OFFLINE DATING

Last weekend my single friend Tom

challenged himself to find his next date -

OFFLINE.

I'm weirdly feeling quite nervous.

It's quite nerve-wracking.

I mean, when you ask a girl out on a date

can you imagine...

as soon as you see someone you like

just kind of saying it straight away.

I don't know. I can't do it face to face though.

Requires a lot of this, innit?

I'm not that kind of guy.

I don't know if I am either.

Would you like to go for a drink with me?

No, I'm alright, thanks.

I was gonna ask, if you wanted

to go on a date...?

Well, I've got a boyfriend, so...

Oh okay.

Would you like to go for a drink with me?

Right now?

Yeah?

Would you like to -

I'm in a rush.

Would either of you like to go

on a date with me now?

No thanks.

Can I ask, are you single?

No, I'm sorry, I got a boyfriend.

Hello.

What are you up to?

Just about to get breakfast.

Sorry, what's your name?

Sorry - Tom.

Nice to meet you, I'm Mandy.

Nice to meet you.

Jade.

Hi Jade.

Are you single?

No.

No, okay, you have a boyfriend...

are you single?

Uh, yeah. But - into girls.

Into girls!?

It was bad 'cause I asked

her friend first anyway.

How would you feel if I was to ask you out

on a date?

What kind of date, though?

I don't like the word 'date'.

I'm kind of, basically, trying to find

someone to go on a date with me

and I didn't want to do it the online way.

Really?

What, you're just going around

chatting people up all day?

Nice lamp.

Would you like to go on a date with me?

Sorry.

No!

Hey...

Are you single?

Me? Uh - yeah.

I mean, she's never completely single!

How long have you been single for?

Oh, fuck me, ages!

Was that your girlfriend?

No, who was the girl? What was her name?

Um - Gemma?

This is Hastings, and she's single

and this is Nikki and she's single

so why should either of them date you?

Well why don't I give you both my number

and then you can decide?

I can't see why you're single.

But if I was to ask you, to come on a date

with me tonight. I'll take you out for

some food. Or we could have a pizza

or something?

What like now!?

Yeah, now.

Oh shit. Um... Oh...

Don't fuck about with me mate!

I just asked if she -

Seriously, don't fuck about.

Now turn the fuck around and fuck off!

Fucking prick.

A week ago in Porto, someone threw at me

like a plane, with their number on.

People in London are afraid of

actual contact.

You want my number?

Yeah, to go for a drink sometime.

Thank you, but no thank you.

The typical male approach to women

is so boring, you know.

When they're like, straight away, "yo...

alright, can I have your number?"

It's a bit like - whoa!

Why not kind of meet someone like this?

Yeah, no, I totally agree.

My aunty does online dating and I quite

like that because it's fair enough...

because we do everything else online.

I tried online dating, for a very short time,

but I just thought it didn't work because

you can't really see in a picture

if you connect or not.

I find that on Tinder, Facebook,

and all that...

profile pictures can be deceiving

with the filters these days.

Are you on a Tinder date now!?

Yes.

Oh my god.

If you'd come up and said,

"hey how are you? What's your book like?

How you doing? How's your day?"

I don't know, you just have to be a bit

more, like, realistic.

It's good to have a reality check,

you know?

Hi guys.

You having a good day?

Yeah. And you?

Yeah, I'm good.

I'm trying to meet someone.

Okay...?

And uh, I - I don't want to do it online.

Oh... that's nice.

I would like to do it face to face.

I'm going home for dinner.

Do you wanna come home for dinner?

We're having a barbecue.

Uh... yeah!

I can say something in Italian.

What can you say?

Oh, wow!

It's, "I can't speak much Italian,

but I can say, 'you're beautiful'."

It's quite cheesy. But thats it.

That's all I know.

That's all you need.

Hi, whereabouts are you from?

Spain.

That looks really good.

Are you... are you single?

Kind of... yeah.

So, yeah.

Cool, let's rollerblade and get a pizza,

and come back?

Okay.

I find an attractive man who

can fix anything. So a handyman.

Just so over, you know, all of these men,

they care about their appearance,

and then if a bulb gets broken, they

can't fix it. They can't change the build.

Bulbs? I can do bulbs.

I don't know if my sense

of smell is terrible, or..?

You are really brave to try to meet a girl

in the old fashioned way. And I think,

just for that, you are going to have

more success.

Uh... what was the last date you went on?

Oh, I've never been on a date.

You've never been on a date?

They is your first date ever?

Is this a date?

Kind of...

You can take my Facebook, I don't have a

phone at the moment, this is the problem.

I'm getting my phone sent to me tomorrow.

Hey... it's... Tom.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Good luck with all your shit.

There she goes.

Did you exchange numbers?

No, just Facebook. She said she didn't

have a phone at the moment. But...

Everyone has a fucking phone.

I've got a very nice warm feeling.

This is a girl I feel like... I want to...

go there. Do you know what I mean?

Whoa.

No, there's nothing that really

embarrasses me.

So if I was to try and kiss you now...

you wouldn't be embarrassed?

I don't know, I don't think a kiss

is an embarrassing thing.

Okay.... good point.

(OFFLINE DATING)

Are you embarrassed?

No.

See?