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Wake up, Scrooge
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I'm about to take a Dickens of a dump
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on this lonely, homely
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little miserable grump
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I'm like the star on a Christmas tree
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you're like a stump
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I'm not known for my heart
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but you're still getting trumped
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you remind me of my ex-wive
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in a bikini
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cause you disgust me
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keep your TB from Tiny Timmy
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away from me
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don't even touch me
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I don't shake hands
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I don't make fans
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I ruin rappers faster than Scottish lands
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even Jay-Z knows what a pimp I am
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I got my name on the
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front of the business, man
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my raps will haunt you
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make you think you're going insane
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you're about to get whooped
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by three emcee's
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of the ethereal plane
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so when the clock strikes
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prepare to enter a world
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of Christmas pain
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cause I'm out
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I got my own f***ing problems
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call me 2 Chainz
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How dare you disturb me
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when I'm napping in my chair
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you're a crappy rap spitting apparition
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Iain't scared of this random phantom
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haunt all you want I don't care
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I do not believe in ghosts
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and I don't believe that hair
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Don't panic Scrooge
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but you're about to crash
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I'm J.P. Morgan
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the ghost of rich dudes past
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who's properly rocking
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the monopoly mustache
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yo, I own the railroads
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I run these tracks
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you got dumped on a bench
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now you're pissed at the world
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you should have made like Sebastian
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and kissed the girl
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because your greed is the curse
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that's gonna tear you apart
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what good is your purse
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if you're poor in your heart
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Bah humbug
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your raps don't unnerve me
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they're atrocious
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what frightens me the most
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is your gross ghost proboscis
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business and success
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that's the life I've selected
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so enough with your pictures from the past
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I'm not affected
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Well you're about to be right now
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I'm the ghost of what's right now
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just take a lesson from Yeezy
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you're missing the point Ebeneezy
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there's more to life than your work
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take it easy
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even I can make time for Azizy
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best put some friends on your wish list
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cause you don't know the spirit of Christmas
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if you did then you would at this moment
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be sharing your money
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with some of the homeless
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No this can't be happening
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oh it's maddening agony
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wait
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actually
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harkening back to the dead Donald's lecture
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I still am expecting a final specter
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Boo!
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you're gonna die
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no one to love you and no one to cry
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alone by yourself
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on the bed of your death
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with the stench of regret
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on your last dying breath
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cause you've chosen the path
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of a selfish man
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with Tiny Tim's innocent
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blood on your hands
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the penance you pay
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for the way you behave
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is written as plain
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as the name on this grave
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Are these the shadows of things that will be?
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or things that may be only
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if I depart from my course can they change?
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say it is thus with what you show me
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I promise to mend my ways
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a friend to all men is what I will become
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it's Christmas I haven't missed
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my chance to be different
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God bless us every
Epic Rap Battles of History
