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these are our top 10 videos
from 2022
No confidence in my voice at all
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Thank you so much for having me
my mom
No problem
Sent over some Irish crisps and sausages
Oh no that is not a sausage
No
this is a sausage
Well on the weekends we just like to relax
with a little stroll
Okay
You can wear these
How far are we going?
Oh not so far
I'll get my crampons
Crampons?
Did you bring your own tent
or would you like to share the tent with us?
How is your German?
Oh yeah
I can speak
We will speak English with him
OK very good very good
The breakfast will be at six
In the morning?
Oh would you like to have it earlier?
I can set the alarm clock for him
No no six is fine
Then we can go for a walk
Ahhh
What bin should I put the orange peel in?
Oh yeah okay we have 16 different bins
and they are all colour coded
and you must make very sure
that you must put it in the correct bin
Okay yeah
Yeah I'm ready to go
But you are late
We said we'd meet at two o'clock
We did
But it's two now?
No is three minutes past two
Yeah
Oh yeah but in Ireland that's on time so
Oisín this is not acceptable in our household
Oisín here is your school timetable
Oh thank you
And after school you will have free time
so here is your timetable
Oisín hurry
Yeah
Hurry
Come on the bus is at 6:30
if we do not get this one
we will have to wait another two minutes
Sorry Gerhart
Yeah
Could you help me with my essay?
Yeah no problem
Okay so I'm trying to say as I walked through the
forest I had a somber peacefulness that came
from being in solitude with nature
but how would you say that in German?
Waldeinsmakeit
Just one word?
Yeah very efficient
Gerhart
Yeah
Why don't you tell Oisín some more of our funny jokes
Oh yeah
Why don't we just go for a walk again
Oh
Ok we can go for a walk
Then we can tell the jokes on the way
I'll get my crampons
I'll get the tent
Oisín?
Yeah
Yeah as a special trip today we are going swimming
in the lake
Oh I'll get my togs
Oh there is no need
Um?
Everyone ready to go?
Hmm?
Yeah is everyone ready to get in the car now yeah?
Come on chop chop we don't want to be late Oisín
Now would you like a glass of beer with your dinner?
Well can I?
Well you are 16 aren't you?
Yeah yeah no I am
there you go
Oisín your mother wishes to speak with you
Hi Mum
Yeah
Yeah learning loads
Alright
I'll see you in two weeks
bye
Aw man
It's a goodie
Oh man that was funny
Can't believe it didn't end with the nudity
It really should have ended with the nudity
The next sketch in at number 9 is...
Love this one
Okay
Well it's beautiful it's moving it's powerful
Thank you
But
We're gonna go with Paul's dream
Cool
What?
Sea Horse Gunship Super Fight?
Yeah
It doesn't make any sense though
I mean in scene one he's playing football and then
in scene two he's with giants
at the bottom of the ocean
Yeah but
it turns out it's not the bottom of the ocean
it's a big bowl of spaghetti
Yeah
It doesn't make any sense
Okay I spent 12 weeks on mine
It's got character development
plot twists
resolution
I really I put my heart and soul into it
I spent 20 minutes on mine
Derek you're the new guy
Okay
you're probably just trying to make a big
impression but
you're just you're trying too hard here you know
they're dreams
And they're important
and what Paul's done is just
Okay I understand you've got a problem with Paul
Okay but he's been here a long time okay?
he understands that I need six hours of dream material
every single night
and he provides that
Yeah but he's no
Derek I cannot have you spending 12 weeks
working on one 15-minute dream
Sea Horse Gunship Super Fight
that is 52 minutes of dream time
52 minutes of nonsense though
I was like you when I started
All right I wanted to be the big shot
make it make a big change you know
affect his life
okay but
it doesn't matter
when it comes down to it because
when he wakes up
He's forgotten
He's forgotten everything
He's an idiot
15 seconds later it is gone
Gone literally
So what it just doesn't matter what you write then?
You know not really no
No that's not true dreams have meaning
Meaning?
Oh come on meaning oh yeah
Oh I can predict the future the meaning
Come on that's people reading too much into it
I have got an actual bedtime coming up here
Okay now are you going to be a team player?
Yes obviously
Okay you're in. Our main dream
for the night
Seahorse Gunship Super Fight
Secondary dream what have we got?
I'm thinking
he is running to catch a bus
but his feet are moving really slowly
people start looking at him
he realizes
he's naked
That's great
Well that sounds familiar
Sorry what?
It's literally the same dream as we did last month
Yeah I know it is
So we're just going to do the same dream again
A recurring
dream Derek
Recurring dream
They're just
so lazy
It is a legitimate
a re-run
It's a recurring dream
A re-run?
It is a legitimate dream
Have you got a better idea?
Yes I do
He's walking through a meadow OK
This is one I've been working on
he's walking through a meadow okay
The sun is coming down okay
And then his teeth fall out
His teeth
Okay his teeth are gone
Why would his teeth fall out?
I don't know they just do
They're just like
It's a dream
But for no reason?
Well let's give a reason for it
let's have it symbolic of something
you know like he's anxious or he's worried about
Oh it's tied into the future
Derek Derek?
Oh his true meaning
Listen to me
Just
We come in
We make up some wild s&*t
then we leave
okay?
no one cares
no one asks questions okay
this is a job for life
with zero accountability
how can you not get on board with it?
So we just make up any old crap
Any old crap
It does not matter
Okay fine let's have a like a walrus
making love to a radiator
in a spaceship covered in salt
and there's there's snails painting everything green
and they're on skateboards
flying around
Great stuff
Excellent that's great stuff
Paul I want you to write that down
okay you write that down we're gonna use that
maybe the next time he's been eating a lot of cheese
Okay because that's really good stuff
I wasn't being serious
Okay okay we've
one more dream left tonight just
Why don't we just
have him chasing Cooper from next door again?
Yeah it works
Chasing dreams?
Chasing dreams that's the best we can do?
Yeah what
can you relax for just a second?
Why do you have to go to so much effort?
I mean he's just a dog
In the next sketch I think we drew a lot from our
childhood
I certainly did
I don't know how much gardening you had to do?
As a child I was made
do work by my grandmother and my mother
relentless
You told us tales of your garden nightmares
throughout our friendship
I actually quite like gardening now
so clearly it had a positive effect
longterm
A first entering into the top 10 of this year
for Mrs Anne Flanagan
Oisín
What?
I need your help in the garden
No mum
You promised Oisín
right a small help now they were the conditions
on going to the disco
Fine
Look we'll be done in five minutes
We'll be done in 20 minutes
14 hours
What?
We'll start with the hedge
Grab the garden shears
Can we not just use the electric one?
God no
Oh yeah of course no that would just make
the job go quickly
Far too dangerous
I'm not spending the next 24 hours
in A&E
Yeah it would be more fun than gardening
I will give you five euro an hour
Five euro?
Well I had to spend 400 euro on all
the garden center stuff
What that supposed to make me feel better is it?
Knowing that you spend more on the garden
than you do on me?
I spend enough on you mister
Right?
Can we listen to a podcast?
No
Can we listen to music?
No
Can we listen to the radio?
No
You can listen to the birds Oisín
nature's music
How's it going everyone?
If you're here to save him Barry
You can wait another two hours
Oisín could you give me the hoe pet?
What did you say?
The hoe love
Sorry?
The?
I need a hoe
You need...
You need a ho?
Yes
You need a ho?
Yes I need a hoe
Will I go get you a ho?
Yes
Could you get me a hoe please?
Look at that
Ah mum
That's Ann O'Connor's cat
that's what that is
Why did you pick it up?
I have a right mind to throw it right back
over the wall
Mum
They're nice flowers
They're weeds
Well I think they're wild flowers
They're weeds
pull them up
I think they look nice
They may look nice
the bees might like them
but they're weeds
pull them up
Mum it's filthy inside
There's nothing wrong with that glove it's brand new
What is the point of a glove
that's dirty on the inside?
Well the two of you now are a great help
There is a bee
Well now they are more afraid of you
than they are
Ah bastard
get away
Where is it?
Now do you see them there they are the delphiniums
right
and beside them is the azaleas
and here
we have I think it's the Montana Titilatus
What?
Montana Titilatus
Get the hoe
Maybe we could take a break and
have some ice creams?
Oh yeah
You haven't done anything Barry
Magnums
You know the limited edition ones
No we don't have any magnums now
You do underneath the frozen pees
Jesus Christ he knows where everything is
I'll get them
Right that's it now
Doesn't it look great?
Yeah
Now you should be very proud of yourself
you did terrific work
Yeah it wasn't as bad as I thought
Yeah and it'll be great now
for when the gardener's come in tomorrow
What?
We've given them a great head start now
Gardeners?
Why didn't you just get the gardeners to do it?
They are 25 euro an hour Oisín
Mum that was a whole day
I don't know why but for me every time I watch it back
what makes me laugh the most
the bee bit
the most slapstick
old school comedy you could do
It's the plant
And this next one I'm really looking forward to because
I can't remember any of it but
I do remember it being very funny
in my mind so
I'm really looking forward to it
My memory is the costume
that's the biggest thing about it
Yeah the offensive...
Question one
the retina and the optic nerve
form part of which human organ?
Shall I repeat the question?
Aye
Correct the eye
Question two
name the gaming console launched
by nintendo in 2006.
Oh
it's a wee
Correct
Pentagon and hexagon are shapes with five and six sides
but what is the prefix of an eight-sided shape?
Och
Correct octagon
Can you name the process by which a beaver
cuts through timber?
Naw
Correct
Can you name a type of equine vocalization?
Nae
Correct
Which 1950s tv series centered around
a heroic dog
starred American actress June Lockhart?
Which lassie?
Correct Lassie
DVDs are divided into two major formats worldwide
NTSC and what?
Ah come on pal
Correct NTSC and PAL
Name Barbie's boyfriend
Oh I ken that one
Correct
Action man...
Which Welsh singer famously recorded
Total Eclipse of the Heart?
Oh it's that bonnie lass
Correct Bonnie Tyler
What is the name for an adult female chicken
often kept for its eggs?
I dinnae know
Can I phone a friend?
Certainly we're phoning Fern
Hello
Alright hen
Correct
What you want ya fanny?
Final question
for 500,000 pounds
Who won the FIFA World Cup in 1966?
Come on Duncan
it's an easy one
for 500,000 pounds
Naw it's nae worth it
Naw I'm out of here
Doomdah
Aw man that was great
Great performance by you Finge as well
Trying to write that
with all the things Scottish people kinda half say
Ach, aye
and trying to work that back into questions
we wrote it like in Scotland
in a cafe just going
we had been there for a month at this stage
because we were writing a new show
for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
you would be just walking down the street going
What did they say? Was that...
When you were trying to sell me that Lassie joke
I was just like shaking my head I was like no way
No way
This next sketch is called...
Bless me personal trainer for I have sinned
Speak my child
I had 18 pints of Guinness and a kebab
Trainer?
How did it happen?
It was the bank holiday weekend
it was supposed to be wholesome but
Go on
It was Friday night everything
was going according to plan but then
Terry text into the Whatsapp group
a picture of
A picture of a pint
It just looked so beautiful
You were tempted
Yes trainer
before I knew it I had 12 pints it was 4 a.m
and I was in the
chipper ordering garlic
Garlic cheesy chips
Yes
We've been here before haven't we?
Yes trainer
Well then what happened?
When we got home
I don't want to say
Anything we say in here will not be shared
anywhere else
on Instagram
I ate an entire Doctor Oetker meat feast
extra-large pizza
With friends?
No
Thin crust?
Stuffed
You have sinned my child
I feel terrible
Well that's good
You feel remorse
No
the hangover
it's awful
How was the rest of the weekend?
I just stayed on the couch for the next two days
How many steps?
I'm ashamed to say
How many steps?
Six or seven
Six or seven?
Is that even enough to get to the toilet?
Not really
Any shakes?
I could barely hold my phone
Protein shakes
Oh
No
If you don't change your ways my child
you will be judged
along with everyone else
on the final day of this six-week program
Yes trainer I will I know that there's a plan for me
Yes there is a plan for everyone in the gym
it's just part of the membership so
I struggled to stick to it
For your penance give me
10 burpees
15 crunches
and 25 minutes on the treadmill
Cardio
and in the meantime
work on your inner strength
My core?
Yes your core
Go now
and I'll see you on Sunday at 11am
along with the rest of the spinning congregation
Thank you trainer
Bless me trainer for I have sinned
I've been cheating on my partner
Go on
I say I've done ten reps
when I've only done nine
Very good bit at the end there I thought
Oh yeah he was great whoever that actor was
This next sketch was actually mostly me
if not entirely me
So I'd skip over this next bit?
It made into the top 10?
I wrote the top 10
Murica
Welcome to the US Embassy Patrick
Cheers
Fair play
thanks for having me
There have been some discrepancies with your forms
so we've had to ask you in
just to clear up some of those answers
Oh cool
For your mother's name you just put
down 'Mam'?
Yeah that's me Mam
But what's her name?
Mam?
Her given name at birth was Mam?
Oh
Right that
I think it could be like Sheila or Una
I've only ever called her Mam
Emergency contact number?
999
No I mean in case of emergency
Whilst in the United States
9-1-1
No next of kin contact
a parent or guardian
Oh don't be calling my parents in an emergency
Sure they would go mad
Do you have any relatives in the United States?
I don't know them
but there's a bunch of losers on Ancestry.com
who keep emailing me saying I'm their third cousin
Your contact in America is listed as
John "The Fridge" Cullen?
Yeah legend
Why the fridge, does he work in refrigeration?
Oh no he's just got a big chest and tiny legs
The date you'll be entering the United States
is?
Paddy's Day
The 17th of March
When will you be leaving the United States?
A sure you know yourself like
I do not know
Oh like no plans you know what I mean
We will need a date
Okay Christmas then
Then you'll be overstaying your visa
Oh so when should I leave then?
You have to leave
by April 7th
Okay stick me down for that then
and I'll do me best
Will you be seeking employment
whilst in the United States?
Not officially
What do you mean not officially?
Like no
but like
Please answer yes or no to the following questions
Cool
Do you seek to engage in terrorist activity?
sabotage or genocide?
No way hosé
Do you intend to commit espionage
on behalf of a foreign power?
Not a chance
Just answer yes or no
Have you ever violated any law related to
possessing using or distributing illegal drugs?
Pass
You cannot pass
Right
Put 'no' then
Have you ever been arrested or convicted for a crime
that resulted in serious damage to property
or serious harm to another person or government authority?
No
Why'd you say it like that?
Oh write
'no'
Well that's all the questions I have
thank you for coming into the embassy
Patrick
your visa has been denied
Ah
Sure I'll just go to Canada so
Cheers
Doomdah
So he went to Canada he didn't go to prison
but unlike this next character
The Snob
So coming in at no. 4 is
Well now haha
Here we are
the uh
prison cafeteria
Yes all the
all the inmates gathered around breaking bread
together
the repartee between the vagabonds
the furtive glances
between the prison guards and the inmates
who knows
what'll happen
indeed
I have inquired about
a south easterly
facing cell
the aspect don't you know
and I haven't heard anything back
how does one join a gang here?
is it a lengthy process?
do I need references?
Indeed the hardest prison to escape
is one's own mind
although I may have found the perfect antidote
the complete Bronte collection
you can borrow mine whenever you like
but you must promise
that you highlight your favourite pros
I've ruined my life
You finishing that?
No
There is a gentleman on the floor above me
who wishes to fight me
I told him I do my talking
on the chessboard
The soup here lacks balance
but the addition
of small shavings of bone
within the mincemeat
offer an unusual
an unexpected grittiness
Yeah it's horrible
It's foul
Do you know the minimalist
architecture within these walls
does strike me as reminiscent
of the Debon DeMarc gallery in Verona
Yeah I'm trying to get out of here on good behaviour
Yeah?
Word on Block B
is that you're a man who can acquire things
as the saying goes
Yeah
A backgammon board
a fondue set
a full-bodied merlot
now I know we're in prison
so a malbec will be fine
I do hope that the screws don't find
my stash of stuffed olives
or it will be five weeks in the hole for me
I thought to pass the time
how about we play a word association game?
No
I'll say a word
and then you say the first word that comes into your head
Red
Sanguine
Time
Anachronistic
I don't know
Well it's easy you just say the first word
that comes into your head
Chocolate
Blandishment
I don't want to play anymore
Capitulation
No
Cessation
Stop it
Desist
Ahhhhh
Ah the infamous
prison shank
No one saw anything need I ask?
Did you know that I
visited The Louvre on...
Doomdah
Do you know what's always nice?
And I enjoy in a role
is when there is something to eat
that was great because I got to eat spaghetti
for the whole sketch
Sitting down as well
you had both of those things
and no lines
it was beautiful
a dream role
The snob character is a fun character to play
this next character was going for his dream role
but it wasn't quite working out for him
this is...
Thank you very much for coming in
No worries there's my resume,
skills assessment forms, IQ tests,
personality stuff
Okay well we won't need any of that
Oh really?
No i can tell a person's perfect career just by
looking at them
Okay
It's a gift
Right well
Used car salesman
Used car salesman?
Yeah it's perfect
Okay was it
the way i'm sitting or the way i came into the room or?
No no it's much more subtle than that
Okay
It's the mustache
The mustache?
You have a perfect used car salesman mustache
Okay you're recommending a future career for me
based around the fact that i have a mustache?
Well not just that no
it's also the expensive yet
cheap looking shirt
Excuse me?
You're the perfect used car salesman
I don't want to be a car salesman
Used car salesman
Whatever i wanted to
work with children you know
i was thinking maybe teaching
Oh not with that mustache no
not since the 80s sadly yeah
Well you can't just...
Basketball coach
You could be a basketball coach
I don't know the first thing about basketball
That's very surprising what with the um
because of the mustache?
Yes
Can you just forget i have a mustache for a second please
Okay well looking past the mustache
Thank you
I'm thinking hairdresser
Hairdresser?
Why hairdresser?
Because of your car
That's not a hairdresser's car
That's a hairdresser's car
You're recommending careers to me based on
what i look like and what car i drive?
Well that's not fair
There's an awful lot of considerations that go
into all of this
Really?
Yeah well your posture is
perfect for someone in I.T
Your handwriting is atrocious
You'd make a wonderful doctor
and you've rescheduled this appointment
three times so obviously i'm thinking
plumber
or really anything within the trades
Well they seem like
ridiculous reasons to choose a career
You tried it your way
Okay and you've still ended up in here
Oh what career am i gonna do?
Oh i don't know i'm not sure i haven't figured it out yet
You're in your mid 30s okay
still haven't figured it out
so it's time to try something different
But i don't like any of the careers that you suggested
That's fine we were just getting started okay
Look we've got lots more you could be a
truck driver
or supermarket manager
Because they have mustaches?
They're mustache jobs
Can you just drop the mustache thing please?
okay fine all right look if you
were maybe willing to grow a beard
it would open some doors for you?
Oh my God
So you could have
lumberjack?
hipster barber?
Rabbi?
Rabbi
Can you just forget about the whole facial hair thing please
All right i'll try
Um...
Well i noticed you have quite a lot of dandruff
on your shoulders
Excuse me?
Have you considered a career in the priesthood?
Are you being funny with me?
Bouncer
I don't have time for this
The civil service
I want my money back
Bank manager
This conversation is over
Ryanair customer service
That's it
I'm leaving
My ex-wife
Doomdah
So we did a lot of immigration sketches
during the year and
this one is definitely the one that cop us the most heat
I did an amazing job of the accent in this next sketch
Yeah it's called...
Before granting your entry to India
you must first answer some simple questions
Where do tourists spend most of their time in India?
The toilet
Correct
Name the three main religions in India
Hindu, Muslim and
Cricket
Correct
When did British rule end in India?
In 1947
and when did Indian rule begin in Britain?
Just this week
Correct
India has a history of non-violent
passive resistance protest
What does it also have?
160 nuclear warheads
Correct
What do tourists often find when visiting India?
Themselves
Correct
Where can you go to get finger food in India?
Anywhere
Where in India would you go to see a portrayal
of an idealized vision of Indian life
full of overacting and dramatic fight scenes
The Indian Parliament
Yes
Name one of India's greatest treasures
The English Crown Jewels
How are actors in Bollywood movies selected?
The caste system
Indeed
What poses the greatest challenge in India today?
Probably
the Lotus pose
Yes very hard to tuck the feet in
Which famous board game played on a grid
and invented in India
has captivated the world's greatest minds
for centuries?
Snakes and ladders
Correct
name the disputed region between India and Pakistan
that causes riots and fatalities every year
The wicket
and finally who brought the world
Chicken Tikka Masala?
Scotland
Yes for the last time
okay congratulations gentlemen
and welcome to India
Oh okay well that was easy yeah
Just some very simple forms to fill in
Yeah sure...
There you go
All of them?
Yes that's all of his ones
and yours are on the way
Domdah
In at number one is
War, death, bombs
definitely a controversial topic
but we tried to see the silliness
in this situation
Yeah
And I think it kind of worked
because there is a lot of silliness
Yes we...
Sensitive, sensitive area
But I think we got there in terms of
I think so
doing something appropriate
Well we hope
we created some levity
out of this dark one
and that's probably why we are proud of this one
Yeah that probably is it yeah
that's true so in at no. 1
for 2022 is
I'm not telling him you should tell him
I'm not telling him
You're the ranking officer
I told him last time
Alright
Hammer Sickle Vodka
Okay
Hammer, Sickle, Vodka
Awwww
Good luck my friend
No
Hello Sergei
No
Yeah
There has just been a few small changes
Ahhhhhh
Please no please
How am I supposed to do my job
if you cannot do yours?
It is okay look we could just...
all you need to do is change
just rub that bit out there
and then turn that line
in on itself maybe
and then
that's all gone there
there's less for you to do down here
that that's that that's good so
yes very good
okay that's very good
and this bit here is also gone so
and all of that...
Maybe it's better if you just start again?
Start again yes yes
It's easier
Ahhhhhhhhh
Hello Sergei
What is it now?
I will never finish
I cannot work like this
No you cannot
You've been drafted
No no I can't work like this
I can do it!
Doomdah
Lady's and gentlemen hold onto your socks this is the final
doomdah of 2022
Doomdah
No no can't give up on the year it's been a good year
I can't let it go...