- All right, cadets.
You wanna be an FBI agent,
you've gotta pass firearm training.
The street simulator is designed
to evaluate your ability to assess
when and when not to use deadly force.
You will use this infrared light pistol
to shoot at our lifelike target dummies.
Some are harmless civilians while others--
- I'm gonna kill you.
[gunshot]
- Need to get dropped.
- Damn, they're so realistic.
- Yeah, only the best for you clowns.
Any questions? - [chuckles]
Yeah, who's got the highest score in this game?
- [mocks laughing] Hilarious, O'Heely.
You think o' that when you were sittin'
on the can this morning?
- No, just now.
- Well, why don't you go first since
you're so good at warming up the crowd?
Start her up!
[Bell rings]
- See you in hell.
[buzzer] [gunshot]
- Nice shot.
- My cat ran away.
Help me.
- Mm, good read.
- I'm Kevin Roberts,
and I'm the coolest bitch in town.
Where's the party?
[gunshot]
[buzzer]
- Hold it!
O'Heely!
You mind tellin' me why you just shot
an innocent civilian?
- I apologize.
Thug with a gun, clearly bad.
Nice old lady, obviously good.
Then you got Kevin Roberts.
I mean, I couldn't get a read on
a man in a neon suit holding a big old cell phone
claiming to be the coolest bitch in town.
He just didn't seem to fit a type.
- Yeah, okay, this simulator is designed
to see how you'll react in the real world.
And it's not all bank robbers and
girl scouts out there, okay?
There's people like Kevin Roberts,
head scratchers, wild cards.
And you don't use your weapon just because
somebody confuses you.
- Again, that was my bad.
In my defense, I'm pretty confident
that type of man does not exist in society.
I mean, looks like he came out of a 1980s computer game.
- Yeah, thanks, O'Heely.
We value your feedback.
Let's get back to it.
[bell ringing]
- I'm high on bath salt!
[gunshot]
- Oh no, I left my backpack on the school bus.
- Mm, there you go.
Good control, O'Heely.
- I'm Kevin Roberts, and I got a very important question.
Can a bitch get a doughnut?
Now let's dance!
['80s rock music]
See you on the flip side.
- Yo, did that guy just say, "Can a bitch get a doughnut?"
- Who in the hell designed this thing?
- Hey, keep your head in the game.
- Have you seen my friend Kevin Roberts?
'Cause I got that bitch a doughnut.
- Why does Kevin Roberts have friends and a storyline?
- Focus, do not let it throw you.
- I don't mean any trouble.
- Oh, he's reaching into his jacket.
What's he doing?
What's he got in there?
- Breakin' news, Kevin Roberts just got
to second base with a lady.
[airhorn]
- No! Go away, Kevin Roberts.
- Die, pig.
[gunshot]
[buzzer]
- And now you're dead.
Not good, O'Heely.
- Kevin Roberts got in my head.
He said he got to second base and I was like,
who would do that with Kevin Roberts?
If being a field agent means dealing with
human puzzles like Kevin Roberts,
maybe I belong behind a desk.
Sorry I wasted the Bureau's time.
- Don't apologize to me, O'Heely.
You go apologize to the portrait of the man
who dedicated his life to designing this simulator.