WEBVTT 00:00:00.650 --> 00:00:03.659 Tonight, a remarkable man wants to talk 00:00:03.659 --> 00:00:06.930 to you about your life. We cannot change 00:00:06.930 --> 00:00:09.030 the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. 00:00:09.030 --> 00:00:11.730 A college professor with a message so 00:00:11.730 --> 00:00:13.950 challenging and nourishing, 10 million 00:00:13.950 --> 00:00:15.750 people have made the pilgrimage to hear 00:00:15.750 --> 00:00:17.970 what he has to say. The critics are your 00:00:17.970 --> 00:00:19.560 ones telling you they still love you and care. 00:00:19.560 --> 00:00:22.289 All across the nation, people are 00:00:22.289 --> 00:00:24.240 saying Randy Pausch taught them to make 00:00:24.240 --> 00:00:27.150 braver choices. I realized what an idiot 00:00:27.150 --> 00:00:30.410 I was. Change that job, take that trip, 00:00:30.410 --> 00:00:33.540 achieve childhood dreams, no matter the 00:00:33.540 --> 00:00:35.000 obstacle. 00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:37.890 Randy's video inspired me. 00:00:37.890 --> 00:00:40.980 He reached me, in Kent, Ohio. So, who is the man 00:00:40.980 --> 00:00:43.079 giving what his University called "The 00:00:43.079 --> 00:00:47.730 Last Lecture?" The title has a twist. 47 00:00:47.730 --> 00:00:50.309 year-old Randy Pausch has fatal cancer, 00:00:50.309 --> 00:00:53.280 and it has spread. The doctors told me 3 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:55.530 to 6 months of good health left, that was 00:00:55.530 --> 00:00:57.539 a month ago, so you can do the math. A 00:00:57.539 --> 00:01:00.660 grim calculation, except this man does 00:01:00.660 --> 00:01:02.390 not do grim. 00:01:02.390 --> 00:01:05.000 I'm still trying to do one pushup in 00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:08.450 honor of your lecture. I don't know how 00:01:08.450 --> 00:01:11.960 to not have fun, right? I'm dying and I'm 00:01:11.960 --> 00:01:13.610 having fun. Tonight, 00:01:13.610 --> 00:01:15.200 one of the most extraordinary people 00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:17.600 we have ever met challenges you to see 00:01:17.600 --> 00:01:20.330 your life in a new way. You say there is no 00:01:20.330 --> 00:01:22.909 evidence and you can't see, but can you 00:01:22.909 --> 00:01:26.960 see love, can you see hope? A father, a husband, a 00:01:26.960 --> 00:01:32.020 teacher, ready to take you on the journey of your life. 00:01:35.330 --> 00:01:39.590 Here now, Diane Sawyer. Good evening, and 00:01:39.590 --> 00:01:41.300 welcome to what we think is a truly 00:01:41.300 --> 00:01:44.150 special prime time. There is a famous 00:01:44.150 --> 00:01:46.000 story in the household of Randy Pausch, 00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:49.070 PhD, that his mother jokingly once said, 00:01:49.070 --> 00:01:51.050 "My son's a doctor, just not the kind who 00:01:51.050 --> 00:01:53.810 helps people." We suspect you'll have a 00:01:53.810 --> 00:01:55.640 different view after you spend time with 00:01:55.640 --> 00:01:58.340 him tonight. This man, who was told he had 00:01:58.340 --> 00:01:59.660 six months to live and has turned 00:01:59.660 --> 00:02:01.730 everyday since into a kind of 00:02:01.730 --> 00:02:04.910 celebration. He has written a book called 00:02:04.910 --> 00:02:07.250 "The Last Lecture," and that's how we first 00:02:07.250 --> 00:02:09.560 heard of him. A lecture that found its 00:02:09.560 --> 00:02:11.330 way onto the internet entirely by 00:02:11.330 --> 00:02:13.550 accident. It was posted for a handful of 00:02:13.550 --> 00:02:15.170 people who couldn't be there the day he 00:02:15.170 --> 00:02:18.590 spoke. What happened next was a wonder 00:02:18.590 --> 00:02:21.460 all its own. 00:02:24.390 --> 00:02:26.710 Who would have believed that out there 00:02:26.710 --> 00:02:28.630 in the vast clamor of the internet, 00:02:28.630 --> 00:02:32.290 those endless videos, all that noise, one 00:02:32.290 --> 00:02:34.690 earnest looking professor standing at a 00:02:34.690 --> 00:02:37.420 podium could make 10 million people so 00:02:37.420 --> 00:02:40.180 far stop and listen? Wait long enough and 00:02:40.180 --> 00:02:42.130 people will surprise and impress you. 00:02:42.130 --> 00:02:44.440 The last lecture, an annual tradition at 00:02:44.440 --> 00:02:45.850 Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, 00:02:45.850 --> 00:02:48.730 a speech on personal philosophy by a 00:02:48.730 --> 00:02:51.510 beloved professor like Randy Pausch, 00:02:51.510 --> 00:02:53.860 famous for making his students believe 00:02:53.860 --> 00:02:56.050 in themselves no matter the obstacles in 00:02:56.050 --> 00:02:58.720 their way. The brick walls are there for 00:02:58.720 --> 00:02:59.230 a reason, alright? 00:02:59.230 --> 00:03:01.060 The brick walls are not there 00:03:01.060 --> 00:03:02.920 to keep us out. The brick walls are there 00:03:02.920 --> 00:03:06.430 to give us a chance to show how badly we 00:03:06.430 --> 00:03:08.140 want something, because the brick walls 00:03:08.140 --> 00:03:09.910 are there to stop the people who don't 00:03:09.910 --> 00:03:11.830 want it badly enough. They're there to 00:03:11.830 --> 00:03:16.150 stop the other people. So, your goals are 00:03:16.150 --> 00:03:18.340 possible if you get tough with yourself 00:03:18.340 --> 00:03:20.980 and face difficult truths. Professor 00:03:20.980 --> 00:03:22.810 Pausch was a scrawny kid in junior league 00:03:22.810 --> 00:03:24.550 football under a tough coach named Jim 00:03:24.550 --> 00:03:26.410 Graham. There was one practice where he 00:03:26.410 --> 00:03:28.239 just rode me all practice, just, "you're 00:03:28.239 --> 00:03:29.500 doing this wrong, you're doing this wrong, 00:03:29.500 --> 00:03:30.790 go back and do it again, you owe me, 00:03:30.790 --> 00:03:32.200 you're doing push-ups after practice." And, 00:03:32.200 --> 00:03:33.970 when it was all over, one of the other 00:03:33.970 --> 00:03:35.170 assistant coaches came over and said, 00:03:35.170 --> 00:03:37.300 "Yeah Coach Graham rode you pretty hard 00:03:37.300 --> 00:03:39.489 didn't he?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "That's a 00:03:39.489 --> 00:03:42.519 good thing." He said, "When you're screwing up 00:03:42.519 --> 00:03:45.190 and nobody's saying anything to you anymore, 00:03:45.190 --> 00:03:48.910 that means they gave up." That's a 00:03:48.910 --> 00:03:50.800 lesson that stuck with me my whole life, 00:03:50.800 --> 00:03:52.930 is that when you see 00:03:52.930 --> 00:03:54.250 yourself doing something badly and 00:03:54.250 --> 00:03:55.630 nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, 00:03:55.630 --> 00:03:58.150 that's a very bad place to be. Your 00:03:58.150 --> 00:03:59.709 critics are your ones telling you they 00:03:59.709 --> 00:04:02.050 still love you and care. For 90 minutes, 00:04:02.050 --> 00:04:04.390 he gives lessons about living. We cannot 00:04:04.390 --> 00:04:06.459 change the cards we are dealt, just how 00:04:06.459 --> 00:04:09.310 we play the hand. And, about facing death. 00:04:09.310 --> 00:04:11.470 In case there's anybody who wandered in 00:04:11.470 --> 00:04:13.390 and doesn't know the back story, my dad 00:04:13.390 --> 00:04:14.500 always taught me when there's 00:04:14.500 --> 00:04:16.029 an elephant in the room, introduce them. 00:04:16.029 --> 00:04:18.250 At the lecture, some of his friends know, 00:04:18.250 --> 00:04:20.380 but others are just learning that he was 00:04:20.380 --> 00:04:22.930 diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and it 00:04:22.930 --> 00:04:25.210 has spread. If you look at my cat scans, 00:04:25.210 --> 00:04:25.950 there are 00:04:25.950 --> 00:04:28.230 approximately 10 tumors in my liver, and the 00:04:28.230 --> 00:04:30.030 doctors told me 3 to 6 months of good 00:04:30.030 --> 00:04:32.580 health left. That was a month ago, so you 00:04:32.580 --> 00:04:34.410 can do the math. If I don't seem as 00:04:34.410 --> 00:04:37.560 depressed or morose as I should be, sorry 00:04:37.560 --> 00:04:42.150 to disappoint you. And, I assure you I am 00:04:42.150 --> 00:04:44.280 NOT in denial, and the other thing is I'm 00:04:44.280 --> 00:04:47.780 in better shape than most of you. 00:04:58.319 --> 00:05:01.030 So, anybody who wants to cry or pity me 00:05:01.030 --> 00:05:02.830 can come down and do a few of those, and 00:05:02.830 --> 00:05:06.220 then you may pity me. So, don't try to 00:05:06.220 --> 00:05:08.830 tell Randy Pausch not to love the life 00:05:08.830 --> 00:05:10.270 he has left. 00:05:10.270 --> 00:05:13.150 So, my next piece of advice is you just 00:05:13.150 --> 00:05:15.190 have to decide if you're a Tigger or 00:05:15.190 --> 00:05:18.340 you're an Eeyore. I think I'm clear where I 00:05:18.340 --> 00:05:19.960 stand on the great Tigger-Eeyore debate. 00:05:19.960 --> 00:05:23.979 One month after the lecture, 00:05:23.979 --> 00:05:27.190 October 2007, we decide to go to 00:05:27.190 --> 00:05:29.110 Pittsburgh for an interview with Doctor 00:05:29.110 --> 00:05:31.210 Pausch. We're in the library of his 00:05:31.210 --> 00:05:33.759 beloved Carnegie Mellon, where ostensibly, 00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:35.889 he was a teacher of computer science, 00:05:35.889 --> 00:05:38.710 virtual reality, creating a whole program 00:05:38.710 --> 00:05:41.319 for the school with Professor Don Marinelli. 00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:43.780 But, long before his illness, Professor 00:05:43.780 --> 00:05:45.909 Pausch says he thought the students 00:05:45.909 --> 00:05:48.130 needed something more. How do you behave 00:05:48.130 --> 00:05:50.080 with integrity? How do you behave in a 00:05:50.080 --> 00:05:52.000 way that other people will respect you 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:54.069 and want to keep working with you? If I 00:05:54.069 --> 00:05:56.319 only had three words of advice, they 00:05:56.319 --> 00:05:59.379 would be 'tell the truth.' If I got three 00:05:59.379 --> 00:06:02.830 more words, I'd add 'all the time.' I'll 00:06:02.830 --> 00:06:03.940 tell you right now if there's anything 00:06:03.940 --> 00:06:07.930 I've learned in my career, a lot of 00:06:07.930 --> 00:06:10.270 people don't want the truth. A lot of 00:06:10.270 --> 00:06:11.949 people just want to be patted and 00:06:11.949 --> 00:06:13.840 stroked and told how wonderful they are. 00:06:13.840 --> 00:06:17.169 So, in effect, he dared his students to 00:06:17.169 --> 00:06:19.690 love the truth about themselves. They 00:06:19.690 --> 00:06:21.639 even handed each other report cards on 00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:23.710 character issues like teamwork. 00:06:23.710 --> 00:06:26.800 Next up, lessons about fearlessness. And 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:28.690 the kids said, "Well, what content do we make?" 00:06:28.690 --> 00:06:30.940 I said, "Hell, I don't know. You make 00:06:30.940 --> 00:06:32.669 whatever you want. Two rules: 00:06:32.669 --> 00:06:37.050 no shooting violence and no pornography." 00:06:37.050 --> 00:06:39.580 You'd be amazed how many 19 year old 00:06:39.580 --> 00:06:41.740 boys are completely out of ideas when 00:06:41.740 --> 00:06:47.680 you take those off the table. We went to him 00:06:47.680 --> 00:06:49.690 and said, "We have a couple of ideas. This 00:06:49.690 --> 00:06:51.580 idea here is very safe; this idea here 00:06:51.580 --> 00:06:53.980 with these cell phones is very risky." 00:06:53.980 --> 00:06:56.320 He said, "Go for the risk. It's better to fail 00:06:56.320 --> 00:06:59.710 spectacularly than to pass along 00:06:59.710 --> 00:07:01.810 and do something which 00:07:01.810 --> 00:07:04.990 is mediocre." Student Phil Light, who says 00:07:04.990 --> 00:07:07.000 Professor Pausch even created an award 00:07:07.000 --> 00:07:09.970 for the most glorious failure. What's the 00:07:09.970 --> 00:07:10.780 old saying? 'You can always tell the 00:07:10.780 --> 00:07:12.160 pioneers by the arrows in their backs.' 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:15.100 Through the years, some of Randy Pausch's 00:07:15.100 --> 00:07:20.440 students balked. Most of them soared. Such 00:07:20.440 --> 00:07:22.480 an awesome, awesome, once-in-a-lifetime 00:07:22.480 --> 00:07:24.130 kind of teacher. It became this 00:07:24.130 --> 00:07:26.710 underground thing. I'd walk into a class 00:07:26.710 --> 00:07:29.050 with 50 students in it, and there 00:07:29.050 --> 00:07:33.340 were 95 people in the room. And people's 00:07:33.340 --> 00:07:36.700 roommates and friends and parents. I've 00:07:36.700 --> 00:07:38.440 never had parents come to class before. 00:07:38.440 --> 00:07:41.140 It was like something I'd never seen 00:07:41.140 --> 00:07:41.800 before. 00:07:41.800 --> 00:07:44.230 it was unbelievable. Jared Cohen is 00:07:44.230 --> 00:07:46.780 president of Carnegie Mellon. Here at 00:07:46.780 --> 00:07:48.370 Carnagie Mellon, we don't have big-time 00:07:48.370 --> 00:07:52.390 sports, but when I walked in the room, I 00:07:52.390 --> 00:07:54.790 felt like I had walked into a pep rally 00:07:54.790 --> 00:07:58.300 for a major football game. So, it was a 00:07:58.300 --> 00:08:01.270 thrilling time for Randy Pausch, and then 00:08:01.270 --> 00:08:03.790 one day, he felt tired. Thought maybe he 00:08:03.790 --> 00:08:06.070 had a kind of flu. A little weak, a little 00:08:06.070 --> 00:08:08.320 bit bloated feeling. I eventually got 00:08:08.320 --> 00:08:11.620 yellow skin jaundice and itching and we 00:08:11.620 --> 00:08:14.380 had originally thought I had hepatitis. 00:08:14.380 --> 00:08:18.160 An ultrasound, a cat-scan, a life changed 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:20.740 in a sentence. And he said, "Randy, there's 00:08:20.740 --> 00:08:25.390 a mass on your pancreas. And he said, 00:08:25.390 --> 00:08:27.790 "And it's not fair." Don't think it's 00:08:27.790 --> 00:08:30.340 unfair. We all stand on the dartboard, 00:08:30.340 --> 00:08:32.440 and you know, a very small percentage of 00:08:32.440 --> 00:08:33.669 us are going to catch the dart labeled 00:08:33.669 --> 00:08:37.299 'pancreatic cancer,' and I was 00:08:37.299 --> 00:08:41.080 unlucky, but it wasn't unfair. Pancreatic 00:08:41.080 --> 00:08:42.909 cancer is pretty much the most fatal 00:08:42.909 --> 00:08:46.090 cancer of all. It is ruthless. It is 00:08:46.090 --> 00:08:46.540 brutal. 00:08:46.540 --> 00:08:50.050 Very few people beat it, and there are a lot of 00:08:50.050 --> 00:08:51.670 reasons for that. It's an internal organ 00:08:51.670 --> 00:08:53.050 that's sort of wrapped in other stuff. 00:08:53.050 --> 00:08:55.630 Only 15 to 20 percent of pancreatic 00:08:55.630 --> 00:08:57.880 cancer patients have any early symptoms. 00:08:57.880 --> 00:09:00.610 I was lucky in that my tumor pressed on 00:09:00.610 --> 00:09:02.170 the bile duct. You don't get enough bile 00:09:02.170 --> 00:09:03.670 into your system, you can't digest your 00:09:03.670 --> 00:09:05.230 food as well, and not to be crass about 00:09:05.230 --> 00:09:07.570 this, but the tell-tale sign is that your 00:09:07.570 --> 00:09:10.150 stools in the toilet bowl start to float 00:09:10.150 --> 00:09:12.730 and become less dense, and what this 00:09:12.730 --> 00:09:16.390 means is that you're not digesting fats, 00:09:16.390 --> 00:09:18.400 because you're not getting the bile into 00:09:18.400 --> 00:09:20.470 your system. There was massive surgery to 00:09:20.470 --> 00:09:22.420 remove a third of his pancreas, parts of 00:09:22.420 --> 00:09:24.340 his stomach, a crushing blast of 00:09:24.340 --> 00:09:27.340 chemotherapy and radiation. Crushing for 00:09:27.340 --> 00:09:29.590 body, not spirit. I remember once my doctor 00:09:29.590 --> 00:09:31.330 asked me, "So are you feeling depressed?" 00:09:31.330 --> 00:09:34.210 I said, "Well, compared to an average 00:09:34.210 --> 00:09:36.640 46 year old, probably, but compared to a 00:09:36.640 --> 00:09:38.470 guy who just had his insides carved out, 00:09:38.470 --> 00:09:40.300 who's in tremendous physical pain and is 00:09:40.300 --> 00:09:42.400 being told that, you know, he has a way 00:09:42.400 --> 00:09:44.140 less than 50/50 chance of living to five 00:09:44.140 --> 00:09:45.850 years, I think I feel pretty good." And so, 00:09:45.850 --> 00:09:46.870 he just turned to the intern and said, "Write 00:09:46.870 --> 00:09:49.510 down 'not depressed.'" But, eight months 00:09:49.510 --> 00:09:51.820 after the surgery, the cancer had come 00:09:51.820 --> 00:09:55.090 back. A dedicated Tigger had to reach 00:09:55.090 --> 00:09:57.880 inside himself again. I've never found 00:09:57.880 --> 00:10:00.390 anger to make a situation better, and 00:10:00.390 --> 00:10:03.160 right now, I've got a finite amount of 00:10:03.160 --> 00:10:06.340 time, and I can spend that time angry or 00:10:06.340 --> 00:10:07.870 I can spend that time doing something 00:10:07.870 --> 00:10:09.490 productive and worthwhile and having fun. 00:10:09.490 --> 00:10:12.600 I don't know how to not have fun. 00:10:12.600 --> 00:10:16.439 I'm dying and I'm having fun. He tells me 00:10:16.439 --> 00:10:18.809 he's trying an experimental vaccine and 00:10:18.809 --> 00:10:21.029 so far, chemotherapy has slowed the 00:10:21.029 --> 00:10:22.860 progress of the disease. 00:10:22.860 --> 00:10:24.569 That typically holds on for a couple of 00:10:24.569 --> 00:10:26.549 months, so I may have just doubled my 00:10:26.549 --> 00:10:29.040 lifespan, and you know, well you try doing 00:10:29.040 --> 00:10:31.559 that. He told me one of his favorite 00:10:31.559 --> 00:10:34.110 philosophical sources is that famous 00:10:34.110 --> 00:10:35.850 newspaper editor's letter, the one 00:10:35.850 --> 00:10:37.889 assuring the little girl Virginia there 00:10:37.889 --> 00:10:39.509 is a Santa Claus. 00:10:39.509 --> 00:10:41.819 The editor's letter about, your little 00:10:41.819 --> 00:10:43.410 cynical friends live in a cynical age 00:10:43.410 --> 00:10:45.119 You say there is no evidence and you 00:10:45.119 --> 00:10:48.540 can't see, but can you see love? Can you 00:10:48.540 --> 00:10:50.819 see hope? These are the most important 00:10:50.819 --> 00:10:52.350 things and you can't see them or touch 00:10:52.350 --> 00:10:54.569 them. Did you ever see fairies dancing on 00:10:54.569 --> 00:10:56.249 the lawn? Of course not, but that's no 00:10:56.249 --> 00:10:58.019 proof they're not there. That's right. 00:10:58.019 --> 00:10:59.850 There's no scientist in the world that can tell 00:10:59.850 --> 00:11:01.019 you there aren't fairies on the lawn. 00:11:01.019 --> 00:11:02.429 Back at the lecture, sitting in the 00:11:02.429 --> 00:11:04.739 audience, his wife, mother of their three 00:11:04.739 --> 00:11:07.649 children, the children he worries he will 00:11:07.649 --> 00:11:09.839 not be around to protect. We're not going 00:11:09.839 --> 00:11:11.069 to talk about my wife, we're not going to talk about my 00:11:11.069 --> 00:11:12.959 kids, because I'm good but I'm not good 00:11:12.959 --> 00:11:13.949 enough to talk about that without 00:11:13.949 --> 00:11:15.869 tearing up. There is a sadness that 00:11:15.869 --> 00:11:19.069 comes when I think about my kids, and 00:11:19.069 --> 00:11:22.139 "it's not so much a 'I won't get the 00:11:22.139 --> 00:11:23.549 experience of being a dad.' I mean that's 00:11:23.549 --> 00:11:25.860 sad, but the really strong emotions for 00:11:25.860 --> 00:11:31.760 me are 'they won't have me for them.' 00:11:34.710 --> 00:11:36.600 And that's where it's okay for me to say, 00:11:36.600 --> 00:11:38.910 "that's not fair." A metaphor I've used is 00:11:38.910 --> 00:11:40.740 somebody's going to push my family off a 00:11:40.740 --> 00:11:44.190 cliff pretty soon and I won't be there 00:11:44.190 --> 00:11:46.430 to catch them, and that breaks my heart. 00:11:46.430 --> 00:11:51.660 But, I have some time to sew some nets, to 00:11:51.660 --> 00:11:54.300 cushion the fall, and that seems like the 00:11:54.300 --> 00:11:55.800 best and highest use of my time. So, I can 00:11:55.800 --> 00:11:57.690 curl up in a ball and cry, or I can get 00:11:57.690 --> 00:12:00.320 to work on the nets. 00:12:01.230 --> 00:12:04.040 Time now for our first interview to end. 00:12:04.040 --> 00:12:07.470 But, before I can go, the professor stops 00:12:07.470 --> 00:12:10.830 me to critique what I've done. There's 00:12:10.830 --> 00:12:12.450 one question you didn't ask me. Which one? 00:12:12.450 --> 00:12:14.190 About people keep asking about making a 00:12:14.190 --> 00:12:15.060 movie out of my life. 00:12:15.060 --> 00:12:18.030 Wait, you're doing your part and my part. 00:12:18.030 --> 00:12:21.540 This is the best interview I've ever had. Okay yes, a movie... 00:12:21.540 --> 00:12:24.360 Can't be done. No Hollywood actress 00:12:24.360 --> 00:12:26.170 is pretty enough to play my wife. 00:12:26.170 --> 00:12:30.300 When we return, you'll meet her. 00:12:34.460 --> 00:12:36.920 This looks like the face of a beautiful 00:12:36.920 --> 00:12:39.260 woman, but in fact, she was once one of 00:12:39.260 --> 00:12:41.810 Randy Pausch's most formidable brick 00:12:41.810 --> 00:12:45.220 walls. Some brick walls are made of flesh. 00:12:45.220 --> 00:12:48.020 Jai Glasgow was a literature graduate 00:12:48.020 --> 00:12:49.700 student who met Randy Pausch at a 00:12:49.700 --> 00:12:52.190 lecture. She checked his website, not 00:12:52.190 --> 00:12:54.530 promising for her. She thought maybe he 00:12:54.530 --> 00:12:56.930 was gay. You thought he was gay. Well, he 00:12:56.930 --> 00:12:59.120 was 38 years old, he had never been 00:12:59.120 --> 00:13:01.220 married. The pictures on the site 00:13:01.220 --> 00:13:03.740 rejoiced over gingerbread houses and 00:13:03.740 --> 00:13:06.230 stuffed animals, like the kind you win at 00:13:06.230 --> 00:13:09.850 the fair. Stuffed animals. Stuffed animals? 00:13:09.850 --> 00:13:13.730 Alright, winning stuffed animals. 00:13:13.730 --> 00:13:15.560 He says it started when he was a little kid. 00:13:15.560 --> 00:13:17.780 This may seem mundane to you, but when 00:13:17.780 --> 00:13:19.160 you're a little kid you see the big buff 00:13:19.160 --> 00:13:20.690 guys walking around in the amusement park 00:13:20.690 --> 00:13:21.710 and they got all these big stuffed 00:13:21.710 --> 00:13:24.680 animals, right? So he still likes the idea 00:13:24.680 --> 00:13:27.680 that big muscles and stuffed animals go 00:13:27.680 --> 00:13:30.620 together. When he began to date Jai, she 00:13:30.620 --> 00:13:32.930 says it was one thing to love a man who 00:13:32.930 --> 00:13:35.480 tells the truth, another to live with it. 00:13:35.480 --> 00:13:38.990 He's challenging, he's forthright, quick 00:13:38.990 --> 00:13:42.590 to analyze a situation, feel like he can 00:13:42.590 --> 00:13:46.550 see the truth, and to be able to relay 00:13:46.550 --> 00:13:50.020 that truth to you. Whether or not it's 00:13:50.020 --> 00:13:52.190 socially appropriate for him to do that 00:13:52.190 --> 00:13:53.870 is another thing. I was quite an 00:13:53.870 --> 00:13:55.550 arrogant young man, and I come bounding 00:13:55.550 --> 00:13:57.470 in and, you know, I'm just, I'm gonna save 00:13:57.470 --> 00:13:58.460 the world there all these kids.... [fades out] 00:13:58.460 --> 00:14:00.620 This professor Andy Van Dam tried to help him. 00:14:00.620 --> 00:14:02.240 He put his arm around my 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:03.410 shoulders and we went for a little walk and 00:14:03.410 --> 00:14:07.150 he said, "Randy, it's such a shame that 00:14:07.150 --> 00:14:11.890 people perceive you as so arrogant, 00:14:12.060 --> 00:14:15.459 because it's going to limit what you're 00:14:15.459 --> 00:14:17.970 going to be able to accomplish in life." 00:14:17.970 --> 00:14:21.519 What a hell of a good way to word, 'you're 00:14:21.519 --> 00:14:25.779 being a jerk.' It's a whole chapter of his 00:14:25.779 --> 00:14:28.540 book, "Lessons from a Recovering Jerk." 00:14:28.540 --> 00:14:32.019 Proper apologies have three parts. What I 00:14:32.019 --> 00:14:34.660 did was wrong. I feel badly that I hurt 00:14:34.660 --> 00:14:37.360 you. How do I make this better? 00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:39.550 It's the third part that people tend to 00:14:39.550 --> 00:14:43.269 forget. Finally, he managed to win over 00:14:43.269 --> 00:14:45.970 the woman of his dreams. He's so smart, 00:14:45.970 --> 00:14:47.800 he's by far the smartest person I think 00:14:47.800 --> 00:14:50.470 I've ever met, and I've always been able 00:14:50.470 --> 00:14:54.750 to trust him because he is so caring and 00:14:54.750 --> 00:14:59.019 has always made me feel very special. 00:14:59.019 --> 00:15:01.329 Their marriage was a strong partnership 00:15:01.329 --> 00:15:03.850 of equals. They had three children she 00:15:03.850 --> 00:15:07.750 stayed at home to raise full-time, and 00:15:07.750 --> 00:15:10.899 seven happy years before he got the news, 00:15:10.899 --> 00:15:14.079 the cancer. He gave Jai the phone to hear it 00:15:14.079 --> 00:15:17.470 from the doctor too. Did your knees buckle? 00:15:17.470 --> 00:15:19.059 I was sitting on the floor when I took 00:15:19.059 --> 00:15:21.089 that phone call. And was it a slow, 00:15:21.089 --> 00:15:23.739 incremental kind of realization that it? 00:15:23.739 --> 00:15:26.589 No, I think by the time I got off the 00:15:26.589 --> 00:15:28.119 phone, Randy told me he was going to die. 00:15:28.119 --> 00:15:30.629 So, there were many nights that we would 00:15:30.629 --> 00:15:34.809 go to bed, roll over, and hug each other 00:15:34.809 --> 00:15:37.539 and cry, and this went on for several 00:15:37.539 --> 00:15:40.749 days before we finally said, "we have to 00:15:40.749 --> 00:15:43.599 be able to function." I felt like I 00:15:43.599 --> 00:15:45.189 had to get through the day without 00:15:45.189 --> 00:15:48.279 crying. I felt like I had to be able to 00:15:48.279 --> 00:15:50.529 look at him playing with the kids and not cry. 00:15:50.529 --> 00:15:55.149 "What are we making, Logan?" "We're making a snowman!" 00:15:55.149 --> 00:15:56.679 You hear that voice that comes in and says it could be the 00:15:56.679 --> 00:15:58.209 last time they're playing in the snow together, and 00:15:58.209 --> 00:16:02.019 I just have to shut it off. Shut it off, 00:16:02.019 --> 00:16:04.539 so that tomorrow doesn't rob you of 00:16:04.539 --> 00:16:07.479 today. A therapist gave her a kind of 00:16:07.479 --> 00:16:12.389 mantra to say: the words "not helpful." 00:16:12.539 --> 00:16:14.649 Did you just have to train it like a 00:16:14.649 --> 00:16:16.509 muscle? I think so, you know you catch 00:16:16.509 --> 00:16:18.329 yourself going down that path and say, 00:16:18.329 --> 00:16:21.999 "not helpful." I keep imagining people 00:16:21.999 --> 00:16:25.509 listening to you and thinking where does 00:16:25.509 --> 00:16:28.509 she get this? As if it's bearable. Because 00:16:28.509 --> 00:16:32.229 it is. A lot of people have not exactly 00:16:32.229 --> 00:16:34.359 the same situation, but they have 00:16:34.359 --> 00:16:35.889 terrible things in their life that 00:16:35.889 --> 00:16:37.419 they're having to deal with, and they get 00:16:37.419 --> 00:16:38.859 up and they do it too. We're no different. 00:16:38.859 --> 00:16:42.669 I think that there is that 00:16:42.669 --> 00:16:44.889 within us. At this point, 00:16:44.889 --> 00:16:47.439 Randy joins us, now our second interview, 00:16:47.439 --> 00:16:48.850 and we tell him we've been digging 00:16:48.850 --> 00:16:50.829 around and learned that before he 00:16:50.829 --> 00:16:52.839 married Jai, the mild-mannered professor 00:16:52.839 --> 00:16:55.569 was a serious Don Juan. I even had a 00:16:55.569 --> 00:16:58.809 source, his mother. Girls seemed to think 00:16:58.809 --> 00:17:02.170 he was great. Since then, there have been many. 00:17:02.170 --> 00:17:04.839 So your mom said you were a player. 00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:07.030 My mom said I was a player? Your mother. You've 00:17:07.030 --> 00:17:09.760 taught me to tell the truth. 00:17:09.760 --> 00:17:10.930 Okay, my friends and family were starting to use 00:17:10.930 --> 00:17:17.849 words like 'ever' and 'still' and 'Peter Pan,' 00:17:17.849 --> 00:17:22.089 and when I met Jai it just... things 00:17:22.089 --> 00:17:23.380 just completely changed. 00:17:23.380 --> 00:17:25.510 He has already lived a few months beyond 00:17:25.510 --> 00:17:27.790 the doctor's six-month prognosis, though 00:17:27.790 --> 00:17:29.860 as we talk, we notice a physical 00:17:29.860 --> 00:17:32.020 difference. His face is fuller, in part 00:17:32.020 --> 00:17:33.340 because of a brutal regimen of 00:17:33.340 --> 00:17:35.470 chemotherapy. Though, his kind doesn't 00:17:35.470 --> 00:17:38.350 make you lose your hair. And, this time, he 00:17:38.350 --> 00:17:40.120 would occasionally perspire or then 00:17:40.120 --> 00:17:43.900 shudder as if cold. I do feel a different 00:17:43.900 --> 00:17:47.230 mood. A lot of things have changed. 00:17:47.230 --> 00:17:49.180 Are you in pain? I don't think of myself as 00:17:49.180 --> 00:17:50.680 being in pain. Oh, and I have neuropathy; I 00:17:50.680 --> 00:17:52.270 I have a lot of trouble feeling my 00:17:52.270 --> 00:17:54.340 fingers and toes. I sometimes have trouble 00:17:54.340 --> 00:17:55.870 keeping my body temperature up. My 00:17:55.870 --> 00:17:59.170 kidney functions at about 50%. But, he is 00:17:59.170 --> 00:18:01.650 still Randy. I am alive, 00:18:01.650 --> 00:18:05.020 so I feel great. Between doctors 00:18:05.020 --> 00:18:07.270 appointments, he and Jai try to take some 00:18:07.270 --> 00:18:10.720 time just for each other. His inspiration? 00:18:10.720 --> 00:18:13.780 Another of his eclectic philosophers. The 00:18:13.780 --> 00:18:16.120 best piece of parenting advice I have 00:18:16.120 --> 00:18:18.850 ever heard is from flight attendants, and 00:18:18.850 --> 00:18:21.370 that is: when things really get tough, put 00:18:21.370 --> 00:18:24.010 on your own oxygen mask first. We 00:18:24.010 --> 00:18:25.720 wondered if the two of them have a kind 00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:27.520 of list of things they'd like to do in 00:18:27.520 --> 00:18:29.350 the days to come. If there was anything I 00:18:29.350 --> 00:18:31.420 wanted to do that badly, you know, I 00:18:31.420 --> 00:18:33.370 should have already done it. The little 00:18:33.370 --> 00:18:35.050 moments of joy that we have around the 00:18:35.050 --> 00:18:38.050 house, you know, that's my bucket list, is 00:18:38.050 --> 00:18:39.430 how many of those moments can we have. 00:18:39.430 --> 00:18:41.890 Where we are together and we're holding 00:18:41.890 --> 00:18:44.710 hands or we're reading the paper and 00:18:44.710 --> 00:18:46.990 debating what's going on, and those 00:18:46.990 --> 00:18:50.830 are gems that I hold on to. 00:18:50.830 --> 00:18:53.560 But, Jai had already confided to us that 00:18:53.560 --> 00:18:55.600 the day before the interview, she'd been 00:18:55.600 --> 00:18:58.000 in tears again. When we get the scans 00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:00.730 once a month, it's very hard. That reminder 00:19:00.730 --> 00:19:02.980 of 'it's there,' you know, that sand 00:19:02.980 --> 00:19:04.990 is ticking, that sand is coming right out. 00:19:04.990 --> 00:19:08.260 As they sat together, Jai kept looking at 00:19:08.260 --> 00:19:11.320 him. What were you looking at in his face? 00:19:11.320 --> 00:19:15.010 Oh, just those lovely brown eyes. Were you having your Nancy 00:19:15.010 --> 00:19:19.840 Reagan moment? I hope so. He's such an 00:19:19.840 --> 00:19:22.270 eloquent speaker. What is it you most 00:19:22.270 --> 00:19:24.880 like looking at in her face? I like 00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:28.240 looking at her, period. Your know, the best 00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:30.880 part is being with my wife. 00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:33.510 That's the best anything can get. 00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:38.260 When we come back, the rest of this love 00:19:38.260 --> 00:19:42.390 story: their three children. 00:19:46.420 --> 00:19:49.210 A question: if you had six months to live, 00:19:49.210 --> 00:19:51.810 where would you begin with your children? 00:19:51.810 --> 00:19:54.370 Dylan Pausch, age six, 00:19:54.370 --> 00:19:56.830 so like Randy. It's always questions, 00:19:56.830 --> 00:20:00.490 questions, questions. What did he do? 00:20:00.490 --> 00:20:03.100 He freed the slaves. How did he free them? 00:20:03.100 --> 00:20:04.900 High five! Alright! 00:20:04.900 --> 00:20:08.350 Logan, age three, so like his dad, too. I see 00:20:08.350 --> 00:20:11.290 the gregariousness, the happiness, the 00:20:11.290 --> 00:20:15.880 Tigger-ness. Is that crazy high? Is that crazy high? 00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:18.340 Is that crazy high? Oh my 00:20:18.340 --> 00:20:19.480 goodness that's crazy high! 00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:24.150 Chloe is 18 months. 00:20:26.840 --> 00:20:29.570 In our first interview, Randy had told us 00:20:29.570 --> 00:20:31.399 he was spending a lot of time thinking 00:20:31.399 --> 00:20:33.830 about and researching what of your life 00:20:33.830 --> 00:20:35.809 you should leave for your kids, like a 00:20:35.809 --> 00:20:38.659 message in a bottle. He's made videos of 00:20:38.659 --> 00:20:40.610 course, with a portrait of himself as an 00:20:40.610 --> 00:20:43.070 everyday dad. What's my favorite food 00:20:43.070 --> 00:20:44.990 or my least favorite food, you know, it's 00:20:44.990 --> 00:20:47.149 not all the big life lessons, you know, 00:20:47.149 --> 00:20:49.009 sometimes it's just the little things. 00:20:49.009 --> 00:20:49.999 I want my kids to hear the bad 00:20:49.999 --> 00:20:52.190 stories about me as well as the good. 00:20:52.190 --> 00:20:55.700 Bad stories? What bad stories do you imagine? 00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:58.399 Oh, all the stupid things, the bonehead mistakes. 00:20:58.399 --> 00:21:00.440 Give me one stupid, bonehead thing. Well, there was 00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:01.850 the home repair that involved 00:21:01.850 --> 00:21:05.119 electrocution. And guess what he's making 00:21:05.119 --> 00:21:08.419 them? Stuffed animals. I think that them 00:21:08.419 --> 00:21:10.220 having something that I made with my own 00:21:10.220 --> 00:21:13.009 hands will be a way for me to connect 00:21:13.009 --> 00:21:19.340 with them. He told us this is all a 00:21:19.340 --> 00:21:22.580 perfect metaphor for his iPod. If Randy 00:21:22.580 --> 00:21:23.840 were to fill his iPod, what would the 00:21:23.840 --> 00:21:25.970 songs be? You know, "If I Could Catch 00:21:25.970 --> 00:21:31.179 Time in a Bottle." 00:21:32.360 --> 00:21:47.630 [Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce plays] 00:21:47.630 --> 00:21:49.190 And of course, there's the book he has written, 00:21:49.190 --> 00:21:51.890 making sure that each boy has an equal 00:21:51.890 --> 00:21:55.130 number of words. And, for Chloe, his only 00:21:55.130 --> 00:21:57.620 girl, with her mischievous smile. There's that 00:21:57.620 --> 00:21:59.690 sort of twinkle in the eye. And maybe it 00:21:59.690 --> 00:22:01.309 was the look in Chloe's eye that 00:22:01.309 --> 00:22:02.990 inspired a cautionary moment in that 00:22:02.990 --> 00:22:06.590 lecture, a lesson for girls everywhere. It 00:22:06.590 --> 00:22:07.730 took me a long time but I finally 00:22:07.730 --> 00:22:11.389 figured it out. When it comes to men that 00:22:11.389 --> 00:22:13.669 are romantically interested in you, it's 00:22:13.669 --> 00:22:16.159 really simple: just ignore everything 00:22:16.159 --> 00:22:19.340 they say and only pay attention to what 00:22:19.340 --> 00:22:21.200 they do. And I thought back to my 00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:27.169 bachelor days and I said, damn. You almost 00:22:27.169 --> 00:22:28.039 look like you were gonna give Daddy a kiss. 00:22:28.039 --> 00:22:33.409 Ha? No, Haha! Where are you in telling 00:22:33.409 --> 00:22:37.700 the kids? We're not. When do you start to? 00:22:37.700 --> 00:22:40.990 Where he is in bed sick, and at that time, 00:22:40.990 --> 00:22:43.580 they will understand, they will see that 00:22:43.580 --> 00:22:46.190 he is sick and so the words "your daddy is sick" 00:22:46.190 --> 00:22:48.500 will match with the picture of 'Daddy is 00:22:48.500 --> 00:22:51.139 sick.' Right now, Daddy doesn't look sick, 00:22:51.139 --> 00:22:56.240 and he doesn't act sick. 00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:59.000 The best part of the story will be told on the last day 00:22:59.000 --> 00:23:01.100 of my life. On the last day of your life? 00:23:01.100 --> 00:23:03.440 So, I'll never get to hear the best part 00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:06.799 of the story. That's wrong. 00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:09.230 Do you think Dylan knows something? I hope to god he doesn't. 00:23:09.230 --> 00:23:13.130 After all those years, I think you may 00:23:13.130 --> 00:23:15.529 have to remind me. It's not time for him 00:23:15.529 --> 00:23:17.600 to know. I pray nobody will go up to him 00:23:17.600 --> 00:23:20.029 and say anything to him. It's not time. So, 00:23:20.029 --> 00:23:21.799 if somebody were to tell him or if he 00:23:21.799 --> 00:23:24.500 were to suspect his father were dying, he 00:23:24.500 --> 00:23:26.510 might think that that was today, tonight, 00:23:26.510 --> 00:23:29.179 tomorrow. Where do you come up with all 00:23:29.179 --> 00:23:31.780 these great stories? 00:23:31.780 --> 00:23:34.210 In your head? Are you using 00:23:34.210 --> 00:23:39.640 your imagination? It really isn't real. 00:23:39.640 --> 00:23:41.799 He and Jai are also recruiting playmates who share 00:23:41.799 --> 00:23:44.650 Randy's spirit, like Randy's niece and 00:23:44.650 --> 00:23:47.169 nephew, who remember when Uncle Randy 00:23:47.169 --> 00:23:50.049 gave them two rules: no whining and don't 00:23:50.049 --> 00:23:53.049 tell Mom what we do. He was most 00:23:53.049 --> 00:23:55.030 determined to teach them that material 00:23:55.030 --> 00:23:57.190 things are just not important. Once, he 00:23:57.190 --> 00:23:58.330 had a brand-new car. 00:23:58.330 --> 00:24:00.970 So cool, awesome, blue convertible. 00:24:00.970 --> 00:24:03.669 It's a convertible. Yeah, very cool. Their mother, 00:24:03.669 --> 00:24:05.799 Randy's sister, was worried, lecturing her 00:24:05.799 --> 00:24:07.809 kids about being seriously careful. So, 00:24:07.809 --> 00:24:09.850 uncle Randy opened a can of coke and 00:24:09.850 --> 00:24:13.929 poured it right in under the seat. 00:24:13.929 --> 00:24:16.950 We couldn't believe it. 00:24:37.410 --> 00:24:40.150 Randy and Jai have also gotten help to 00:24:40.150 --> 00:24:42.310 prepare for that other unbearable 00:24:42.310 --> 00:24:44.980 conversation, the one Jai will have in 00:24:44.980 --> 00:24:47.320 days to come. They're guided by Dr. 00:24:47.320 --> 00:24:50.560 Michelle Reese. In very simple terms that 00:24:50.560 --> 00:24:54.060 Mommy or Daddy got so very sick that 00:24:54.060 --> 00:24:56.980 their heart couldn't beat anymore. 00:24:56.980 --> 00:24:58.240 One of the things that we were 00:24:58.240 --> 00:25:02.830 told was don't talk about dying as like 00:25:02.830 --> 00:25:05.070 going to sleep. A lot of young children, 00:25:05.070 --> 00:25:08.830 if you use that as your metaphor, will be 00:25:08.830 --> 00:25:10.210 afraid when they go to sleep that 00:25:10.210 --> 00:25:11.020 they're going to die, too. 00:25:11.020 --> 00:25:15.120 [Randy saying "goodbye" in multiple languages] 00:25:15.120 --> 00:25:18.700 Lots of different ways to say goodbye. 00:25:18.700 --> 00:25:22.270 He is also leaving a "someday" message for 00:25:22.270 --> 00:25:24.580 Jai. Certainly, I want her to be happy and 00:25:24.580 --> 00:25:28.840 I want the kids to be happy, and if that 00:25:28.840 --> 00:25:30.940 means her remarrying, I'm all for it. On 00:25:30.940 --> 00:25:33.550 questions of religion, Randy says he'd 00:25:33.550 --> 00:25:36.040 like to keep those private. He told us 00:25:36.040 --> 00:25:38.140 his late father, a presbyterian, was the 00:25:38.140 --> 00:25:40.870 most Christian man he'd ever met, and he 00:25:40.870 --> 00:25:43.450 often returns to a familiar prayer. Well, 00:25:43.450 --> 00:25:44.920 you know, the serenity prayer is not a 00:25:44.920 --> 00:25:47.140 bad thing for anybody. God grant me the 00:25:47.140 --> 00:25:49.510 strength to change the things I can, the 00:25:49.510 --> 00:25:51.250 serenity to accept the things I can't, 00:25:51.250 --> 00:25:53.820 and the wisdom to know the difference. 00:25:53.820 --> 00:25:57.010 For Jai, a different phrase. Was there 00:25:57.010 --> 00:25:59.800 something you've read, something someone 00:25:59.800 --> 00:26:02.050 has said that is what you repeat to 00:26:02.050 --> 00:26:04.510 yourself in the darkest times now? 00:26:04.510 --> 00:26:05.530 I have everything I need. 00:26:05.530 --> 00:26:07.900 She's used it in a kind of meditation. 00:26:07.900 --> 00:26:10.750 But are you saying today, at this point, 00:26:10.750 --> 00:26:14.520 you have a kind of peace? 00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:19.450 Yes. 00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:22.280 For better or for worse, it is what it is 00:26:22.280 --> 00:26:24.740 and I can't change the fact that Randy 00:26:24.740 --> 00:26:27.530 has cancer. I can't make those tumors go 00:26:27.530 --> 00:26:30.610 away, no matter how much I would want to. 00:26:30.610 --> 00:26:33.830 So, it is what it is, and I have to live 00:26:33.830 --> 00:26:38.120 with that, and in order to do so, I accept, 00:26:38.120 --> 00:26:41.870 I accept the circumstances. I accept the 00:26:41.870 --> 00:26:44.120 conditions upon which we are 00:26:44.120 --> 00:26:50.080 living. I do, and I am at peace with that. 00:26:50.080 --> 00:26:54.970 I don't like it, but I accept it. 00:26:55.110 --> 00:26:58.150 On a family trip to Orlando, the night at 00:26:58.150 --> 00:27:00.130 the hotel, we watched Randy put the kids 00:27:00.130 --> 00:27:02.470 to bed, with the questions he asks them 00:27:02.470 --> 00:27:04.600 at the end of every day. Okay, here we go 00:27:04.600 --> 00:27:07.600 pumpkin. Randy, at bedtime, he asked them 00:27:07.600 --> 00:27:09.520 questions. What was the best thing about 00:27:09.520 --> 00:27:12.280 your day? What was the best part of today? 00:27:12.280 --> 00:27:15.220 Playing with Mommy. Okay, what was the worst part 00:27:15.220 --> 00:27:17.470 of today? Playing with you. Playing with me? Are you 00:27:17.470 --> 00:27:29.730 joking me? Yeah. You are, okay! So let's say 00:27:29.730 --> 00:27:33.160 you're in your pajamas. What was the best 00:27:33.160 --> 00:27:34.720 thing about your day and what was the 00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:37.210 worst thing about your day? Well first 00:27:37.210 --> 00:27:39.550 off, I'd say the day's not over yet, so 00:27:39.550 --> 00:27:40.720 there's always a chance that there will 00:27:40.720 --> 00:27:44.290 be a new best. And, on Halloween, Randy, Jai, 00:27:44.290 --> 00:27:46.450 and the children dressed as The 00:27:46.450 --> 00:27:51.309 Incredibles. Before we take a break, 00:27:51.309 --> 00:27:53.559 something I promised Randy and Jai I 00:27:53.559 --> 00:27:56.350 would say to you: if by any chance, any of 00:27:56.350 --> 00:27:58.720 you ever see the Pausch family, just 00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:00.580 remember, say nothing to the children. 00:28:00.580 --> 00:28:03.429 They'll learn at the right time. When we 00:28:03.429 --> 00:28:05.410 come back, some of the people who say 00:28:05.410 --> 00:28:08.410 Randy simply changed their lives, and he 00:28:08.410 --> 00:28:09.970 gets a chance at something he never 00:28:09.970 --> 00:28:13.260 thought he would do. 00:28:20.509 --> 00:28:23.989 Never lose the childlike wonder. It's 00:28:23.989 --> 00:28:26.239 just too important. It's what drives us. 00:28:26.239 --> 00:28:28.580 And there, I actually have a picture 00:28:28.580 --> 00:28:31.389 of me dreaming. 00:28:31.840 --> 00:28:34.600 I did a lot of that. It's a famous 00:28:34.600 --> 00:28:36.760 event in the Pausch household, when Randy 00:28:36.760 --> 00:28:38.830 was a little boy and asked to paint some 00:28:38.830 --> 00:28:40.899 of his dreams on the walls of his room. 00:28:40.899 --> 00:28:42.760 And the great thing about this is they 00:28:42.760 --> 00:28:45.100 let me do it, and they didn't get upset 00:28:45.100 --> 00:28:47.919 about it, and it's still there. If you go 00:28:47.919 --> 00:28:50.080 to my parents' house, it's still there. I'd 00:28:50.080 --> 00:28:52.440 always wanted a submarine and an elevator. 00:28:52.440 --> 00:28:56.020 Well they put up "disco sucks" and I made 00:28:56.020 --> 00:29:00.309 them take "sucks" out. That's the only 00:29:00.309 --> 00:29:03.640 hand I had in it. Anybody 00:29:03.640 --> 00:29:05.140 who is out there who is a parent: if your 00:29:05.140 --> 00:29:07.480 kids want to paint their bedroom, as 00:29:07.480 --> 00:29:10.330 a favor to me, let them do it. It'll 00:29:10.330 --> 00:29:12.340 be okay. Don't worry about resale value 00:29:12.340 --> 00:29:16.360 on the house. All the people who 00:29:16.360 --> 00:29:18.580 watched his lecture have answered the 00:29:18.580 --> 00:29:21.039 call. Peter Rebling of Virginia let his 00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:23.620 daughter do it. Diane Gregory let her son. 00:29:23.620 --> 00:29:25.929 Carol Castle's daughter Kelsey wanted 00:29:25.929 --> 00:29:27.789 shocking pink. I'm like, "Why do you want to 00:29:27.789 --> 00:29:29.890 paint you room Pepto-Bismol?" But, because 00:29:29.890 --> 00:29:32.020 Kelsey had also watched Randy's lecture, 00:29:32.020 --> 00:29:34.390 she painted some bricks on her shocking 00:29:34.390 --> 00:29:36.490 pink walls. Let me let you in on a little secret. 00:29:37.090 --> 00:29:38.919 Not only that, in schools across the 00:29:38.919 --> 00:29:40.960 country, students have begun to perform 00:29:40.960 --> 00:29:43.120 Randy's speech. You see the brick walls 00:29:43.120 --> 00:29:44.620 are there...if you give us a chance to 00:29:44.620 --> 00:29:46.419 show how badly we want something. 00:29:46.419 --> 00:29:48.990 A faltering beauty queen in Kent, Ohio 00:29:48.990 --> 00:29:52.600 didn't quit. He helped me achieve my dream. 00:29:52.600 --> 00:29:55.240 A businessman hands out copies to his 00:29:55.240 --> 00:29:58.029 employees. A minister uses the tape to 00:29:58.029 --> 00:30:01.470 inspire song at choir practice. 00:30:01.470 --> 00:30:03.780 And in California, a breast cancer 00:30:03.780 --> 00:30:06.659 patient, Kaje Lane, watched and took 00:30:06.659 --> 00:30:10.559 heart. His positive attitude just kind of 00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:12.030 lifted that fear out of me. 00:30:12.030 --> 00:30:14.730 Alfred Nicolosi of Salem, New Jersey, 00:30:14.730 --> 00:30:17.309 battling illness and depression, cleaned 00:30:17.309 --> 00:30:20.820 his house and began to live. Randy's life 00:30:20.820 --> 00:30:23.070 turned mine around. You just have to 00:30:23.070 --> 00:30:25.020 decide if you're a Tigger or an Eeyore. 00:30:25.020 --> 00:30:27.390 In Gold Beach, Oregon, Barb with terminal 00:30:27.390 --> 00:30:30.330 multiple myeloma. If he can do it, so can 00:30:30.330 --> 00:30:33.240 I. If I don't seem as depressed or morose as 00:30:33.240 --> 00:30:36.169 I should be, sorry to disappoint you. 00:30:36.169 --> 00:30:39.809 I love that line. She packed up and 00:30:39.809 --> 00:30:41.340 moved across country to be near her 00:30:41.340 --> 00:30:43.950 grandchildren. I'd like them to remember 00:30:43.950 --> 00:30:47.909 me as the fun grandma. Randy Pausch says 00:30:47.909 --> 00:30:49.799 maybe you should keep a crayon in your 00:30:49.799 --> 00:30:51.929 pocket so the smell can remind you when 00:30:51.929 --> 00:30:54.440 you were young and thought you could fly. 00:30:54.440 --> 00:30:56.909 He still has the list he made as a 00:30:56.909 --> 00:31:01.380 little boy, Impossible Dreams. Win 00:31:01.380 --> 00:31:03.900 stuffed animals. We know how that one 00:31:03.900 --> 00:31:06.270 ended. Write an article in the World Book 00:31:06.270 --> 00:31:09.380 Encyclopedia. He can check that off, too. 00:31:09.380 --> 00:31:11.880 But, we noticed there was something on 00:31:11.880 --> 00:31:14.490 Randy's list that had long been out of 00:31:14.490 --> 00:31:16.230 reach. All right, let's talk about 00:31:16.230 --> 00:31:17.940 football. My dream was to play in the 00:31:17.940 --> 00:31:20.220 National Football League. And, most of you 00:31:20.220 --> 00:31:23.360 don't know that I actually pl– no. [laughter] 00:31:23.520 --> 00:31:25.870 We were with Randy at one of his 00:31:25.870 --> 00:31:27.100 doctor's appointments. 00:31:27.100 --> 00:31:28.690 We'd made a couple of calls, and 00:31:28.690 --> 00:31:30.940 producer Jeff Marts told him there was 00:31:30.940 --> 00:31:33.220 an invitation. This Wednesday, the 00:31:33.220 --> 00:31:35.320 Pittsburgh Steelers were wondering if 00:31:35.320 --> 00:31:37.540 you wanted to come to practice and maybe 00:31:37.540 --> 00:31:39.940 toss around a football. You have got to 00:31:39.940 --> 00:31:40.720 be kidding me. 00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:45.210 So, bring your sneakers. Right. Wow. 00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:48.480 Wow. 00:31:50.550 --> 00:31:54.050 That will be so cool. 00:31:54.370 --> 00:31:56.799 He walks out on the field for his own 00:31:56.799 --> 00:31:59.919 kind of Chariots of Fire, wearing the 00:31:59.919 --> 00:32:01.840 jersey of his favorite player: legendary 00:32:01.840 --> 00:32:04.809 wide receiver Hines Ward, only to learn 00:32:04.809 --> 00:32:06.490 that the man about to throw the passes 00:32:06.490 --> 00:32:10.679 is Hines Ward himself. 00:32:26.630 --> 00:32:29.210 The once scrawny kid, hammered by the 00:32:29.210 --> 00:32:35.350 coach of a peewee league, caught every single pass. 00:32:41.250 --> 00:32:44.910 Catching like me out there huh? But then they ask, is 00:32:44.910 --> 00:32:48.120 he up for one more dare? They want to know if you 00:32:48.120 --> 00:32:50.640 want to try kicking. Haven't done that 00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:53.550 in a while, sure. Nervous, but he is the 00:32:53.550 --> 00:32:55.380 guy who says sometimes the only safe 00:32:55.380 --> 00:32:59.300 thing is to take a chance. I used to be an athlete. 00:32:59.300 --> 00:33:01.130 It's better to be a 'used to be' than 00:33:01.130 --> 00:33:05.690 'never was.' Damn sure. I can do this, I 00:33:05.690 --> 00:33:09.800 think. How's it going? Hi, Daniel. 00:33:09.800 --> 00:33:11.890 Nice to meet you, I'm Randy. Randy, nice to meet you. 00:33:11.890 --> 00:33:15.100 Here we go! 00:33:29.600 --> 00:33:32.070 In the locker room, a moment with tight 00:33:32.070 --> 00:33:34.140 end John Dekker, whose dad's going into surgery. 00:33:34.830 --> 00:33:37.910 What's the surgery? For prostate cancer. 00:33:38.340 --> 00:33:40.320 My thoughts will be with him. 00:33:40.320 --> 00:33:42.360 Star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, just 00:33:42.360 --> 00:33:43.920 returning from a serious motorcycle 00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:46.290 accident. It's an honor to have you here, 00:33:46.290 --> 00:33:47.970 it really is. I'm glad you could make it. 00:33:47.970 --> 00:33:53.100 The honor's all mine. I admire the grit you've showed 00:33:53.100 --> 00:33:55.380 coming back from surgery. A little adversity, yeah. 00:33:55.380 --> 00:33:58.110 Mine's not as bad as yours, but it was bad, 00:33:58.110 --> 00:33:59.820 I'll tell you what. I think I still look 00:33:59.820 --> 00:34:03.170 good. I think you look great! 00:34:12.510 --> 00:34:15.960 Wow, just a great place. 00:34:20.090 --> 00:34:23.840 They are very big people. 00:34:29.810 --> 00:34:32.030 One more note. When it comes to 00:34:32.030 --> 00:34:34.190 childlike wonder, there's something else 00:34:34.190 --> 00:34:35.929 you should know about Randy Pausch and 00:34:35.929 --> 00:34:38.510 his team at Carnegie Mellon. They created 00:34:38.510 --> 00:34:40.730 something called "The Alice Project." You 00:34:40.730 --> 00:34:42.710 can download it for free tonight on the 00:34:42.710 --> 00:34:45.230 internet. It teaches kids to learn about 00:34:45.230 --> 00:34:48.080 computers by telling wonderful stories. 00:34:48.080 --> 00:34:50.409 And then, we're going to have Kristen 00:34:50.409 --> 00:34:52.730 slap Trevor, so this is basically a 00:34:52.730 --> 00:34:54.290 reenactment of my middle school 00:34:54.290 --> 00:34:57.170 experience. He particularly designed it 00:34:57.170 --> 00:35:00.710 for girls, since only 17 to 28 percent of 00:35:00.710 --> 00:35:02.600 those majoring in computer science in 00:35:02.600 --> 00:35:05.810 college are female. And, to even let one not 00:35:05.810 --> 00:35:08.390 quite girl anymore show how I could 00:35:08.390 --> 00:35:11.720 stand the professor on his heels. When we 00:35:11.720 --> 00:35:14.300 come back, our last visit with Randy, just 00:35:14.300 --> 00:35:17.230 six days ago. 00:35:21.200 --> 00:35:24.710 Hello! Hi! Just last Thursday, we went to see 00:35:24.710 --> 00:35:26.930 Randy once again at his home. It had been 00:35:26.930 --> 00:35:28.789 a rough time. I'm still a little wobbly, 00:35:28.789 --> 00:35:32.000 but hanging in there. He had just come 00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:34.609 home from the hospital. The chemotherapy 00:35:34.609 --> 00:35:36.619 had shut down his kidneys temporarily, 00:35:36.619 --> 00:35:39.200 and he'd been in heart failure. With 00:35:39.200 --> 00:35:41.000 three liters of fluid surrounding your 00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:42.740 lungs, your breathing starts to turn into [pants]. 00:35:42.740 --> 00:35:46.490 So, that was, you know, that was a 00:35:46.490 --> 00:35:49.190 little bit scary. He acknowledged every 00:35:49.190 --> 00:35:51.799 now and then, even Tigger goes down for 00:35:51.799 --> 00:35:53.450 the count. You know, there are certainly 00:35:53.450 --> 00:35:56.480 times when you feel like okay, yeah, 00:35:56.480 --> 00:35:58.160 you've beaten me down to my knees, and 00:35:58.160 --> 00:36:01.369 now the challenge is I'm on my knees and 00:36:01.369 --> 00:36:02.630 you're just gonna keep beating me, and 00:36:02.630 --> 00:36:04.279 the question is are you gonna beat me all 00:36:04.279 --> 00:36:05.359 the way to the ground or am I going to 00:36:05.359 --> 00:36:06.680 find a way to struggle back up to my 00:36:06.680 --> 00:36:09.079 feet? And, you know, it takes time 00:36:09.079 --> 00:36:11.480 sometimes. Even for you? 00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:13.970 Absolutely for me. There's certainly 00:36:13.970 --> 00:36:16.460 times when I cry, you know, I like to cry 00:36:16.460 --> 00:36:17.809 in the shower, I think for the same 00:36:17.809 --> 00:36:19.400 reason that people sing in the shower is 00:36:19.400 --> 00:36:21.559 that you think nobody, you know, it's your 00:36:21.559 --> 00:36:24.349 own little private space. He told us the 00:36:24.349 --> 00:36:26.599 support of strangers had meant the world 00:36:26.599 --> 00:36:29.779 to him. So, how do you get people to help 00:36:29.779 --> 00:36:31.730 you? You can't get there alone. You get 00:36:31.730 --> 00:36:33.170 people to help you by telling the truth, 00:36:33.170 --> 00:36:35.420 being earnest. I'll take an earnest 00:36:35.420 --> 00:36:37.700 person over a hip person every day, 00:36:37.700 --> 00:36:39.859 because hip is short-term. Earnest is 00:36:39.859 --> 00:36:43.009 long-term. I was a big believer in people 00:36:43.009 --> 00:36:44.820 when this started, but my goodness. 00:36:44.820 --> 00:36:48.900 He showed us a few of the 00:36:48.900 --> 00:36:51.300 emails he's received, former students 00:36:51.300 --> 00:36:53.610 saying how he changed them, parents 00:36:53.610 --> 00:36:55.470 writing, too. A lot of people wrote to me 00:36:55.470 --> 00:36:57.540 and said I have a teenager, I have so 00:36:57.540 --> 00:37:00.000 much trouble talking with them, they 00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:01.770 watched your lecture and after the 00:37:01.770 --> 00:37:03.350 lecture, we sat down and talked for hours. 00:37:03.350 --> 00:37:07.440 And, letters like this one. 00:37:07.440 --> 00:37:10.290 To think that on December 29th, 2007, I 00:37:10.290 --> 00:37:13.140 planned my suicide. And now, I thank God 00:37:13.140 --> 00:37:16.290 for every day I have to live. I'm ashamed 00:37:16.290 --> 00:37:18.120 that I took my life for granted while 00:37:18.120 --> 00:37:22.410 you take nothing for granted. 00:37:22.410 --> 00:37:24.510 Again, it's time for us to leave, but again, 00:37:24.510 --> 00:37:27.330 before we go, the professor has another 00:37:27.330 --> 00:37:29.930 critique of me for the broadcast tonight. 00:37:29.930 --> 00:37:33.240 Be careful, he says, of that "Saint Randy" 00:37:33.240 --> 00:37:35.130 stuff. Every time I do teaching 00:37:35.130 --> 00:37:37.860 evaluations, 95% of them say, you know, 00:37:37.860 --> 00:37:39.240 this was one of the best courses I've 00:37:39.240 --> 00:37:41.910 ever taken, and the other 5% say you are 00:37:41.910 --> 00:37:44.220 a monster and should not be let 00:37:44.220 --> 00:37:46.650 near students. And sometimes, you know, I 00:37:46.650 --> 00:37:49.290 have all the social graces of, you know, a 00:37:49.290 --> 00:37:52.380 lumbering moose. Which brings us back to 00:37:52.380 --> 00:37:55.250 the day of the lecture. Dr. Randy Pausch. 00:37:55.250 --> 00:37:58.170 When students and colleagues came from 00:37:58.170 --> 00:37:59.850 all over the country to hear and pay 00:37:59.850 --> 00:38:02.100 tribute to their singular mentor and 00:38:02.100 --> 00:38:04.530 friend. Don't tell people how to live 00:38:04.530 --> 00:38:08.090 their lives. Just tell them stories, and 00:38:08.090 --> 00:38:12.000 they'll figure out how the stories apply 00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:14.610 to them. It was sort of like being there 00:38:14.610 --> 00:38:17.280 when when Babe Ruth hit his called 00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:19.350 home run... Jeff's Zaslow of the Wall 00:38:19.350 --> 00:38:21.990 Street Journal, co-author of Randy's book. 00:38:21.990 --> 00:38:24.840 His fate is our fate, but it's just 00:38:24.840 --> 00:38:26.880 sped up. We're all dying just like Randy 00:38:26.880 --> 00:38:29.550 is. When we can see him how he's 00:38:29.550 --> 00:38:31.380 traveling, it makes us think about how 00:38:31.380 --> 00:38:33.660 we're going to travel. Toward the end of 00:38:33.660 --> 00:38:35.760 the lecture, a surprise for Jai. It was 00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:38.180 her birthday. 00:38:38.190 --> 00:38:42.089 I went up and gave him a big hug and I 00:38:42.089 --> 00:38:45.930 whispered to him that, I asked him, I said 00:38:45.930 --> 00:38:51.509 "please don't die," because all the magic 00:38:51.509 --> 00:38:54.890 would leave with him. 00:38:56.250 --> 00:39:00.960 The lecture, over. Time to go. So today's 00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:03.109 talk was about my childhood dreams, 00:39:03.109 --> 00:39:06.329 enabling the dreams of others, and some 00:39:06.329 --> 00:39:10.349 lessons learned. But, did you figure out 00:39:10.349 --> 00:39:12.829 the head fake? 00:39:13.910 --> 00:39:15.200 It's not about how to achieve your 00:39:15.200 --> 00:39:18.730 dreams. It's about how to lead your life. 00:39:18.730 --> 00:39:20.630 Have you figured out the second head fake? 00:39:24.660 --> 00:39:27.299 Talk's not for you. It's for my kids. 00:39:27.299 --> 00:39:32.999 Thank you, goodnight. 00:39:32.999 --> 00:39:41.800 [music and applause] 00:39:41.800 --> 00:39:43.960 There was a definite sense, when I put that talk 00:39:43.960 --> 00:39:45.880 together that, to use another 00:39:45.880 --> 00:39:47.500 football expression, you know, I wanted to 00:39:47.500 --> 00:39:48.369 leave it all on the field. 00:39:48.369 --> 00:39:55.460 [music and applause] 00:39:55.460 --> 00:39:57.680 I've played the football games where 00:39:57.680 --> 00:39:58.880 you walk off the field and the 00:39:58.880 --> 00:40:00.140 scoreboard didn't end up the way you 00:40:00.140 --> 00:40:05.869 wanted, but you knew that you really did 00:40:05.869 --> 00:40:12.100 give it all, and the other team was too strong. 00:40:12.100 --> 00:40:14.420 Yeah, I'm not gonna beat the cancer. I 00:40:14.420 --> 00:40:18.740 tried really. I mean, I did everything. We 00:40:18.740 --> 00:40:20.720 have no regrets. We got the best medical 00:40:20.720 --> 00:40:24.290 care in the world, but sometimes you're 00:40:24.290 --> 00:40:27.860 just not gonna beat the thing. But, you 00:40:27.860 --> 00:40:29.930 want to walk off the field and say, yeah 00:40:29.930 --> 00:40:34.640 no regrets, gave it the best shot. 00:40:34.640 --> 00:40:37.630 I wanted to walk off the stage and say 00:40:37.630 --> 00:40:39.650 anything I thought was important. 00:40:39.650 --> 00:40:42.340 I had my hour. 00:40:50.390 --> 00:40:53.280 The Last Lecture, which is published by 00:40:53.280 --> 00:40:55.170 our sister company Hyperion is in 00:40:55.170 --> 00:40:57.630 bookstores today and you can go online 00:40:57.630 --> 00:40:59.730 for more information on the Pancreatic 00:40:59.730 --> 00:41:02.130 Cancer Action Network and the Lustgarten 00:41:02.130 --> 00:41:03.660 Foundation for Pancreatic Cancer 00:41:03.660 --> 00:41:05.760 Research, which is doing something very 00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:08.880 special with Randy's book. I'm Diane 00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:11.100 Sawyer, and for all of us at Primetime 00:41:11.100 --> 00:41:13.980 and ABC News, I want to thank Randy Pausch 00:41:13.980 --> 00:41:16.680 and his family, as we wish them and you a 00:41:16.680 --> 00:41:21.410 good night and a joyful day tomorrow.