The Naked Truth | Dr. Tawnya Pettiford-Wates | TEDxRVA

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.
Dr. Tawnya Pettiford-Wates is Founder and Artistic Director of The Conciliation Project, a social justice theater company whose mission is, "To promote, through active and challenging dramatic work, an open and honest dialogue about racism and oppression in order to repair its damaging legacy." She talks about relationships, truth and lie and the issues we all have between us.

Hi.

Well, right here,

these are my issues.

Right? These are my issues.

I mean, we all have them.

The people sitting out here,
right next to you,

we all have issues.

You guys have issues up there too, right?

And the problem is they get in the way.

They get in the way
of us relating to one another,

our issues.

I'm working too, you know.

I didn't speak to my mother
for five years.

It's not something I'm proud of.

I've lost a lot of time
that I wish I could have now,

that I'll never get back.

And it was because of issues.

It was because I had issues,
she had issues too,

and even some of her issues
she gave to me.

So, we were sharing our issues
and they were in the middle.

I didn't talk to her,
but she also didn't talk to me.

Fortunately, though,

fortunately, we were able to reconcile.

Fortunately, we have a wonderful,

healed and whole relationship today.

And I'm very, very happy about that,

because I'm also a mother
and a grandmother

and I couldn't even bear the thought

of being separated from my children
and my grandchildren

for five years.

So, some of these issues are personal

and some of them are institutional.

Some of them we can deal with,

like my mother and I dealt with
because we had a relationship,

we had an association, we were connected

and, because of that initial connection,

we could reconnect and rehabilitate

our relationship.

We had an affiliation.

The problem with these issues

when you look at the institutional brand,

like racism, like sexism,

is that they're way bigger
than the individual.

And the way we tend
to sometimes want to deal with them

is on an individual basis,

like, we get all offended, right?

We get all offended,
"The race card." Right?

We get all offended
and we take it personal

the minute something comes up.

Men and women do it with one another,

racist people do it with one another,

and the problem
is we don't have a relationship.

So, this idea of reconciling,

settling, compromising,
having a reunion --

my mother and I have a reunion
every time we get together.

That's because
we have a relationship, right?

And even with the issues,

we can step over them

and deal with one another,

because we have that relationship.

Our problem
with our institutional issues --

this really came to me too:

it's like you cannot redo something

until you have first done it.

You can't reconcile
if you haven't first "conciled", right?

And conciliation is the process

of winning over from a state of hostility.

So, we have to first have a recognition

that we've got issues between us,
and guess what?

When you're talking about race,

and racism and sexism,

you're talking about legacy,

you're talking about historic legacy,

you're talking about issues
you don't even know you have,

you're talking about issues
that were passed on to you

just because of the ground
you're standing on.

You don't even know about them,
but the idea is

that, unless you recognize them,

accept them, respect that we have
those issues between us,

whether they're our fault
or not our fault --

they're still between us --

instead of denying that they exist,

instead of not believing my story,

instead of when I say,
"That hurt me and this is why",

"No, it didn't."

Yes, it did.

It did because of our historic legacy.

So, we have to first get to know
one another,

we have to first "concile",

bring those desperate pieces
back together, you know,

or to gather for the first time,

so that we can then have a relationship

that then, if issues come up,

then we can have a reconciliation.

But first, we have to have a conciliation.

I'm going to sort of put it into
a context, using a story.

It's a West African fable

and it's called
"The Truth and The Lie." Right?

So, one day,

The Truth went down to the river bank

to bathe in the cool,
refreshing river water with The Lie.

Now, Truth was always
a little bit cautious

whenever she was
in the presence of The Lie,

but, on this particular day,

the Sun was out in all its glory.

So, she went.

Now, while Truth was down bathing
in the cool, refreshing river water,

she didn't realize that The Lie

had stolen away with all her clothes.

So, while Truth was
in the middle of the river

trying to figure out what to do,

The Lie was parading
around the marketplace,

dressed up like The Truth.

Now finally, when Truth
got up enough courage

to run down to the marketplace
wearing nothing but the truth...

(Laughter)

...no matter how hard she tried
to tell all the people

that she was The Truth and he was The Lie,

the people were so embarrassed

to look upon the naked Truth

that they believed The Lie dressed up
in Truth's clothes instead.

And it is still the same to this day.

The truth may be difficult to look upon,

but it remains the truth, nonetheless.
Yeah?

So, if you really care about
this common unity

that we have going on today,

you've got to do the work

and "concile",

so that you can some day
reconcile, all right?

So, I'm just going to take my issues

and go on, off the stage. (Laughter)

Thank you.

(Applause)