[TRANSLATED] Lewis and Clark vs Bill & Ted. Epic Rap Battles of History. [CC]

You can't be starting with Lewis and Clark

cause we cut a path through MCs

like a walk in the park

then give 'em back a whole stack

of maps and accurate charts

showing exactly where our footprints

on their buttocks are marked

we're two traveling wordsmiths

spitting hotter than a furnace

and we'll own you on the mic

like the Louisiana Purchase

you're worthless

your future selves should'a told you that

now go back in time and give

Doctor Who his phone booth back

we discovered bears and beavers

and prairie dogs and weasels

rattlesnakes and catfish

owls, larks and eagles

and plus flora galore

and according to our observations

these two dickweeds right here

are severely endangered

we inspired pioneers

and travelers near and far

you inspired air guitar

and Dude Where's My Car

we conquered much greater dangers

in our trek through Mother Nature

so step off

but tell Bill's stepmom

don't be a stranger

Bill's mom is hot

but that joke was most heinous

I've heard better insults

drop from Socrates' anus

that's my step mom Ted

let's keep it excellent between us

and show these boy scouts

how it goes in San Dimas

we're quick when we spit

like Billy the Kid with his guns

and you'll be verbally kicked

in the nut-Sacagawea puns

a teen mom carried you and your troops

they should have let the baby lead

and put you in the papoose

and if those native dudes knew

what white dudes were gonna do

they woulda stopped you in Dakota

they should totally Sioux

why don't you go back to exploring

Napoleon's old swamps

or you'll discover your Corps

most triumphantly stomped

Did you hear that Meriwether?

I think they mean to brawl

I'll take Neo

I'll take the one that

no one knows at all

from the falls of Black Eagle

to the Pacific

we put the dis in dysentery

cause we spit sick...

without Rufus you'd be useless

on the trails we blazed

you couldn't navigate your way

out of a Circle K

send over Garth and Wayne

because you turkeys aren't worthy

suffering your raps is a

most bogus journey

Man they totally burned us

I feel like such a doofus

what do we do

I don't know

be excellent

Rufus!

he's right dude

we don't have to take this kind of abuse

from some Paul Bunyan dudes

in potato sack shoes

you rode a river one direction

we travel four dimensions

rescue bodacious babes

and get back for detention

I've seen your future Mr. Lewis

and I don't want to be rude

but spoiler alert

you totally kill yourself dude

so we offer you peace

with these resplendent medallions

and we claim this battle

for the Wyld Stallyns

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide