]
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    - And now you're dead.
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    Not good, O'Heely.
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    - Kevin Roberts got in my head.
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    He said he got to second
    base and I was like,
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    who would do that
    with Kevin Roberts?
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    If being a field agent
    means dealing with
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    human puzzles like
    Kevin Roberts,
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    maybe I belong behind a desk.
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    Sorry I wasted
    the Bureau's time.
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    - Don't apologize
    to me, O'Heely.
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    You go apologize to
    the portrait of the man
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    who dedicated his life
    to designing this simulator.
Title:
FBI Simulator (Larry David as Kevin Roberts) - SNL
Description:

A training exercise puts an agent's (Kenan Thompson) ability to distinguish between a threat (Beck Bennett, Leslie Jones, Jon Rudnitsky) and a harmless civilian (Aidy Bryant, Larry David, Vanessa Bayer, Bobby Moynihan) to the test.

#SNL #SNL41

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Video Language:
English
Duration:
04:28

English subtitles

Revisions

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