WEBVTT 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:05.125 Hi we're Foil Arms and Hog 00:00:05.125 --> 00:00:07.208 these are our top 10 videos 00:00:07.208 --> 00:00:08.833 from 2022 00:00:08.833 --> 00:00:10.083 No confidence in my voice at all 00:00:12.958 --> 00:00:14.166 Unsubscribe 00:00:14.166 --> 00:00:15.750 Please unsubscribe to the channel 00:00:17.708 --> 00:00:19.583 Thank you so much for having me 00:00:19.583 --> 00:00:20.583 my mom 00:00:20.583 --> 00:00:21.333 No problem 00:00:21.333 --> 00:00:24.291 Sent over some Irish crisps and sausages 00:00:24.291 --> 00:00:26.041 Oh no that is not a sausage 00:00:26.041 --> 00:00:26.583 No 00:00:26.583 --> 00:00:28.291 this is a sausage 00:00:31.166 --> 00:00:32.833 Well on the weekends we just like to relax 00:00:32.833 --> 00:00:34.291 with a little stroll 00:00:34.291 --> 00:00:34.791 Okay 00:00:34.791 --> 00:00:35.375 You can wear these 00:00:36.166 --> 00:00:37.125 How far are we going? 00:00:37.125 --> 00:00:38.125 Oh not so far 00:00:38.500 --> 00:00:39.625 I'll get my crampons 00:00:39.625 --> 00:00:40.500 Crampons? 00:00:40.500 --> 00:00:41.750 Did you bring your own tent 00:00:41.750 --> 00:00:43.500 or would you like to share the tent with us? 00:00:44.708 --> 00:00:46.166 How is your German? 00:00:46.166 --> 00:00:47.875 Oh yeah 00:00:47.875 --> 00:00:50.375 I can speak 00:00:51.250 --> 00:00:52.875 We will speak English with him 00:00:52.875 --> 00:00:54.250 OK very good very good 00:00:54.541 --> 00:00:56.333 The breakfast will be at six 00:00:56.333 --> 00:00:57.625 In the morning? 00:00:57.625 --> 00:00:59.291 Oh would you like to have it earlier? 00:00:59.291 --> 00:01:00.666 I can set the alarm clock for him 00:01:00.666 --> 00:01:02.625 No no six is fine 00:01:02.625 --> 00:01:03.583 Then we can go for a walk 00:01:03.583 --> 00:01:04.083 Ahhh 00:01:04.458 --> 00:01:06.625 What bin should I put the orange peel in? 00:01:06.625 --> 00:01:08.666 Oh yeah okay we have 16 different bins 00:01:08.666 --> 00:01:10.166 and they are all colour coded 00:01:10.166 --> 00:01:11.666 and you must make very sure 00:01:11.666 --> 00:01:13.708 that you must put it in the correct bin 00:01:14.083 --> 00:01:15.083 Okay yeah 00:01:22.708 --> 00:01:23.708 Yeah I'm ready to go 00:01:23.708 --> 00:01:24.666 But you are late 00:01:25.333 --> 00:01:26.666 We said we'd meet at two o'clock 00:01:26.666 --> 00:01:27.291 We did 00:01:27.791 --> 00:01:28.541 But it's two now? 00:01:28.541 --> 00:01:30.458 No is three minutes past two 00:01:30.458 --> 00:01:30.958 Yeah 00:01:30.958 --> 00:01:33.208 Oh yeah but in Ireland that's on time so 00:01:33.750 --> 00:01:36.041 Oisín this is not acceptable in our household 00:01:37.416 --> 00:01:39.458 Oisín here is your school timetable 00:01:39.458 --> 00:01:40.041 Oh thank you 00:01:40.041 --> 00:01:41.458 And after school you will have free time 00:01:42.041 --> 00:01:42.916 so here is your timetable 00:01:43.875 --> 00:01:44.875 Oisín hurry 00:01:44.875 --> 00:01:45.375 Yeah 00:01:45.375 --> 00:01:45.875 Hurry 00:01:45.875 --> 00:01:47.583 Come on the bus is at 6:30 00:01:47.583 --> 00:01:48.916 if we do not get this one 00:01:48.916 --> 00:01:50.583 we will have to wait another two minutes 00:01:52.083 --> 00:01:52.791 Sorry Gerhart 00:01:52.791 --> 00:01:53.291 Yeah 00:01:53.291 --> 00:01:54.458 Could you help me with my essay? 00:01:54.458 --> 00:01:55.166 Yeah no problem 00:01:55.166 --> 00:01:57.625 Okay so I'm trying to say as I walked through the 00:01:57.625 --> 00:01:59.500 forest I had a somber peacefulness that came 00:01:59.500 --> 00:02:01.458 from being in solitude with nature 00:02:01.458 --> 00:02:03.250 but how would you say that in German? 00:02:04.291 --> 00:02:05.750 Waldeinsmakeit 00:02:07.958 --> 00:02:08.833 Just one word? 00:02:08.833 --> 00:02:09.833 Yeah very efficient 00:02:10.916 --> 00:02:11.458 Gerhart 00:02:11.458 --> 00:02:12.125 Yeah 00:02:12.125 --> 00:02:14.333 Why don't you tell Oisín some more of our funny jokes 00:02:14.333 --> 00:02:14.916 Oh yeah 00:02:15.916 --> 00:02:18.333 Why don't we just go for a walk again 00:02:18.333 --> 00:02:19.500 Oh 00:02:19.500 --> 00:02:21.208 Ok we can go for a walk 00:02:21.208 --> 00:02:23.458 Then we can tell the jokes on the way 00:02:23.458 --> 00:02:24.791 I'll get my crampons 00:02:24.791 --> 00:02:25.708 I'll get the tent 00:02:25.916 --> 00:02:26.416 Oisín? 00:02:26.416 --> 00:02:27.166 Yeah 00:02:27.166 --> 00:02:30.000 Yeah as a special trip today we are going swimming 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:30.708 in the lake 00:02:30.708 --> 00:02:31.958 Oh I'll get my togs 00:02:31.958 --> 00:02:33.250 Oh there is no need 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:34.500 Um? 00:02:34.500 --> 00:02:35.750 Everyone ready to go? 00:02:36.833 --> 00:02:37.541 Hmm? 00:02:37.541 --> 00:02:39.625 Yeah is everyone ready to get in the car now yeah? 00:02:39.625 --> 00:02:41.958 Come on chop chop we don't want to be late Oisín 00:02:41.958 --> 00:02:44.583 Now would you like a glass of beer with your dinner? 00:02:44.583 --> 00:02:45.583 Well can I? 00:02:45.583 --> 00:02:46.750 Well you are 16 aren't you? 00:02:46.750 --> 00:02:48.083 Yeah yeah no I am 00:02:48.958 --> 00:02:49.458 there you go 00:02:52.041 --> 00:02:53.875 Oisín your mother wishes to speak with you 00:02:54.125 --> 00:02:54.791 Hi Mum 00:02:56.041 --> 00:02:56.958 Yeah 00:02:56.958 --> 00:02:58.250 Yeah learning loads 00:02:58.583 --> 00:02:59.125 Alright 00:02:59.125 --> 00:03:00.083 I'll see you in two weeks 00:03:00.708 --> 00:03:01.250 bye 00:03:05.750 --> 00:03:06.541 Aw man 00:03:10.833 --> 00:03:11.833 It's a goodie 00:03:12.125 --> 00:03:13.250 Oh man that was funny 00:03:13.250 --> 00:03:16.625 Can't believe it didn't end with the nudity 00:03:16.625 --> 00:03:18.291 It really should have ended with the nudity 00:03:18.291 --> 00:03:19.708 The next sketch in at number 9 is... 00:03:21.583 --> 00:03:22.916 Love this one 00:03:27.166 --> 00:03:28.250 Okay 00:03:29.333 --> 00:03:32.083 Well it's beautiful it's moving it's powerful 00:03:32.083 --> 00:03:32.708 Thank you 00:03:32.708 --> 00:03:33.416 But 00:03:34.166 --> 00:03:35.416 We're gonna go with Paul's dream 00:03:35.416 --> 00:03:36.125 Cool 00:03:36.125 --> 00:03:36.625 What? 00:03:37.083 --> 00:03:38.625 Sea Horse Gunship Super Fight? 00:03:38.625 --> 00:03:39.125 Yeah 00:03:39.416 --> 00:03:40.833 It doesn't make any sense though 00:03:41.208 --> 00:03:43.458 I mean in scene one he's playing football and then 00:03:43.458 --> 00:03:45.500 in scene two he's with giants 00:03:45.500 --> 00:03:46.500 at the bottom of the ocean 00:03:46.500 --> 00:03:47.041 Yeah but 00:03:47.041 --> 00:03:49.000 it turns out it's not the bottom of the ocean 00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:50.291 it's a big bowl of spaghetti 00:03:50.291 --> 00:03:50.791 Yeah 00:03:50.791 --> 00:03:51.750 It doesn't make any sense 00:03:51.750 --> 00:03:54.208 Okay I spent 12 weeks on mine 00:03:54.208 --> 00:03:55.541 It's got character development 00:03:55.541 --> 00:03:56.458 plot twists 00:03:56.458 --> 00:03:57.375 resolution 00:03:57.375 --> 00:03:59.250 I really I put my heart and soul into it 00:03:59.250 --> 00:04:00.416 I spent 20 minutes on mine 00:04:00.416 --> 00:04:01.541 Derek you're the new guy 00:04:01.708 --> 00:04:02.333 Okay 00:04:02.333 --> 00:04:03.458 you're probably just trying to make a big 00:04:03.458 --> 00:04:04.333 impression but 00:04:04.333 --> 00:04:06.250 you're just you're trying too hard here you know 00:04:06.250 --> 00:04:07.166 they're dreams 00:04:07.166 --> 00:04:08.375 And they're important 00:04:08.375 --> 00:04:09.583 and what Paul's done is just 00:04:09.583 --> 00:04:11.250 Okay I understand you've got a problem with Paul 00:04:11.250 --> 00:04:13.375 Okay but he's been here a long time okay? 00:04:13.375 --> 00:04:15.541 he understands that I need six hours of dream material 00:04:15.541 --> 00:04:16.416 every single night 00:04:16.416 --> 00:04:17.208 and he provides that 00:04:17.208 --> 00:04:17.958 Yeah but he's no 00:04:17.958 --> 00:04:20.916 Derek I cannot have you spending 12 weeks 00:04:20.916 --> 00:04:23.250 working on one 15-minute dream 00:04:23.250 --> 00:04:24.625 Sea Horse Gunship Super Fight 00:04:24.625 --> 00:04:26.416 that is 52 minutes of dream time 00:04:26.416 --> 00:04:27.666 52 minutes of nonsense though 00:04:27.666 --> 00:04:28.833 I was like you when I started 00:04:28.833 --> 00:04:31.375 All right I wanted to be the big shot 00:04:31.375 --> 00:04:32.500 make it make a big change you know 00:04:32.500 --> 00:04:33.791 affect his life 00:04:33.791 --> 00:04:34.666 okay but 00:04:34.666 --> 00:04:36.083 it doesn't matter 00:04:36.083 --> 00:04:37.458 when it comes down to it because 00:04:37.458 --> 00:04:38.583 when he wakes up 00:04:38.583 --> 00:04:39.750 He's forgotten 00:04:39.750 --> 00:04:40.625 He's forgotten everything 00:04:40.625 --> 00:04:41.541 He's an idiot 00:04:41.541 --> 00:04:43.208 15 seconds later it is gone 00:04:43.208 --> 00:04:44.750 Gone literally 00:04:44.750 --> 00:04:46.833 So what it just doesn't matter what you write then? 00:04:47.125 --> 00:04:48.250 You know not really no 00:04:48.250 --> 00:04:50.291 No that's not true dreams have meaning 00:04:50.291 --> 00:04:51.000 Meaning? 00:04:51.000 --> 00:04:53.000 Oh come on meaning oh yeah 00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:54.833 Oh I can predict the future the meaning 00:04:54.833 --> 00:04:56.416 Come on that's people reading too much into it 00:04:56.416 --> 00:04:58.458 I have got an actual bedtime coming up here 00:04:58.458 --> 00:05:00.958 Okay now are you going to be a team player? 00:05:00.958 --> 00:05:01.958 Yes obviously 00:05:01.958 --> 00:05:04.041 Okay you're in. Our main dream 00:05:04.041 --> 00:05:04.833 for the night 00:05:04.833 --> 00:05:06.833 Seahorse Gunship Super Fight 00:05:06.833 --> 00:05:08.250 Secondary dream what have we got? 00:05:08.250 --> 00:05:09.083 I'm thinking 00:05:09.083 --> 00:05:10.750 he is running to catch a bus 00:05:10.750 --> 00:05:13.333 but his feet are moving really slowly 00:05:13.333 --> 00:05:14.541 people start looking at him 00:05:14.541 --> 00:05:16.125 he realizes 00:05:16.125 --> 00:05:16.791 he's naked 00:05:16.791 --> 00:05:17.916 That's great 00:05:17.916 --> 00:05:19.041 Well that sounds familiar 00:05:19.041 --> 00:05:20.083 Sorry what? 00:05:20.083 --> 00:05:22.250 It's literally the same dream as we did last month 00:05:22.250 --> 00:05:23.375 Yeah I know it is 00:05:23.375 --> 00:05:25.416 So we're just going to do the same dream again 00:05:25.416 --> 00:05:26.250 A recurring 00:05:26.250 --> 00:05:27.333 dream Derek 00:05:27.333 --> 00:05:28.125 Recurring dream 00:05:28.125 --> 00:05:28.791 They're just 00:05:28.791 --> 00:05:29.666 so lazy 00:05:29.666 --> 00:05:30.791 It is a legitimate 00:05:30.791 --> 00:05:31.458 a re-run 00:05:31.458 --> 00:05:32.000 It's a recurring dream 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:32.500 A re-run? 00:05:32.500 --> 00:05:34.083 It is a legitimate dream 00:05:34.083 --> 00:05:35.291 Have you got a better idea? 00:05:35.291 --> 00:05:35.958 Yes I do 00:05:35.958 --> 00:05:37.208 He's walking through a meadow OK 00:05:37.208 --> 00:05:38.250 This is one I've been working on 00:05:38.250 --> 00:05:38.958 he's walking through a meadow okay 00:05:38.958 --> 00:05:39.958 The sun is coming down okay 00:05:39.958 --> 00:05:41.333 And then his teeth fall out 00:05:41.333 --> 00:05:41.916 His teeth 00:05:41.916 --> 00:05:42.750 Okay his teeth are gone 00:05:42.750 --> 00:05:44.041 Why would his teeth fall out? 00:05:44.041 --> 00:05:45.291 I don't know they just do 00:05:45.291 --> 00:05:45.791 They're just like 00:05:45.791 --> 00:05:46.416 It's a dream 00:05:46.416 --> 00:05:47.208 But for no reason? 00:05:47.458 --> 00:05:48.666 Well let's give a reason for it 00:05:48.666 --> 00:05:50.250 let's have it symbolic of something 00:05:50.250 --> 00:05:52.500 you know like he's anxious or he's worried about 00:05:52.500 --> 00:05:54.041 Oh it's tied into the future 00:05:54.041 --> 00:05:55.083 Derek Derek? 00:05:55.083 --> 00:05:56.208 Oh his true meaning 00:05:56.208 --> 00:05:56.708 Listen to me 00:05:57.375 --> 00:05:57.875 Just 00:05:58.333 --> 00:05:59.083 We come in 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:01.583 We make up some wild s&*t 00:06:02.125 --> 00:06:03.166 then we leave 00:06:03.166 --> 00:06:03.958 okay? 00:06:03.958 --> 00:06:05.041 no one cares 00:06:05.041 --> 00:06:06.625 no one asks questions okay 00:06:06.625 --> 00:06:07.875 this is a job for life 00:06:07.875 --> 00:06:09.375 with zero accountability 00:06:09.375 --> 00:06:11.208 how can you not get on board with it? 00:06:11.208 --> 00:06:12.541 So we just make up any old crap 00:06:12.541 --> 00:06:13.458 Any old crap 00:06:13.458 --> 00:06:15.083 It does not matter 00:06:15.083 --> 00:06:16.666 Okay fine let's have a like a walrus 00:06:16.666 --> 00:06:18.208 making love to a radiator 00:06:18.208 --> 00:06:20.208 in a spaceship covered in salt 00:06:20.208 --> 00:06:22.416 and there's there's snails painting everything green 00:06:22.416 --> 00:06:23.541 and they're on skateboards 00:06:23.541 --> 00:06:24.416 flying around 00:06:24.416 --> 00:06:25.000 Great stuff 00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:26.125 Excellent that's great stuff 00:06:26.250 --> 00:06:27.250 Paul I want you to write that down 00:06:27.250 --> 00:06:29.208 okay you write that down we're gonna use that 00:06:29.208 --> 00:06:30.833 maybe the next time he's been eating a lot of cheese 00:06:30.833 --> 00:06:32.416 Okay because that's really good stuff 00:06:32.416 --> 00:06:33.208 I wasn't being serious 00:06:33.208 --> 00:06:34.416 Okay okay we've 00:06:34.416 --> 00:06:36.125 one more dream left tonight just 00:06:36.125 --> 00:06:36.958 Why don't we just 00:06:36.958 --> 00:06:39.125 have him chasing Cooper from next door again? 00:06:39.125 --> 00:06:40.416 Yeah it works 00:06:40.416 --> 00:06:41.666 Chasing dreams? 00:06:41.666 --> 00:06:43.750 Chasing dreams that's the best we can do? 00:06:43.750 --> 00:06:44.583 Yeah what 00:06:44.583 --> 00:06:46.666 can you relax for just a second? 00:06:46.666 --> 00:06:47.666 Why do you have to go to so much effort? 00:06:47.666 --> 00:06:48.833 I mean he's just a dog 00:06:49.500 --> 00:06:52.083 In the next sketch I think we drew a lot from our 00:06:52.083 --> 00:06:53.666 childhood 00:06:53.666 --> 00:06:55.208 I certainly did 00:06:55.208 --> 00:06:57.916 I don't know how much gardening you had to do? 00:06:57.916 --> 00:06:59.250 As a child I was made 00:06:59.250 --> 00:07:01.500 do work by my grandmother and my mother 00:07:01.500 --> 00:07:02.916 relentless 00:07:02.916 --> 00:07:05.041 You told us tales of your garden nightmares 00:07:05.041 --> 00:07:06.750 throughout our friendship 00:07:06.750 --> 00:07:07.791 I actually quite like gardening now 00:07:07.791 --> 00:07:09.833 so clearly it had a positive effect 00:07:09.833 --> 00:07:10.958 longterm 00:07:10.958 --> 00:07:13.375 A first entering into the top 10 of this year 00:07:13.375 --> 00:07:15.791 for Mrs Anne Flanagan 00:07:16.708 --> 00:07:17.208 Oisín 00:07:18.250 --> 00:07:19.125 Oisín 00:07:19.500 --> 00:07:20.541 What? 00:07:20.958 --> 00:07:22.333 I need your help in the garden 00:07:23.083 --> 00:07:23.916 No mum 00:07:23.916 --> 00:07:25.583 You promised Oisín 00:07:25.583 --> 00:07:28.416 right a small help now they were the conditions 00:07:28.416 --> 00:07:30.250 on going to the disco 00:07:31.166 --> 00:07:31.875 Fine 00:07:34.083 --> 00:07:35.458 Look we'll be done in five minutes 00:07:35.458 --> 00:07:36.583 We'll be done in 20 minutes 00:07:36.583 --> 00:07:37.333 14 hours 00:07:37.333 --> 00:07:37.958 What? 00:07:38.166 --> 00:07:39.125 We'll start with the hedge 00:07:39.583 --> 00:07:40.875 Grab the garden shears 00:07:40.875 --> 00:07:42.250 Can we not just use the electric one? 00:07:42.833 --> 00:07:43.666 God no 00:07:43.666 --> 00:07:45.083 Oh yeah of course no that would just make 00:07:45.083 --> 00:07:46.291 the job go quickly 00:07:46.291 --> 00:07:48.291 Far too dangerous 00:07:48.291 --> 00:07:50.000 I'm not spending the next 24 hours 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:50.916 in A&E 00:07:50.916 --> 00:07:52.125 Yeah it would be more fun than gardening 00:07:53.416 --> 00:07:55.791 I will give you five euro an hour 00:07:55.791 --> 00:07:57.416 Five euro? 00:07:57.416 --> 00:07:58.750 Well I had to spend 400 euro on all 00:07:58.750 --> 00:08:00.000 the garden center stuff 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:01.583 What that supposed to make me feel better is it? 00:08:01.583 --> 00:08:03.125 Knowing that you spend more on the garden 00:08:03.125 --> 00:08:03.708 than you do on me? 00:08:03.708 --> 00:08:05.708 I spend enough on you mister 00:08:05.708 --> 00:08:06.541 Right? 00:08:06.541 --> 00:08:07.750 Can we listen to a podcast? 00:08:08.166 --> 00:08:08.666 No 00:08:08.666 --> 00:08:09.541 Can we listen to music? 00:08:10.083 --> 00:08:10.583 No 00:08:10.583 --> 00:08:11.666 Can we listen to the radio? 00:08:12.166 --> 00:08:12.666 No 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:14.875 You can listen to the birds Oisín 00:08:14.875 --> 00:08:15.791 nature's music 00:08:15.958 --> 00:08:17.250 How's it going everyone? 00:08:17.875 --> 00:08:19.333 If you're here to save him Barry 00:08:19.500 --> 00:08:21.041 You can wait another two hours 00:08:22.916 --> 00:08:24.583 Oisín could you give me the hoe pet? 00:08:26.041 --> 00:08:26.750 What did you say? 00:08:26.916 --> 00:08:27.625 The hoe love 00:08:28.625 --> 00:08:29.125 Sorry? 00:08:29.125 --> 00:08:29.625 The? 00:08:30.041 --> 00:08:30.666 I need a hoe 00:08:30.666 --> 00:08:31.625 You need... 00:08:32.041 --> 00:08:32.958 You need a ho? 00:08:32.958 --> 00:08:33.541 Yes 00:08:34.375 --> 00:08:35.750 You need a ho? 00:08:35.750 --> 00:08:36.625 Yes I need a hoe 00:08:36.625 --> 00:08:37.833 Will I go get you a ho? 00:08:37.833 --> 00:08:38.333 Yes 00:08:38.333 --> 00:08:39.750 Could you get me a hoe please? 00:08:40.916 --> 00:08:41.708 Look at that 00:08:42.291 --> 00:08:42.958 Ah mum 00:08:42.958 --> 00:08:44.083 That's Ann O'Connor's cat 00:08:44.083 --> 00:08:45.375 that's what that is 00:08:45.375 --> 00:08:46.166 Why did you pick it up? 00:08:46.166 --> 00:08:47.583 I have a right mind to throw it right back 00:08:47.583 --> 00:08:48.291 over the wall 00:08:48.291 --> 00:08:48.791 Mum 00:08:55.208 --> 00:08:56.000 They're nice flowers 00:08:56.875 --> 00:08:57.583 They're weeds 00:08:58.500 --> 00:09:00.041 Well I think they're wild flowers 00:09:00.541 --> 00:09:01.625 They're weeds 00:09:01.625 --> 00:09:02.125 pull them up 00:09:02.791 --> 00:09:03.666 I think they look nice 00:09:04.291 --> 00:09:05.458 They may look nice 00:09:06.291 --> 00:09:07.333 the bees might like them 00:09:07.791 --> 00:09:08.666 but they're weeds 00:09:09.208 --> 00:09:09.708 pull them up 00:09:10.625 --> 00:09:12.125 Mum it's filthy inside 00:09:12.125 --> 00:09:14.166 There's nothing wrong with that glove it's brand new 00:09:14.166 --> 00:09:15.500 What is the point of a glove 00:09:15.500 --> 00:09:16.958 that's dirty on the inside? 00:09:20.750 --> 00:09:22.500 Well the two of you now are a great help 00:09:22.875 --> 00:09:23.833 There is a bee 00:09:24.166 --> 00:09:25.833 Well now they are more afraid of you 00:09:25.833 --> 00:09:26.625 than they are 00:09:26.625 --> 00:09:27.583 Ah bastard 00:09:27.583 --> 00:09:28.083 get away 00:09:28.083 --> 00:09:28.666 Where is it? 00:09:29.208 --> 00:09:31.416 Now do you see them there they are the delphiniums 00:09:31.416 --> 00:09:31.916 right 00:09:32.166 --> 00:09:34.291 and beside them is the azaleas 00:09:34.291 --> 00:09:35.125 and here 00:09:35.125 --> 00:09:37.958 we have I think it's the Montana Titilatus 00:09:39.166 --> 00:09:39.958 What? 00:09:39.958 --> 00:09:41.708 Montana Titilatus 00:09:44.125 --> 00:09:44.916 Get the hoe 00:09:45.583 --> 00:09:46.666 Maybe we could take a break and 00:09:46.666 --> 00:09:47.500 have some ice creams? 00:09:47.500 --> 00:09:48.500 Oh yeah 00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:50.750 You haven't done anything Barry 00:09:52.916 --> 00:09:53.833 Magnums 00:09:53.833 --> 00:09:54.875 You know the limited edition ones 00:09:54.875 --> 00:09:55.750 No we don't have any magnums now 00:09:55.750 --> 00:09:57.291 You do underneath the frozen pees 00:09:57.291 --> 00:09:58.666 Jesus Christ he knows where everything is 00:09:58.666 --> 00:09:59.333 I'll get them 00:10:00.541 --> 00:10:02.541 Right that's it now 00:10:03.625 --> 00:10:04.625 Doesn't it look great? 00:10:04.916 --> 00:10:05.458 Yeah 00:10:05.750 --> 00:10:07.000 Now you should be very proud of yourself 00:10:07.000 --> 00:10:08.000 you did terrific work 00:10:08.000 --> 00:10:09.500 Yeah it wasn't as bad as I thought 00:10:09.500 --> 00:10:10.708 Yeah and it'll be great now 00:10:10.708 --> 00:10:12.000 for when the gardener's come in tomorrow 00:10:12.500 --> 00:10:13.000 What? 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:14.875 We've given them a great head start now 00:10:14.875 --> 00:10:15.500 Gardeners? 00:10:15.666 --> 00:10:17.541 Why didn't you just get the gardeners to do it? 00:10:17.541 --> 00:10:18.833 They are 25 euro an hour Oisín 00:10:18.833 --> 00:10:21.000 Mum that was a whole day 00:10:22.458 --> 00:10:25.041 I don't know why but for me every time I watch it back 00:10:25.041 --> 00:10:26.166 what makes me laugh the most 00:10:26.166 --> 00:10:27.458 the bee bit 00:10:27.458 --> 00:10:29.083 the most slapstick 00:10:29.083 --> 00:10:31.583 old school comedy you could do 00:10:31.583 --> 00:10:34.416 It's the plant 00:10:34.416 --> 00:10:36.291 And this next one I'm really looking forward to because 00:10:36.291 --> 00:10:37.833 I can't remember any of it but 00:10:37.833 --> 00:10:39.791 I do remember it being very funny 00:10:39.791 --> 00:10:40.666 in my mind so 00:10:40.666 --> 00:10:42.000 I'm really looking forward to it 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:43.458 My memory is the costume 00:10:43.458 --> 00:10:44.916 that's the biggest thing about it 00:10:46.166 --> 00:10:47.666 Yeah the offensive... 00:10:48.250 --> 00:10:48.958 Question one 00:10:48.958 --> 00:10:50.083 the retina and the optic nerve 00:10:50.083 --> 00:10:51.458 form part of which human organ? 00:10:53.041 --> 00:10:54.041 Shall I repeat the question? 00:10:54.041 --> 00:10:54.541 Aye 00:10:54.541 --> 00:10:55.291 Correct the eye 00:10:55.291 --> 00:10:56.000 Question two 00:10:56.000 --> 00:10:57.208 name the gaming console launched 00:10:57.208 --> 00:10:59.291 by nintendo in 2006. 00:10:59.291 --> 00:10:59.791 Oh 00:10:59.791 --> 00:11:00.833 it's a wee 00:11:00.833 --> 00:11:01.958 Correct 00:11:01.958 --> 00:11:04.458 Pentagon and hexagon are shapes with five and six sides 00:11:04.458 --> 00:11:06.916 but what is the prefix of an eight-sided shape? 00:11:06.916 --> 00:11:07.666 Och 00:11:07.666 --> 00:11:08.833 Correct octagon 00:11:08.833 --> 00:11:10.041 Can you name the process by which a beaver 00:11:10.041 --> 00:11:10.958 cuts through timber? 00:11:10.958 --> 00:11:11.625 Naw 00:11:11.625 --> 00:11:12.208 Correct 00:11:12.208 --> 00:11:14.666 Can you name a type of equine vocalization? 00:11:14.666 --> 00:11:15.166 Nae 00:11:15.166 --> 00:11:15.666 Correct 00:11:15.666 --> 00:11:17.541 Which 1950s tv series centered around 00:11:17.541 --> 00:11:18.583 a heroic dog 00:11:18.583 --> 00:11:20.916 starred American actress June Lockhart? 00:11:20.916 --> 00:11:21.875 Which lassie? 00:11:21.875 --> 00:11:22.708 Correct Lassie 00:11:22.708 --> 00:11:24.916 DVDs are divided into two major formats worldwide 00:11:24.916 --> 00:11:26.250 NTSC and what? 00:11:26.250 --> 00:11:27.083 Ah come on pal 00:11:27.083 --> 00:11:28.500 Correct NTSC and PAL 00:11:29.083 --> 00:11:30.541 Name Barbie's boyfriend 00:11:30.541 --> 00:11:31.250 Oh I ken that one 00:11:31.250 --> 00:11:31.750 Correct 00:11:32.583 --> 00:11:33.250 Action man... 00:11:33.250 --> 00:11:34.625 Which Welsh singer famously recorded 00:11:34.625 --> 00:11:36.000 Total Eclipse of the Heart? 00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:37.250 Oh it's that bonnie lass 00:11:37.250 --> 00:11:38.666 Correct Bonnie Tyler 00:11:38.666 --> 00:11:40.333 What is the name for an adult female chicken 00:11:40.333 --> 00:11:42.125 often kept for its eggs? 00:11:42.125 --> 00:11:43.125 I dinnae know 00:11:43.125 --> 00:11:44.041 Can I phone a friend? 00:11:44.041 --> 00:11:45.083 Certainly we're phoning Fern 00:11:46.166 --> 00:11:46.708 Hello 00:11:46.708 --> 00:11:47.208 Alright hen 00:11:47.208 --> 00:11:47.708 Correct 00:11:49.333 --> 00:11:50.208 What you want ya fanny? 00:11:51.291 --> 00:11:52.083 Final question 00:11:52.083 --> 00:11:53.250 for 500,000 pounds 00:11:53.250 --> 00:11:55.250 Who won the FIFA World Cup in 1966? 00:11:57.541 --> 00:11:58.791 Come on Duncan 00:11:58.791 --> 00:11:59.666 it's an easy one 00:11:59.666 --> 00:12:01.333 for 500,000 pounds 00:12:03.125 --> 00:12:04.333 Naw it's nae worth it 00:12:04.333 --> 00:12:05.208 Naw I'm out of here 00:12:05.208 --> 00:12:06.166 Doomdah 00:12:08.416 --> 00:12:10.458 Aw man that was great 00:12:10.458 --> 00:12:11.666 Great performance by you Finge as well 00:12:11.666 --> 00:12:12.958 Trying to write that 00:12:12.958 --> 00:12:15.375 with all the things Scottish people kinda half say 00:12:15.375 --> 00:12:17.416 Ach, aye 00:12:17.416 --> 00:12:19.750 and trying to work that back into questions 00:12:19.750 --> 00:12:22.000 we wrote it like in Scotland 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:23.666 in a cafe just going 00:12:23.666 --> 00:12:25.500 we had been there for a month at this stage 00:12:25.500 --> 00:12:26.666 because we were writing a new show 00:12:26.666 --> 00:12:28.208 for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 00:12:28.208 --> 00:12:31.166 you would be just walking down the street going 00:12:31.166 --> 00:12:32.041 What did they say? Was that... 00:12:32.041 --> 00:12:34.958 When you were trying to sell me that Lassie joke 00:12:34.958 --> 00:12:37.500 I was just like shaking my head I was like no way 00:12:37.500 --> 00:12:38.500 No way 00:12:38.500 --> 00:12:39.500 This next sketch is called... 00:12:45.958 --> 00:12:48.291 Bless me personal trainer for I have sinned 00:12:48.791 --> 00:12:50.041 Speak my child 00:12:51.041 --> 00:12:52.750 I had 18 pints of Guinness and a kebab 00:12:55.875 --> 00:12:56.375 Trainer? 00:12:56.375 --> 00:12:57.041 How did it happen? 00:12:58.250 --> 00:12:59.500 It was the bank holiday weekend 00:13:00.125 --> 00:13:01.166 it was supposed to be wholesome but 00:13:01.625 --> 00:13:02.125 Go on 00:13:02.416 --> 00:13:03.458 It was Friday night everything 00:13:03.458 --> 00:13:04.958 was going according to plan but then 00:13:06.416 --> 00:13:08.083 Terry text into the Whatsapp group 00:13:08.666 --> 00:13:09.291 a picture of 00:13:09.291 --> 00:13:11.000 A picture of a pint 00:13:11.583 --> 00:13:12.833 It just looked so beautiful 00:13:12.833 --> 00:13:13.708 You were tempted 00:13:14.041 --> 00:13:14.833 Yes trainer 00:13:15.458 --> 00:13:17.875 before I knew it I had 12 pints it was 4 a.m 00:13:17.875 --> 00:13:18.500 and I was in the 00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:20.291 chipper ordering garlic 00:13:20.291 --> 00:13:22.333 Garlic cheesy chips 00:13:22.333 --> 00:13:22.833 Yes 00:13:22.833 --> 00:13:23.958 We've been here before haven't we? 00:13:24.666 --> 00:13:25.375 Yes trainer 00:13:25.583 --> 00:13:26.666 Well then what happened? 00:13:26.666 --> 00:13:27.458 When we got home 00:13:29.166 --> 00:13:29.958 I don't want to say 00:13:29.958 --> 00:13:31.333 Anything we say in here will not be shared 00:13:31.333 --> 00:13:32.166 anywhere else 00:13:32.166 --> 00:13:32.958 on Instagram 00:13:33.500 --> 00:13:35.250 I ate an entire Doctor Oetker meat feast 00:13:35.250 --> 00:13:36.416 extra-large pizza 00:13:38.250 --> 00:13:39.291 With friends? 00:13:41.833 --> 00:13:42.333 No 00:13:44.458 --> 00:13:45.125 Thin crust? 00:13:47.833 --> 00:13:48.375 Stuffed 00:13:49.625 --> 00:13:50.875 You have sinned my child 00:13:51.875 --> 00:13:52.541 I feel terrible 00:13:52.916 --> 00:13:54.041 Well that's good 00:13:54.458 --> 00:13:55.625 You feel remorse 00:13:55.625 --> 00:13:56.125 No 00:13:56.125 --> 00:13:57.125 the hangover 00:13:57.125 --> 00:13:58.291 it's awful 00:13:58.291 --> 00:13:59.416 How was the rest of the weekend? 00:13:59.666 --> 00:14:01.375 I just stayed on the couch for the next two days 00:14:02.125 --> 00:14:03.000 How many steps? 00:14:03.541 --> 00:14:04.291 I'm ashamed to say 00:14:04.291 --> 00:14:05.500 How many steps? 00:14:05.500 --> 00:14:06.250 Six or seven 00:14:06.250 --> 00:14:07.083 Six or seven? 00:14:07.875 --> 00:14:09.208 Is that even enough to get to the toilet? 00:14:12.625 --> 00:14:13.250 Not really 00:14:13.500 --> 00:14:14.541 Any shakes? 00:14:14.541 --> 00:14:16.166 I could barely hold my phone 00:14:16.166 --> 00:14:17.541 Protein shakes 00:14:17.833 --> 00:14:18.333 Oh 00:14:19.000 --> 00:14:19.708 No 00:14:19.875 --> 00:14:21.833 If you don't change your ways my child 00:14:22.333 --> 00:14:23.541 you will be judged 00:14:23.541 --> 00:14:24.625 along with everyone else 00:14:25.375 --> 00:14:27.166 on the final day of this six-week program 00:14:27.625 --> 00:14:30.000 Yes trainer I will I know that there's a plan for me 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:31.666 Yes there is a plan for everyone in the gym 00:14:32.333 --> 00:14:33.791 it's just part of the membership so 00:14:33.791 --> 00:14:35.000 I struggled to stick to it 00:14:35.458 --> 00:14:36.166 For your penance give me 00:14:36.166 --> 00:14:37.000 10 burpees 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:37.791 15 crunches 00:14:37.791 --> 00:14:39.250 and 25 minutes on the treadmill 00:14:39.625 --> 00:14:40.166 Cardio 00:14:40.416 --> 00:14:41.208 and in the meantime 00:14:41.708 --> 00:14:42.958 work on your inner strength 00:14:43.375 --> 00:14:43.958 My core? 00:14:43.958 --> 00:14:44.750 Yes your core 00:14:45.208 --> 00:14:45.875 Go now 00:14:46.125 --> 00:14:47.625 and I'll see you on Sunday at 11am 00:14:47.625 --> 00:14:49.541 along with the rest of the spinning congregation 00:14:51.041 --> 00:14:51.791 Thank you trainer 00:14:55.625 --> 00:14:57.000 Bless me trainer for I have sinned 00:14:57.500 --> 00:14:58.666 I've been cheating on my partner 00:14:59.125 --> 00:14:59.625 Go on 00:15:00.375 --> 00:15:01.541 I say I've done ten reps 00:15:02.416 --> 00:15:03.375 when I've only done nine 00:15:04.958 --> 00:15:07.208 00:15:07.833 --> 00:15:09.750 Very good bit at the end there I thought 00:15:09.750 --> 00:15:11.875 Oh yeah he was great whoever that actor was 00:15:14.666 --> 00:15:16.458 This next sketch was actually mostly me 00:15:16.458 --> 00:15:17.833 if not entirely me 00:15:17.833 --> 00:15:19.125 So I'd skip over this next bit? 00:15:19.125 --> 00:15:20.250 It made into the top 10? 00:15:21.833 --> 00:15:22.666 I wrote the top 10 00:15:27.291 --> 00:15:28.666 Murica 00:15:28.750 --> 00:15:30.333 Welcome to the US Embassy Patrick 00:15:30.458 --> 00:15:31.125 Cheers 00:15:31.125 --> 00:15:32.041 Fair play 00:15:32.041 --> 00:15:32.708 thanks for having me 00:15:32.708 --> 00:15:34.291 There have been some discrepancies with your forms 00:15:34.291 --> 00:15:36.000 so we've had to ask you in 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:37.166 just to clear up some of those answers 00:15:37.166 --> 00:15:37.666 Oh cool 00:15:37.916 --> 00:15:39.291 For your mother's name you just put 00:15:39.291 --> 00:15:40.291 down 'Mam'? 00:15:40.291 --> 00:15:41.291 Yeah that's me Mam 00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:42.875 But what's her name? 00:15:43.500 --> 00:15:44.000 Mam? 00:15:44.541 --> 00:15:46.250 Her given name at birth was Mam? 00:15:46.708 --> 00:15:47.208 Oh 00:15:47.416 --> 00:15:48.083 Right that 00:15:48.583 --> 00:15:50.291 I think it could be like Sheila or Una 00:15:50.583 --> 00:15:51.875 I've only ever called her Mam 00:15:51.875 --> 00:15:53.791 Emergency contact number? 00:15:53.791 --> 00:15:54.458 999 00:15:54.708 --> 00:15:56.333 No I mean in case of emergency 00:15:56.333 --> 00:15:57.541 Whilst in the United States 00:15:57.958 --> 00:15:58.875 9-1-1 00:15:58.875 --> 00:16:00.541 No next of kin contact 00:16:00.541 --> 00:16:01.875 a parent or guardian 00:16:01.875 --> 00:16:03.458 Oh don't be calling my parents in an emergency 00:16:03.458 --> 00:16:04.375 Sure they would go mad 00:16:04.375 --> 00:16:05.958 Do you have any relatives in the United States? 00:16:06.416 --> 00:16:07.291 I don't know them 00:16:07.291 --> 00:16:09.583 but there's a bunch of losers on Ancestry.com 00:16:09.583 --> 00:16:11.625 who keep emailing me saying I'm their third cousin 00:16:11.625 --> 00:16:13.375 Your contact in America is listed as 00:16:13.375 --> 00:16:14.833 John "The Fridge" Cullen? 00:16:14.833 --> 00:16:15.708 Yeah legend 00:16:15.708 --> 00:16:17.625 Why the fridge, does he work in refrigeration? 00:16:18.041 --> 00:16:19.958 Oh no he's just got a big chest and tiny legs 00:16:20.250 --> 00:16:21.833 The date you'll be entering the United States 00:16:21.833 --> 00:16:23.000 is? 00:16:23.000 --> 00:16:23.875 Paddy's Day 00:16:23.875 --> 00:16:24.708 The 17th of March 00:16:24.708 --> 00:16:26.291 When will you be leaving the United States? 00:16:26.291 --> 00:16:27.666 A sure you know yourself like 00:16:28.333 --> 00:16:29.166 I do not know 00:16:29.333 --> 00:16:31.541 Oh like no plans you know what I mean 00:16:31.541 --> 00:16:32.541 We will need a date 00:16:32.541 --> 00:16:34.541 Okay Christmas then 00:16:34.541 --> 00:16:36.375 Then you'll be overstaying your visa 00:16:36.375 --> 00:16:38.083 Oh so when should I leave then? 00:16:38.416 --> 00:16:39.625 You have to leave 00:16:39.625 --> 00:16:40.541 by April 7th 00:16:40.541 --> 00:16:42.166 Okay stick me down for that then 00:16:42.166 --> 00:16:43.000 and I'll do me best 00:16:43.000 --> 00:16:44.250 Will you be seeking employment 00:16:44.250 --> 00:16:45.500 whilst in the United States? 00:16:46.125 --> 00:16:47.333 Not officially 00:16:48.291 --> 00:16:49.666 What do you mean not officially? 00:16:49.666 --> 00:16:50.375 Like no 00:16:51.416 --> 00:16:52.000 but like 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:54.041 Please answer yes or no to the following questions 00:16:54.041 --> 00:16:54.541 Cool 00:16:54.541 --> 00:16:56.458 Do you seek to engage in terrorist activity? 00:16:56.458 --> 00:16:57.958 sabotage or genocide? 00:16:57.958 --> 00:16:58.875 No way hosé 00:16:58.875 --> 00:16:59.916 Do you intend to commit espionage 00:16:59.916 --> 00:17:01.541 on behalf of a foreign power? 00:17:01.541 --> 00:17:02.250 Not a chance 00:17:02.250 --> 00:17:03.208 Just answer yes or no 00:17:03.208 --> 00:17:05.708 Have you ever violated any law related to 00:17:05.708 --> 00:17:08.125 possessing using or distributing illegal drugs? 00:17:08.625 --> 00:17:09.125 Pass 00:17:09.125 --> 00:17:10.125 You cannot pass 00:17:10.458 --> 00:17:11.000 Right 00:17:11.000 --> 00:17:12.250 Put 'no' then 00:17:12.458 --> 00:17:14.083 Have you ever been arrested or convicted for a crime 00:17:14.083 --> 00:17:15.791 that resulted in serious damage to property 00:17:15.791 --> 00:17:18.125 or serious harm to another person or government authority? 00:17:19.166 --> 00:17:20.000 No 00:17:20.583 --> 00:17:21.583 Why'd you say it like that? 00:17:22.125 --> 00:17:22.833 Oh write 00:17:22.833 --> 00:17:23.333 'no' 00:17:23.333 --> 00:17:24.583 Well that's all the questions I have 00:17:24.583 --> 00:17:25.750 thank you for coming into the embassy 00:17:25.750 --> 00:17:26.416 Patrick 00:17:26.416 --> 00:17:27.833 your visa has been denied 00:17:28.875 --> 00:17:29.708 Ah 00:17:30.375 --> 00:17:31.708 Sure I'll just go to Canada so 00:17:32.250 --> 00:17:32.750 Cheers 00:17:33.625 --> 00:17:34.541 Doomdah 00:17:34.666 --> 00:17:36.291 So he went to Canada he didn't go to prison 00:17:36.291 --> 00:17:38.166 but unlike this next character 00:17:38.750 --> 00:17:39.500 The Snob 00:17:39.500 --> 00:17:41.541 So coming in at no. 4 is 00:17:56.416 --> 00:17:58.000 Well now haha 00:17:59.083 --> 00:17:59.708 Here we are 00:18:00.375 --> 00:18:01.041 the uh 00:18:02.166 --> 00:18:03.250 prison cafeteria 00:18:04.125 --> 00:18:05.041 Yes all the 00:18:05.041 --> 00:18:07.750 all the inmates gathered around breaking bread 00:18:07.750 --> 00:18:08.333 together 00:18:09.666 --> 00:18:12.166 the repartee between the vagabonds 00:18:15.166 --> 00:18:16.791 the furtive glances 00:18:16.791 --> 00:18:19.333 between the prison guards and the inmates 00:18:19.333 --> 00:18:20.125 who knows 00:18:20.625 --> 00:18:21.375 what'll happen 00:18:21.750 --> 00:18:22.458 indeed 00:18:23.416 --> 00:18:25.375 I have inquired about 00:18:25.375 --> 00:18:27.458 a south easterly 00:18:27.458 --> 00:18:29.125 facing cell 00:18:29.125 --> 00:18:30.791 the aspect don't you know 00:18:30.791 --> 00:18:33.166 and I haven't heard anything back 00:18:33.166 --> 00:18:35.208 how does one join a gang here? 00:18:35.500 --> 00:18:37.000 is it a lengthy process? 00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:38.166 do I need references? 00:18:38.166 --> 00:18:40.666 Indeed the hardest prison to escape 00:18:41.041 --> 00:18:42.500 is one's own mind 00:18:43.333 --> 00:18:45.666 although I may have found the perfect antidote 00:18:46.500 --> 00:18:48.500 the complete Bronte collection 00:18:48.500 --> 00:18:50.250 you can borrow mine whenever you like 00:18:50.250 --> 00:18:52.000 but you must promise 00:18:52.333 --> 00:18:54.375 that you highlight your favourite pros 00:18:55.125 --> 00:18:56.416 I've ruined my life 00:18:57.125 --> 00:18:57.750 You finishing that? 00:18:58.208 --> 00:18:58.791 No 00:18:59.500 --> 00:19:02.291 There is a gentleman on the floor above me 00:19:02.291 --> 00:19:03.791 who wishes to fight me 00:19:03.791 --> 00:19:05.416 I told him I do my talking 00:19:05.416 --> 00:19:06.583 on the chessboard 00:19:07.166 --> 00:19:09.416 The soup here lacks balance 00:19:09.416 --> 00:19:10.666 but the addition 00:19:10.666 --> 00:19:12.458 of small shavings of bone 00:19:12.458 --> 00:19:14.000 within the mincemeat 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:15.625 offer an unusual 00:19:15.625 --> 00:19:18.333 an unexpected grittiness 00:19:18.333 --> 00:19:19.125 Yeah it's horrible 00:19:19.125 --> 00:19:20.166 It's foul 00:19:20.500 --> 00:19:21.625 Do you know the minimalist 00:19:21.625 --> 00:19:23.666 architecture within these walls 00:19:23.666 --> 00:19:26.000 does strike me as reminiscent 00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:28.875 of the Debon DeMarc gallery in Verona 00:19:28.875 --> 00:19:30.625 Yeah I'm trying to get out of here on good behaviour 00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:33.666 Yeah? 00:19:34.583 --> 00:19:36.208 Word on Block B 00:19:36.208 --> 00:19:39.000 is that you're a man who can acquire things 00:19:39.000 --> 00:19:40.458 as the saying goes 00:19:41.833 --> 00:19:42.333 Yeah 00:19:42.333 --> 00:19:43.625 A backgammon board 00:19:43.625 --> 00:19:44.666 a fondue set 00:19:44.666 --> 00:19:46.291 a full-bodied merlot 00:19:46.291 --> 00:19:47.500 now I know we're in prison 00:19:47.500 --> 00:19:49.291 so a malbec will be fine 00:19:51.291 --> 00:19:53.666 I do hope that the screws don't find 00:19:53.666 --> 00:19:55.333 my stash of stuffed olives 00:19:55.916 --> 00:19:58.166 or it will be five weeks in the hole for me 00:19:58.500 --> 00:20:00.583 I thought to pass the time 00:20:00.583 --> 00:20:03.375 how about we play a word association game? 00:20:03.375 --> 00:20:03.875 No 00:20:03.875 --> 00:20:04.916 I'll say a word 00:20:04.916 --> 00:20:07.750 and then you say the first word that comes into your head 00:20:08.875 --> 00:20:09.416 Red 00:20:09.416 --> 00:20:10.416 Sanguine 00:20:11.416 --> 00:20:12.041 Time 00:20:12.041 --> 00:20:13.166 Anachronistic 00:20:14.333 --> 00:20:14.833 I don't know 00:20:15.125 --> 00:20:16.500 Well it's easy you just say the first word 00:20:16.500 --> 00:20:17.583 that comes into your head 00:20:17.583 --> 00:20:18.083 Chocolate 00:20:18.416 --> 00:20:19.125 Blandishment 00:20:19.125 --> 00:20:20.375 I don't want to play anymore 00:20:20.375 --> 00:20:21.250 Capitulation 00:20:21.250 --> 00:20:21.791 No 00:20:21.791 --> 00:20:22.583 Cessation 00:20:22.583 --> 00:20:23.083 Stop it 00:20:23.083 --> 00:20:23.750 Desist 00:20:23.750 --> 00:20:25.541 Ahhhhh 00:20:25.541 --> 00:20:27.041 Ah the infamous 00:20:27.041 --> 00:20:28.375 prison shank 00:20:28.375 --> 00:20:30.416 No one saw anything need I ask? 00:20:30.416 --> 00:20:32.416 Did you know that I 00:20:32.416 --> 00:20:34.083 visited The Louvre on... 00:20:39.708 --> 00:20:40.625 Doomdah 00:20:40.625 --> 00:20:41.583 Do you know what's always nice? 00:20:41.583 --> 00:20:43.166 And I enjoy in a role 00:20:43.166 --> 00:20:44.125 is when there is something to eat 00:20:44.125 --> 00:20:46.500 that was great because I got to eat spaghetti 00:20:46.500 --> 00:20:48.500 for the whole sketch 00:20:48.500 --> 00:20:49.583 Sitting down as well 00:20:49.583 --> 00:20:51.333 you had both of those things 00:20:51.333 --> 00:20:52.375 and no lines 00:20:52.375 --> 00:20:53.125 it was beautiful 00:20:53.125 --> 00:20:54.250 a dream role 00:20:56.583 --> 00:20:58.916 The snob character is a fun character to play 00:20:58.916 --> 00:21:01.166 this next character was going for his dream role 00:21:01.166 --> 00:21:03.125 but it wasn't quite working out for him 00:21:03.125 --> 00:21:04.916 this is... 00:21:05.833 --> 00:21:06.958 Thank you very much for coming in 00:21:06.958 --> 00:21:08.791 No worries there's my resume, 00:21:09.041 --> 00:21:10.833 skills assessment forms, IQ tests, 00:21:10.833 --> 00:21:11.750 personality stuff 00:21:11.750 --> 00:21:13.291 Okay well we won't need any of that 00:21:13.291 --> 00:21:13.833 Oh really? 00:21:13.833 --> 00:21:15.625 No i can tell a person's perfect career just by 00:21:15.625 --> 00:21:16.500 looking at them 00:21:17.250 --> 00:21:17.791 Okay 00:21:18.291 --> 00:21:18.875 It's a gift 00:21:19.458 --> 00:21:20.291 Right well 00:21:21.416 --> 00:21:22.458 Used car salesman 00:21:24.125 --> 00:21:25.208 Used car salesman? 00:21:25.333 --> 00:21:26.000 Yeah it's perfect 00:21:26.291 --> 00:21:27.041 Okay was it 00:21:27.041 --> 00:21:29.125 the way i'm sitting or the way i came into the room or? 00:21:29.125 --> 00:21:30.583 No no it's much more subtle than that 00:21:30.916 --> 00:21:31.416 Okay 00:21:31.416 --> 00:21:32.166 It's the mustache 00:21:33.791 --> 00:21:34.291 The mustache? 00:21:34.291 --> 00:21:36.750 You have a perfect used car salesman mustache 00:21:36.750 --> 00:21:39.041 Okay you're recommending a future career for me 00:21:39.500 --> 00:21:40.833 based around the fact that i have a mustache? 00:21:40.833 --> 00:21:41.625 Well not just that no 00:21:41.625 --> 00:21:43.125 it's also the expensive yet 00:21:43.125 --> 00:21:43.958 cheap looking shirt 00:21:43.958 --> 00:21:44.458 Excuse me? 00:21:44.458 --> 00:21:46.000 You're the perfect used car salesman 00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:47.375 I don't want to be a car salesman 00:21:47.375 --> 00:21:48.291 Used car salesman 00:21:48.291 --> 00:21:49.875 Whatever i wanted to 00:21:49.875 --> 00:21:51.083 work with children you know 00:21:51.083 --> 00:21:52.166 i was thinking maybe teaching 00:21:52.166 --> 00:21:53.583 Oh not with that mustache no 00:21:53.583 --> 00:21:55.166 not since the 80s sadly yeah 00:21:55.291 --> 00:21:55.791 Well you can't just... 00:21:55.791 --> 00:21:56.791 Basketball coach 00:21:57.166 --> 00:21:58.458 You could be a basketball coach 00:21:58.458 --> 00:21:59.791 I don't know the first thing about basketball 00:21:59.791 --> 00:22:01.041 That's very surprising what with the um 00:22:01.041 --> 00:22:01.833 because of the mustache? 00:22:01.833 --> 00:22:02.333 Yes 00:22:02.333 --> 00:22:04.333 Can you just forget i have a mustache for a second please 00:22:04.333 --> 00:22:05.875 Okay well looking past the mustache 00:22:05.875 --> 00:22:06.500 Thank you 00:22:06.708 --> 00:22:07.833 I'm thinking hairdresser 00:22:07.833 --> 00:22:08.541 Hairdresser? 00:22:08.750 --> 00:22:09.333 Why hairdresser? 00:22:09.333 --> 00:22:10.083 Because of your car 00:22:10.208 --> 00:22:11.791 That's not a hairdresser's car 00:22:11.958 --> 00:22:12.916 That's a hairdresser's car 00:22:12.916 --> 00:22:14.458 You're recommending careers to me based on 00:22:14.458 --> 00:22:16.000 what i look like and what car i drive? 00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:17.041 Well that's not fair 00:22:17.041 --> 00:22:18.500 There's an awful lot of considerations that go 00:22:18.500 --> 00:22:19.250 into all of this 00:22:19.250 --> 00:22:19.750 Really? 00:22:19.750 --> 00:22:21.041 Yeah well your posture is 00:22:21.041 --> 00:22:22.250 perfect for someone in I.T 00:22:22.250 --> 00:22:23.625 Your handwriting is atrocious 00:22:23.625 --> 00:22:24.708 You'd make a wonderful doctor 00:22:24.708 --> 00:22:26.125 and you've rescheduled this appointment 00:22:26.125 --> 00:22:28.083 three times so obviously i'm thinking 00:22:28.083 --> 00:22:28.583 plumber 00:22:28.583 --> 00:22:29.833 or really anything within the trades 00:22:29.833 --> 00:22:30.750 Well they seem like 00:22:30.750 --> 00:22:32.125 ridiculous reasons to choose a career 00:22:32.125 --> 00:22:32.958 You tried it your way 00:22:32.958 --> 00:22:34.875 Okay and you've still ended up in here 00:22:34.875 --> 00:22:36.041 Oh what career am i gonna do? 00:22:36.041 --> 00:22:38.041 Oh i don't know i'm not sure i haven't figured it out yet 00:22:38.041 --> 00:22:39.208 You're in your mid 30s okay 00:22:39.208 --> 00:22:40.416 still haven't figured it out 00:22:40.416 --> 00:22:41.583 so it's time to try something different 00:22:41.833 --> 00:22:43.791 But i don't like any of the careers that you suggested 00:22:43.791 --> 00:22:45.333 That's fine we were just getting started okay 00:22:45.333 --> 00:22:47.041 Look we've got lots more you could be a 00:22:47.375 --> 00:22:48.125 truck driver 00:22:48.125 --> 00:22:49.708 or supermarket manager 00:22:49.708 --> 00:22:50.791 Because they have mustaches? 00:22:50.791 --> 00:22:51.500 They're mustache jobs 00:22:51.500 --> 00:22:53.208 Can you just drop the mustache thing please? 00:22:53.875 --> 00:22:55.125 okay fine all right look if you 00:22:55.125 --> 00:22:56.875 were maybe willing to grow a beard 00:22:56.875 --> 00:22:58.041 it would open some doors for you? 00:22:58.041 --> 00:22:58.541 Oh my God 00:22:58.916 --> 00:23:00.125 So you could have 00:23:00.125 --> 00:23:01.000 lumberjack? 00:23:01.000 --> 00:23:02.125 hipster barber? 00:23:02.125 --> 00:23:02.750 Rabbi? 00:23:02.750 --> 00:23:03.583 Rabbi 00:23:03.583 --> 00:23:05.541 Can you just forget about the whole facial hair thing please 00:23:05.541 --> 00:23:06.500 All right i'll try 00:23:06.500 --> 00:23:07.333 Um... 00:23:08.083 --> 00:23:09.416 Well i noticed you have quite a lot of dandruff 00:23:09.416 --> 00:23:10.166 on your shoulders 00:23:10.166 --> 00:23:10.833 Excuse me? 00:23:10.833 --> 00:23:12.333 Have you considered a career in the priesthood? 00:23:12.333 --> 00:23:13.541 Are you being funny with me? 00:23:13.875 --> 00:23:14.375 Bouncer 00:23:14.500 --> 00:23:15.541 I don't have time for this 00:23:15.541 --> 00:23:16.375 The civil service 00:23:16.375 --> 00:23:17.375 I want my money back 00:23:17.375 --> 00:23:18.041 Bank manager 00:23:18.041 --> 00:23:19.375 This conversation is over 00:23:19.375 --> 00:23:21.083 Ryanair customer service 00:23:21.250 --> 00:23:21.791 That's it 00:23:21.916 --> 00:23:22.416 I'm leaving 00:23:22.416 --> 00:23:23.083 My ex-wife 00:23:23.083 --> 00:23:24.041 Doomdah 00:23:24.041 --> 00:23:25.750 So we did a lot of immigration sketches 00:23:25.750 --> 00:23:26.833 during the year and 00:23:26.833 --> 00:23:29.875 this one is definitely the one that cop us the most heat 00:23:29.875 --> 00:23:32.541 I did an amazing job of the accent in this next sketch 00:23:32.541 --> 00:23:34.000 Yeah it's called... 00:23:39.416 --> 00:23:41.000 Before granting your entry to India 00:23:41.000 --> 00:23:43.166 you must first answer some simple questions 00:23:44.208 --> 00:23:46.541 Where do tourists spend most of their time in India? 00:23:46.541 --> 00:23:47.416 The toilet 00:23:47.416 --> 00:23:48.083 Correct 00:23:48.083 --> 00:23:50.500 Name the three main religions in India 00:23:50.500 --> 00:23:52.625 Hindu, Muslim and 00:23:52.625 --> 00:23:53.375 Cricket 00:23:53.375 --> 00:23:54.250 Correct 00:23:54.250 --> 00:23:56.291 When did British rule end in India? 00:23:56.291 --> 00:23:57.250 In 1947 00:23:57.250 --> 00:24:00.041 and when did Indian rule begin in Britain? 00:24:00.041 --> 00:24:01.333 Just this week 00:24:01.333 --> 00:24:02.083 Correct 00:24:02.083 --> 00:24:04.416 India has a history of non-violent 00:24:04.416 --> 00:24:06.458 passive resistance protest 00:24:06.458 --> 00:24:07.375 What does it also have? 00:24:07.375 --> 00:24:08.958 160 nuclear warheads 00:24:08.958 --> 00:24:09.916 Correct 00:24:09.916 --> 00:24:12.958 What do tourists often find when visiting India? 00:24:12.958 --> 00:24:14.041 Themselves 00:24:14.041 --> 00:24:15.000 Correct 00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:18.000 Where can you go to get finger food in India? 00:24:18.541 --> 00:24:19.791 Anywhere 00:24:20.666 --> 00:24:22.666 Where in India would you go to see a portrayal 00:24:22.666 --> 00:24:24.958 of an idealized vision of Indian life 00:24:24.958 --> 00:24:27.583 full of overacting and dramatic fight scenes 00:24:27.583 --> 00:24:28.875 The Indian Parliament 00:24:28.875 --> 00:24:30.000 Yes 00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:32.208 Name one of India's greatest treasures 00:24:32.208 --> 00:24:33.541 The English Crown Jewels 00:24:34.416 --> 00:24:37.125 How are actors in Bollywood movies selected? 00:24:37.708 --> 00:24:39.208 The caste system 00:24:39.208 --> 00:24:40.208 Indeed 00:24:40.208 --> 00:24:44.083 What poses the greatest challenge in India today? 00:24:44.083 --> 00:24:45.000 Probably 00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:46.250 the Lotus pose 00:24:46.250 --> 00:24:48.291 Yes very hard to tuck the feet in 00:24:49.166 --> 00:24:51.583 Which famous board game played on a grid 00:24:51.583 --> 00:24:53.125 and invented in India 00:24:53.125 --> 00:24:55.375 has captivated the world's greatest minds 00:24:55.375 --> 00:24:56.208 for centuries? 00:24:57.041 --> 00:24:57.916 Snakes and ladders 00:24:57.916 --> 00:24:58.625 Correct 00:24:58.625 --> 00:25:01.791 name the disputed region between India and Pakistan 00:25:01.791 --> 00:25:04.333 that causes riots and fatalities every year 00:25:04.958 --> 00:25:05.791 The wicket 00:25:06.625 --> 00:25:08.833 and finally who brought the world 00:25:08.833 --> 00:25:10.708 Chicken Tikka Masala? 00:25:10.708 --> 00:25:11.708 Scotland 00:25:11.708 --> 00:25:13.875 Yes for the last time 00:25:13.875 --> 00:25:16.125 okay congratulations gentlemen 00:25:16.125 --> 00:25:17.458 and welcome to India 00:25:17.458 --> 00:25:19.416 Oh okay well that was easy yeah 00:25:19.416 --> 00:25:21.708 Just some very simple forms to fill in 00:25:21.708 --> 00:25:23.250 Yeah sure... 00:25:23.250 --> 00:25:24.416 There you go 00:25:24.875 --> 00:25:26.458 All of them? 00:25:26.458 --> 00:25:27.750 Yes that's all of his ones 00:25:27.750 --> 00:25:28.541 and yours are on the way 00:25:28.541 --> 00:25:29.250 Domdah 00:25:29.500 --> 00:25:30.750 In at number one is 00:25:30.750 --> 00:25:33.083 War, death, bombs 00:25:33.083 --> 00:25:34.500 definitely a controversial topic 00:25:34.500 --> 00:25:36.541 but we tried to see the silliness 00:25:36.541 --> 00:25:37.583 in this situation 00:25:37.583 --> 00:25:38.833 Yeah 00:25:38.833 --> 00:25:40.833 And I think it kind of worked 00:25:40.833 --> 00:25:41.666 because there is a lot of silliness 00:25:41.666 --> 00:25:43.666 Yes we... 00:25:43.666 --> 00:25:46.041 Sensitive, sensitive area 00:25:46.875 --> 00:25:48.916 But I think we got there in terms of 00:25:48.916 --> 00:25:49.708 I think so 00:25:49.708 --> 00:25:51.083 doing something appropriate 00:25:52.666 --> 00:25:53.750 Well we hope 00:25:53.750 --> 00:25:55.208 we created some levity 00:25:55.208 --> 00:25:56.208 out of this dark one 00:25:56.208 --> 00:25:57.208 and that's probably why we are proud of this one 00:25:57.208 --> 00:25:58.916 Yeah that probably is it yeah 00:25:58.916 --> 00:25:59.916 that's true so in at no. 1 00:25:59.916 --> 00:26:01.458 for 2022 is 00:26:05.375 --> 00:26:07.333 I'm not telling him you should tell him 00:26:07.333 --> 00:26:08.083 I'm not telling him 00:26:08.083 --> 00:26:09.083 You're the ranking officer 00:26:09.083 --> 00:26:10.208 I told him last time 00:26:10.208 --> 00:26:10.791 Alright 00:26:11.583 --> 00:26:13.375 Hammer Sickle Vodka 00:26:13.375 --> 00:26:14.166 Okay 00:26:15.041 --> 00:26:16.833 Hammer, Sickle, Vodka 00:26:16.833 --> 00:26:17.375 Awwww 00:26:17.916 --> 00:26:18.791 Good luck my friend 00:26:26.166 --> 00:26:26.666 No 00:26:27.291 --> 00:26:28.125 Hello Sergei 00:26:28.125 --> 00:26:28.666 No 00:26:29.208 --> 00:26:29.791 Yeah 00:26:29.791 --> 00:26:31.791 There has just been a few small changes 00:26:31.791 --> 00:26:32.791 Ahhhhhh 00:26:32.791 --> 00:26:33.541 Please no please 00:26:33.541 --> 00:26:34.708 How am I supposed to do my job 00:26:34.708 --> 00:26:36.041 if you cannot do yours? 00:26:36.041 --> 00:26:38.375 It is okay look we could just... 00:26:38.375 --> 00:26:40.541 all you need to do is change 00:26:40.541 --> 00:26:42.833 just rub that bit out there 00:26:42.833 --> 00:26:44.333 and then turn that line 00:26:44.333 --> 00:26:45.583 in on itself maybe 00:26:45.583 --> 00:26:46.458 and then 00:26:46.458 --> 00:26:47.666 that's all gone there 00:26:47.666 --> 00:26:49.625 there's less for you to do down here 00:26:49.625 --> 00:26:51.083 that that's that that's good so 00:26:51.083 --> 00:26:52.583 yes very good 00:26:52.583 --> 00:26:53.958 okay that's very good 00:26:57.125 --> 00:26:59.166 and this bit here is also gone so 00:27:03.541 --> 00:27:05.666 and all of that... 00:27:06.458 --> 00:27:08.750 Maybe it's better if you just start again? 00:27:08.750 --> 00:27:10.000 Start again yes yes 00:27:11.000 --> 00:27:11.875 It's easier 00:27:12.250 --> 00:27:13.375 Ahhhhhhhhh 00:27:13.541 --> 00:27:14.875 Hello Sergei 00:27:14.875 --> 00:27:15.958 What is it now? 00:27:15.958 --> 00:27:17.166 I will never finish 00:27:17.166 --> 00:27:18.750 I cannot work like this 00:27:19.458 --> 00:27:20.125 No you cannot 00:27:21.583 --> 00:27:23.125 You've been drafted 00:27:23.125 --> 00:27:24.208 No no I can't work like this 00:27:24.208 --> 00:27:24.833 I can do it! 00:27:24.833 --> 00:27:25.708 Doomdah 00:27:25.708 --> 00:27:28.333 Lady's and gentlemen hold onto your socks this is the final 00:27:28.333 --> 00:27:30.083 doomdah of 2022 00:27:33.125 --> 00:27:41.083 Doomdah 00:27:41.083 --> 00:27:44.791 No no can't give up on the year it's been a good year 00:27:44.791 --> 00:27:46.791 I can't let it go...