Mindfulness and Kindfulness | Ajahn Brahm | 16 April 2021

Ajahn Brahm teaches us about the importance of having kindness in our meditation. Ajahn explains why it takes both mindfulness and kindness to overcome the many obstacles we face in meditation. (Kindfulness is a slang word created by Ajahn Bram).

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Recorded at Dhammaloka Buddhist Centre, Perth, Western Australia.

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So anyway for the talk
just to warm people up.

They're one of the good friends,
disciples, followers from Canada.

I'm sure is listening
and if not listening now

will get hold of the talk later on.

They're very, very devoted disciples,
very wonderful people too.

But they asked me that they've been
trying to encourage some of their friends

to do some meditation.

But then some of the friends equate
meditation to mindfulness practice.

And sometimes you see
the people who practice mindfulness

that sometimes they get
into difficulties and problems.

Sometimes it's just like people who
have Covid 19 vaccine.

Sometimes they have problems
only it's a tiny, tiny sort of proportion.

I think somebody said that

you've got more chance of
having a problem with a Covid vaccine.

The chances of that are just more remote
than winning the Lotto.

It's just like people surfing,

some people who surf on
Western Australia get eaten by sharks

that doesn't really stop people surfing.

But even with mindfulness practice

sometimes there's some problems there.

You know, it doesn't need to be.
It's much safer than surfing,

but it's also much more healthy.

And one of the reasons why
any problems exist in the first place

is that this thing called mindfulness
has been just almost like titrated

and just taken away from its context
in other forms of Buddhist practice.

And when it's by itself it misses out

on some of the wonderful safeguards
which are always there.

And to make a point, when I first went
to teach meditation overseas.

I think it was over in Malaysia.
Malaysia is a Muslim country,

there's a lot of Buddhists
over in Malaysia as well.

And over there they were very keen
on doing all the parts of Buddhism

especially meditation practice.

when I talked to them
I was stunned, I was surprised!

Because they were complaining

that meditation gave you
"Samadhi headache!"

They called samadhi means like,
well it actually meant over there,

concentration.
It really means stillness.

"Meditation headache?"

I couldn't understand that. I've been
meditating for years by that time.

How many years of, crikey!
About 30 years probably.

I never had a headache by meditating.

Actually I use meditation
to overcome headaches.

I use meditation overcome headaches,
indigestion, scrub typhus fever.

That's a pretty big one.
And all these other stuff,

even injuries, bruises
and stuff if we fell over.

And it's amazing I thought,

meditation is there to help your health

not to create more headaches
and problems.

What on earth have you been doing?

And of course, it was a meditation
which was being done,

which has a lot of problems
if you compared it with

traditional Buddhist meditation.

The meditators there were
struggling and striving

and trying to get something.

And you find whenever
you want something,

try to get something
and strive something;

I'm going to do this.
I'm going to make sure it works.

I'm going to be ...

My own story...

I'm still a lay person,

we started doing some meditation
and it was the Vesak time.

This was celebrating the birth
enlightenment, passing away of the Buddha.

And when I heard the story
of the Buddha's enlightenment.

What I heard was that
the Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree

and he made a resolution,
a determination.

"I'm gonna get enlightened.

Right here, I'm not gonna move.

Even if my blood dries up
and my bones turn to dust.

I'm not gonna move from this seat until

... until I get full enlightenment".

Being stupid at the time I thought that
was really cool.

So you know what I did?

I went back to my room,
I put a little couple of cushions out,

(Laugh)

stupid young man,
I was about 18 at the time (laugh)

You know, 18 year old men.

Any 18 year old man here?

Don't admit it. Don't admit it.

Come on, you're not 18
you're much older than that.

I said 18 not 80.

So I sat down on that cushion
I made a resolution.

I'm as good as the Buddha.

That was in India,
he didn't have an education.

I thought like that, really arrogant.

You know my maximum amount of time
I could meditate for at 18

was about 20 minutes
and that was pushing it,

25 sometimes on a good meditation.

So I sat down and said forget about
all of that,

I'm not going to move.
Now I've got to get enlightened,

I want to get it out of the way, I've got
many other things to do in my life.

I sat there and made the resolution
I'm not gonna move

until I get perfect enlightenment or

you always gotta have
an alternative or

my blood dries up and
bones turn to dust.

I actually made that resolution,
honestly I did.

It was hell. After half an hour

I meant to get to half an hour, my bones
were just ... they were burning in pain,

my back was aching,
every muscle was on fire.

No, I'm not enlightened yet, carry on.

[Laughter]

You know, I got about
between 35 and 40 minutes.

I couldn't stand it any longer

and I opened my eyes and
you know I wasn't enlightened!

And my blood hadn’t dried up yet,
my bones hadn't turned to dust.

I was really stupid!

But later on, instead of just running
because of arrogance

and meditating just because
I thought I was so good.

I had a marvelous teacher
like an Ajahn Chah.

And he kept on saying
not just once but

many, many, many, many times.
Probably a thousand times

in the nine years
which I meditated with him.

He said you meditate to let go of things
not to gain things.

And I didn't understand a word of it
when I first heard it.

I realized that was some of the most
wonderful advice he could ever give.

You want to get something,

something you want to aim for,
to strive for, you get very tense.

But if you want to let go of things
you get lighter and lighter

and the path becomes
so easy and peaceful.

And that becomes another reason why
many people,

if they don't understand
what meditation or mindfulness is,

they want to get something,

always be the tension,
the tightness there.

And a lot of times you can't get

what you think you want
or you think you need.

You don't need very much.

But every time we think we need this

and when you're fighting
you'd always get injuries,

or sometimes they call
collateral damage.

And that's actually what happens when
people are just mindful.

So as soldiers they can shoot
more accurately and kill people.

When they're mindful so they can win
more arguments in debates.

When they're mindful
so they can make more money

on the stock market or whatever.

If you're trying to get something

you'll find that's not really
Buddhist meditation,

it's not mindfulness.

When you're trying to let go of things,
to simplify your life,

to make your life more peaceful,
more at ease.

We always know in spiritual life
you keep on saying

how much do you really need

to be healthy, to be happy,
to have a wonderful life?

How much do you really need?

If you want to know, next time you go to
Bodhinyana monastery,

go and ask to have a visit
to my home where I live.

Hands up now, how many of you
have actually been into my cave?

I've got to put my hand up as well cause
I've got to be honest I've been in there.

Is it big?
(Laughter)

It's big in peace.
It's big in freedom.

It's a tiny little cave and that's all
I need, I got a toilet around the back

but it's about three meters,
it's like a dome

three meters... no, three meters diameter
and that's semi dome.

And in that cave I've got a bed,
meditation cushion,

a blanket and water, a flashlight
and a clock, a little Buddha statue.

And I do have I must admit electricity

that's just to light the way and
a...not bamboo, a cork floor. That's it.

You know it's really easy to clean,

it doesn't take that long but
it's also the simplicity of it.

What do you need?

So a lot of times even in life
when we simplify things

we find that life is much more peaceful.

And even in meditation,
if you want to get things

then there's no end
of getting more things.

How many more things do you want?

How rich do you want to be?

Have you noticed really rich people,
they always have to keep on working?

You know Elon Musk,
he's got enough money now

he should be able to retire.
He has to work!

So how much money would you want?

Apparently that somebody
won the lottery on Friday.

Anyone here?

If it was you, now being that wealthy
is just really a burden,

it causes you so much suffering.

I remember, I don't mind saying,
meeting this guy

he was the CEO of Tropicana resort and
lots of other businesses over in Malaysia

and he invited me to his house. No,
I can't say houses... mansion, huge thing.

But what really I...was really struck me
that going into his residence

there were like two guards
with machine guns at the gate,

it's like going into Buckingham palace
where they have these household guards.

And so, why do you need guards
with machine guns?

I've got no guards with machine guns
in front of my cave. (laughter)

Is because there's a lot of fear
when you have many things.

If you only have a few things or old
things you don't have to be afraid at all.

I learned that from my father,
strange enough,

because where he lived was
in a very small council flat in London,

like government sponsored housing
for the poor.

But it was very...
we had a very happy time there,

but often I just asked him
"why don't we lock the door when we go out

aren't you afraid of burglars?"

You know what my father said, he said:
"No, I'm not afraid of burglars

in fact I'm quite hopeful
a burglar might come in

take pity on us and leave us something."
(Laughter)

So at least you didn't have
to worry about anything.

Not worrying about anything,
great peace and happiness, contentment.

So that's also one of the reasons

when you're not worrying about
attaining things or losing...oh no

attaining, getting things
but you're more happy

with emptying out your mind.

then actually you're meditating
in a proper way.

And where that comes from
if anybody wants to check me out,

that comes from the second factor
of the eightfold path,

meditation is a whole path
eightfold path.

Meditation ... the deep meditations
are the last factor.

Mindfulness is the seventh factor.

The second factor is of the right ways
of what we call right motivation.

Ajahn Brahmali kept calling it intention

but I prefer motivation,
where you're coming from,

not what you're trying to achieve.

Because the right motivations are
three right motivations for meditation.

If you do your mindfulness practice

with these three motivations
you're really safe.

The first motivation
is called nekkhamma.

It's a Pali word it means
letting go, renunciation,

giving up, simplifying.

I knew that was... that's really Buddhist,

we are supposed to live simple lives.

Very few people live
simple lives these days.

But we really try as best we can
as monks and nuns

to live simple as we possibly can.

It's really strange isn't it that
you know, sometimes I go off

I used to go overseas..

I used to go overseas and sometimes you
know what would happen?

People buy you business class tickets,
honestly they did.

I did this ... what was it called,
a keynote address at conferences.

I used to go to conferences, a keynote
address at the 2018 I think it was

World Computer Conference
in Dejun, South Korea.

That was a really good gig,

the World Computer Conference

and I'm not just giving a small talk,
giving the keynote address.

That's after all these politicians
and dignitaries and stuff gave

and then I had to set the tone
of the conference.

And I did really well.
You know that's where they brought...

they offered this business class ticket
on Singapore airlines

all the way to South Korea and back,
nice hotel.

And they gave 2000$
to the Buddhist Society

just for a quarter of an hour's talk.

So what we call a nice little earner
for our BSWA. (laugh)

But then you know
you go on business class

and they ask how much do you earn?
Nothing!

How much money have you got?
Zero.

What's a poor person doing
travelling on business class,

no money in the bank anywhere.

So I like those like
contradictions in life

and what is a person who...

I don't know much about computers,
do I? (laughter)

When anything goes wrong
you have to ask somebody else,

what's gone wrong?

What are you doing dude?
Do the keynote address

in front of all these computer wizards?
They asked me that.

And I gave the answer
that in life

you don't have to know very much
to actually to innovate.

In fact the more you know,
the less you see.

And you're trained always to see things
in the same way.

A narrow course of mind.

And as a monk you can actually
do all sorts of weird stuff,

like meditate and see things
in a different way.

To innovate
means being still,

letting everything go
and seeing things afresh.

And of course,
we all know in economies,

innovation is a key to success.

Not doing things in the same old way
but doing things in a different way.

And look at this place I mean
Buddhist Society Western Australia.

As far as I know it's one of the biggest
Buddhist societies in the world.

It's because this is how we practice,
innovation, doing things differently.

But anyway back to mindfulness
when we learn how to let go of things.

The other thing in right motivation
is letting go

and then the second factor of right
motivation is kindness, compassion.

and that was something
I often say this to people

that was something I thought
was obvious if ever you read

the life story of the monks and nuns
in the time of the Buddha.

Compassion was really important,
being kind to all beings.

This is one lady, I think,
she didn't say where she was from.

There's still a lot of people
who have discriminatory minds

and she was a Buddhist but she said
something happened last week.

She said her son came out
and said he was gay.

" Oh! Ajahn Brahm,
what should I do?"

Because there's some societies
where that's still regarded as terrible

and I said look, you probably chant
this every day as a Buddhist,

"may all beings be happy and well."

I think you chanted that here
just before I came in.

Gay people, lesbians, transgenders,
L G B T Q I A plus.

Aren't they beings?

Do they deserve kindness,
compassion, empathy

just like everybody else?
What's the problem?

And the fact that
she didn't realize

she'd be chanting and part of the chant,
may all beings be happy and well.

Even Donald Trump, Mr. Putin.

Who else is in the black books?
May they all be happy and well, come on.

Because there's something powerful
which I saw in this type of Buddhism

when you give happiness to your enemies

then your enemies are not
your enemies anymore.

It's weird but they become soft
and peaceful.

And where this comes up,
Why I wanted to bring this up was

you know sometimes when I think
this BBC article I read a long time ago,

so one of the problems with mindfulness

they get you to actually just allow
things to be.

That's not good enough.

Because sometimes what comes up

is some of the past traumas
which people have.

And those past traumas if
it's just being aware of them,

you can't hold them,
you can't handle them,

they're just really painful.

And that's where a lot of times people
just have almost psychosis

with this mindfulness practice.

But what's the difference between
how we do things

in Buddhist mindfulness practice?

If something comes out from the past
and it's really a bad memory,

very awful memory,
difficult memory,

something very hard for you to hold.
How can we let go of that past?

With kindness.

It's a strange thing to say but I've
said this so many times before

if you are meditating and you know
your mind just wanders off to the past

where something really hard
happened to you

or a repressed memory comes up
into your mind

and it's a painful memory.
What do you do with it?

And if you try and get rid of it,
you give it anger, ill will.

You don't want to face it,
it often gets much worse.

So there's something else
you can do with it

give it kindness.

Give you yourself kindness.
Give whoever did that to you kindness.

And here we go again with this simile,
it's such a beautiful simile.

The last time I gave on the retreat
which I did after Easter

I remember after doing this simile

everyone was looking at me,
just blown away

even though they heard before.
Many actually were teary afterwards.

There was that simile of that...
that group here in Perth

called ASSETT - Australian Society
Survivors of Torture and Trauma.

And one day they invited me to go
and visit their center

do a blessing or something.
I said: "Yes, sure."

because many of them actually came here

and I didn't know why.
Why did you invite me?

And they said because a couple of
their key strategies - they learnt here.

Which ones?
And when they told me

oh it's just it's an emotional
deep right inside me, really high,

make me incredibly happy.
That's why I love telling that story.

They said the one story
which worked the best.

It was kindness.

What do you mean kindness?

It's that old story of telling
what my father told me.

My father teaches... pictures a lot
in this talk this evening.

My father used to tell me just
"Son, wherever you go,

whatever you do, however
you turn out in your life.

He said to me when I was
about 14 year old.

And it's so uncertain in life.
He said "whatever you do,

the door of my house will always
be open to you."

And of course his house was a council flat
with hardly anything in it.

But you know that sometimes
somebody says something

maybe here, maybe a friend,
maybe something you read or hear.

It's so you know this is important.

And I remember that
as a 14 year old boy

that this is important.
I don't know why I can't understand it

because you know boys emotions
are not very developed.

But I remembered it enough that
when I became a monk.

And one of the nice things about
being a monk or a nun, you have time,

you have time to really figure out your
emotional world and what it means.

And that was one of
the unfinished business

I had from my father - he died
when I was about 16.

What did he really mean by that?

And of course, you've heard me
say this before

it became the title of my first book.

What he meant was not his house,
he meant his heart.

He said whatever you do,
however you turn out,

whatever happens to you,

the door of my heart
will always be open to you.

When I realized that was just me
that hit me so deeply.

It was the first expression
of unconditional love

that I could really understand.
And it made so much sense to me

and of course, a father to his son
was, you know, so powerful.

I wish I'd understood that
when he said it to me

how powerful it was.

And of course that story, which
I can see you're looking at me,

and it's meant something to you already.

That meant something
to a couple of psychologists,

psychiatrists who would come here

and then work with people who had been
very badly abused overseas.

And people who had survived somehow.

When I heard some of their statements
I don't know how

they could survive some of that abuse,
physical, emotional

in some of these regimes overseas.

But anyway they'd made it
to Australia physically safe,

emotionally still in the torture chambers,

still being raped, beaten
for no reason.

I've had a very simple life
so I can't really understand

how they must have felt and
how they survived is beyond me.

But now they're here, they're still
carrying that huge burden

and how they overcame that burden.

And that's because I developed
that story and taught it

that gives me so much joy.
How they overcame that was

they decided to incorporate that
as one of their strategies.

But when a person feels safe,
you can't force anything,

you can't say now do it.
It has to be when you're ready.

And they would sit down
in a comfortable safe place,

the safety was important

and then they closed their eyes and
then they imagine a heart in their chest

and it was a Valentine's day heart
not a real heart.

If you've seen real hearts
in medical books

they're not beautiful at all,
got tubes all over the place.

But the Valentine's day heart
as everyone knows

imagine a Valentine's heart
in the center of your chest

with two big doors.
The two doors open out

and the nice part of you,
the part of you

which you can respect and love
and live with happily,

all the nice times you remember,

the joyful times that people
who care for you and love you

and the wonderful experiences
you've had in your life

all those little beings which bear your
name at different ages, that's inside.

That's you,
you can very easily live with.

Then what happens next
is you look outside,

outside of your own heart,
is these little beings,

you were in the past,
young girls, young boys

who were treated just so painfully.
The physical abuse is only

a fraction of it, the emotional - Why?

That just makes it just so hard to bear.

You kept all those beings outside
of your own heart

and they were you.
So, imagine a ladder

coming from your heart
going down to the ground

and seeing all these people
who were you

and you're inviting them up.

I don't, I won't judge who you are
what happened to you,

no matter who you are, come in.

And to actually to do that,

it's just one of the most
courageous things you could do.

Invite those little beings
you're trying to just forget.

Trying to ignore,
trying to cover up,

trying to get out of here, get away,

you don't belong with me.
You're just so painful.

You allow them all to come up one by one

so little beings who have been alone

and separated out of your heart
for so many years

and you embrace them.
They're in your heart now, not out.

That's a huge change and they said
that worked amazingly.

And some of those women
who've gone through that

would come here on a Friday night.

I remember speaking to them, seeing them
and it just blew my mind.

They told me what they've been through
and you look at them now.

Wow! they were just
some of the amazing heroes.

So strong, they were like saints.
They said that's who I am!

And they don't traumatize themselves
with that anymore.

That's an extreme, I mean
you've been through some,

we've all been through some pain
and difficulty in our life.

There's things we'd rather forget.

Why don't we invite that in instead,

you embrace that
that's who you are, it's your life

and something happens,
what happens,

I keep on saying the same old stories
but they're powerful.

What happens is the old story of
the monster in the emperor's palace.

Monster came in the emperor's palace.
Get out, you don't belong.

Who do you think you are,
coming in here.

and the empress,
she was wise.

Because she was also a member of
the Buddhist Society of Western Australia

she'd come every Friday night.
So when she went back to the palace

she saw this big monster in there,
really ugly, really frightening.

What she said to the monster was
"welcome, thank you for visiting.

is there anything, anyone got you
anything to drink yet? Anything to eat?

What can we do for you?"

She'd turned such kindness to monsters

and what happened? This is
based on a Buddhist story.

Every thought, deed, act of kindness

and the monster grew an inch smaller,

an inch kinder, a little bit more...
more civil.

And they kept on
with the kindness so much,

- this is the shortened
version of the story -

That soon the monster,
who was so ugly and big

and frightening and violent
soon became so small

that one more act of kindness

and the monster
vanished completely away.

And that's in the Buddhist suttas,

that the Buddha said we call that
"anger eating monsters."

The more anger you give it,
the more negativity you give it,

the bigger it gets.
There's so much of that in our world.

But here I'm just saying in you,
get out of here bad memory

you don't belong and
the bad memory gets worse.

It takes a lot of guts and training
but if you do the kindness;

"welcome, welcome bad memory.
Thank you for coming to visit me".

Give kindness to it,
kindness to yourself

because so many times when you have
a memory which is embarrassing;

maybe you're ashamed of,
when you actually feel about it,

it's a human being,
you make mistakes;

please be kind to yourself.

Forgive yourself, care for yourself.

Other people who have hurt you

I don't know why they hurt you.
You don't know why they hurt you.

Maybe they thought they were doing
the best thing for you, I don't know.

Maybe they had other sort of things
they were thinking about at the time

or maybe they were drunk or
they're in drugs or whatever.

Sometimes if you can somehow put
yourself in their position a little bit.

Why do they do that?
What was their cultural training, why?

If you give kindness to people
who've hurt you,

it means you're not so vindictive.
There's no wanting to

sort of harm them back or
want you to harm yourself.

So when you give kindness to the
negative things of your past.

You find all those psychosis,
traumas, the bad memories,

the stuff which you can't get out of
your head,

stop you sleeping,
stop you enjoying your life

because you keep remembering
all these bad things.

You know, after a while
they gets so soft, so peaceful,

you can let them go.

It's weird but you overcome
negativity with kindness.

There's an amazing beautiful ability
in each one of you

to be soft and gentle.

And if you're soft and gentle
to your past;

The negative to the past can't stand it,
it vanishes.

So when we do mindfulness
we don't just be aware of the stuff.

we know the strategies.

If you get a bad feeling from the past

you can first of all you say

okay, I'll just let that go because
I'm not ready for it yet.

But there comes a time
when you are ready for it,

have all these strategies on
how to deal with it.

Another strategy how you deal with
some of the negativity of the past.

You know, every bad feeling
you have in your head, in your mind,

has a corresponding feeling in your body,
a physical feeling.

I already mentioned that at the beginning

when you are mindful of the body
and relaxing the body

I was talking about like the head.

If you are negative you can read
on a person's face.

Muscles tighten up, these other
muscles loosen up

and that's actually pretty much universal.

You know indigenous tribes in
the middle of the Amazon somewhere

you can still read their emotions
on their facial features.

So, all of those negative emotions
from the past

or fears of the future,

that's also written on
your body somewhere.

And that's one of the reasons why

if you do have some anxiety
or fear or whatever,

by doing some meditation practice,
it's not that hard to overcome that.

And it just amazes you how easy it is
and how effective it is.

And of course the one I'm going
to bring up now was...

she's not here this evening
thank goodness,

otherwise people get embarrassed.

But this was a lady who had
very bad anxiety.

So much anxiety
she couldn't get out of bed,

afraid even to go through the door
out into the world.

And she was in Adelaide,
a university student

and being in university
she had free medical care.

Great psychologists, psychiatrists,
every possibility and drugs and stuff.

Nothing worked.

So she was like bedbound; an anxiety
which no one could cure.

But fortunately her father, no,
not father... uncle.

Uncle comes here.
So uncle said go and ring up Ajahn Brahm.

Love it whenever she called me up

and she told me what was
happening with her

and that's where mindfulness practice

but not just mindfulness.
I said that's not enough.

But first of all I said:
"When you have an anxiety attack,

a panic attack - you're bedridden -
where on your body do you feel it?"

I wasn't asking about
her mind, her emotions

because that was just too strong
for her to really get to know.

"Where do you feel it on your body?"
she said: " In my chest."

I said "It's not good enough,
I want know exactly where?"

She was studying dentistry
so part of science,

I want coordinates
from your navel, your belly button,

I want centimeters,
millimeters even

to the center of the feeling
in your chest

and how far does it extend?
is it circular?

or is it ovular? or is it a square?

I want you to describe it to me
accurately with dimensions.

Is it more to the left more to the right
or really central?

And give me a call in three days.

I mentioned that because
I wasn't just,

well part of it was I was very busy
(laugh) I got to be honest

but it's also I just
wanted her to do something.

You know, one of the terrible things
if you're in trouble

with either bad feelings in meditation
or other stuff.

When people tell you what to do,

they're taking away your...
almost like your sense of being

an owner of your problem
and your body.

You give up ownership of the disease
or the problem to some experts.

I didn't want that to happen.
So this is your body,

it's your emotions. So you tell me,
I'm not gonna control you.

So after three days she called

and I was really amazed
at the descriptions she gave.

and I said: "Well, exactly that's
where it is.

How does it feel ?

Is it burning or is it aching,
does it change?

is it the same all over, whatever?

"Oh, I don't know."
"Give me a call in three days."

Which she did, she gave another
really amazing explanation

of what it feels like,
sensations in the body

when you have a panic attack.
"Great!" I said now

that's making her mindful,
that's just the awareness part of it.

A lot of times that's what people do
when they practice mindfulness

they get to know these things
but no more.

And then the extra part which is
the important part was,

well, now you know,
when you have a panic attack,

where it is, what it feels like.

Now I said I want you
to get your hand when you have...

she's in bed
get your hand and massage that area

with your hand
as kindly as you possibly can

with much compassion
and gentleness as you possibly can.

And I said to her
if you can't do it

ask your boyfriend to do it for you.
I don't think he'd mind

and give me a call in three days
and she did that.

It was beautiful, because this is
one of those times again

which really makes me feel wonderful
how meditation works.

And I asked: "Did you follow
my instructions?" She said: "Yeah."

What happened when you massage
the panic attacks in your chest?

So I massage them and massage
and massage them

and then the feeling in the chest
sort of got loosened and relaxed

and eventually the feeling
in the chest went away.

And I said:" Well, when the feeling
in the chest went away,

what happened to the anxiety,
to the panic?"

And that's one of those beautiful moments
when she paused.

it's when the light bulbs went on
when the eureka moment happened.

She said:" Well, when the physical
feeling vanished so did the anxiety."

Now you know
how to overcome your anxiety.

Deal with the physical manifestation,
the physical counterpart.

Once that disappears also the emotional,

the inside part also turns off
and vanishes.

That was wonderful lovely lady.

I think it was two weeks
as she was back in classes again,

out of bed and graduated with
first class honours in dentistry.

And then just her boyfriend she married.

And one of nice things people think
that Ajahn Brahm's not a romantic

but they got married
in the sunken gardens in UWA.

And who do you think
gave the blessing there?

Had to have me go there.

I didn't find it out until later on.
She was so impressed

that she actually nominated me
for Australian of the year.

I didn't get it but I could understand.
She was just wow, this really works.

But this is actually just an example
of how we deal with negativity,

not just a mindfulness,

not being aware of it,
she was totally aware of it

but also what to do with it
when it comes up.

Give it compassion and kindness.

The right motivation in Buddhism is,

it is letting go,
being kind, being gentle.

And if you do your mindfulness practice
with those things in mind.

You will find that when something comes up
which is a bit negative.

Ahh, some bad memory
from the past has come up ahh...

and you can actually be soft with it
and kind with it

and it just melts it all away.

So that's something which we can do

and it's powerful stuff as well.

Those little stories which
I mentioned there,

they're real stories
and it happens.

And my own little stories

you know every time
if I have sicknesses and stuff

it's not just emotional problems,
physical problems.

I keep telling monks, it's an old joke.

I keep telling the monks
that you know

my 70th year on planet earth now,
in August I'll be 70.

So I kept on telling them
" Monks, I'm getting old."

And they said:
" No, you're not getting old."

and I thought they would say that
because of kindness.

They said: "No, no, we're not saying
that out of kindness to you.

We're saying that out of truth.
You are old, you're not getting old.

You've already arrived."

But I don't know where I was going
with this one but anyway...

So many times in my life,
you have sicknesses

and some of those sickness
which I've had

you try and take medicines and stuff

and quite honestly these days
I much prefer doing kindness

to any sicknesses which I have.
Awareness and kindness.

Looking at my body,
where's the problem?

you may have... like the time
which I had food poisoning,

real food poisoning in my ...
in my cave.

I was screaming,
no one could hear me

because these were like cramps
which food poisoning gives you

Agh! and then it just ... Agh!

Totally involuntary I couldn't do
anything with it.

And then I knew no one could hear me

because that's the point
of having a cave

two doors, it's underground.

Well I can't hear
what's going on outside

which is wonderful,
but they can't hear what's going on inside

which is a difficulty sometimes.

So anyway, I did my ...
same as I teach other people,

sit there being mindful and being kind.

Those two are very, very, powerful.

I think the last talk I gave here about
opening the lotus, wasn't it?

Remember that's the sun
has light and warmth.

That's what opens lotuses up,
the light and warmth of the sun.

The light stands for mindfulness,
the warmth stands for kindness.

Those two go together and
they're incredibly powerful.

I was just kind to the cramps
in the tummy.

So kind to them
every time they repeat it

ah, ah, ah ... maybe 2 or 3 minutes
before you had a cramp.

but every time that the cramp got less.

My awareness was sharp enough
that you could feel it

just less painful,
because I was kind to it.

Next one was less painful,
next time was less painful,

next time was less painful.
Only a tiny bit less painful

but I could perceive that
because I was aware.

I wasn't trying to think I'm gonna die
what should I do.

But I was being aware of it
and then it got so soft

and after 30, 40 minutes
it just vanished completely.

That was weird even I was
really struck by that

because usually food poisoning
you just gotta go to doctor.

I don't know what you gonna do

but this is much better
than going to a doctor.

And then just after meditating
nice and peacefully.

It never came back again.
It's weird but it's so true.

I'm sure many of you may have
had examples like that.

So the mindfulness with the kindness

put those two together and
it is really powerful.

And not just powerful,
you find your awareness get stronger.

That's the part which
most mindfulness teachings

the worldly stuff,
they don't really mention that.

That's where your mindfulness,
awareness gets really so strong.

I have to invent words for
this because no one else does.

Like, powerful mindfulness
and superpower mindfulness

and mega-power mindfulness.

That's what it feels like,
I do not take drugs.

But sometimes people asked:
"What drug are you on Ajahn Brahm today?"

Because you're so happy and joyful
and healthy.

"What's going on?"

This is natural,
you're empowering your awareness.

And your awareness after a while
gets incredibly strong.

That's when if any of you
like food, I don't know about you.

You're going out for a meal
after the talk tonight?

Maybe you didn't have a meal before?
or if you really want to enjoy food

meditate here first of all
and then go out

and you will find you don't have to spend
a lot of money on an expensive restaurant.

Just go around the corner to,
what was it, McDonald's

and you just bite into that whatever
you're biting into

and it taste out of this world.

It's nothing to do with the hamburger
or whatever else you're eating.

But everything to do with your
mindfulness being so strong, so powerful.

That hamburger tastes like
it's been made at a 5 star,

no, not five star,
six star restaurant.

It's not what's in what you're seeing.

It's not what's seeing what you're eating.

It's everything what's in your mind,
your mind is clear, sensitive.

And if you hear any music,
wow! it thrills you

because you're picking up everything.

which is being... being there in the sound
and this is what happens.

This life as a monk.
I love this, you have so much joy.

At night time, right now,
in Serpentine

you look at the stars in the evening.
Absolutely thrilling, they're gorgeous.

You just look up and you just
can't take your eyes away.

The dawns it makes...
it just amazing. Who wants a tv?

Who wants anything?
You want to watch that.

Who wants to go to a museum
when that's happening right there

it's for free. And so, so much
of the world of life

becomes so sensitive and so amazing,
it's so beautiful.

You get a huge amount
of happiness and joy

when your mindfulness gets really strong.

And even you, sometimes you meditate,
you look at the carpet.

Have you ever noticed
how beautiful that carpet is?

Am I going crazy?

The point is that when
your mindfulness gets strong.

Every shade of those light blues
and dark blues

and reds and yellows and whites

and the way that they interact together
and the texture of that carpet.

It just really comes out
and blows your mind, becomes beautiful.

Free happiness in the ordinary.

And if that carpet looks beautiful.

You look at your old grandma.
She's gorgeous.

And I'm not joking.
That's what happens.

Superpower mindfulness and you see
beauty in so many things

in your past, in your future,

in people you live with,
in your children, in your partners

in your grandparents,
in your monks and your nuns,

in your politicians,
in the police who stop you.

You know sometimes I just wonder,

you know, people like being around monks

that's what you do anyway because
you come every Friday night.

But why?

I always remember that one politician

apparently she's still in politics
that's Alannah MacTiernan.

Years and years, about 20, 30 years ago
or something.

She was in politics and we went to
see her for something

and afterwards you know,
after we talked to her about something,

she had some really wonderful advice.

And as she got off her seat
instead of letting her secretary

take us to the door, she escorted us
to the door with kindness

and she said "you know I really enjoy
people like you coming to my office."

and she meant it with sincerity.

I always wonder why did she say that.

This is because, the monks and nuns
are kind.

Well, generally we have something
to complain about but we don't do:

"Hey! why are you doing this, why are you
doing that? We... Blah, blah, blah..."

I just could feel the kindness there,
the gentleness, the beauty, the peace.

So that's what happens
when you're mindful and kind.

You make friends
in the weirdest of places.

So anyway that's the talk
for this evening.

The mindfulness by itself,
I agree can have some problems.

But you add the kindness,
you add the rest of the factors like

we're doing this not to get things
but to let go of things.

We're doing this out of
kindness and gentleness.

If that motivates your life, wow!

Meditation is so beautiful.

Thank you for listening.

(Audience) Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu

I always say when people try and do
something and they don't do it properly

if you're gonna clap, clap.

(Audience) clapping

But anyway, thank you.

First of all any questions
from the people here?

(inaudible from audience)

Q-Ajahn, how do we apply a loving kindness
in a not for profit organization?

Yeah, again that Buddhism is one
of the few non-profit religions

because we don't believe in prophets.

You know, Jesus was a prophet,
other people are prophets

but we don't have prophet in Buddhism,
we're really non....

Okay, it's an old bad joke but never mind.

How to have loving kindness?

I think because I have met
many millionaires in my life

and I just... when I once I was...
okay don't mind saying.

At a state dinner once over in Canberra
I went to the toilet.

In male toilets, you know, for urinals,
you just had one next to the other

and so I went in there and the
fellow was in the next urinal to me

was uh... sorry, yeah that's right
Lachlan Murdoch,

he is Rupert Murdoch son,
Dr. Murdock.

And as soon as I saw his badge
Lachlan Murdoch I thought

if only I had a donation envelope.
(laugh)

But that... like one of the people
I think I quoted recently

which was the head of the Changi airport
corporation many years ago

and it was the day before
he was opening terminal 3, no 4,

terminal 4 in Singapore.
And he was next to the head of

Keppel Shipping who was the
highest paid CEO in Singapore.

So these were... actually Buddhists.
And he said

"how do you do loving kindness
and put Buddhism into your business?"

I remember the head of
the Changi Airport Corporation,

he said "people go to work
every morning and expect to be happy."

But how many go to work
in the morning

with the resolution to make
someone else happy today?

So that's why you don't feel
any happiness,

you expect someone else
to make you happy,

but you don't go to work with
the main desire of

"I'm gonna make someone happy today."

So just changing a person's attitude
a little bit .

I don't know where you work,

I work in BSWA so I often go
to work on a Friday night.

I'm gonna make somebody happy tonight.
So you put happiness in there

instead of expecting happiness
to be given to you.

You become proactive
so that's one way

in any organization you can actually
put some joy and happiness in there.

It's wonderful when that happens.

Human beings are just
gorgeous people.

And they just need to touch that goodness.

I just remember just...

because I don't know why I got involved
in Curtin university of all places.

But I was given the John Curtin Medal
there once,

and so often I go there
for one reason or another.

But it happened over here.
There was a Sri Lankan woman and

she would come here, not that often
because she was very busy

looking after two children.
And her husband

was actually working two jobs
to get enough money,

because the wife was actually doing a
training in nursing at Curtin university.

And unfortunately that one night,
double job, not enough sleep,

he crashed the car and killed himself.

It was a tragedy, you know,
just trying to work too hard.

And the wife, the two kids, no way
she could pay the tuition fees at Curtin.

So, I got on the phone to
the vice chancellor, Jeannette Hackett.

She became a good friend.

I confessed this that on one occasion,
she was just retiring

"Ajahn Brahm, I just loved
my association with you" she said.

She said "I'm going to give you a hug."

You're not supposed to do that
to a Buddhist monk

but she was too fast for me.
(laughter)

It's only once.

But anyway, I called her up I said
"Look, this is real tragedy."

She said "What is it?"
And because they know you,

you can actually get straight
through to them

and I said "Look, any chance
of getting a scholarship for her?"

" Leave it with me." she said.

And of course, they got
the scholarship for her

and so everything paid for
in Curtin university.

And just I think the locals over here
we try to help her.

Some donations for her costs
of living and stuff.

And eventually when she graduated
as a nurse from here,

she came up, I remember,
just came up and said thank you

and that basically saved her life.

Unfortunately couldn't save her husband's
life but at least could save her.

So you know, these people you may think
are they just big bosses somewhere.

They like doing good things as well,
kind things.

They don't like being exploited
you give them an opportunity

to do something good
and they will just...they will run for it.

Anyway all the good people
I've seen in life here,

give them an opportunity and
they love doing great stuff.

Q - Okay, from Hong Kong,
I'm very sensitive to smell

halfway through the meditation I smell
cigarette smoke and drain smells.

Is it desirable for me to deal with them,
ie. to close windows halfway through?

Sometimes that's why people
used to light incense in temples

because when hygiene wasn't that good
you need smelly incense.

I don't know why in Hong Kong,
halfway through meditation

I smell cigarette smoke.

You know, sometimes you can turn
the sense of smell off.

In other words you're just going inside
the body

and the joy of peace is so strong
that you don't hear things,

you can't be disturbed
by something like smell.

So if you go deeper quickly then you
won't smell anything at all.

and I don't know where you're meditating

if those cigarette smoke and
drain smells are there anyway

just try and meditate somewhere
else which hasn't got those smells.

Is it desire for me to deal with them
close windows halfway through?

No, close the windows before you start

and then you won't have those cigarette
smoke and drain smells.

From Poland, "When we meet a person who
is saying or doing awful things to us

how we can still be kind to that person

when they continue to be
in our life and do us harm?"

If they're saying things and then,
are they really doing you harm?

This is one of the reasons why,
when I complained

to my teacher, Ajahn Chah,
about the mosquitoes.

they were really doing us harm,
you know, biting us all over the place.

And who knows that, you know,
he said they don't have malaria

just need one,
just one and that's it.

But anyway so when I asked Ajahn Chah
can we have some mosquito repellant

or some coils or some protection
mosquito nets.

He said "No!"

That's how kind he was, I thought.

But then what he really meant was
"No, from now on" he said

"you'd call the mosquitoes your teacher,
Ajahn Mosquito."

That was hard but it was beautiful,
you learned so much from that.

So, you meet a person
who's saying and doing awful things to us

see if you can protect yourself
however much you can

and also be kind. If it's still
too difficult to be kind to them.

There's an old saying in Chinese
"to love the tiger but at a distance."

So you can move away from it a little bit.

If they are doing awful things
to you again

sometimes you have to call the police
if they're really doing your physical harm

but sometimes if not.
Okay here's another story.

This is after about being here
nine or ten years.

I've been here now 37 or 38 years
in Australia, in Perth.

But anyway, this woman
came to see me once

and just after one of the talks,
just before this hall was made,

we had our talks in the community hall.
And she came and said:

" I've just come to thank you
for saving my marriage."

And I asked her what have we done
and then she told her story.

This is not an example to be followed

but this was the days when
there was very little support

for women suffering domestic violence.

She said her husband was being
violent to her regularly.

She said she came to this place
not to learn Buddhism

but at least when she was here
she felt safe.

A couple of hours when
she wasn't being hit.

That was really extreme,
I never knew anything about that.

But she said she kept on coming here

and she learned the kindness
and just focusing on the positive,

the watering the weeds and not the ...
Sorry, no, I got that wrong didn't I?

Yeah watering the flowers not the weeds.

And she said she practiced,
that took her seven years.

And she got these little meditation stools
you see them in the back over there.

she said: "you see this meditation stool,
she said he made this for me today.

that's why I need to come and thank you."

She said if he made something like this
four years ago it'd be to hit me with.

And it was really gross but then I saw her
she was this really beautiful woman.

You know, not just like a supermodel
but just her eyes and her goodness

she was like a saint

and she said now my husband's
totally changed

he's kind to me because what she did,

every time he said something
abusive or did something abusive,

she totally ignored that.
How she could do that?

Immense endurance!

Every time he did something good
and kind and wonderful.

She really let him know
he was appreciated.

The extra hug, the extra kisses,
oh! thank you so much.

She really reinforced the positive
behavior in her own husband.

And then she showed me
"he's in the back here,

over there that's him."
And two lovely children.

She earned those.

You shouldn't have to earn
your happiness in life.

But I don't know know why she married
that man but she totally changed him.

He came down to the monastery as well,
wonderful guy.

So it's possible but that's going
a bit far because of physical abuse.

But she did it, good on her.

From Bangalore, "Respected Ajahn,
how does one investigate the I or me

who is meditating, watch his feelings,
thoughts, breaths, ect...

It seems to be a perceiver as long
as there's something to perceive?"

You don't go thinking and trying to
perceive these deep teachings,

you let these deep teachings come to you.

So, in other words things start to
disappear, you relax to the max.

You don't try and contemplate things,
you see things.

That's how this works and how it works

many of you've heard this simile before
I'm going way over time again.

The old tadpole and the frog simile.

Tadpole can't understand water,

can contemplate water,
think about water, investigate water.

Tadpole will never know what water is,

no more than a fish
can know what water is.

The reason I said tadpole instead of fish
because one day tadpole grows into frog

and frog grows arms and legs
and frog doesn't know what they're doing.

And they jump out the water one day.

Now when water has vanished.

Now the frog can understand
what water was.

The same way we go so deep in meditation

and soon we don't have our body,
don't have our mind, have nothing left.

Now you understand what you thought
you were.

You don't do this with philosophy.

Philosophy gives you, please excuse me,
gives you headaches.

Seeing gives you truth.

From Melbourne, "Dear Ajahn, when worldly
pleasures disappear there's sadness

but when happiness experiences in
deep meditation disappears

no such sadness can be felt.
Is this correct?"

The deep meditation disappears
no such sadness can be felt.

No, because it's a happiness
of contentment.

Contentment means you're happy,
no matter what.

It's contentment of having no desires,
the freedom from wanting.

You don't want anything
then suffering starts to vanish.

From Indiana, "Ajahn Brahm, I lost
my 15 year old to suicide in December.

What would the Buddha say
to do to lessen this kind of suffering?"

Just to understand that your son
will come back again.

Suffering is not the end of all life.

Sorry no, that's the wrong answer
as I'm getting tired.

Suicide is not the end of all life.

Many times people who commit suicide
they come back again pretty quickly.

So, the person made a mistake,
big mistake.

So next time they can come back,

if life is more meaningful

then who would ever want
to commit suicide?

And I remember just when
I was in Singapore

there was one kid just
jumped off the balcony

of one of this big apartment blocks
killed himself.

But the suicide note was in the front
page of the Straits Times.

And it was just whoa!
It made many people wake up.

He said "All I wanted was more time
with my parents".

And of course, you can understand
what that means.

Many times the parents
are working so hard

because they want to get
the best education

the best this, the best that
for their kids.

All the kids really wanted was just time.

If they had a father like my father,

who just spent so much time with us.

He wasn't wealthy at all,
he was really poor.

He gave me so much inspiration.

That's what children want,
they want time with the people they love.

Lastly, another one from India

"Which is better to meditate, a place
with noise and comfort for meditation

or place of seclusion
with difficult conditions?"

Ah, the best of those is a place
with comfort and seclusion.

In other words it just changes things.

Noise and comfort for meditation
or place of seclusion with difficult.

If it's noise it's very easy
to stop noises these day,

just get noise canceling headphones.

Can you do that?

The most important thing with
whatever you experience,

comfort, noise, difficult conditions.

I've meditated so much

really places you should never
be able to meditate in.

Sometimes I do that to test myself.

I mentioned I think last time
in Suvarnabhumi Airport.

Now right in the place where
people are welcoming the visitors.

"Hi! Hello, nice to see you.
How've you been?

Why are you waiting for so long?"

Right there just sat down close my eyes
and meditate for an hour,

very beautiful meditation.

Or uncomfortable, in Hay street mall.

Years ago, well might as well
mention this.

Years ago, the Burmese community
were doing a little...

bring people's attention to the troubles
in their land.

It's happening all over again now.

At that time they invited me just outside
of... that church there ...

anyway, one of those church,
to meditate for two hours.

And that was on the hard pavement,

no cushions and right opposite I think
it was called Time Zone, whatever,

They made big noise
like people play video games

and big noise just blasting out
and traffic going past.

This is really cool.

I like challenging myself and so
yeah, lovely meditation for two hours.

It can be done

but it's better to find a nice quiet place
and comfortable place.

So I wouldn't go trying to meditate
outside of or inside a parliament house.

Which is sometimes noisy
or where else is noisy in this world?

I don't know, anyway
but yeah it can be done.

So learn in the easy places

and then you can progress
to the hard places if you need to.

Thank you again for listening.
Sorry for going on a bit long.

So now we can bow three times
to Buddha Dhamma Sangha

And then those of you
who still want to carry on

you can ask more questions
in a few moments.

And again my apology for not being able
to speak to you before the talk.

We were just having an
important little committee meeting.

So sometimes we have to look after the...

the Buddhist Society
of Western Australia's administration

So sorry about that,
doesn't usually happen.

Araham Samma Sambuddho Bhagava
Buddham Bhagavantam Abhivademi

Svakkhato Bhagavata Dhammo
Dhammam Namasami

Suppatipanno Bhagavato SavakaSangho
Sangham Namami