How to be truly open towards others?

Thay answers questions on 21 June 2014. Question 8

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[How can you truly open yourself
towards others?

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Dear Thay,
dear Sangha,

how can you truly be open with someone?

There is fear to be rejected,
to be misunderstood,

(Inaudible)

How can you truly be
open yourself towards others?

Misunderstanding, wrong perceptions

are part of life,

like the mud.

Misunderstanding, wrong perceptions

are the foundations of war and conflicts,

death, suffering.

That is the mud.

And, the practice helps us to dissipate

misunderstanding,
remove wrong perceptions,

restore communication,

and bring about reconciliation,

transforming the mud into a lotus flower.

This is possible,

And, the teaching of the Buddha
can help us do this

as a person,
as a group of people.

And when you can do it
as a group of people,

you can change the situation of society.

And that is why to practice
as an individual

is not enough. You have to practice
as a group, as a sangha.

There are those of us who are so afraid

to love.

We do not dare to open our heart.

We are afraid, because we have suffered.

And, we think that to love is to suffer.

It is regrettable,

because true love
can bring a lot of healing and joy.

There is a poet who wrote like this...

"Spring has come,

every flower is opening

opening out,
but why does my heart refuse to open?

Because there is fear,

the fear to suffer again,

because we have
not learned the art of loving.

Of course,
the other person is unskillful

but we are also unskillful.

We don't know how to love, yet.

We allow misunderstanding,
wrong perception to take over.

And, we make us suffer, and

we make each other suffer.

So, the teaching of the Buddha on love,

we should learn.

The first element of true love is Maitri,

loving kindness.

And, true love should be able
to bring happiness.

Loving kindness is the energy
that can bring happiness

to us and to the other person.

A love that cannot bring happiness,
is not love.

It is something else -

passion, craving, sensual pleasure,

the desire to possess.

It is not love.

So, loving kindness is a kind of energy
that we have to cultivate,

If it is true love,
then it should bring well being,

happiness to us,
and to the other person.

And, how to cultivate

loving kindness?

To look, to have the time to look
and understand.

Understanding the suffering,

the difficulties,
and the need of the other person

the suffering and the difficulties,
and our own need.

We need the time
to look into ourselves.

We need to understand
our suffering, our difficulties,

and the deep aspiration in us.

And, we should be able to accept us
as we are.

So, understanding is the
foundation of love,

of loving kindness.

We should ask: "Do I understand myself?"

"Do I understand my suffering,
my difficulties?

If you understand your own suffering,
your difficulties,

you'll feel much better.

You accept yourself.

And, then,
when you look at the other person

you can understand his or her suffering
much more easily

So, the first step is to understand "self"

and to accept "self".

And, the second step is
to understand the other

and accept the other.

Without that kind of understanding

and acceptance, happiness is not possible.

And, true love is to be cultivated.

The second element of true love
is compassion.

Compassion is the energy that can heal.

When you have compassion
in your heart you suffer much less.

And, you open your heart so easily.

Look at the other person deeply,

and you see the suffering
in him or in her.

That person is a victim
of her own suffering,

his own suffering.

And, he does not know how to
handle that suffering in him.

He continues to suffer deeply,
and he makes you suffer also

not because he wants to.

So, understanding the suffering
in that person,

you are not angry at him or her any more.

And, you want to do something,
to say something

to help that person suffer less.

It means you have compassion in
your heart.

And, if when you want to do something,
or to say something

to help him or her suffer less,

it means that
compassion IS in your heart.

And, as compassion is in your heart,

you don't suffer anymore,

because you have
opened your heart to yourself

and now, you can open your heart
to him or to her.

And, that is the second energy of
true love: compassion, karuna.

And, when you have a lot of karuna
its called mahakaruna,

Great Compassion.

You are a Bodhisattva,

you are a buddha, because
the compassion in you is so

so large.

Your heart includes not only him or her,

but you include us all.

Mahakaruna.

And, mahakaruna, the energy of
compassion, is to be cultivated.

And, without getting
in touch with the suffering,

without understanding suffering,

you cannot generate the energy of
karuna, compassion.

When compassion is born,
we begin to heal...

heal you, and heal the world.

And, with the practice of
meditation on love

metta, maitri meditation,

karuna meditation,

you suffer less.

You begin to taste the nectar of love,

and you open your heart
so easily to the world!

The third element of true love is joy.

If your love does not bring joy to you

and makes the other person cry

all day long, it's not true love.

So, the mark of true love is joy.

And, joy is healing.

And, the fourth element of true love

is inclusiveness,

openness.

Inclusiveness means
that you open your heart

and allow that person
to be inside of your heart.

And, without opening your heart,
how can you include her,

include him in your heart?

And, as you continue, your heart
grows bigger and bigger all the time.

And, very soon, you include us,

because you don't discriminate
against us anymore.

Your heart is so large
that you include us all.

Include all of us in your heart.

That is the love of a buddha

which does not exclude anyone.

Not only humans, but also
animals, plants and minerals.

All are embraced in that love.

That is equanimity.
That is non-discrimination.

And, the Buddha's teaching on love
is very specific, very clear,

concrete.

And, if we practice,

we cultivate these four elements,

happiness begins to be with us right away.

We don't need many months or years.

The moment when we begin to practice
maitri, karuna, mudita and upeksha

happiness begins in our heart.

We open our heart to ourselves,

to him or to her, right away.

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