Randy Pausch ABC Special about the "Last Lecture", April 2008

Tonight, a remarkable man wants to talk

to you about your life. We cannot change

the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

A college professor with a message so

challenging and nourishing, 10 million

people have made the pilgrimage to hear

what he has to say. The critics are your

ones telling you they still love you and care.

All across the nation, people are

saying Randy Pausch taught them to make

braver choices. I realized what an idiot

I was. Change that job, take that trip,

achieve childhood dreams, no matter the

obstacle.

Randy's video inspired me.

He reached me, in Kent, Ohio. So, who is the man

giving what his University called "The

Last Lecture?" The title has a twist. 47

year-old Randy Pausch has fatal cancer,

and it has spread. The doctors told me 3

to 6 months of good health left, that was

a month ago, so you can do the math. A

grim calculation, except this man does

not do grim.

I'm still trying to do one pushup in

honor of your lecture. I don't know how

to not have fun, right? I'm dying and I'm

having fun. Tonight,

one of the most extraordinary people

we have ever met challenges you to see

your life in a new way. You say there is no

evidence and you can't see, but can you

see love, can you see hope? A father, a husband, a

teacher, ready to take you on the journey of your life.

Here now, Diane Sawyer. Good evening, and

welcome to what we think is a truly

special prime time. There is a famous

story in the household of Randy Pausch,

PhD, that his mother jokingly once said,

"My son's a doctor, just not the kind who

helps people." We suspect you'll have a

different view after you spend time with

him tonight. This man, who was told he had

six months to live and has turned

everyday since into a kind of

celebration. He has written a book called

"The Last Lecture," and that's how we first

heard of him. A lecture that found its

way onto the internet entirely by

accident. It was posted for a handful of

people who couldn't be there the day he

spoke. What happened next was a wonder

all its own.

Who would have believed that out there

in the vast clamor of the internet,

those endless videos, all that noise, one

earnest looking professor standing at a

podium could make 10 million people so

far stop and listen? Wait long enough and

people will surprise and impress you.

The last lecture, an annual tradition at

Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh,

a speech on personal philosophy by a

beloved professor like Randy Pausch,

famous for making his students believe

in themselves no matter the obstacles in

their way. The brick walls are there for

a reason, alright?

The brick walls are not there

to keep us out. The brick walls are there

to give us a chance to show how badly we

want something, because the brick walls

are there to stop the people who don't

want it badly enough. They're there to

stop the other people. So, your goals are

possible if you get tough with yourself

and face difficult truths. Professor

Pausch was a scrawny kid in junior league

football under a tough coach named Jim

Graham. There was one practice where he

just rode me all practice, just, "you're

doing this wrong, you're doing this wrong,

go back and do it again, you owe me,

you're doing push-ups after practice." And,

when it was all over, one of the other

assistant coaches came over and said,

"Yeah Coach Graham rode you pretty hard

didn't he?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "That's a

good thing." He said, "When you're screwing up

and nobody's saying anything to you anymore,

that means they gave up." That's a

lesson that stuck with me my whole life,

is that when you see

yourself doing something badly and

nobody's bothering to tell you anymore,

that's a very bad place to be. Your

critics are your ones telling you they

still love you and care. For 90 minutes,

he gives lessons about living. We cannot

change the cards we are dealt, just how

we play the hand. And, about facing death.

In case there's anybody who wandered in

and doesn't know the back story, my dad

always taught me when there's

an elephant in the room, introduce them.

At the lecture, some of his friends know,

but others are just learning that he was

diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and it

has spread. If you look at my cat scans,

there are

approximately 10 tumors in my liver, and the

doctors told me 3 to 6 months of good

health left. That was a month ago, so you

can do the math. If I don't seem as

depressed or morose as I should be, sorry

to disappoint you. And, I assure you I am

NOT in denial, and the other thing is I'm

in better shape than most of you.

So, anybody who wants to cry or pity me

can come down and do a few of those, and

then you may pity me. So, don't try to

tell Randy Pausch not to love the life

he has left.

So, my next piece of advice is you just

have to decide if you're a Tigger or

you're an Eeyore. I think I'm clear where I

stand on the great Tigger-Eeyore debate.

One month after the lecture,

October 2007, we decide to go to

Pittsburgh for an interview with Doctor

Pausch. We're in the library of his

beloved Carnegie Mellon, where ostensibly,

he was a teacher of computer science,

virtual reality, creating a whole program

for the school with Professor Don Marinelli.

But, long before his illness, Professor

Pausch says he thought the students

needed something more. How do you behave

with integrity? How do you behave in a

way that other people will respect you

and want to keep working with you? If I

only had three words of advice, they

would be 'tell the truth.' If I got three

more words, I'd add 'all the time.' I'll

tell you right now if there's anything

I've learned in my career, a lot of

people don't want the truth. A lot of

people just want to be patted and

stroked and told how wonderful they are.

So, in effect, he dared his students to

love the truth about themselves. They

even handed each other report cards on

character issues like teamwork.

Next up, lessons about fearlessness. And

the kids said, "Well, what content do we make?"

I said, "Hell, I don't know. You make

whatever you want. Two rules:

no shooting violence and no pornography."

You'd be amazed how many 19 year old

boys are completely out of ideas when

you take those off the table. We went to him

and said, "We have a couple of ideas. This

idea here is very safe; this idea here

with these cell phones is very risky."

He said, "Go for the risk. It's better to fail

spectacularly than to pass along

and do something which

is mediocre." Student Phil Light, who says

Professor Pausch even created an award

for the most glorious failure. What's the

old saying? 'You can always tell the

pioneers by the arrows in their backs.'

Through the years, some of Randy Pausch's

students balked. Most of them soared. Such

an awesome, awesome, once-in-a-lifetime

kind of teacher. It became this

underground thing. I'd walk into a class

with 50 students in it, and there

were 95 people in the room. And people's

roommates and friends and parents. I've

never had parents come to class before.

It was like something I'd never seen

before.

it was unbelievable. Jared Cohen is

president of Carnegie Mellon. Here at

Carnagie Mellon, we don't have big-time

sports, but when I walked in the room, I

felt like I had walked into a pep rally

for a major football game. So, it was a

thrilling time for Randy Pausch, and then

one day, he felt tired. Thought maybe he

had a kind of flu. A little weak, a little

bit bloated feeling. I eventually got

yellow skin jaundice and itching and we

had originally thought I had hepatitis.

An ultrasound, a cat-scan, a life changed

in a sentence. And he said, "Randy, there's

a mass on your pancreas. And he said,

"And it's not fair." Don't think it's

unfair. We all stand on the dartboard,

and you know, a very small percentage of

us are going to catch the dart labeled

'pancreatic cancer,' and I was

unlucky, but it wasn't unfair. Pancreatic

cancer is pretty much the most fatal

cancer of all. It is ruthless. It is

brutal.

Very few people beat it, and there are a lot of

reasons for that. It's an internal organ

that's sort of wrapped in other stuff.

Only 15 to 20 percent of pancreatic

cancer patients have any early symptoms.

I was lucky in that my tumor pressed on

the bile duct. You don't get enough bile

into your system, you can't digest your

food as well, and not to be crass about

this, but the tell-tale sign is that your

stools in the toilet bowl start to float

and become less dense, and what this

means is that you're not digesting fats,

because you're not getting the bile into

your system. There was massive surgery to

remove a third of his pancreas, parts of

his stomach, a crushing blast of

chemotherapy and radiation. Crushing for

body, not spirit. I remember once my doctor

asked me, "So are you feeling depressed?"

I said, "Well, compared to an average

46 year old, probably, but compared to a

guy who just had his insides carved out,

who's in tremendous physical pain and is

being told that, you know, he has a way

less than 50/50 chance of living to five

years, I think I feel pretty good." And so,

he just turned to the intern and said, "Write

down 'not depressed.'" But, eight months

after the surgery, the cancer had come

back. A dedicated Tigger had to reach

inside himself again. I've never found

anger to make a situation better, and

right now, I've got a finite amount of

time, and I can spend that time angry or

I can spend that time doing something

productive and worthwhile and having fun.

I don't know how to not have fun.

I'm dying and I'm having fun. He tells me

he's trying an experimental vaccine and

so far, chemotherapy has slowed the

progress of the disease.

That typically holds on for a couple of

months, so I may have just doubled my

lifespan, and you know, well you try doing

that. He told me one of his favorite

philosophical sources is that famous

newspaper editor's letter, the one

assuring the little girl Virginia there

is a Santa Claus.

The editor's letter about, your little

cynical friends live in a cynical age

You say there is no evidence and you

can't see, but can you see love? Can you

see hope? These are the most important

things and you can't see them or touch

them. Did you ever see fairies dancing on

the lawn? Of course not, but that's no

proof they're not there. That's right.

There's no scientist in the world that can tell

you there aren't fairies on the lawn.

Back at the lecture, sitting in the

audience, his wife, mother of their three

children, the children he worries he will

not be around to protect. We're not going

to talk about my wife, we're not going to talk about my

kids, because I'm good but I'm not good

enough to talk about that without

tearing up. There is a sadness that

comes when I think about my kids, and

"it's not so much a 'I won't get the

experience of being a dad.' I mean that's

sad, but the really strong emotions for

me are 'they won't have me for them.'

And that's where it's okay for me to say,

"that's not fair." A metaphor I've used is

somebody's going to push my family off a

cliff pretty soon and I won't be there

to catch them, and that breaks my heart.

But, I have some time to sew some nets, to

cushion the fall, and that seems like the

best and highest use of my time. So, I can

curl up in a ball and cry, or I can get

to work on the nets.

Time now for our first interview to end.

But, before I can go, the professor stops

me to critique what I've done. There's

one question you didn't ask me. Which one?

About people keep asking about making a

movie out of my life.

Wait, you're doing your part and my part.

This is the best interview I've ever had. Okay yes, a movie...

Can't be done. No Hollywood actress

is pretty enough to play my wife.

When we return, you'll meet her.

This looks like the face of a beautiful

woman, but in fact, she was once one of

Randy Pausch's most formidable brick

walls. Some brick walls are made of flesh.

Jai Glasgow was a literature graduate

student who met Randy Pausch at a

lecture. She checked his website, not

promising for her. She thought maybe he

was gay. You thought he was gay. Well, he

was 38 years old, he had never been

married. The pictures on the site

rejoiced over gingerbread houses and

stuffed animals, like the kind you win at

the fair. Stuffed animals. Stuffed animals?

Alright, winning stuffed animals.

He says it started when he was a little kid.

This may seem mundane to you, but when

you're a little kid you see the big buff

guys walking around in the amusement park

and they got all these big stuffed

animals, right? So he still likes the idea

that big muscles and stuffed animals go

together. When he began to date Jai, she

says it was one thing to love a man who

tells the truth, another to live with it.

He's challenging, he's forthright, quick

to analyze a situation, feel like he can

see the truth, and to be able to relay

that truth to you. Whether or not it's

socially appropriate for him to do that

is another thing. I was quite an

arrogant young man, and I come bounding

in and, you know, I'm just, I'm gonna save

the world there all these kids.... [fades out]

This professor Andy Van Dam tried to help him.

He put his arm around my

shoulders and we went for a little walk and

he said, "Randy, it's such a shame that

people perceive you as so arrogant,

because it's going to limit what you're

going to be able to accomplish in life."

What a hell of a good way to word, 'you're

being a jerk.' It's a whole chapter of his

book, "Lessons from a Recovering Jerk."

Proper apologies have three parts. What I

did was wrong. I feel badly that I hurt

you. How do I make this better?

It's the third part that people tend to

forget. Finally, he managed to win over

the woman of his dreams. He's so smart,

he's by far the smartest person I think

I've ever met, and I've always been able

to trust him because he is so caring and

has always made me feel very special.

Their marriage was a strong partnership

of equals. They had three children she

stayed at home to raise full-time, and

seven happy years before he got the news,

the cancer. He gave Jai the phone to hear it

from the doctor too. Did your knees buckle?

I was sitting on the floor when I took

that phone call. And was it a slow,

incremental kind of realization that it?

No, I think by the time I got off the

phone, Randy told me he was going to die.

So, there were many nights that we would

go to bed, roll over, and hug each other

and cry, and this went on for several

days before we finally said, "we have to

be able to function." I felt like I

had to get through the day without

crying. I felt like I had to be able to

look at him playing with the kids and not cry.

"What are we making, Logan?" "We're making a snowman!"

You hear that voice that comes in and says it could be the

last time they're playing in the snow together, and

I just have to shut it off. Shut it off,

so that tomorrow doesn't rob you of

today. A therapist gave her a kind of

mantra to say: the words "not helpful."

Did you just have to train it like a

muscle? I think so, you know you catch

yourself going down that path and say,

"not helpful." I keep imagining people

listening to you and thinking where does

she get this? As if it's bearable. Because

it is. A lot of people have not exactly

the same situation, but they have

terrible things in their life that

they're having to deal with, and they get

up and they do it too. We're no different.

I think that there is that

within us. At this point,

Randy joins us, now our second interview,

and we tell him we've been digging

around and learned that before he

married Jai, the mild-mannered professor

was a serious Don Juan. I even had a

source, his mother. Girls seemed to think

he was great. Since then, there have been many.

So your mom said you were a player.

My mom said I was a player? Your mother. You've

taught me to tell the truth.

Okay, my friends and family were starting to use

words like 'ever' and 'still' and 'Peter Pan,'

and when I met Jai it just... things

just completely changed.

He has already lived a few months beyond

the doctor's six-month prognosis, though

as we talk, we notice a physical

difference. His face is fuller, in part

because of a brutal regimen of

chemotherapy. Though, his kind doesn't

make you lose your hair. And, this time, he

would occasionally perspire or then

shudder as if cold. I do feel a different

mood. A lot of things have changed.

Are you in pain? I don't think of myself as

being in pain. Oh, and I have neuropathy; I

I have a lot of trouble feeling my

fingers and toes. I sometimes have trouble

keeping my body temperature up. My

kidney functions at about 50%. But, he is

still Randy. I am alive,

so I feel great. Between doctors

appointments, he and Jai try to take some

time just for each other. His inspiration?

Another of his eclectic philosophers. The

best piece of parenting advice I have

ever heard is from flight attendants, and

that is: when things really get tough, put

on your own oxygen mask first. We

wondered if the two of them have a kind

of list of things they'd like to do in

the days to come. If there was anything I

wanted to do that badly, you know, I

should have already done it. The little

moments of joy that we have around the

house, you know, that's my bucket list, is

how many of those moments can we have.

Where we are together and we're holding

hands or we're reading the paper and

debating what's going on, and those

are gems that I hold on to.

But, Jai had already confided to us that

the day before the interview, she'd been

in tears again. When we get the scans

once a month, it's very hard. That reminder

of 'it's there,' you know, that sand

is ticking, that sand is coming right out.

As they sat together, Jai kept looking at

him. What were you looking at in his face?

Oh, just those lovely brown eyes. Were you having your Nancy

Reagan moment? I hope so. He's such an

eloquent speaker. What is it you most

like looking at in her face? I like

looking at her, period. Your know, the best

part is being with my wife.

That's the best anything can get.

When we come back, the rest of this love

story: their three children.

A question: if you had six months to live,

where would you begin with your children?

Dylan Pausch, age six,

so like Randy. It's always questions,

questions, questions. What did he do?

He freed the slaves. How did he free them?

High five! Alright!

Logan, age three, so like his dad, too. I see

the gregariousness, the happiness, the

Tigger-ness. Is that crazy high? Is that crazy high?

Is that crazy high? Oh my

goodness that's crazy high!

Chloe is 18 months.

In our first interview, Randy had told us

he was spending a lot of time thinking

about and researching what of your life

you should leave for your kids, like a

message in a bottle. He's made videos of

course, with a portrait of himself as an

everyday dad. What's my favorite food

or my least favorite food, you know, it's

not all the big life lessons, you know,

sometimes it's just the little things.

I want my kids to hear the bad

stories about me as well as the good.

Bad stories? What bad stories do you imagine?

Oh, all the stupid things, the bonehead mistakes.

Give me one stupid, bonehead thing. Well, there was

the home repair that involved

electrocution. And guess what he's making

them? Stuffed animals. I think that them

having something that I made with my own

hands will be a way for me to connect

with them. He told us this is all a

perfect metaphor for his iPod. If Randy

were to fill his iPod, what would the

songs be? You know, "If I Could Catch

Time in a Bottle."

[Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce plays]

And of course, there's the book he has written,

making sure that each boy has an equal

number of words. And, for Chloe, his only

girl, with her mischievous smile. There's that

sort of twinkle in the eye. And maybe it

was the look in Chloe's eye that

inspired a cautionary moment in that

lecture, a lesson for girls everywhere. It

took me a long time but I finally

figured it out. When it comes to men that

are romantically interested in you, it's

really simple: just ignore everything

they say and only pay attention to what

they do. And I thought back to my

bachelor days and I said, damn. You almost

look like you were gonna give Daddy a kiss.

Ha? No, Haha! Where are you in telling

the kids? We're not. When do you start to?

Where he is in bed sick, and at that time,

they will understand, they will see that

he is sick and so the words "your daddy is sick"

will match with the picture of 'Daddy is

sick.' Right now, Daddy doesn't look sick,

and he doesn't act sick.

The best part of the story will be told on the last day

of my life. On the last day of your life?

So, I'll never get to hear the best part

of the story. That's wrong.

Do you think Dylan knows something? I hope to god he doesn't.

After all those years, I think you may

have to remind me. It's not time for him

to know. I pray nobody will go up to him

and say anything to him. It's not time. So,

if somebody were to tell him or if he

were to suspect his father were dying, he

might think that that was today, tonight,

tomorrow. Where do you come up with all

these great stories?

In your head? Are you using

your imagination? It really isn't real.

He and Jai are also recruiting playmates who share

Randy's spirit, like Randy's niece and

nephew, who remember when Uncle Randy

gave them two rules: no whining and don't

tell Mom what we do. He was most

determined to teach them that material

things are just not important. Once, he

had a brand-new car.

So cool, awesome, blue convertible.

It's a convertible. Yeah, very cool. Their mother,

Randy's sister, was worried, lecturing her

kids about being seriously careful. So,

uncle Randy opened a can of coke and

poured it right in under the seat.

We couldn't believe it.

Randy and Jai have also gotten help to

prepare for that other unbearable

conversation, the one Jai will have in

days to come. They're guided by Dr.

Michelle Reese. In very simple terms that

Mommy or Daddy got so very sick that

their heart couldn't beat anymore.

One of the things that we were

told was don't talk about dying as like

going to sleep. A lot of young children,

if you use that as your metaphor, will be

afraid when they go to sleep that

they're going to die, too.

[Randy saying "goodbye" in multiple languages]

Lots of different ways to say goodbye.

He is also leaving a "someday" message for

Jai. Certainly, I want her to be happy and

I want the kids to be happy, and if that

means her remarrying, I'm all for it. On

questions of religion, Randy says he'd

like to keep those private. He told us

his late father, a presbyterian, was the

most Christian man he'd ever met, and he

often returns to a familiar prayer. Well,

you know, the serenity prayer is not a

bad thing for anybody. God grant me the

strength to change the things I can, the

serenity to accept the things I can't,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

For Jai, a different phrase. Was there

something you've read, something someone

has said that is what you repeat to

yourself in the darkest times now?

I have everything I need.

She's used it in a kind of meditation.

But are you saying today, at this point,

you have a kind of peace?

Yes.

For better or for worse, it is what it is

and I can't change the fact that Randy

has cancer. I can't make those tumors go

away, no matter how much I would want to.

So, it is what it is, and I have to live

with that, and in order to do so, I accept,

I accept the circumstances. I accept the

conditions upon which we are

living. I do, and I am at peace with that.

I don't like it, but I accept it.

On a family trip to Orlando, the night at

the hotel, we watched Randy put the kids

to bed, with the questions he asks them

at the end of every day. Okay, here we go

pumpkin. Randy, at bedtime, he asked them

questions. What was the best thing about

your day? What was the best part of today?

Playing with Mommy. Okay, what was the worst part

of today? Playing with you. Playing with me? Are you

joking me? Yeah. You are, okay! So let's say

you're in your pajamas. What was the best

thing about your day and what was the

worst thing about your day? Well first

off, I'd say the day's not over yet, so

there's always a chance that there will

be a new best. And, on Halloween, Randy, Jai,

and the children dressed as The

Incredibles. Before we take a break,

something I promised Randy and Jai I

would say to you: if by any chance, any of

you ever see the Pausch family, just

remember, say nothing to the children.

They'll learn at the right time. When we

come back, some of the people who say

Randy simply changed their lives, and he

gets a chance at something he never

thought he would do.

Never lose the childlike wonder. It's

just too important. It's what drives us.

And there, I actually have a picture

of me dreaming.

I did a lot of that. It's a famous

event in the Pausch household, when Randy

was a little boy and asked to paint some

of his dreams on the walls of his room.

And the great thing about this is they

let me do it, and they didn't get upset

about it, and it's still there. If you go

to my parents' house, it's still there. I'd

always wanted a submarine and an elevator.

Well they put up "disco sucks" and I made

them take "sucks" out. That's the only

hand I had in it. Anybody

who is out there who is a parent: if your

kids want to paint their bedroom, as

a favor to me, let them do it. It'll

be okay. Don't worry about resale value

on the house. All the people who

watched his lecture have answered the

call. Peter Rebling of Virginia let his

daughter do it. Diane Gregory let her son.

Carol Castle's daughter Kelsey wanted

shocking pink. I'm like, "Why do you want to

paint you room Pepto-Bismol?" But, because

Kelsey had also watched Randy's lecture,

she painted some bricks on her shocking

pink walls. Let me let you in on a little secret.

Not only that, in schools across the

country, students have begun to perform

Randy's speech. You see the brick walls

are there...if you give us a chance to

show how badly we want something.

A faltering beauty queen in Kent, Ohio

didn't quit. He helped me achieve my dream.

A businessman hands out copies to his

employees. A minister uses the tape to

inspire song at choir practice.

And in California, a breast cancer

patient, Kaje Lane, watched and took

heart. His positive attitude just kind of

lifted that fear out of me.

Alfred Nicolosi of Salem, New Jersey,

battling illness and depression, cleaned

his house and began to live. Randy's life

turned mine around. You just have to

decide if you're a Tigger or an Eeyore.

In Gold Beach, Oregon, Barb with terminal

multiple myeloma. If he can do it, so can

I. If I don't seem as depressed or morose as

I should be, sorry to disappoint you.

I love that line. She packed up and

moved across country to be near her

grandchildren. I'd like them to remember

me as the fun grandma. Randy Pausch says

maybe you should keep a crayon in your

pocket so the smell can remind you when

you were young and thought you could fly.

He still has the list he made as a

little boy, Impossible Dreams. Win

stuffed animals. We know how that one

ended. Write an article in the World Book

Encyclopedia. He can check that off, too.

But, we noticed there was something on

Randy's list that had long been out of

reach. All right, let's talk about

football. My dream was to play in the

National Football League. And, most of you

don't know that I actually pl– no. [laughter]

We were with Randy at one of his

doctor's appointments.

We'd made a couple of calls, and

producer Jeff Marts told him there was

an invitation. This Wednesday, the

Pittsburgh Steelers were wondering if

you wanted to come to practice and maybe

toss around a football. You have got to

be kidding me.

So, bring your sneakers. Right. Wow.

Wow.

That will be so cool.

He walks out on the field for his own

kind of Chariots of Fire, wearing the

jersey of his favorite player: legendary

wide receiver Hines Ward, only to learn

that the man about to throw the passes

is Hines Ward himself.

The once scrawny kid, hammered by the

coach of a peewee league, caught every single pass.

Catching like me out there huh? But then they ask, is

he up for one more dare? They want to know if you

want to try kicking. Haven't done that

in a while, sure. Nervous, but he is the

guy who says sometimes the only safe

thing is to take a chance. I used to be an athlete.

It's better to be a 'used to be' than

'never was.' Damn sure. I can do this, I

think. How's it going? Hi, Daniel.

Nice to meet you, I'm Randy. Randy, nice to meet you.

Here we go!

In the locker room, a moment with tight

end John Dekker, whose dad's going into surgery.

What's the surgery? For prostate cancer.

My thoughts will be with him.

Star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, just

returning from a serious motorcycle

accident. It's an honor to have you here,

it really is. I'm glad you could make it.

The honor's all mine. I admire the grit you've showed

coming back from surgery. A little adversity, yeah.

Mine's not as bad as yours, but it was bad,

I'll tell you what. I think I still look

good. I think you look great!

Wow, just a great place.

They are very big people.

One more note. When it comes to

childlike wonder, there's something else

you should know about Randy Pausch and

his team at Carnegie Mellon. They created

something called "The Alice Project." You

can download it for free tonight on the

internet. It teaches kids to learn about

computers by telling wonderful stories.

And then, we're going to have Kristen

slap Trevor, so this is basically a

reenactment of my middle school

experience. He particularly designed it

for girls, since only 17 to 28 percent of

those majoring in computer science in

college are female. And, to even let one not

quite girl anymore show how I could

stand the professor on his heels. When we

come back, our last visit with Randy, just

six days ago.

Hello! Hi! Just last Thursday, we went to see

Randy once again at his home. It had been

a rough time. I'm still a little wobbly,

but hanging in there. He had just come

home from the hospital. The chemotherapy

had shut down his kidneys temporarily,

and he'd been in heart failure. With

three liters of fluid surrounding your

lungs, your breathing starts to turn into [pants].

So, that was, you know, that was a

little bit scary. He acknowledged every

now and then, even Tigger goes down for

the count. You know, there are certainly

times when you feel like okay, yeah,

you've beaten me down to my knees, and

now the challenge is I'm on my knees and

you're just gonna keep beating me, and

the question is are you gonna beat me all

the way to the ground or am I going to

find a way to struggle back up to my

feet? And, you know, it takes time

sometimes. Even for you?

Absolutely for me. There's certainly

times when I cry, you know, I like to cry

in the shower, I think for the same

reason that people sing in the shower is

that you think nobody, you know, it's your

own little private space. He told us the

support of strangers had meant the world

to him. So, how do you get people to help

you? You can't get there alone. You get

people to help you by telling the truth,

being earnest. I'll take an earnest

person over a hip person every day,

because hip is short-term. Earnest is

long-term. I was a big believer in people

when this started, but my goodness.

He showed us a few of the

emails he's received, former students

saying how he changed them, parents

writing, too. A lot of people wrote to me

and said I have a teenager, I have so

much trouble talking with them, they

watched your lecture and after the

lecture, we sat down and talked for hours.

And, letters like this one.

To think that on December 29th, 2007, I

planned my suicide. And now, I thank God

for every day I have to live. I'm ashamed

that I took my life for granted while

you take nothing for granted.

Again, it's time for us to leave, but again,

before we go, the professor has another

critique of me for the broadcast tonight.

Be careful, he says, of that "Saint Randy"

stuff. Every time I do teaching

evaluations, 95% of them say, you know,

this was one of the best courses I've

ever taken, and the other 5% say you are

a monster and should not be let

near students. And sometimes, you know, I

have all the social graces of, you know, a

lumbering moose. Which brings us back to

the day of the lecture. Dr. Randy Pausch.

When students and colleagues came from

all over the country to hear and pay

tribute to their singular mentor and

friend. Don't tell people how to live

their lives. Just tell them stories, and

they'll figure out how the stories apply

to them. It was sort of like being there

when when Babe Ruth hit his called

home run... Jeff's Zaslow of the Wall

Street Journal, co-author of Randy's book.

His fate is our fate, but it's just

sped up. We're all dying just like Randy

is. When we can see him how he's

traveling, it makes us think about how

we're going to travel. Toward the end of

the lecture, a surprise for Jai. It was

her birthday.

I went up and gave him a big hug and I

whispered to him that, I asked him, I said

"please don't die," because all the magic

would leave with him.

The lecture, over. Time to go. So today's

talk was about my childhood dreams,

enabling the dreams of others, and some

lessons learned. But, did you figure out

the head fake?

It's not about how to achieve your

dreams. It's about how to lead your life.

Have you figured out the second head fake?

Talk's not for you. It's for my kids.

Thank you, goodnight.

[music and applause]

There was a definite sense, when I put that talk

together that, to use another

football expression, you know, I wanted to

leave it all on the field.

[music and applause]

I've played the football games where

you walk off the field and the

scoreboard didn't end up the way you

wanted, but you knew that you really did

give it all, and the other team was too strong.

Yeah, I'm not gonna beat the cancer. I

tried really. I mean, I did everything. We

have no regrets. We got the best medical

care in the world, but sometimes you're

just not gonna beat the thing. But, you

want to walk off the field and say, yeah

no regrets, gave it the best shot.

I wanted to walk off the stage and say

anything I thought was important.

I had my hour.

The Last Lecture, which is published by

our sister company Hyperion is in

bookstores today and you can go online

for more information on the Pancreatic

Cancer Action Network and the Lustgarten

Foundation for Pancreatic Cancer

Research, which is doing something very

special with Randy's book. I'm Diane

Sawyer, and for all of us at Primetime

and ABC News, I want to thank Randy Pausch

and his family, as we wish them and you a

good night and a joyful day tomorrow.