A Conversation With My Black Son | Op-Docs | The New York Times

My father's conversation
with me was daily.

My grandfather talked to me as
a black man from Augusta, Georgia,

growing up
in the deep south.

It's probably right
my older brother

had this conversation

but then it's more
of like...

you know...

wear a condom, do this--

you know, it's like
little man lessons.

When a cop
pulls you over.

When you get pulled over,

not if
you get pulled over.

At some point you
will get pulled over.

And here is how you act.

As a young black man

growing up in New York

I've had, you know,

a few run-ins with the police

and being completely innocent.

Some people pull us out of the car,

throw us on the floor, it's in February,

so it's snow

and slush and stuff on the ground.

Put their knees on our back,

put their guns to our head.

As I'm putting my hands

on the steering wheel,

so I don't make the police nervous,

I realize how nervous I was.

and then I realize my
children were nervous.

The thing that people say is

you have to talk to him

before he

experience racism himself.

But when is that?

He is going to turn into

a large scary black man.

And that is not who he is

but that's how he will be perceived.

And I know what this kid is going to

he's going to look like him.

You know, I know what
he is going to look like.

I'm a large scary
black man?

You are a large
scary black man, okay?

That's a problem in and of itself.

I am not large. Nor scary.

I can't do anything
with that.

I'm sure, anyway, go ahead.

It's frightening.

And I'm being very light

when I use the word frightening.

If something goes wrong

your first line
of defense,

you know, the parents

not being there, is
to go to the police.

If you're Caucasian.

That's what you
teach your children.

Unfortunately it can't
work for black children.

It doesn't mean
that every

police officer is
inherently a bad person.

But what it does mean is

that the police force,
that institution,

does not look out
for your best interest.

There's this unspoken code
of racism

and white supremacy

that says that my life
does not matter.

You can put your hands up

and cooperate

and say that I'm choking
and still be killed

and then there is
no repercussions.

It's maddening.
I get so frustrated

and angry

about having
to prepare my kids

for something that

that they're
not responsible for.

I mean these are
conversations that

people of other races
do not

have to have
with their children.

The conversation with
him was really just:

"Look,

you are a beautiful young boy..."

Being an African American

is a wonderful thing,

it's a wonderful blessing.

You have come
from great people.

But it's also a hard thing.

In America

because of your skin color

as a black boy

and as a black man

we are going to be dealing

with a lot of danger.

Under no circumstance

are you to talk
to the police

if you're arrested
until I get there.

Do what they say.

Don't get into any arguments.

Make sure your hands are out

of your pockets
so they can see.

These are the questions
you can ask.

This is who to call.

This is what happens

if this bad thing is done.

"Please master
don't whip me" No!

It like: "Excuse me sir,

what is your batch
number?

I'm going to film this."

If you want police
brutality to stop.

If you want police

to treat you like a human being

you have to see yourself
as a human being.

You have every right
in this world

that anyone else does.

What I love about you
as my son

is I remember

when we thought
about having you

and, you know, knowing
that we wanted you.

And watching you grow.

You are Muhammad Ali,

you are Malcolm X,

you are Martin Luther
King.

You are an amazing
young man

and the future is yours.

and I will do my best
to make sure you're safe.

That's it.
I love you.