My Kid Says They're Transgender

When your kid tells you that they are

transgender, what do you do?

Forty-one percent of transgender adults

have attempted suicide,

mostly as an adolescent or young adult.

Parental support can dramatically reduce

the risk of suicide

by three and a half times,

but many parents are terrified of doing

the wrong thing.

So what should you do when your child

tells you that they are transgender?

The first thing to realize is that there

is a very good chance the child is right.

In nearly all the studies I am aware of,

no child regretted transitioning.

I've spoken with two nationally recognized

endocrinologists that work with trans kids

and they are aware of only one case of

regret in the thousands they have treated.

Additionally, I have never met a single

person who has transitioned and regretted

it.

I have never a parent of a trans kid

who regretted letting their kid

transition.

I've only ever met parents who regretted

not letting their kid transition sooner.

Regardless of their identity, in the end

you have two choices:

reject or accept their declaration.

If you reject them,

no matter the end result,

you will contribute to their harm

and increase the risk of mental illness.

Studies have shown that regardless of

what happens outside the home,

familial support can literally

save your kid's life!

Familial support reduces suicide

by three and a half times

and substance abuse

by two and a half times.

If you as the parent

reject your child's identity,

you are the largest

and most negatively-impactful bully

in your child's life,

more so than any and potentially ALL of

the bullies at school.

That is, when your child say something

to you about their identity,

and you say no,

you are telling them that

they cannot trust how they feel,

they cannot trust you to listen

and hear them,

and they cannot trust themselves.

That creates an

invalidating childhood environment,

and invalidating environments are hotbeds

for the formation of many serious

mental illnesses that can last a lifetime.

If you choose to affirm their identity

no matter the end result,

you are telling your child that

they can trust you,

that they can confide in you,

that they are allowed to trust themselves

and their own feelings,

and that you trust them to learn

and figure themselves out.

This is part of how you build

a healthy parent-child relationship.

A reminder:

Up to forty-one percent of trans adults

have attempted suicide at least once,

most as kids.

If you reject their

declaration of identity,

you increase this risk of suicide.

If you affirm them, you reduce the risks.

And so much so that in one study,

socially transitioned children

with supportive families

reported depression rates

indistinguishable from cisgender youth.

It is also important to keep in mind

that by the time your kid

brings this to you, the parent,

they have probably spent months

or maybe years

crying themselves to sleep at night

wondering if you will still love them.

This declaration to you is not a whim.

This is a well thought-through statement,

and in this moment you have

a rare opportunity to show your kid that

they can trust you,

that they can confide in you.

In the end,

you as the parent have the choice:

you can either increase the risk for harm

and suicide by rejecting them,

or you can dramatically reduce that risk

by affirming their identity.

It is your choice.

Don't be your child's first bully.