Why does my affection affect you? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador
-
0:09 - 0:12I think my heart's never beaten
so hard in my life. -
0:12 - 0:15It's a pretty unique
experience to be here. -
0:15 - 0:19First, I'd like to thank you
for the opportunity to share my story. -
0:19 - 0:23In the last three weeks I've thought
a lot about the contribution -
0:23 - 0:26that I'd have to bring here to you.
-
0:27 - 0:29I didn't sleep a couple nights
because of that. -
0:29 - 0:31I called my speech
"A path of consciousness," -
0:31 - 0:35because I believe that,
as this is the theme of the event, -
0:35 - 0:39the path of consciousness only begins
when we start to accept ourselves -
0:39 - 0:42and, more than that, we do something
positive of our own identity. -
0:43 - 0:45I never managed to talk
openly about this in my life, -
0:45 - 0:48this is the first time
that I bring this up publicly -
0:48 - 0:52and you need a lot of courage
to talk about subjects like this. -
0:52 - 0:55But the fact that I suffered
violence because of my nature -
0:55 - 0:57was always a turning point in my life.
-
0:57 - 0:59Two Tiagos existed to me:
-
0:59 - 1:01one that during his growth
-
1:01 - 1:06looked up to be a highlighted professional
and respected by his actions, -
1:06 - 1:10and the other one who in his intimacy
wasn't able to accept himself -
1:10 - 1:12and didn't consider himself
worthy of happiness. -
1:13 - 1:15And while these two Tiagos didn't meet
-
1:15 - 1:19I wouldn't ever be able
to find a path to happiness. -
1:19 - 1:24And I wanted to bring here to you
an image that could transmit -
1:24 - 1:28a little bit of the message
that I want to pass on right now. -
1:28 - 1:30And I found this one in my preteenagehood.
-
1:30 - 1:33I was 12 years old, and it was
in my first communion. -
1:34 - 1:36As I am from a small town,
-
1:36 - 1:39my parents aren't religious but it was
an important ritual to be lived. -
1:40 - 1:42Then my mother decided
-
1:42 - 1:47that instead of renting or buying a suit
like most of the families do -
1:47 - 1:48she would buy new clothes
-
1:48 - 1:51so that I could wear them
later in my life. -
1:52 - 1:54But there was a problem:
-
1:54 - 1:56I had slightly long hair,
-
1:56 - 1:58an angelic face
-
1:58 - 2:01and the details of the clothes were pink.
-
2:02 - 2:06When I got in front of the church
I was feeling gorgeous, different, -
2:06 - 2:08but the catechesis teacher asked me
-
2:08 - 2:11to enter the church apart from the group.
-
2:11 - 2:15While the boys entered side by side
with the girls, by size order, -
2:15 - 2:19I entered there alone, and I was
by far the tallest of the group. -
2:20 - 2:24When I came into the church,
the looks were of surprise, of wonder -
2:24 - 2:25and even of judgement, I think.
-
2:25 - 2:27I got scared with that.
-
2:27 - 2:29I didn't know
how to handle that situation. -
2:29 - 2:33It took around three years
for me to look at those pictures again -
2:33 - 2:35and I ripped all of them off.
-
2:35 - 2:39But for some reason
this one ended up being saved. -
2:39 - 2:41It also took me a long time to comprehend
-
2:41 - 2:43my mom's behavior.
-
2:43 - 2:46Initially I thought that she
had exposed me to much -
2:46 - 2:49but now I understand
that what she was doing was in fact -
2:49 - 2:52an act of acceptance of my sexuality;
-
2:52 - 2:55that to her, despite what society thought,
-
2:55 - 2:57I was a beautiful and normal child.
-
2:59 - 3:03In the sequence of my life I went through
a series of bullying situations -
3:03 - 3:06like most homosexuals.
-
3:06 - 3:11I suffered bullying at school,
at college, at work, -
3:11 - 3:15but actually it's not about bullying
that I want to talk about here -
3:15 - 3:17because I believe that we have to learn
-
3:17 - 3:21to do something positive
out of negative things in our lives, -
3:21 - 3:24so that we can be better human beings.
-
3:25 - 3:28But it's evident that situations
of prejudice and violence -
3:28 - 3:31have consequences in our behavior.
-
3:31 - 3:36Until my thirties I was an antisocial,
repressed, aggressive person, -
3:36 - 3:38and I wasn't able to comprehend myself.
-
3:38 - 3:41With that, I also couldn't
comprehend others. -
3:41 - 3:43The fact that I suffered prejudice
-
3:43 - 3:48made me absorb this prejudice
and I began to be a biased person. -
3:48 - 3:52I was biased against myself,
against others homosexuals. -
3:52 - 3:55I was biased against people in general.
-
3:55 - 3:57For me it was like
the law of action and reaction. -
3:57 - 3:59As I received violence
-
3:59 - 4:02I thought that I should spread
this violence to the world, -
4:02 - 4:07that I should repress my behavior
and all of my homosexual gestures -
4:07 - 4:10so that I wouldn't suffer more violence.
-
4:10 - 4:13But it's evident that this model
doesn't sustain itself. -
4:13 - 4:15I also felt alone in this world.
-
4:15 - 4:17As I come from a small town
with 20,000 inhabitants -
4:17 - 4:21and in my teenagehood
internet wasn't so popular yet, -
4:21 - 4:23I thought I was the only
homosexual in the world -
4:23 - 4:25and so I wasn't worthy of happiness,
-
4:25 - 4:28that I really wasn't a normal person.
-
4:28 - 4:32With time and with data and information
being shared on the internet, -
4:32 - 4:35I had access to information like this one:
-
4:35 - 4:37a research in 500 Brazilian schools
-
4:37 - 4:42revealed that 26 percent of the students
declared that they don't accept us, -
4:42 - 4:4725 percent believed
that we aren't trustable, -
4:47 - 4:50and 23 percent believed
that we are mentally ill. -
4:50 - 4:52I already have thought
all of that about myself. -
4:52 - 4:56Nowadays, I don't think that way anymore.
-
4:56 - 4:59I also developed a certain rage
at the school model. -
4:59 - 5:04I had a lot of anger against schools
and against what happened in classrooms. -
5:04 - 5:08But, with time, I gave a new meaning
to this rage and I understood that in fact -
5:08 - 5:11schools are nothing
but the reflex of our society. -
5:11 - 5:15And if society doesn't change,
schools won't change either. -
5:15 - 5:18Therefore, I bring another
important information: -
5:18 - 5:22based on "Disque Denúncia,"
in the last four years -
5:22 - 5:26the index of complaints
of homophobia rose up by 460 percent. -
5:26 - 5:31This information has two sides:
one positive, that we, homosexuals, -
5:31 - 5:35are now able to talk more about this
and to claim our rights; -
5:35 - 5:38and the other that intolerance
might have increased. -
5:38 - 5:40Regardless of the interpretation
we make of this data, -
5:40 - 5:42I think that in the Brazilian society
-
5:42 - 5:47we still have to discuss a lot
about tolerance and acceptance. -
5:48 - 5:53I ask you - not only regarding
the acceptance of homosexual people, -
5:53 - 5:57but the acceptance of others
regardless of who he might be. -
5:57 - 6:00When you look in the mirror,
what do you see? -
6:02 - 6:05Do you accept your hair,
and in my case, the lack of it? -
6:05 - 6:09Do you accept your weight, your gender?
-
6:09 - 6:11Do you accept that of others?
-
6:11 - 6:14And how do we contribute
for these concealed prejudices -
6:14 - 6:16to keep happening in our society?
-
6:16 - 6:20Isn't it time for us to give
all of this a new meaning? -
6:20 - 6:23Like in that situation of my communion,
when that happened to me -
6:23 - 6:26and I received judgemental looks
for being different, -
6:26 - 6:31I still think society is too schematized
to give privilege to some people. -
6:31 - 6:35Like heterosexuals,
white people, rich people... -
6:35 - 6:38But how can we consciously
leave these models? -
6:38 - 6:42We've been educated to accept
certain behaviors, and not to question: -
6:42 - 6:43the clothes we wear,
-
6:43 - 6:46the toys, that are defined by gender,
-
6:46 - 6:49the housework,
that is associated to women, -
6:49 - 6:50the way we have to behave.
-
6:50 - 6:52Who defined all of that?
-
6:52 - 6:56Isn't it time for us to change
the meaning of these things? -
6:57 - 7:00I learned, in the hard way,
that the more I judged the other, -
7:00 - 7:02the less I would be comprehended.
-
7:02 - 7:05When I started offering
comprehension to the world, -
7:05 - 7:07the world also started to comprehend me.
-
7:07 - 7:10This became a mantra in my life,
and every day I try to say that: -
7:10 - 7:13"Judgement isolates people,
comprehension brings them together. -
7:13 - 7:16Judgement isolates people,
comprehension brings them together." -
7:16 - 7:19With that I learned that in fact
-
7:19 - 7:22to be gay shouldn't be a subject
to be discussed in society. -
7:22 - 7:24This shouldn't be relevant.
-
7:24 - 7:26I needed two years of therapy
to comprehend this -
7:26 - 7:31and to understand that I am Tiago,
I am a human being, a good person, -
7:31 - 7:35with hits and misses, that I deserve
to be happy, as do all of you. -
7:36 - 7:42I learned that with one of the persons
that brought me more learning in my life. -
7:42 - 7:46This person is here today,
she's 80 years old, and she's watching me. -
7:46 - 7:49(Applause)
-
7:58 - 7:59Thank you.
-
7:59 - 8:03It was in my grandma kitchen,
Massimília Conceição da Câmara, -
8:03 - 8:05that I learned how to be a person.
-
8:05 - 8:09To her my sexuality never needed
to be a subject to be discussed. -
8:09 - 8:13She never asked me this question,
not because she was afraid of the answer, -
8:13 - 8:17but because to her
I've always been her grandson, Tiago, -
8:17 - 8:22a human being that deserves
respect, care, affection and acceptance -
8:22 - 8:25like all human beings, not only me.
-
8:25 - 8:30My grandmother's love saved me
from addiction and self-aggression. -
8:30 - 8:34Through this gesture, I understood
that what humanity needs -
8:34 - 8:37isn't our aggressivity, neither our fears,
-
8:37 - 8:40but love, whenever we can achieve it:
-
8:40 - 8:43self-love, love for others,
-
8:43 - 8:46including love for people
that we can't comprehend. -
8:49 - 8:52And it was only at this point
that I was able to free myself. -
8:52 - 8:54I could free myself from my job,
-
8:54 - 8:57and from the most deep
prejudices that were inside me. -
8:57 - 8:59When I freed myself
-
8:59 - 9:01from this heavy load that was inside me
-
9:01 - 9:03I was able to make room for love.
-
9:03 - 9:06And then my entrepreneurial
project came about. -
9:06 - 9:08It was from this liberation
that I could understand -
9:08 - 9:12my talent and the positive things
that I could do in my life. -
9:12 - 9:14It was in my grandma's kitchen
that I found myself. -
9:14 - 9:18It was from her sensibility
that I developed my own. -
9:18 - 9:20I didn't need to do a gastronomy course,
-
9:20 - 9:21I didn't need to do anything.
-
9:21 - 9:26I simply needed to liberate
something that was already inside me, -
9:26 - 9:28through the relation I had with her.
-
9:28 - 9:30Then things started to be light in life.
-
9:30 - 9:34Things started to come about
in a very easy and beautiful way. -
9:35 - 9:37Today I don't think I have a brand,
-
9:37 - 9:38a company that may become international,
-
9:38 - 9:41and that with that I can be a millionaire.
-
9:41 - 9:43This doesn't even matter to me.
-
9:43 - 9:45What I think is that I have a life project
-
9:45 - 9:47that I share with other people.
-
9:47 - 9:51From the moment that I accepted
and understood myself as a human being -
9:51 - 9:55I started to develop a pretty important
feeling in the world today, -
9:55 - 9:56that is empathy.
-
9:56 - 9:59Today I comprehend
the suffering of others, -
9:59 - 10:02I can comprehend
the development of others, -
10:02 - 10:06and the importance of bringing up
a talent of our own and that of others. -
10:06 - 10:08I try to do this in my project.
-
10:08 - 10:11The people that work with me
aren't my employees; -
10:11 - 10:14they are dreamers,
that dream their dreams with me. -
10:15 - 10:17Last night they recorded a message for me,
-
10:17 - 10:22because during the last week they noticed
that I was tense to be here on this stage, -
10:22 - 10:24because I don't hide who I am anymore.
-
10:24 - 10:27Then they sent this positivity
message to me. -
10:27 - 10:31There's nothing cooler in life
than to receive a gesture of kindness. -
10:31 - 10:34I'm so thankful that today
I could find this gesture. -
10:34 - 10:38It was only when I started to respect
and accept myself and other people -
10:38 - 10:40that I understood
the world can be lighter. -
10:40 - 10:44Things don't have to be dense and heavy,
it doesn't matter the noise outside. -
10:44 - 10:46When we can hear ourselves
-
10:46 - 10:49all that noise becomes silence.
-
10:50 - 10:53And I know that the path to find
our consciousness and to accept ourselves -
10:53 - 10:55is really complex, dense;
-
10:55 - 10:58I took 18, 20 years to find myself.
-
10:58 - 11:01But more important
than that is that we can be good -
11:01 - 11:03and try to transmit good to other people.
-
11:03 - 11:06I feel a little bit like
a priest saying that... -
11:06 - 11:08(Laughter)
-
11:08 - 11:09but I became an optimist person
-
11:09 - 11:13because I believe in the human being
and in our potential as human beings. -
11:14 - 11:17I think that this movement
must come from inside, always. -
11:17 - 11:19Today we talk a lot about
empowering others, -
11:19 - 11:21about how much we can
empower other people. -
11:21 - 11:23But I think we can't empower anyone,
-
11:23 - 11:28what we can do is to show these people
that we are beside them in this walk -
11:28 - 11:30because empowering comes from inside.
-
11:30 - 11:33And for people that still suffer
some kind of prejudice, -
11:33 - 11:36that feel less than others
because of that, -
11:36 - 11:39that think they aren't worthy of happiness
as had happened to me, -
11:39 - 11:43and end up falling into addictions
like drugs, alcohol, indebtedness, -
11:43 - 11:45and a series of other addictions,
-
11:45 - 11:47what I have to say to you
-
11:47 - 11:51is that anxiety and difficulties
will only get out of you -
11:51 - 11:54when you start listening
to what's in your heart; -
11:54 - 11:57when you start to comprehend
who you are in the world -
11:57 - 12:00and how you can be nice to the world.
-
12:01 - 12:04We can all be much more
than what we imagine. -
12:04 - 12:07Today, with my project
and my conquered freedom, -
12:07 - 12:11I can support the fight for the rights
of gay people like me, with no fear; -
12:11 - 12:14the rights of black people,
the rights of the elderly, -
12:14 - 12:16and any human being's rights.
-
12:16 - 12:18Today I think that it's
from micro-revolutions -
12:18 - 12:20that we can transform the world.
-
12:20 - 12:24I try to do this every day,
with different actions in my life. -
12:25 - 12:29Today I think that we are all equal,
and I look at that communion picture -
12:29 - 12:30and it doesn't bother me anymore.
-
12:30 - 12:33I think that I looked pretty well,
dressed that way. -
12:33 - 12:35And I miss my hair.
-
12:35 - 12:36(Laughter)
-
12:36 - 12:38(Applause)
-
12:38 - 12:39Thank you.
-
12:42 - 12:45I think that our essence
says a lot about who we are. -
12:45 - 12:48I needed to revisit
my relationship with my grandma, -
12:48 - 12:52my relationship with my mom,
my family's acceptance of my story, -
12:52 - 12:54so that I could rebuild
the human being that I am today -
12:54 - 12:57and be a better human.
-
12:57 - 13:00I have developed gratitude
for all my journey -
13:00 - 13:03because if I hadn't gone
through that communion situation, -
13:03 - 13:06those bullying situations,
and that violence I experienced, -
13:06 - 13:08I wouldn't have become
the human being I am today; -
13:08 - 13:11that is why it is so important
to give a new meaning -
13:11 - 13:14to negative things that happen in life.
-
13:14 - 13:17What I say is that today I feel
like the best human being in the world. -
13:17 - 13:20I don't think that I'm the only
best human being in the world, -
13:20 - 13:23I think we all are
the best human beings in the world. -
13:23 - 13:27And we need to believe in that because
the world already has enough intolerance, -
13:27 - 13:30Brazil is already polarized enough,
and while we can't understand -
13:30 - 13:35that only by self-empowering
we'll be able to transform the world, -
13:35 - 13:37we won't leave this status.
-
13:37 - 13:40I think it's more honest
for us to be as we are -
13:40 - 13:42than as others expect us to be.
-
13:42 - 13:45And here I'll mention two gay men
who, throughout history, for me, -
13:45 - 13:49were very important,
they suffered violence too, -
13:49 - 13:51but they managed to do
something good out of that. -
13:51 - 13:54One of them was Harvey Milk, in the USA,
-
13:54 - 13:58who ended up being victim of murder
for defending gay rights -
13:58 - 13:59in the '60s.
-
13:59 - 14:03And the other one, misunderstood
in his time, is Caio Fernando Abreu. -
14:03 - 14:06"Gaucho" as us, he ended up
being a victim of AIDS -
14:06 - 14:09and today his texts
have been popularized on the internet. -
14:10 - 14:16To finish my message, I would like
to ask you this question: -
14:16 - 14:18why does my affection affect you?
-
14:18 - 14:21Why are we so intolerant?
-
14:21 - 14:25I hope that from that we can develop
a little bit more empathy -
14:25 - 14:27and make the world much more meaningful.
-
14:27 - 14:28Thank you.
-
14:28 - 14:30(Applause)
- Title:
- Why does my affection affect you? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador
- Description:
-
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
Tiago Schmitz is a journalist, postgraduated in marketing by the Business School of the Universidade Federal do Rio Grande do Sul, but it was in his grandma kitchen that he figured out the essence and the meaning of his life.
Tiago learned that a path of consciousness only starts in the moment we accept ourselves and act in a positive way about our own identity. This talk invites us to think about the non-acceptance of others, whoever they might be. To what dgree are all of us colaborating to the construction of prejudice? And what do we do to change that? This talk leaves us with one question: "Why does my affection affect you?" Maybe if we think more about that, tolerance will happen and we'll be better people to the world.
Tiago Schimtz defines himself as a dreamer that believes in the power of transformation of yourself and of others' to make the world a better place. In 2014, after ten years working in the marketing area, he decided to take his personal project out of the paper and started "Charlie Brownie," a brand of candies that look up to be inspiring, making people's days happier. - Video Language:
- Portuguese, Brazilian
- Team:
closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 14:36
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Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Meu afeto te afeta? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador | |
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Leonardo Silva approved English subtitles for Meu afeto te afeta? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador | |
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Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Meu afeto te afeta? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador | |
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Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Meu afeto te afeta? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador | |
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Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Meu afeto te afeta? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador | |
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Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for Meu afeto te afeta? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador | |
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Claudia Sander accepted English subtitles for Meu afeto te afeta? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador | |
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Claudia Sander edited English subtitles for Meu afeto te afeta? | Tiago Schmitz | TEDxLaçador |