Never give up! I Federica Lisi I TEDxMantova

"Never give up", this is Federica's message, which found in pain the drive to her rebirth and in love the strength to always look ahead.

Federica was a volleyball player of the Italian national team and the life partner of Vigor Bovolenta, a volleyball champion who died prematurely. Author of the best seller "Noi non ci lasceremo mai", today she takes all across Italy "Ioelei", a show of music and words that convey her extraordinary life experience.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community.

Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

Nobody kills me anymore,
I will live in a hundred years.

I don't know why I say so
and why I think so,

perhaps to declare war on fate
after it went to war with me.

Or maybe I just talk to myself,
my children and Bobo:

now that you're gone,
I'll be there forever.

I read these sentences in a book,
and I suddenly realize

that "Nobody kills me anymore"
is what I'm saying.

It's my book, and it's my life.

What's going on?

That everything changed in a second.

March 24, 2012:

you go out, finally a night out
one can never do,

you go to dance with your friends,

you greet at lunch your husband
who goes to play,

after a career made of two Olympics
and many other championships.

I'll see you tonight!

You leave four children at home:
Alessandro, seven; Arianna, three;

and two twins aged one,
Angelica and Aurora.

And while you're on this quiet,
peaceful evening,

you get a call.

And somebody told me, Bobo felt bad.

So you take the car,

you make this absurd journey to Macerata,

because he was playing there.

And you hear, it was like a movie.

You see the team outside,
the long ER aisle,

and two doctors are only waiting for me.

Because then at the end of the day,
the whole world knew, but me.

I was always inside this glass bell -

because he had always put me
inside the bell,

because he was the head of the family.

So that's okay, and you accept.

Because then in life
one accepts roles as well.

And from there they tell you, he's gone.

And I got up,

something came to me I can hardly explain,

these are all inner emotions.

There was a fire inside me:

it was like, Federica had gone,
and the next moment Federica was reborn.

Because it's fair to admit
that Federica was reborn.

So I get up, go home,

and take my four little angels -

that we had through many hardships,

that we managed to get through hardships,

because, when we were young,
were told that we couldn't have children.

And the very phrase "you can't"
does not belong to me at all.

If you say "I can't", I do everything

because that is my goal,
I have to go there, one way or the other.

So we raised our hands
and we asked for help,

and thanks to assisted fertilization

Bobo and I had our four little angels.

So you take them,
you put them next to you,

and I felt like transmitting "upliftingly"
that negative thing that occurred us

"Uplifting" may be too much,

but in a different way
than what had actually happened.

Like, you have a pain, but you process it,
you put it in the right part, maybe.

Where it should be,
because one must look forward,

he was gone.

One can't do anything about the past.

No way, all you have to do is deal with it.

And I got everyone,
and I told them, it was so cool!

Dad went to play for the best team ever,

it's the team from heaven.

And so, that's where my game starts.

I started playing when I was nine.

And I played volleyball, then.

A sport where you are
in such a small space,

but you are many, because you are six.

So start along this path

that you have to trust
the people next to you.

You have to go and give your best,

because at the end of the game
you can either win or lose,

but you must leave the field

[feeling that] with the sweaty jersey
you can finally make it.

And from there that book,

those book sentences I started with:

"I'll never get killed again" chapter
was over, and I opened another one.

And it was my book, with my children,

and with all the people I would then meet

and surely I would take my hand.

Because then, even the help is not -

I don't mind asking for help,
I don't see it as a sign of weakness,

but perhaps it was my greatest strength.

Raising my hand and say,

I can't do this right now alone.

And then something happens

at the right time inside right person,

because on March 24th Bobo leaves,

and I go to make a checkup
at the gynecologist -

remember, we could not have children.

And in that ecography,
the doctor says there's a life in me.

You look at the sky and say,
"Maybe there's something I should do?

Yeah, maybe I have to do something.

Because there was a link -

too many rings had chained themselves.

Bobo was a famous player;
you can't have kids, you have four.

He's gone while playing,

and I don't feel like the only one

who lost her husband
and got floored by pain.

But my voice, perhaps,
is a choir of voices.

But I'm here and I can talk
because those rings brought me here.

And the ring was Andrea, my fifth son.

So there was an afterward,

and a realization
that I had to do something.

And you start organizing.

You start organizing events,
you start organizing parties,

you start organizing everything
that is life and is not death.

Because, in the end,
life and death intertwine

and life and death unite us.

There's no one famous or famous -

yes, you can discover anything,

you can do anything,

but in the end we're all in the same boat.

In the end, we're all here
looking at each other, having a heart

and having so many emotions.

I began to follow these emotions,

I began to listen to my heart.

And during all these events,
all this great going around,

you start to share your story

with the people in front of you.

And many times, when I was driving -
I went to schools,

I shared my experience
with a lot with people,

you realize you're in the car and you say:

yes, it happened to me,
it happened to him too early -

because at 37 it was a bit too early.

With five kids at home,
really anti-nature.

But instead, then you realize

that there are so many
dreadful stories around you.

How did they come? I don't know, really.

But one thing depends on us.

It's how we do the path life to death.

Because we all have our own path to take.

And so many times things happen

that we raise our hands to
and we can't help ourselves.

But how we lead out lives,

that does depend on us.

So you hold an event,

and you meet Red Ronnie,

that you maybe saw on television,

with all his music broadcasts -

I'm an absolute fan, of music,

and a fan of Italian music.

Because when I hear the songs
I have to understand what they say,

I can't bear it otherwise.

So you immerse yourself in the notes,
you immerse yourself in the words.

There were some singer-songwriters
who had really gotten into me,

and it wasn't air but it was just oxygen.

Including a singer-songwriter
named Pia Tuccitto.

So, when Red Ronnie invites me to her show

and tells me that Pia is there,
then I said: great, I'm going.

And this meeting was made of looks,

it was made of listening

because she presented a single of her own,

I was talking about my story,
and about my event,

and from there - here's the ring

perhaps these two women were meant -

with a totally different life,

because then Federica sportswoman

who decided to stop very soon to play,

at 26 years maybe I was
at the height of my career,

and I decided to throw myself
into this creation of the family,

and therefore this maternal instinct,

to a person who always and anyway
followed her passion:

the music, the notes.

Everything that came from there,

and made her write poems and songs

that got their way into people.

And when this meeting took place,

something clicked perfectly,

because all she wrote in her songs

at the end was her life.

It was all the emotion she felt
and keeps feeling.

And all I wrote about
in my life, was my life.

But not past life,
also present and future life.

So, on a road trip,
we looked at each other

and it came to me spontaneously -

it turned on that light I said before?

Since that evening of March 24th
lights have been on

and I really feel the strength

of a person who takes me
and says to me: you have to go.

And it puts me right in front
of the path I've got to take.

I just have to be willing to walk.

And I looked at her and I said:
Pia, can we do something together?

And from there she wrote
those songs that I heard

but that I didn't feel
like I had a singer next to me

writing those songs
that I heard on the radio.

And as I listened to them carefully,
more and more carefully,

I looked at her and said:

Pia, we're identical because your life
intertwines with mine.

And from there we have -

in half a day we found
ourselves at her house,

and we knocked down ten songs.

And when I heard the notes
of her songs passing by,

I would take them
like a demonic - I took my book

and started to write the pieces.

That's "Io e Lei" genesis.

Io e Lei [Me and Here] are two people.
It's about the strength of being together.

But "Io e Lei" may also be
a lonely person.

I mean, when one wakes up
in the evening or in the morning

put herself in front of the mirror
and she look at herself -

because then, in the end,
being together is fundamental

because sharing, meeting people
in my opinion is the best of life:.

But in the end,

no one give the right answers but us.

Only by really looking us in the eye -

or stopping us for a second.

Now we go, now you have to run,
you have to work, you have to do,

you never stop.

You're all the time
on the phone, or online

or - I have to work, I have
to go shopping, buy this or that.

But one second, if you stop,

you can appreciate what's important.

Because there's nothing
taken for granted in life.

"It never happens to me";
"Look at her, now she's here... "

And instead you realize

that overnight, in a moment,

you are here and you're
the main character.

And you just have
to go on, and bravely try

to make this route as nicely as possible.

And the show is this:

the show is a set of emotions
where you talk about - what?

You talk about death, about pain,
but you mainly talk about rebirth,

awakening, love, friendship,

something that you have -
because we all have it, in us -

and with Pia we took our hand

and we are taking it around Italy
to share it with people.

We share social projects,

because then we also go and take hands

with associations that carry messages:

ours is that, "Let's never give up".

Anything that happens to you, anything,

a tragedy or an obstacle, anything.

Look ahead and go straight on,

because someone will always be there
who supports you to be winning.

I feel like a very lucky
and very successful woman.

No children for me, and I have five.

Same thing for Pia: she worked
15 years with Vasco Rossi.

After 15 years, the music icon said hello

because she did accept no compromise.

And she is making it, and she is following
her heart, her passion

which is writing songs,

writing music and sharing them with people

passing even difficult times.

We are carrying messages

that are the ones that get to your heart
and really bring you to light -

we light sparks.

Then people go home,

and it's up to us to feed the spark.

We give messages

that can also be those
of medical attention, right?

Bobo went to play [and] he was fine.
He never came home.

Medical examination? Well, he did many.

I found out, however,
he felt bad in the field.

Being brave in organ donation -

Pia, unfortunately, lost her a sister
suffering from Down's syndrome,

a while ago.

And Mom, the family
decided to donate the liver.

That no one could imagine

that a little girl with Down's syndrome
could do such a thing.

Everything can be done:
it's just having the courage.

The courage to look at each other,
the courage to go ahead

and the courage to say:
I really can do it.

And if you manage to get in
and make the most out of what you have -

I don't want to be the one who says:

I look at the sun, what a wonder.
the lawn, the moon.

And all this is beautiful,
but it really is beautiful

because so many situations
and so many times we go -

this trip is like going by train.

Let's slow down,
start looking at the landscape.

Let's start to share also,
with the people next to us,

a hug, a kiss, a I love you

It can make the day

to you and mainly
to the person next to you.

So it's something that,

in here, silence speaks.

And listen to each other.

Thank you so much, good life to everyone.

(Applause)