Our Top 10 Sketches 2022

Hi we're Foil Arms and Hog

these are our top 10 videos

from 2022

No confidence in my voice at all

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Thank you so much for having me

my mom

No problem

Sent over some Irish crisps and sausages

Oh no that is not a sausage

No

this is a sausage

Well on the weekends we just like to relax

with a little stroll

Okay

You can wear these

How far are we going?

Oh not so far

I'll get my crampons

Crampons?

Did you bring your own tent

or would you like to share the tent with us?

How is your German?

Oh yeah

I can speak

We will speak English with him

OK very good very good

The breakfast will be at six

In the morning?

Oh would you like to have it earlier?

I can set the alarm clock for him

No no six is fine

Then we can go for a walk

Ahhh

What bin should I put the orange peel in?

Oh yeah okay we have 16 different bins

and they are all colour coded

and you must make very sure

that you must put it in the correct bin

Okay yeah

Yeah I'm ready to go

But you are late

We said we'd meet at two o'clock

We did

But it's two now?

No is three minutes past two

Yeah

Oh yeah but in Ireland that's on time so

Oisín this is not acceptable in our household

Oisín here is your school timetable

Oh thank you

And after school you will have free time

so here is your timetable

Oisín hurry

Yeah

Hurry

Come on the bus is at 6:30

if we do not get this one

we will have to wait another two minutes

Sorry Gerhart

Yeah

Could you help me with my essay?

Yeah no problem

Okay so I'm trying to say as I walked through the

forest I had a somber peacefulness that came

from being in solitude with nature

but how would you say that in German?

Waldeinsmakeit

Just one word?

Yeah very efficient

Gerhart

Yeah

Why don't you tell Oisín some more of our funny jokes

Oh yeah

Why don't we just go for a walk again

Oh

Ok we can go for a walk

Then we can tell the jokes on the way

I'll get my crampons

I'll get the tent

Oisín?

Yeah

Yeah as a special trip today we are going swimming

in the lake

Oh I'll get my togs

Oh there is no need

Um?

Everyone ready to go?

Hmm?

Yeah is everyone ready to get in the car now yeah?

Come on chop chop we don't want to be late Oisín

Now would you like a glass of beer with your dinner?

Well can I?

Well you are 16 aren't you?

Yeah yeah no I am

there you go

Oisín your mother wishes to speak with you

Hi Mum

Yeah

Yeah learning loads

Alright

I'll see you in two weeks

bye

Aw man

It's a goodie

Oh man that was funny

Can't believe it didn't end with the nudity

It really should have ended with the nudity

The next sketch in at number 9 is...

Love this one

Okay

Well it's beautiful it's moving it's powerful

Thank you

But

We're gonna go with Paul's dream

Cool

What?

Sea Horse Gunship Super Fight?

Yeah

It doesn't make any sense though

I mean in scene one he's playing football and then

in scene two he's with giants

at the bottom of the ocean

Yeah but

it turns out it's not the bottom of the ocean

it's a big bowl of spaghetti

Yeah

It doesn't make any sense

Okay I spent 12 weeks on mine

It's got character development

plot twists

resolution

I really I put my heart and soul into it

I spent 20 minutes on mine

Derek you're the new guy

Okay

you're probably just trying to make a big

impression but

you're just you're trying too hard here you know

they're dreams

And they're important

and what Paul's done is just

Okay I understand you've got a problem with Paul

Okay but he's been here a long time okay?

he understands that I need six hours of dream material

every single night

and he provides that

Yeah but he's no

Derek I cannot have you spending 12 weeks

working on one 15-minute dream

Sea Horse Gunship Super Fight

that is 52 minutes of dream time

52 minutes of nonsense though

I was like you when I started

All right I wanted to be the big shot

make it make a big change you know

affect his life

okay but

it doesn't matter

when it comes down to it because

when he wakes up

He's forgotten

He's forgotten everything

He's an idiot

15 seconds later it is gone

Gone literally

So what it just doesn't matter what you write then?

You know not really no

No that's not true dreams have meaning

Meaning?

Oh come on meaning oh yeah

Oh I can predict the future the meaning

Come on that's people reading too much into it

I have got an actual bedtime coming up here

Okay now are you going to be a team player?

Yes obviously

Okay you're in. Our main dream

for the night

Seahorse Gunship Super Fight

Secondary dream what have we got?

I'm thinking

he is running to catch a bus

but his feet are moving really slowly

people start looking at him

he realizes

he's naked

That's great

Well that sounds familiar

Sorry what?

It's literally the same dream as we did last month

Yeah I know it is

So we're just going to do the same dream again

A recurring

dream Derek

Recurring dream

They're just

so lazy

It is a legitimate

a re-run

It's a recurring dream

A re-run?

It is a legitimate dream

Have you got a better idea?

Yes I do

He's walking through a meadow OK

This is one I've been working on

he's walking through a meadow okay

The sun is coming down okay

And then his teeth fall out

His teeth

Okay his teeth are gone

Why would his teeth fall out?

I don't know they just do

They're just like

It's a dream

But for no reason?

Well let's give a reason for it

let's have it symbolic of something

you know like he's anxious or he's worried about

Oh it's tied into the future

Derek Derek?

Oh his true meaning

Listen to me

Just

We come in

We make up some wild s&*t

then we leave

okay?

no one cares

no one asks questions okay

this is a job for life

with zero accountability

how can you not get on board with it?

So we just make up any old crap

Any old crap

It does not matter

Okay fine let's have a like a walrus

making love to a radiator

in a spaceship covered in salt

and there's there's snails painting everything green

and they're on skateboards

flying around

Great stuff

Excellent that's great stuff

Paul I want you to write that down

okay you write that down we're gonna use that

maybe the next time he's been eating a lot of cheese

Okay because that's really good stuff

I wasn't being serious

Okay okay we've

one more dream left tonight just

Why don't we just

have him chasing Cooper from next door again?

Yeah it works

Chasing dreams?

Chasing dreams that's the best we can do?

Yeah what

can you relax for just a second?

Why do you have to go to so much effort?

I mean he's just a dog

In the next sketch I think we drew a lot from our

childhood

I certainly did

I don't know how much gardening you had to do?

As a child I was made

do work by my grandmother and my mother

relentless

You told us tales of your garden nightmares

throughout our friendship

I actually quite like gardening now

so clearly it had a positive effect

longterm

A first entering into the top 10 of this year

for Mrs Anne Flanagan

Oisín

Oisín

What?

I need your help in the garden

No mum

You promised Oisín

right a small help now they were the conditions

on going to the disco

Fine

Look we'll be done in five minutes

We'll be done in 20 minutes

14 hours

What?

We'll start with the hedge

Grab the garden shears

Can we not just use the electric one?

God no

Oh yeah of course no that would just make

the job go quickly

Far too dangerous

I'm not spending the next 24 hours

in A&E

Yeah it would be more fun than gardening

I will give you five euro an hour

Five euro?

Well I had to spend 400 euro on all

the garden center stuff

What that supposed to make me feel better is it?

Knowing that you spend more on the garden

than you do on me?

I spend enough on you mister

Right?

Can we listen to a podcast?

No

Can we listen to music?

No

Can we listen to the radio?

No

You can listen to the birds Oisín

nature's music

How's it going everyone?

If you're here to save him Barry

You can wait another two hours

Oisín could you give me the hoe pet?

What did you say?

The hoe love

Sorry?

The?

I need a hoe

You need...

You need a ho?

Yes

You need a ho?

Yes I need a hoe

Will I go get you a ho?

Yes

Could you get me a hoe please?

Look at that

Ah mum

That's Ann O'Connor's cat

that's what that is

Why did you pick it up?

I have a right mind to throw it right back

over the wall

Mum

They're nice flowers

They're weeds

Well I think they're wild flowers

They're weeds

pull them up

I think they look nice

They may look nice

the bees might like them

but they're weeds

pull them up

Mum it's filthy inside

There's nothing wrong with that glove it's brand new

What is the point of a glove

that's dirty on the inside?

Well the two of you now are a great help

There is a bee

Well now they are more afraid of you

than they are

Ah bastard

get away

Where is it?

Now do you see them there they are the delphiniums

right

and beside them is the azaleas

and here

we have I think it's the Montana Titilatus

What?

Montana Titilatus

Get the hoe

Maybe we could take a break and

have some ice creams?

Oh yeah

You haven't done anything Barry

Magnums

You know the limited edition ones

No we don't have any magnums now

You do underneath the frozen pees

Jesus Christ he knows where everything is

I'll get them

Right that's it now

Doesn't it look great?

Yeah

Now you should be very proud of yourself

you did terrific work

Yeah it wasn't as bad as I thought

Yeah and it'll be great now

for when the gardener's come in tomorrow

What?

We've given them a great head start now

Gardeners?

Why didn't you just get the gardeners to do it?

They are 25 euro an hour Oisín

Mum that was a whole day

I don't know why but for me every time I watch it back

what makes me laugh the most

the bee bit

the most slapstick

old school comedy you could do

It's the plant

And this next one I'm really looking forward to because

I can't remember any of it but

I do remember it being very funny

in my mind so

I'm really looking forward to it

My memory is the costume

that's the biggest thing about it

Yeah the offensive...

Question one

the retina and the optic nerve

form part of which human organ?

Shall I repeat the question?

Aye

Correct the eye

Question two

name the gaming console launched

by nintendo in 2006.

Oh

it's a wee

Correct

Pentagon and hexagon are shapes with five and six sides

but what is the prefix of an eight-sided shape?

Och

Correct octagon

Can you name the process by which a beaver

cuts through timber?

Naw

Correct

Can you name a type of equine vocalization?

Nae

Correct

Which 1950s tv series centered around

a heroic dog

starred American actress June Lockhart?

Which lassie?

Correct Lassie

DVDs are divided into two major formats worldwide

NTSC and what?

Ah come on pal

Correct NTSC and PAL

Name Barbie's boyfriend

Oh I ken that one

Correct

Action man...

Which Welsh singer famously recorded

Total Eclipse of the Heart?

Oh it's that bonnie lass

Correct Bonnie Tyler

What is the name for an adult female chicken

often kept for its eggs?

I dinnae know

Can I phone a friend?

Certainly we're phoning Fern

Hello

Alright hen

Correct

What you want ya fanny?

Final question

for 500,000 pounds

Who won the FIFA World Cup in 1966?

Come on Duncan

it's an easy one

for 500,000 pounds

Naw it's nae worth it

Naw I'm out of here

Doomdah

Aw man that was great

Great performance by you Finge as well

Trying to write that

with all the things Scottish people kinda half say

Ach, aye

and trying to work that back into questions

we wrote it like in Scotland

in a cafe just going

we had been there for a month at this stage

because we were writing a new show

for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

you would be just walking down the street going

What did they say? Was that...

When you were trying to sell me that Lassie joke

I was just like shaking my head I was like no way

No way

This next sketch is called...

Bless me personal trainer for I have sinned

Speak my child

I had 18 pints of Guinness and a kebab

Trainer?

How did it happen?

It was the bank holiday weekend

it was supposed to be wholesome but

Go on

It was Friday night everything

was going according to plan but then

Terry text into the Whatsapp group

a picture of

A picture of a pint

It just looked so beautiful

You were tempted

Yes trainer

before I knew it I had 12 pints it was 4 a.m

and I was in the

chipper ordering garlic

Garlic cheesy chips

Yes

We've been here before haven't we?

Yes trainer

Well then what happened?

When we got home

I don't want to say

Anything we say in here will not be shared

anywhere else

on Instagram

I ate an entire Doctor Oetker meat feast

extra-large pizza

With friends?

No

Thin crust?

Stuffed

You have sinned my child

I feel terrible

Well that's good

You feel remorse

No

the hangover

it's awful

How was the rest of the weekend?

I just stayed on the couch for the next two days

How many steps?

I'm ashamed to say

How many steps?

Six or seven

Six or seven?

Is that even enough to get to the toilet?

Not really

Any shakes?

I could barely hold my phone

Protein shakes

Oh

No

If you don't change your ways my child

you will be judged

along with everyone else

on the final day of this six-week program

Yes trainer I will I know that there's a plan for me

Yes there is a plan for everyone in the gym

it's just part of the membership so

I struggled to stick to it

For your penance give me

10 burpees

15 crunches

and 25 minutes on the treadmill

Cardio

and in the meantime

work on your inner strength

My core?

Yes your core

Go now

and I'll see you on Sunday at 11am

along with the rest of the spinning congregation

Thank you trainer

Bless me trainer for I have sinned

I've been cheating on my partner

Go on

I say I've done ten reps

when I've only done nine

Very good bit at the end there I thought

Oh yeah he was great whoever that actor was

This next sketch was actually mostly me

if not entirely me

So I'd skip over this next bit?

It made into the top 10?

I wrote the top 10

Murica

Welcome to the US Embassy Patrick

Cheers

Fair play

thanks for having me

There have been some discrepancies with your forms

so we've had to ask you in

just to clear up some of those answers

Oh cool

For your mother's name you just put

down 'Mam'?

Yeah that's me Mam

But what's her name?

Mam?

Her given name at birth was Mam?

Oh

Right that

I think it could be like Sheila or Una

I've only ever called her Mam

Emergency contact number?

999

No I mean in case of emergency

Whilst in the United States

9-1-1

No next of kin contact

a parent or guardian

Oh don't be calling my parents in an emergency

Sure they would go mad

Do you have any relatives in the United States?

I don't know them

but there's a bunch of losers on Ancestry.com

who keep emailing me saying I'm their third cousin

Your contact in America is listed as

John "The Fridge" Cullen?

Yeah legend

Why the fridge, does he work in refrigeration?

Oh no he's just got a big chest and tiny legs

The date you'll be entering the United States

is?

Paddy's Day

The 17th of March

When will you be leaving the United States?

A sure you know yourself like

I do not know

Oh like no plans you know what I mean

We will need a date

Okay Christmas then

Then you'll be overstaying your visa

Oh so when should I leave then?

You have to leave

by April 7th

Okay stick me down for that then

and I'll do me best

Will you be seeking employment

whilst in the United States?

Not officially

What do you mean not officially?

Like no

but like

Please answer yes or no to the following questions

Cool

Do you seek to engage in terrorist activity?

sabotage or genocide?

No way hosé

Do you intend to commit espionage

on behalf of a foreign power?

Not a chance

Just answer yes or no

Have you ever violated any law related to

possessing using or distributing illegal drugs?

Pass

You cannot pass

Right

Put 'no' then

Have you ever been arrested or convicted for a crime

that resulted in serious damage to property

or serious harm to another person or government authority?

No

Why'd you say it like that?

Oh write

'no'

Well that's all the questions I have

thank you for coming into the embassy

Patrick

your visa has been denied

Ah

Sure I'll just go to Canada so

Cheers

Doomdah

So he went to Canada he didn't go to prison

but unlike this next character

The Snob

So coming in at no. 4 is

Well now haha

Here we are

the uh

prison cafeteria

Yes all the

all the inmates gathered around breaking bread

together

the repartee between the vagabonds

the furtive glances

between the prison guards and the inmates

who knows

what'll happen

indeed

I have inquired about

a south easterly

facing cell

the aspect don't you know

and I haven't heard anything back

how does one join a gang here?

is it a lengthy process?

do I need references?

Indeed the hardest prison to escape

is one's own mind

although I may have found the perfect antidote

the complete Bronte collection

you can borrow mine whenever you like

but you must promise

that you highlight your favourite pros

I've ruined my life

You finishing that?

No

There is a gentleman on the floor above me

who wishes to fight me

I told him I do my talking

on the chessboard

The soup here lacks balance

but the addition

of small shavings of bone

within the mincemeat

offer an unusual

an unexpected grittiness

Yeah it's horrible

It's foul

Do you know the minimalist

architecture within these walls

does strike me as reminiscent

of the Debon DeMarc gallery in Verona

Yeah I'm trying to get out of here on good behaviour

Yeah?

Word on Block B

is that you're a man who can acquire things

as the saying goes

Yeah

A backgammon board

a fondue set

a full-bodied merlot

now I know we're in prison

so a malbec will be fine

I do hope that the screws don't find

my stash of stuffed olives

or it will be five weeks in the hole for me

I thought to pass the time

how about we play a word association game?

No

I'll say a word

and then you say the first word that comes into your head

Red

Sanguine

Time

Anachronistic

I don't know

Well it's easy you just say the first word

that comes into your head

Chocolate

Blandishment

I don't want to play anymore

Capitulation

No

Cessation

Stop it

Desist

Ahhhhh

Ah the infamous

prison shank

No one saw anything need I ask?

Did you know that I

visited The Louvre on...

Doomdah

Do you know what's always nice?

And I enjoy in a role

is when there is something to eat

that was great because I got to eat spaghetti

for the whole sketch

Sitting down as well

you had both of those things

and no lines

it was beautiful

a dream role

The snob character is a fun character to play

this next character was going for his dream role

but it wasn't quite working out for him

this is...

Thank you very much for coming in

No worries there's my resume,

skills assessment forms, IQ tests,

personality stuff

Okay well we won't need any of that

Oh really?

No i can tell a person's perfect career just by

looking at them

Okay

It's a gift

Right well

Used car salesman

Used car salesman?

Yeah it's perfect

Okay was it

the way i'm sitting or the way i came into the room or?

No no it's much more subtle than that

Okay

It's the mustache

The mustache?

You have a perfect used car salesman mustache

Okay you're recommending a future career for me

based around the fact that i have a mustache?

Well not just that no

it's also the expensive yet

cheap looking shirt

Excuse me?

You're the perfect used car salesman

I don't want to be a car salesman

Used car salesman

Whatever i wanted to

work with children you know

i was thinking maybe teaching

Oh not with that mustache no

not since the 80s sadly yeah

Well you can't just...

Basketball coach

You could be a basketball coach

I don't know the first thing about basketball

That's very surprising what with the um

because of the mustache?

Yes

Can you just forget i have a mustache for a second please

Okay well looking past the mustache

Thank you

I'm thinking hairdresser

Hairdresser?

Why hairdresser?

Because of your car

That's not a hairdresser's car

That's a hairdresser's car

You're recommending careers to me based on

what i look like and what car i drive?

Well that's not fair

There's an awful lot of considerations that go

into all of this

Really?

Yeah well your posture is

perfect for someone in I.T

Your handwriting is atrocious

You'd make a wonderful doctor

and you've rescheduled this appointment

three times so obviously i'm thinking

plumber

or really anything within the trades

Well they seem like

ridiculous reasons to choose a career

You tried it your way

Okay and you've still ended up in here

Oh what career am i gonna do?

Oh i don't know i'm not sure i haven't figured it out yet

You're in your mid 30s okay

still haven't figured it out

so it's time to try something different

But i don't like any of the careers that you suggested

That's fine we were just getting started okay

Look we've got lots more you could be a

truck driver

or supermarket manager

Because they have mustaches?

They're mustache jobs

Can you just drop the mustache thing please?

okay fine all right look if you

were maybe willing to grow a beard

it would open some doors for you?

Oh my God

So you could have

lumberjack?

hipster barber?

Rabbi?

Rabbi

Can you just forget about the whole facial hair thing please

All right i'll try

Um...

Well i noticed you have quite a lot of dandruff

on your shoulders

Excuse me?

Have you considered a career in the priesthood?

Are you being funny with me?

Bouncer

I don't have time for this

The civil service

I want my money back

Bank manager

This conversation is over

Ryanair customer service

That's it

I'm leaving

My ex-wife

Doomdah

So we did a lot of immigration sketches

during the year and

this one is definitely the one that cop us the most heat

I did an amazing job of the accent in this next sketch

Yeah it's called...

Before granting your entry to India

you must first answer some simple questions

Where do tourists spend most of their time in India?

The toilet

Correct

Name the three main religions in India

Hindu, Muslim and

Cricket

Correct

When did British rule end in India?

In 1947

and when did Indian rule begin in Britain?

Just this week

Correct

India has a history of non-violent

passive resistance protest

What does it also have?

160 nuclear warheads

Correct

What do tourists often find when visiting India?

Themselves

Correct

Where can you go to get finger food in India?

Anywhere

Where in India would you go to see a portrayal

of an idealized vision of Indian life

full of overacting and dramatic fight scenes

The Indian Parliament

Yes

Name one of India's greatest treasures

The English Crown Jewels

How are actors in Bollywood movies selected?

The caste system

Indeed

What poses the greatest challenge in India today?

Probably

the Lotus pose

Yes very hard to tuck the feet in

Which famous board game played on a grid

and invented in India

has captivated the world's greatest minds

for centuries?

Snakes and ladders

Correct

name the disputed region between India and Pakistan

that causes riots and fatalities every year

The wicket

and finally who brought the world

Chicken Tikka Masala?

Scotland

Yes for the last time

okay congratulations gentlemen

and welcome to India

Oh okay well that was easy yeah

Just some very simple forms to fill in

Yeah sure...

There you go

All of them?

Yes that's all of his ones

and yours are on the way

Domdah

In at number one is

War, death, bombs

definitely a controversial topic

but we tried to see the silliness

in this situation

Yeah

And I think it kind of worked

because there is a lot of silliness

Yes we...

Sensitive, sensitive area

But I think we got there in terms of

I think so

doing something appropriate

Well we hope

we created some levity

out of this dark one

and that's probably why we are proud of this one

Yeah that probably is it yeah

that's true so in at no. 1

for 2022 is

I'm not telling him you should tell him

I'm not telling him

You're the ranking officer

I told him last time

Alright

Hammer Sickle Vodka

Okay

Hammer, Sickle, Vodka

Awwww

Good luck my friend

No

Hello Sergei

No

Yeah

There has just been a few small changes

Ahhhhhh

Please no please

How am I supposed to do my job

if you cannot do yours?

It is okay look we could just...

all you need to do is change

just rub that bit out there

and then turn that line

in on itself maybe

and then

that's all gone there

there's less for you to do down here

that that's that that's good so

yes very good

okay that's very good

and this bit here is also gone so

and all of that...

Maybe it's better if you just start again?

Start again yes yes

It's easier

Ahhhhhhhhh

Hello Sergei

What is it now?

I will never finish

I cannot work like this

No you cannot

You've been drafted

No no I can't work like this

I can do it!

Doomdah

Lady's and gentlemen hold onto your socks this is the final

doomdah of 2022

Doomdah

No no can't give up on the year it's been a good year

I can't let it go...