Margaret Cho - Just For Laughs - 1995

[Music and applause]

Oh, thank you so much.

This is so exciting for me this evening,
taping a television show and everything.

It's always a thrill.

I love doing TV.

I was recently on a show called
"Star Search", heard of it?

[applause]

But actually I wasn't on
the real Star Search,

I was on Star Search International.

Because I'm so very international.

They had a real problem with me because
I look this way, but I talk this way.

[laughter]

That was like a problem and they're
trying to be sensitive about it.

They're like, "Margaret, we don't want
you to take this the wrong way but

could you be a little more, oh I don't
know, Chinese"?

[laughter]

Well, actually I'm Korean.

"Whatever."

[laughter]

I was supposed to go on this show and
tell jokes, what was I supposed to do?

Oh, my husband is so fat, that when
he sit around the [unintelligible]

he really sit around the [unintelligible].

[laughter]

Gong.

I don't go to church anymore, and my
grandmother follows me around

"Margaret, Margaret, how come you
don't go to church?"

"You have many friends at church."
[snoring]

[laughter]

[snoring] Bingo!

[laughter and applause]

My mother is convinced that everybody
in show business does drugs.

She's like, "Oh you cannot go to the club
because they take the drugs."

"Those people they take the cocaines
and then they take the D, the D, the D."

Mom, it's LSD.

"How do you know that?"

[laughter]

My mother really wants me to get married
but I don't know if that gonna happen soon.

I have trouble with men.

Do you ever go out with somebody
and you like them so much,

you like them so much,
you like them so much,

you like them so much,
you like them so much,

and then they do something,
and then you don't like anymore?

I went out with this guy recently.

I liked him so much,
I liked him so much,

I like him so much,
I like him so much,

we went out and we went dancing
and he started moon walking

around me [audience laughs]
and I didn't like him anymore.

[laughter]

I dated one guy who said that if I
broke up with him that he would

kill himself, and I broke up with him
but he's not dead yet.

[laughter]

And I want to call him up and go,
"You know, what's the deal?"

[laughter]

I thought we had a agreement.

[laughter and applause]

I love being her in Montreal,
it's a beautiful city.

I travel a lot, I like traveling but
I get kind of nervous when I go

to places where there aren't a lot
of Asians like Alabama.

[laughter]

I was in Mobile Alabama, I was walking
down the street and this man actually

called me a "chink".

I mean he actually called me a
chink - I was so mad I just looked at him

and I said, "Chink? I'm sorry Chinks
are Chinese, I'm Korean, I'm a gook alright."

[laughter]

If you're going to be racist, at least
learn the terminology.

Get like a redneck to English dictionary.

[laughter and applause]

I think that racism is the biggest
disadvantage to being Asian in

America but if I was to choose, I think
the biggest advantage to being

Asian in America is that if you're at
an airport or a bar or something,

and somebody comes up and talks
to you, and you don't want to talk

to them you can just pretend you
don't speak English.

"Oh no, I don't know."

[laughter]

Thank you very much.

[music and applause]