Fóstbræður Sería 1 | Þáttur 1

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Yes, I'm sorry to have to tell you this

But...

but in the light of recent events

and redundancies within the company

It's your turn now

And I'm really sorry, but...

You're fired.

Am I what, sorry?

You are fired

And what does that mean?

It doesn't mean anything other than

That you're fired.

Thank you very much

Well, thank you.

Well, what did he say?

That was really bizarre...

Why?

that man is very strange...

What did he say?

He said I was on fire

Did he say that?

Yeah, "You're on fire"

He said I was on fire!

Very strange...

Exactly what he said to me last week

Let's get back to work!

Hello and welcome to the first Fóstbræður episode

This tune that you're hearing now

is our themesong

This is the Fóstbræður themesong

and...

if I'm not mistaken you'll be humming this song for the next few weeks

But my name is Sigurður Kjarnanon

Hylmir Snær Gunnarsson

Benedikt Erlingsson, glad to see so many of you

Helga Braga, Hi!

Jón Gnarr, I hope you'll enjoy yourself

Yeah, my name is Halldór and I'm a salesman

Sometimes called the salesman of death

I sell drugs

I begin the day early to catch the morning traffic

Drugs, drugs!

Get yourself something stimulation for a busy day!

Amphetamine

Hash

In this job you constantly need to be on the lookout

Disguised policemen can be lurking everywhere

But when I can feel that I'm being watched downtown

I go door to door and try to sell there

Good evening

I'm selling drugs

I see, look I can't afford it at the moment

Well, alright

Thanks

It has it's highs and lows

Sometimes I'm received well

But some are maybe skint...

Good afternoon

I'm here to sell drugs

Do you have some good Amphetamine?

Yes, I have some very nice Amphetamine here, in pill form

Very clean stuff

Sounds very good

Good price?

Yes, very good price

I also have an Amphetamine offer on at the moment

And I also have a set of all kinds of drugs

like a starter kit

That sounds awfully tempting

It's usually very lonely to come home at night

But there's a sense of security knowing that the police guards my house

Good night boys

The American football player OJ Simpson

Was sentenced to pay 600 million ISK in damages

and I was wondering

Why ISK?

Where does OJ Simpson get all this Icelandic money?

Ah, nice weather don't you think?

yeah, it's very nice

The sun is shining

Can you hear the birds?

We're here on the green grass surrounded by nature

Not inside some white dead office

That's why I just want you to relax

Enjoy being here

Put your chin down

all the way down

til you can't understand what you're saying

Put your tongue out like this

relax

relax the tongue

and close your eyes

relax...

completely relax

and kiss me

No, what is this?!

No no

just relax

Relax

the quiet, and the nature

Just relax

Completely relax

And kiss me

No, I'm not gonna kiss you

No, just relax

That's it, relax

Don't fall asleep

And kiss me

No, what is going on?!

I didn't mean to kiss you

What have I done?

And relax

Good afternoon doctor

Good afternoon

What can I do for you?

I've been meaning to talk to you for a while

But I feel a little like...

Well maybe I'm just being a bit paranoid

But I feel like my hair is starting to thin out a little bit

thinning out?

Your hair?

Now I do have very thick hair

and when I run my fingers through my hair

I feel like it's starting to thin out a little bit

But a lot, just a little bit

I see...

You see my brother began losing his hair a while ago

and is now completely bald

and I don't wanna end up like him

so I wanna prevent that from happening to me

Do you maybe have some sort of cream, shampoo or something?

Uuh, no I'm afraid there's not much of that

But...

What do you find wrong with being bald?

There's nothing really wrong with it

It suits probably some people

It's just not for me

But there are many famous historical figures bald

Lenin

and Caesar

and more were bald

I cannot look a bald person in the eye

I have not spoken to my brother for 2 years

I feel so sorry for him

and the poor guy is in such denial

and does he not admit that he is bald?

Yes, he does

But he finds it cool

How odd

Listen, let's have a look

I have a spoon

and you can feel here that i's cold

Yeah, it's really cold

But you can't feel anything now right?

No

No, that's because the hair is inbetween

What do you feel now?

Nothing, the hair is inbetween

I don´t know how to tell you this

I don't want to hurt your feelings

But I have to tell you...

You, you are bald

What do you mean?

I mean that, you are bald

Completely bald

So what you mean is that my hair is all in my imagination

Yes

And this lock of hair here

is just an imaginary lock

Yes

And this pain that I feel now is just imaginary pain

yes

That's correct

Just see for yourself

Can it be doctor that you react this way because you are a redhead

hang on, hang on, what do you mean?

Now you are a redhead

No, I'm not a redhead, but I used to be and suffered a lot because of it

But today I am thankfully bald

You're bald?

Yes, not a single hair on my head

Well...I see this isn't going anywhere

Take care

You are no more balder than I am!

Bye bye, and thank you for coming!

I never leave the house without carrying with me a small kitten

I can keep it on my pocket

or in my bag

or in the car

So if anyone asks me if they know someone that needs to get rid of a kitten

I sure think so

I bring out the kitten and the person gains a new companion

and I get rid of the hassle of raising, feeding and carrying around a small kitten

Just relax and get comfortable

I'm almost ready

There's no point taking photos of me

I'm so ugly

No that's not true

Yes, I'm hideously ugly

No, you're very pretty

No, I am very ugly!

You know what,I think you're a very beautiful girl

You think so?

Yeah, I think you're a cutie

Really?

Yea

No you don't mean it

Don't, I am ugly

There's no point taking photos of me

You know, I really think you're nice looking

I mean...would you like to go on a date with me?

With you?

Yeah just something relaxing

and do what?

Go out for dinner

for example

Where?

For real, you'd like to go out with me?

Not just got to a hot dog stand or something?

No

No, somewhere romantic

Listen, have you modeled before?

Me?

Yeah, I feel like you've been modeling before

Me?

Yea

I feel like I recognize you from somewhere

No, you're just messing with me

You'd never wanna be seen with me

Just see how ugly I am

See how ugly I am

I know exactly what I'm talking about

I've been in this business for a long time

And I know what I'm talking about when I say that you have nice facial features

You have really nice features

your hair for example, really beautiful

You think so?

You think my hair is beautiful?

You have that special chestnut brown hair

You never see that kinda hair, except for maybe in Paris

You don't think it's too thick?

No, it's the perfect looking hair

And the eyes, you have really nice eyes

You're such a cutie pie

Yeah for real

It's true

No, I am ugly

I'm very ugly

I'm extremely ugly!

And you're lying to me

See how ugly I am

ugh, see

I am ugly

No, you're not ugly

You just...don't photograph very well

Alright boys

You might know there's been a lot of break-ins all over town

We've gotta spread out and keep a low profile

And see what we can find out

Donni og Kalli, you go to the west side of town

Jonni and Benni, you go east and Þingholt

Put your disguises on at the front desk

And for the love of god, be careful out there

Benni, I need to talk to you

Racism, has been on the news a lot lately

And for a good reason

The numbers of immigrants in Iceland are increasing

So we decided to investigate if racism has began to surface in our small nation

Sigurjón Kjartanson, you went to investigate

Yes, that's correct

And what we discovered was shocking

I decided to disguise myself as a china man

Go out into the public and see what reception I would get

The reception was horrifying

People laughed at my appearance and race

And found it funny that I was from a land far away

and spoke an exotic language

Is it still halloween?

Typical

Is this a joke?

I found it hard to believe

I decided to reply to a few job vacancies

and see what reception I would get

I decided to go under the name Hoshi Ding Dong

And went for a few job interviews

Hoshi Ding Dong

What is this?

What do you need?

I want job

work

Is this some kinda joke?

My name is Hoshi Ding Dong

No joke

I feel like I recognize you

Microphones and everything

Why don't you just go make jokes somewhere else

That's quite a costume you've got on there

You are racism

Racist!

I've never seen anything like it

Racist!

Racist

No, this is a joke right?

You're just messing about right?

You might find this funny

what is this?

you might find this funny

but there's loads of Asian people living here unemployed

This is a joke

This isn't a? Well this isn't candid camera that's for sure

Everywhere I went I was mocked and ridiculed

I felt really bad after that day

I felt humiliated and isolated

If this is the reality with us here in Iceland, we can except the same from our travels to other countries

That's why I'm telling you, don't let race and peoples appearance blind you

Stop racism

Reykjavík

The city of fear

Criminals run-a-muck

and no one gets justice

Now the police are turning to you

Help us help you

Report the crime before it happens

Call 112

And you could win

A free pizza!

Thank you for yourself friend

And enjoy your meal

Take part in a fun game

Everyone that reports a crime gets their name put in the pizza raffle

and each day get 4 lucky people piping hot pizza delivered to their door

and a fizzy drink of their own choice!

Stop crime, eat pizza

The Police

I'd like to ask you Sigurjón

In regards to this show

Didn't you ever find it difficult ?

I mean, I personally have a life experience regarding it

I was sitting in my car, learning my lines

the sun was shining

and I thought, why am I here?

Why am I not outside with the nature?

You have of course worked on other TV shows

and have experience with this sort of work

But don't you think it's difficult?

By that I mean different from other jobs

I've worked at a bar and as a fisherman

Both difficult jobs

But very different from each other

I went for example to Seville for Spanish lessons

And that was really hard

you understand, but kinda similar

I mean we both been working from 9 in the morning til 12 at night

I mean you're family man

I mean you can't even go to the bank

I can't get a word in because of you

I'm so sorry

Sigurjón, I was asking you, i didn't mean to walk all over you

You talk

I hate it personally when someone walks all over me

I mean you're talking, you wanna say something

You just get so angry, you can't get a word in

Because there's someone talking over you, I just hate it

Just say it, express what you want to say

I want to know about you

Here with us is Philip Brovhny

Better know as Filippus Bragi

Which is of course his Icelandic name

Welcome to the show

No

Now it's been 26 years since you came to this country

No

Well maybe not 26 years

No

Well something like that

but you came here recently with your family and you settled down here, isn't that right?

That's right

26 years

When I came here it was...

There was a lot of turbulence on the airplane when you came here?

No

Cold then?

Yes

26 years

Yeah, it wasn't ruined?

But tell me

Now you're one of the biggest modern day publishers of Icelandic literature

When did you get interested in Icelandic culture?

Icelandic culture

Milking Breasts?

Milking breasts?

Right

But, do you think Iceland is a cultured nation?

No

No?

No

But what do you think about modern day Icelandic literature?

Literature aren't breasts

Walk the long road

Yeah, walk the long road

Yes, but let's focus on something else

Now you speak fluent Icelandic

Don't fuck me

No no

But, did your children help you with learning Icelandic?

My children always fucking their father

Always fucking

Your children sound very energetic

indeed

It was very nice to have you on the show

No

Well, I thought so atleast

Thank you very much

no

And take care

Hello

Just fucking you

Thank you

This episode is now over

We'll see you next week

Unless one of us dies

yeah but that's a different story

Thank you, bye bye!